I had to go to work early this morning (before my 3yr olds woke up). As I was driving the phone rang – they asked mummy to ring so they could say bye bye.

I wouldn’t change that for anything, no matter the sleepless nights, the worry of illnesses, the endless mess, the lack of money….

missed the boat?

nah, i get seasick so it was deliberate…

I’m 44 and don’t have childen. The ‘why’ is very simple – I just don’t want to.

And yes, it really is as simple as that!

I didn’t have a messed up childhood, I don’t have a ‘selfish’ lifestyle now, and I find it pretty insulting that people think those are reasons for not choosing to have children.

Personally, I don’t particularly ‘enjoy’ hanging out with children – I’m perfectly happy spending time with my friend’s children as they come as a ‘package’, but given the choice, I wouldn’t choose to spend my time with children, and prefer to spend my time doing a range of other things. These aren’t all supposedly ‘selfish’ activities (although I do enjoy biking, climbing, travelling etc), but also caring for others (they just don’t happen to be children).

As the majority seem to say, it really is an individual choice, and one is not ‘better’ than the other. The only things that do really pee me off is the ‘you’ll change your mind’ comments, along with ‘having children is the best thing ever’ (for you maybe, but not for everyone), ‘you only understand ‘unconditional love’ when you have children’.

For those who’ve said that they’ve carried on doing their ‘pre-kids’ activities – The only thing I have noticed is that amongst the folks that I meet doing biking / climbing etc – most of the guys have children, whereas most of the women don’t. It certainly seems to be harder, or less likely, for a woman who has children to do outdoor activities. Is probably related in some part to childcare responsibilities which do lie more with women than with guys?

‘you only understand unconditional love genetic programming when you have children’.

Fixed that for you… 😉

Funny thread – lots of middle aged people justifying why they missed the boat.

or lots of people who just don’t want children. Or are unlikey to get pregnant… 😀

Janesy – Member

Funny thread – lots of middle aged people justifying why they missed the boat.

Such a shame.

What a weird and frankly rude thing to say.

I could have had kids, I didn’t want them. I had the choice

I like my childfree life just fine and do not need children to give my life purpose and direction.

thats a classic example of the presure you are put under to have kids.

Funny thread – lots of middle aged people justifying why they missed the boat.

Such a shame.

Well done Janesy, someone had to get all high and mighty eventually. I still maintain that it’s a choice I’m happy to have made, oh and I didn’t have a messed up childhood either.

But I do one have separated parents, not till I hit 24 though. And yeah I might get on with one better than the other but I had already said I didn’t want kids before they split up anyway.

Janesy – Member

Funny thread – lots of middle aged people justifying why they missed the boat.

Such a shame.

Life is not smooth sailing so not all people have the chance to start a happy family.

On the other hand there are those that start a family then relying on hand-outs from the state … they breed like no tomorrow.

Certain people after seeing life as it is make a hard decision not to burden anyone.

Also there are certain people in the society that should not breed as simple as that.

🙄

I was always ambivalent about marriage and children: half of me wanted to be a husband and father while the other half thought me too irresponsible. But my SO was against both. Now she has died, I have been thinking about this and find that I do have some latent regret. Ho-hum.

[thinks about cycling instead]

‘Want’ doesn’t enter the conversation.

Buzz – ouch that hurts

Gonna sound really grumpy now but find that in public places so many parents cba’d controlling their offspring, similar to badly behaved dogs really!

There’s a lazy mentality that’s pervading Society and refusing to take responsibility.

I had less than 2 years between my two offspring and reckon their behaviour in public was far far better than what I see now.

*back to the knitting* 😉

Good luck legalalien

TJ. Your response to Janesy…

Errrr…. Pot meet Kettle

oxytocin is a marvellous thing -without the human race would have died out long ago as everyone killed their screaming brats off

What a weird and frankly rude thing to say… 😉

supposed to be amusing stoatsbrother 🙄 – in response to the various expressions of unconditional love for kids.

What a weird and frankly rude thing to say.

I’m guessing that that could be applied to at least one of your statements every day TeeJ. For once, in one **** thread, is there any chance you’d just shut the **** up. Jeezus wept.

toby1 – Member
Well done Janesy, someone had to get all high and mighty eventually.

and others. 🙄

I don’t want kids..err hang on to late damn 😉

Failed then didn’t it.

Lots of really interesting personal posts from people who have taken decisions one way or the other or had decisions made for them.

And then Janesy’s and yours. A later one implying that some parents needed their kids to give them purpose and direction…

Condescending twit.

Because of course, high and mighty is a description that could never be applied to yourself TeeJ. Don’t be a hypocrite on top of everything else.

EDIT: Wunundred 😀

Polite request – reckon some chilling is needed, Monday is never a great day is it?

Totally understand why people don’t want kids. It’s a massive emotional, psychological and financial commitment. I don’t really understand the pressure put on people to have kids, though people love affirming their own life choices and often do it with negative comparisons. Sometimes, it helps to tell those people to **** off once in a while 😉

stoatsbrother

You note I did also answer the OP as well. baring a bit of soul in the process.

I made a (weak / failed) joke

janesys post is pretty offensive to those of us that have made a poistive decision not to have children. Not that you are in a position to understand.

One of the parents stated that some people needed children to give purpose and direction. I pointed out I did not

so you then leap in and slag me off. Nice one.

Never had kids of my own as I have never been at that stage in a relationship to consider having children – not that I didn’t want kids. Recently backed out of getting into a relationship with someone I was very attracted to because she had 3 kids / teenagers and I didn’t like the prospect of having to take on some responsibility, either directly or indirectly, for someone else’s kids, and she didn’t want any more.

However a number of years ago I was a sperm donor and will be the biological father of a number of children (probably now teenagers), and recently have had quite strong desires to meet them should they wish to meet me – though this is likely to be very difficult because of anonymity, and certainly wasn’t something I thought would happen when I was donating. Part of this desire came from a TV documentary about some young people born through IVF / sperm donation who wanted to track down their biological parents.

A few recent events, including the birthday party of a close friend’s 3 year old at the weekend, have made me quite reflective as to whether I regret not having had the opportunity to have kids of my own. I think on balance I do regret not having them.

I should point out that I have a child. I sometimes lie about her existence so i can tell people to **** off though…

Extraordinary that people feel entitled to cast value judgements on others’ decisions on whether or not to have children. Sadly no surprise at (certain) individuals concerned. Will they ever learn or will the moderators ever stop such behaviour? Or is tolerance implying that such behaviour is condoned?

When people ask why we don’t have kids I sometimes tell them that my wife’s womb is a barren place where my seed could find no purchase.

That usually shuts them up.

No kids here and at 45 i doubt they are going to arrive, MsD is 41 so probably not going to happen.
When i was younger i was adamant that i didn’t want kids and never gave it much thought even when friends were having theirs.
I split up with my ex, then got back together with her, she told me she wanted to start a family and i agreed thinking i had come round to the idea.
When we split i was distraught and told her she had stolen those years and my chance of a family (melodramatic – moi?)
Thing is, when i clamed down and got over her, i was once more indifferent to the idea of being a father.
I don’t think it’s so much that i DON’T want to be a parent, more that i’m indifferent either way and i know myself enough to understand that i’m selfish and self-obsessed to a degree that would be unhealthy for a child.
Will i regret it? I have no idea. My sister has 5 kids and i never see any of them – haven’t seen her for over 15yrs though!

TJ As I posted, I respect people who take that decision, and think they don’t have to justify themselves.

You had a go at parents long before Janesy posted his/her stupid remark. But then the Edinburgh defence…

Every thread, every thread…

Stoatsbrother

brakes – Member

……………. having a child gives your life purpose and direction. some people need that, some people don’t.

TandemJeremy – Member

I like my childfree life just fine and do not need children to give my life purpose and direction.

There really was no need to for you to leap in and call me names was there.

The thing is TJ if you had a kid they might think you were wise and knowledgable. Just for a few years anyway.

No kids here and no intention to have any. We are very settled in a stable 20+ year relationship and both had perfectly conventional family upbringings, both of our siblings have children. No boat has been missed, if we really wanted kids there is no medical reason why we couldn’t still have them but we have made a conscious decision not to.

To the people that have or want to have children I wish you and them health and happiness but it is possible to have a perfectly fulfilling life without them if you choose to do so.

You had a go at parents long before Janesy posted his/her stupid remark. But then the Edinburgh defence…

No I did not

I did not have a go at parents at all. I was answering a point made by others before me

Well done for making personal attacks in an interesting thread. very nice of you. I hope you feel satisfied.

accusing me of lying as well. what a nice man yo are.

teamhurtmore – Member
Or is tolerance implying that such behaviour is condoned?

Tolerance only implies that such behaviour is tolerated.

I never took the thought of having kids seriously until the missus and I went for it kind of spontaneously 2.5 yrs ago. Now I wouldn’t swap anything in the world for our little chimp. Sure, the testing times can really push you to the limit and you might just end up forgoing all those things you did before. But nothing in the world compares to the other side of the coin. End of.

I’d be very interested to hear from someone who has had kids and regreted it.

I did not have a go at parents at all. I was answering a point made by others before me

I thought that’s what you did too.

Seems like you’re unfairly copping some flak here.

Tj doesn’t explain your “joke” about Brats does it?

And you should have put those quoted words in quotes shouldn’t you?

Lots of great human stories here. We could all learn a lot from them. But you won’t, will you?

Page 2:

TandemJeremy – Member
… having children is irresponsible and the most un green thing you can do just about… Having kids is the easy decision to take…

Will you ever stop? Have some sensitivity just once.

{edit – druidh – fair point! But consistently applied?]