[Closed] Anal Bleaching

I think I would try the snake oil first.

😯

I'd try E45 cream before any of that nonsense. Or the prescribed wisdom of chamois cream. Or just cut off my bum.

😯 +1

😯 😯 😯

😯

You been watching too much Pron ? 😆

Do you understand what the procedure involves ? Look it up on T'Internet....

It used to be really popular with roadies in the 70s, who all swore by it, until the bottom fell out of the market. I'd definately advise it, please post before/during/after pics.

qwerty - Member
It used to be really popular with roadies in the 70s, who all swore by it, until the bottom fell out of the market. I'd definately advise it, please [b]don't[/b] post before/during/after pics.

FTFY

This thread is useless without pics.

Like....put some bleach on your anus?
Sure, give it a go. Let us know how you get on.

Not really sure why i opened this thread.......but id echo wreckers comment.

fantastic sunday morning reading......this place cracks me up....pmsl

Why not just get a comfy gel butt plug instead 😀

Ive tried it...accidentally

Went for a massive dump and forgot I'd poured bleach into the toilet earlier. Massive splashback of bleachy water onto my balloon knot. Terribly unpleasant. No redeeming features.

I don't know - how bad can it actually be?

I can't be the only one who has, on several occasions, gone for my morning thinking time at work, and in my excitement at realising that I am the first one in after the cleaner has bleached the bowls, forgotten to lay down a crash mat. OK, so on those occasions there is an added bit of 'va-va-voom' when you receive Neptune's kiss, but it just wakes you up a little, no worse than that.

EDIT Too slow with my bleached toilet anecdote 🙁

I remember using the moist toilet paper at my parents house a few years back. The rising discomfort as I pulled my trews up and washed my hands led to the discovery I'd just used Parazone bleach wipes where the sun doesn't shine. Would not recommend and disappointingly my anal beard wasn't even a lighter shade as a result.

You should definitely do it and report back?

Reminds me of a slightly disturbing conversation I had wit ex gf last year...

Ex gf "you've run out of those moist toilet tissues"

Me "I've not had any for ages"

Ex gf "but there was some in the cupboard"

Me "oh god - you've not been using those wipes in the green packet, have you???"

Ex gf "..."

Disappointed, I thought this was going to be about a new Cove model.

Thegreatape

when you receive Neptune's kiss

😆 Oh, I'm actually crying with laughter. It's been a while since I've heard a phrase which has cracked me up that much...
Definitely being adopted into my vocabulary! 😀

Having watched, Banana, cucumber and Toffu, by Russel T Davies, another new word enters the great google search engine, and again i think why would you do that.

I'm not sure about the bleaching, might be worth trying this instead, just make sure you read the reviews, well worth a few moments of your time if your considering this route (or even if your not).....

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B000KKNQBK?vs=1

[img] [/img]
Before

[img] [/img]
After

Bleach is for wimps.

Try this.

[img] [/img]

I suspect the only positive effect to preventing saddle sores would be the Domestos effect - ie. Killing germs and bacteria 'down there' that may lead to infection

Could just as easily be achieved with a capful of TCP or Dettol in the bath

Sounds like the OP has fallen under the influence of Michael Jackson. I understand that during his mountain biking phase he'd spash a bit of Domestos on his saddle and ride 30 miles naked (apart from his SIDIs and full-face helmet).

PS. I once had a female colleague get very upset when I suggested that Michael Jackson's drug problems might not be entirely the fault of his doctor. She definitely wouldn't like this post. 😉

Anal bleaching is a recommended procedure for roadies wearing white lycra...

bullheart - Member
This thread is useless without pics.

Please no!

FFS. You go out on your MTB, come back and see this thread, and someone has already posted pics of a white chocolate starfish...

Sod it
[img] [/img]

Neptunes Kiss had me spitting out my Weetabix.

By the beard of Zeus!

until the bottom fell out of the market.

Or until the bottom just fell out........

In a similar fashion to Allthegear, we had the Grandparents over for Christmas a while back, grandad went upstairs after dinner and was "indisposed" for quite a while. Then comes waddling down the stares and says "your wet wipes are bit harsh"...
Cue confused looks from the family, and painfully stifled giggles from the wife and I

Veet for men, try that up the crack of your arse first to deforest.......then tell us if you'd fancy anal bleaching......I speak from experience when I couldn't find any one to back sack and crack before doing LeJog.......Veet for men does contain a specific warning as does my experience 😆

[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

^ easy fix 😀
[img] [/img]

Gives a whole new meaning to Muc-off.

I'll stick with the rash.

I think I would try the snake oil first.

As for Veet, please refer to the [url= http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Cream/dp/B000KKNQBK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1426441680&sr=8-2&keywords=Veet ]Amazon reviews[/url]

(NSFW)

What is it with Roadies? FFS if your not swapping blood your burning off your ass hair and shaving your legs.

I don't get the stuff about harsh wet-wipes

What are they, mediswabs or something ?

🙁 😳

No, bog-cleaning wipes with bleach!

when I couldn't find any one to back sack and crack before doing LeJog.......

You are some kind of pre-ride predatory bumhole exfoliator? 😯

Ignore this lot and go for it. What could possibly go wrong with giving yourself a Harpic enema? Just don't clench and have a nice stick to grit your teeth on.

I'd apply a small quantity on an unseen area to test.

In the old days if something needed bleaching it was left out in the sun. Does the sun shine there?

You'll end up with a bum like a blood orange

Well, I'm booked into a salon on Thursday in Leeds for the procedure (couldn't find one in Bradford), so wish me luck!

Thanks for the funny replies too, lol.

Hopefully it will help ease the pain and I can get back out on the bike.

Radical thought, I know, but if you have pain there that is stopping you cycling, do you not think going to see a real doctor might be the first step to take?

You're wasting your money spectacularly. If you just had the right personal hygiene routine and wore clean shorts every ride you'd soon get the spots and boils cleared up.

Shower daily and wash carefully around the undercarriage with hot soapy water. Wipe well after a poo then finish off with a couple of wipes with a wet toilet tissue. Obviously wear clean shreddies every day, washed at above 40c to kill bacteria. Do you do all this?

How has this thread made it to a second page and the mods not yet invoked the close thread button or the ban hammer!

Standards round here have really slipped!

I hate to use the word 'sticky' in this context but have you seen the thread Mark created yesterday?

It's up there ^

He's not wasting his money, [url= http://www.winstonsmassageparlour.co.uk/ ]Winstons[/url] is a popular place for that kind of shenanigans

This is a joke right 🙂

People don't seriously go places and get their rings bleached ?

Right now ,Hora is looking for shiny rings on the internet. 😉

Real men use Oven Pride.

Don't be ashamed OP, you won't be the first person to have Mr Muscle spray all over his backside.

Right now ,Hora is looking for shiny rings on the internet

I used to go out with a girl- she had a smooth 'ass but a dark and hairy ring. Really really weird but how do you tell/broach the subject?

It was weird looking down at it. Like a forested-island on a cream sea.

[i]It was weird looking down at it. Like a forested-island on a cream sea.
[/i]
And thus the internet was closed as everything that could ever have been said had been said.
</internet>

Those Amazon reviews made me laugh a lot! I'm no serial arse shaving freak but when training for LeJog suffered from a really badly blistered ass crack courtesy of my badger haired crack! The Veet approach meant i suffered temporary pain sensations to ensure I could complete my challenge and gather all the sponsorship money I had raised. 🙂

Right that's at least 3 keyboards you owe me now, having made me spit coffee over them Hora!!! 👿

Loco- the 'funny' thing was you could see the individual airs moving in a slight breeze.

No wonder some people have the lights off during nookietime 😯

A friend of mine suffered an anal fistula that was caused by a hair growing back under the skin. When they dug it out it was a couple of feet long, curled up in a ball.

I'd rather not shave my backside as I'd be too worried about infected follicles or hairs growing out through the sides, causing folliculitis. Lots of Africans suffer from this problem; they shave and the hair retracts into the follicle then being curly, dives out sideways causing an infection and a bump. They have to use a depilatory powder, which stinks. I just fit a cutter depth thingy to my beard trimmer and give the rear end a no. 3 all over, which keeps the hairs but reduces tugging and clagging.

Jesus, how hairy are you people?!!!!!!!!

[img] [/img]

A friend of mine suffered an anal fistula that was caused by a hair growing back under the skin. When they dug it out it was a couple of feet long, curled up in a ball.

Nah, not having that. If the hairs really grew to 2 foot long, I'd have a pony tail out of my bumcrack, because in 46 years I've never been close to my arse hair with a razor, clippers, or any other powder or potion.

D'Oh! Your body hairs actually break off and wear out. This is what gives rise to the myth that shaving actually encourages hair growth - instead of a worn out and thinly tapering old hair suddenly people see the full-thickness new hair emerging from the follicle and think: "Blimey! My hair done grow thicker!"

I'd have a pony tail out of my bumcrack

I just can't get this image out of my head....tremendous reading chaps.....made up for a rubbish day in the office.

globalti - Member

When they dug it out it was a couple of feet long, curled up in a ball.

You know you're in trouble when your bumhair makes it into your nuts

I just fit a cutter depth thingy to my beard trimmer and give the rear end a no. 3 all over, which keeps the hairs but reduces tugging and clagging.

[i]I just can't get this image out of my head[/i]

"Like the back end of a Thelwell pony he were"

A frickin salon?
Did you phone up and say "I'd like you to bleach my anus" with a straight face?
They can't have agreed to do it surely???
Have you got some small talk lined up ready?

I've written the whole 30 minute episode to a sitcom based on this thread. In which the grand dénouement has to be turning up at the salon, handing over £30 (I'm guessing, I don't know), the cosmetic proctologist (they have cosmetic surgeons, dentists, etc., so I'm assuming there's an anal equivalent - again I don't actually know) pulls on her latex gloves...... and then produces a pack of Domestos wipes. At which point the op pulls up his trousers and legs it.

Leaving her to comment that she was only going to sanitise the bench before they start.

[i]Here's[/i] BARRY!

[img] [/img]

Someone please tell me Anal Bleaching isn't really a thing!

Is the OP really called botanybay? Really? I hope he changes his name after Thursday.

[url= ]have you made up your mind or will you decide there?[/url]

you could see the individual airs moving in a slight breeze

That's downright [i]haunting[/i].

Haunting? Try going to see a Physio expecting a woman and instead a man says 'massage'? 'You ok with oil'? (aka lube).

An hour of that is haunting. That was me last Monday 😆

Is it just me or are the holy trinity (DD, CFH, Binners) all remarkably quiet on this subject, presence of Hora duly noted, (I'll never be able to look at a Dark chocolate bounty the same way again)

Suggesting either a) they have already had comments deleted and are banned, or b) it's a personal matter and they don't like to go into it on the Internet?

Yeah, cos binners is reticent about embarrassing personal issues..... 🙄