I’ve got an allotment (5 years in)a short walk from where I live. There are the usual old boys who’ve been there years and this site has a couple who drink quite all-out and spend all their time on the site.
I went up the other night and found both of them on my plot, one was down the side on a path, the other in the middle of my strawberry bed stuffing his face and filling his grubby hands.
Chap number one wheels round quickly and make up a story why he was on the path but I’m distracted by the other guy standing in the strawberry bed chewing away.
He quickly approaches and says “I hope you don’t mind I was just having a few…” I did mind and he handed me back what was in his hands.
The allotment officer initially asked me to report it to the police as its theft, then they’d take it up. Now he’s asked for statements from me and my mum to pursue it further and in his view, take the plots back.
The problem is these guys have friends on the site, they’ve been there years. The site is next to a busy road and my plot is the first one, so I could easily start to lose more stuff in revenge.
Am I over thinking it? Has the point been made that he’s been caught therefore he’s unlikely to do it again? Or why should he get away with it and his many other plot holders have lost crops to them, and may continue to?
And advice? Get a set of Bombers. Wee in their wellies etc etc

poison your strawberries – just a few and note where they are
polonium would do the trick

go up with a punnet and a few tins, new bessie mates 😉

Is this another allotment cod psychology test?

IS IT?

Go and tell the culprits it’s not on and next time you’ll make it formal. If they want to try something then they ask or trade with you at which point you try some of their produce and its even. Shake hands and as Spchanter says you could end up with some new mates and help on the allotment when you need it.

Berry odd behaviour.

I’d say they’ve already sown the seeds of mistrust and they’ve been taking the peas out of you.

Do it properly. The allotment officer might be hoping the problem will fade away if you get asked for too much. Do you think their mates on the site will actually be happy to see them go? Most probably the drunks are barely tolerated.

They’ll just fork you over if you report it.

Tell them it’s not on, and have some of their produce in return.

Just plant a few ideas in their head as to what would happen next time, paint a good pitch-ure.

Shed they ever do it again then they’ll regret it.

especially if you’ve already weed in their willies once.

If they get the message then it soil good.

Lettuce know how you get on mate.

especially if you’ve already weed in their willies once.

their what?

Tell them it’s not on, and have some of their produce in return.

This.

I agree about not reporting it too, you would just set yourself up to become a battlefield that you could not win.

I had my shed broken into 5 times in one year, (nothing in it after the first time) some of lethal things I was told to do to secure my shed by other allotment holders were just psychopathic!

Lettuce know how you get on mate.

Our winner

Many congrats to RJ

I’d say its the final straw(berry).

Sounds like the tip of the iceberg to me.

I’d just shrub my shoulders, and make peas with them. What do you think the root of the problem is?

Maybe hay just want to bee friends, but at this early sage, I’d hedge my bets, after all thyme is a great healer

Sorted..

DrP

No revenge if they are dead.
(see above)

some of lethal things I was told to do to secure my shed by other allotment holders were just psychopathic!

Kinda interested….

spchantler – Member
go up with a punnet and a few tins, new bessie mates

this is without a doubt, far and away the best and perhaps even right approach..

aye if i ever catch someone stealing my bikes what I will do is go round their house with some bike bits and some tools to help them build it and then let them drink my beer

Not sure what i would do but befriend them is not high on my list tbh nor is outright violence…tut and start a thread moaning about them?

STW delivers puns as expected!

I definitely don’t want to entertain the idea of having some of their harvest as that might make them think my plot is fair game again. I also think they are responsible for dumping their spent beer cans on my plot too:

If allotment officer wants to pursue it, then maybe there have been other unofficial complaints over a long period and he is looking for someone who is prepared to break ranks and make a complaint.

You may find that the other allotment holders are grateful to you if you take a stand.

Blimey, an allotment looks like a lovely place to relax!

Are they drinking Bleach? 😯

Report it, get shot of ’em

captaincarbon, its incredible the number of bleach cans I’ve recovered. Also, old jam jars with lids on and the remnants of ones lunch (chicken bones etc) wrapped up in aluminium foil.

If allotment officer wants to pursue it, then maybe there have been other unofficial complaints over a long period and he is looking for someone who is prepared to break ranks and make a complaint.

+1 normally you would expect the “allotment mafia” to close ranks, especially as you’ve only been there 5 years, but it sounds like maybe they want to get rid – especially looking at that pic above.

this is without a doubt, far and away the best and perhaps even right approach..

I think you’ll find cheap lager is generally the cause of, rather than the solution to, a lot of problems. 😆

The site is next to a busy road

Is it a dual cabbageway?

incredible the number of bleach cans I’ve recovered

They been killing off stuff on other plots as well?

You need to be throwing all your resources at this one. Ringfence your allotment with 20ft high concrete wall, proper steel entrance door with retina scan entry system. Hire some goons and install watchtowers in each corner. Lazer systen like in Mission Impossible that sets off massive alarms and big flashing red lights, lots of CCTV, and a direct line to GCHQ. Also, put a big concrete roof on and keep the Sun and Sky inside your allotment. That’ll show the Bastards who is Boss!

If you can’t beat ’em…..

Glysophate their plots 😈

scaredypants –
poison your strawberries – just a few and note where they are
polonium would do the trick

Love this!

I went up the other night and found both of them on my plot, one was down the side on a path, the other in the middle of my strawberry bed stuffing his face and filling his grubby hands.
Chap number one wheels round quickly and make up a story why he was on the path but I’m distracted by the other guy standing in the strawberry bed chewing away.
He quickly approaches and says “I hope you don’t mind I was just having a few…” I did mind and he handed me back what was in his hands.
The allotment officer initially asked me to report it to the police as its theft, then they’d take it up. Now he’s asked for statements from me and my mum to pursue it further and in his view, take the plots back.

poison your strawberries – just a few and note where they are
polonium would do the trick

Quality. This has just become the next episode of Midsummer Murders.

I second DrP.

You may also wish to use an electric fence, snares and other traps.

picolax / viagra injected into the tastiest looking berries

Kevevs – Member

You need to be throwing all your resources at this one. Ringfence your allotment with 20ft high concrete wall, proper steel entrance door with retina scan entry system. Hire some goons and install watchtowers in each corner. Lazer systen like in Mission Impossible that sets off massive alarms and big flashing red lights, lots of CCTV, and a direct line to GCHQ. Also, put a big concrete roof on and keep the Sun and Sky inside your allotment. That’ll show the Bastards who is Boss!

There are a few on my allotment, who if they had the funds would consider most of the above 😉

The following words seem to bounce about quite often on my site:

mantraps
Razor wire
advanced security cameras
electrical shock devices
paint traps
dirty bombs, not radioactive, but I am sure if they could get hold of.
evening patrols with improvised weapons. 😯
motion activated traps that would maim at the least
microdots
trip wires

kimbers – Member

picolax / viagra injected into the tastiest looking berries

lol

mantraps
Razor wire
advanced security cameras
electrical shock devices
paint traps
dirty bombs, not radioactive, but I am sure if they could get hold of.
evening patrols with improvised weapons.
motion activated traps that would maim at the least
microdots
trip wires

Punji sticks:

Sounds like the allotment manager has wanted them off for some time and wants to use this incident as the means to evict. Would mean you get caught in the crossfire however as you mention.

I’d let them know that any repeat incident will be reported and leave it at that.