About to be a dad – advice / youtube channels required…
If breast feeding … Introduce and keep on top of bottle feeding early once the innital breast feeding link has been established.
But don’t forget to leave some for the babyPosted 4 weeks ago
Don’t worry bud, we had our first back in December last year.
We worried about the same thing – how do we keep her alive? I thought I’d be a pretty crap dad as I’ve never really been into kids but love it and took it all in my stride. Its hard work to start off with when she just cries and you think you’ve tried everything, but you won’t have, they’ll stop crying once you’ve pandered to their need, it’s just trial and error till you get there.
The temperature gauge is overthinking it, the rule is one extra layer than you’re wearing. It’s a judgement call and he/she will cry if they’re too cold but just sleep and sleep if too warm.
NCT class was great for meeting like minded people and the wife has made loads of mum friends out of it, its kept her going in lockdown but NCT doesn’t teach you a damn thing about keeping bubs alive, in that sense it was rubbish. It was just all about the birth and showing you how horrific natural births are and that C sections are the way forward, haha.
Anyway as others have said, you wont realise it but you’ll learn really quickly that the little bag of wrinkles is pretty sturdy and will let you know how he/she wants to be treated i.e. feeding etc. You’ll manage, don’t try to fret to much but you probably will!Posted 4 weeks ago
It’s just survival for 1st few months, but you’ll be grand.
Best advice mate of mine, father of 3, gave was – ignore all the advice you get and do what feels right for you guys and baby. It’s worked a treat for us. Baby will let you know when it needs something.
A lot of that ^
One of my sons put it best.
When they were little, the first time I ever raised my voice and gave them a real telling off (for something trivial) they were stunned. It had been at the end of a long day of looking after them, trying to get food ready for us all and their Mum (still at work). No excuse, completely my fault and I felt horrible.
I sat down with them and said “Boys,I am really sorry for being angry Dad, there was no need, you didn’t deserve that, sorry for shouting”
Smallest child then says” It’s ok Dad, you’re just the Dad we need”
From then to now, that’s what I have tried to do, be just the Dad they need.Posted 4 weeks agoPosted 4 weeks ago
Only resource we used was a book called something along the lines of: your baby week by week. It helped in that 1) it gave you a few indicators as to why your baby’s behaviour was changing – things like changes in sleep patterns were remarkably accurately predicted with respect to the baby’s age 2) for the most part it told you that almost everything was normal and chill the heck out.
The big cloth slings are really nice at the start, keeps the baby warm and asleep for ages if you want to go out for a walk in the cold.Posted 4 weeks ago
Enjoy them while they can’t talk.Posted 4 weeks ago
I think you’re worrying too much. Take everyone’s advice with a pinch of salt and find what works for you (and you will get lots of advice). As someone said above babies are very resilient!
I have 3. Parenthood has involved me taking them out in boats and canoes when far too young, losing a couple in diy stores, dropping one, putting one off cycling for life (too much, too soon). All three are now in their twenties working for the NHS and seem pretty well rounded adults.
Kids don’t come with the manual for a reason. Everyone is different and finding you’re own path is part of the experience. Enjoy it + many congratulations to you both.Posted 4 weeks ago
You’ll look back one day and realise that it was probably the best time of your life.
Having a new born baby? You’ve got to be kidding. It’s a bloody nightmare.
Once they get older 16 month + then it’s great, but the first bit is awfulPosted 4 weeks ago
They might not like which ever bottle you buy so don’t go balls deep on buying them in.
Blackout blinds, like proper proper blacked out. I bought black out material and cut it to the size of the window, stuck it on with velcro with a little overlap, ideally a channel fed blackout roller so no light gets in, then I have a set of blinds and black out curtains.
About month 8-9 concede to contacting a baby sleep expert and pony up the £2-300 for some tips which will get your sanity back.
Contact your partner at least once a day when you are out, support is a constant need for a mother who has had no sleep and the monotony of having a newborn.
Batch cook and freeze everything, get a spare freezer
Don’t buy a sterilizing machine, get a decent size bucket and some tablets, 10mins and you are done.
Once they come off the breast or split up feeding get a perfect prep machine and make up the days portions religiously.
Preparation not panic.Posted 4 weeks ago
Thanks all the good advice. At the moment I wouldn’t have said i’m worried about it, just keen to learn from the mistakes of others! I’m sure i’ll be bricking it at 0 hour. Surprised there isn’t anything on youtube – it’s a great educational resource, don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of bobbins on it, but stuff like smartereveryday, the stuff oxford uni puts out, medlife crisis, etc, is vastly superior to most of the stuff that passes for science on normal telly.
Perhaps there is a gap in the market – how to raise a baby, a peer reviewed guide (huge winky face).Posted 4 weeks ago
Congrats! My advice – if you spot any BOGOFF for baby wipes just stock up now. Its not possible that’ll you’ll end up with any left over and if you do somehow manage that, they make excellent bike cleaners.Posted 4 weeks ago
Good tip. Always need more bike cleaners! We’ve got an ever increasing amount of baby shit in the spare room – main problem is we’re in the process of moving home. No completion date as yet, but I expect it’ll be two days before the birth date – I figure that’ll produce maximum stress!Posted 4 weeks ago
Getting outdoors with them is achievable, so you don’t have to give that up!Posted 4 weeks ago
Reminds me when we took our 13mo out on a short snow hike. He was in a backpack and double his size with all the layers. All went well and he was a happy chappy until we climbed a hill and the biting wind hit. He sure did let us know he wasn’t happy! We quickly descended and found a spot for mum to give him some warm milk (advantages of breastfeeding!)
My advice for an outdoors person is to spend your money on kit to make getting out easier and forget about all the other pointless stuff the baby products industry tries to tell you is essential.
Don’t buy a sterilizing machine, get a decent size bucket and some tablets, 10mins and you are done.
I was a big fan of our microwave steriliser – even easier to use.
Buggies are good for hanging bags of shopping off. Assuming you get one, make sure it’ll fit in your car as some are huge.Posted 4 weeks ago
I became a dad for the first time in May. The two best bits of advice that were given to me were don’t bother reading too much as the advice is so conflicting and all babies are different. The other, really important bit, was make sure that you and your partner are nice to each other. It can be pretty stressful when you’re sleep deprived and don’t really know what to do but it really helps if you can maintain calm and provide the occasional treat.
If your partner is breast feeding then for the first few months you’re likely to be a glorified helper for her every need. It gets more fun though as they start to get more interactive.
Second hand is great if you’re on a budget. There is so much baby stuff available either cheap or free it’s madness to buy much new. We got about £600 worth of burly, off road buggy for £100 and that’s us sorted for years. Bundles of clothes can be had for not much money as well. Facebook marketplace and eBay are good.Posted 4 weeks ago
Only skimmed through the thread but here’s a couple of extra bits that may or may not have been said before:
New babies are very sweet and so on but it’s not really a ‘person’ until he starts showing recognition etc. Don’t be surprised or worried if it’s difficult to feel a proper connection or love at first, it will come!
Nappy changing – this takes practise 😉
Our first had the most incredible projectile pooing abilities, could shoot a stream of it about a metre away. Hilarious if it’s not your turn to change!
Your wife/partner/whatever will be very emotional what with hormones going haywire and the whole experience. Keep reminding yourself of this and don’t take everything to heart that may be hurtful. Also bear in mind that seemingly innocent things you say might be taken too much to heart by her!
Baby blues is a real thing too and may not be obvious to you.
People will have all sorts of advice, some of which might be excellent for some babies but useless for yours. Babies are all different. I had some patronizing comments when mentioning that I thought our first was starting to teeth at 8 weeks old – hey just because yours started at nearly 1 year doesn’t mean anything! (He was teething. So there. Someone else I know had a baby born with a tooth showing!)
Hands or feet are a good way to tell if baby is feeling too cold, they turn blue and feel cold to the touch quickly. Also careful you don’t make baby too toasty hot!
My qualifications: father of 4 young boys, youngest is 11 weeks old now and hardly pees on the ceiling at all.Posted 4 weeks ago
We were told to layer the baby up in whatever we’re wearing +1. So if we’re going outside in t-shirts and jumpers, baby needs vest, jumper and jacket. Daughter has survived to 13months so it seems to work okay!
Best advice I was given was to prep the fresh nappy (and nappy bag) before taking the dirty nappy off.
Try not to worry too much – it’s an amazing experience. Sleep will become a genuine currency between you and your partner, and to be honest all of the tips and tricks you read on the internet will fly out of your head as soon as you’re knackered and you’ll resort go into survival mode. Trust your instincts – there are plenty of idiots out there that somehow breed successfully, you’ll be fine.
Oh, and the mum will probably be ruined for a good 3months afterwards – be as supportive as you possibly can and treat her like a queen. Birth is bonkers.Posted 4 weeks ago
I’m sure you’ve already had plenty offers, but genuinely if you just want a chat/offload then PM me and I’ll give you my number.
Us biking dads have got to stick together.Posted 4 weeks ago
Just chill, it’s at two that all hell breaks loose and as far as I know continues for at least another 26 years.Posted 4 weeks ago
Thanks all the good advice. At the moment I wouldn’t have said i’m worried about it, just keen to learn from the mistakes of others!
Seriously, don’t worry. You’ll make your own mistakes, they won’t matter …
We’ve got an ever increasing amount of baby shit in the spare room – main problem is we’re in the process of moving home.
All you need is a changing mat or two, rear facing car seat (if you drive) and pram or something to get about, cot and a couple of blankets AND as many nappies and baby wipes as you can get. Some bottles (whether your planning breastfeeding or not)
Given your post, get an infrared thermometer as well to stop you worrying.
I very much regret buying half the stuff we did… it just didn’t get used – I just convinced myself we needed it. If the OH is planning to breast feed then an pump might be good (depends on her) but something better to have if you need rather than find she needs and not have.
Pretty much everything else you either don’t need or you can just get as the requirement comes up.Posted 4 weeks ago
We’re using reusable nappies (mainly off Aliexpress, also some second hand bundles from Facebook) and wet wipes (Cheeky wipes) for the last 7 months – no idea on environmental difference (no landfill, more washing) but they have been a huge help in terms of never running out of nappies (panic buying/brexit etc may affect supplies at certain times?) plus a lot less cost overall if that is an issue.
It’ll get harder as the baby gets older, but at the moment it’s just a case of sticking the dirty ones in a net bag in a sealed bucket, then chucking the whole net bag on a long wash every few days.
Do what works for you, multiple breast feeding vids/books all with their unique selling point/techniques left my wife paranoid she was doing it wrong. If the baby/partner are happy, then keep doing what you’re doing.
Batch cook / freeze meals – saves hours each week, plus gives you time to ride!Posted 4 weeks ago
Nothing on youtube because there is no time in the day to be creating content like that lol!Posted 4 weeks ago
Nothing on youtube because there is no time in the day to be creating content like that lol!
That’s spot on… anyone that has the time is doing it to sell you something you likely don’t need. Usually by creating a worry with what has to be the worlds most vulnerable consumer group…Posted 4 weeks ago
It’s not like you don’t get to go riding anymore I’ve been out at least 5 times in the last 18 months lolPosted 4 weeks ago
On the breast feeding front, if the baby won’t settle while mum is cuddling offer to do the job as you won’t smell of fresh milk.
Mastitis is the very devil as is post birth infection of any episiotomy wound.
Don’t be afraid to do your parenting in a different manner to your partner.
On the same topic you’re parenting not child-minding if in sole charge. (Winding mother up with this should not be undertaken in early months unless you can sleep with an eye open).
If you get the fathering part and support right sexy times will happen sooner than the naysayers would have you believe. 😉Posted 4 weeks ago
I’d say ignore everybody (I don’t mean on this thread) and make your own decisions, one at a time. You’ll get most of them right and that’ll do.
If you enjoy the first year or so, it’s a bonus. Most of my mates really didn’t enjoy early fatherhood and worried a lot about that – it worked out for all of them in the end.Posted 4 weeks ago
Oh aye – hormone crash causes baby blues about 3-5 days after birth, so be nice to your partner who will in any case be sleep deprived and recovering from the birth.
Longer term, if you can create a bit of protected time off for each of you each week then do it. I kept my weeknight 5-a-side football one day a week and made sure my partner was left to her own devices for an hour or two at the weekend, then when the kid was older she went back to netball. Just gives you a bit of a release and an opportunity to not be a parent/worker bee for a little bit each week.Posted 4 weeks ago
Take as much time off work as you possibly can.
Shared parental leave, holiday, unpaid leave, 4 day week whatever they will give you.
Work strict hours when you do go back 9-5 on the dot etc.
Play an active role in changing nappies, settling crying baby, 3am cuddles – don’t just do the washing up and cleaning and go to bed as you “have” to work.
It’s OK to cry. Men can cry.
Watch for and recognise signs of depression in yourself and your partner, talk about it – do not let it cause problems between you.Posted 4 weeks ago
Longer term, if you can create a bit of protected time off for each of you each week then do it. I kept my weeknight 5-a-side football one day a week and made sure my partner was left to her own devices for an hour or two at the weekend, then when the kid was older she went back to netball. Just gives you a bit of a release and an opportunity to not be a parent/worker bee for a little bit each week.
This, and also make use of in-laws/parents at least once a month to go out for a meal as a couple – you’ll worry and feel guilty the first time, but don’t worry: it soon wears off 🙂Posted 4 weeks ago
Congratulations, exciting/ scary times! This has been my first year as a parent, so from my own experience:
– Book: Contented Baby by Gina Ford.
– A schedule is what kept us sane. We knew roughly when we should be feeding, when the sprog should be sleeping etc. Obviously it didn’t make getting up in the middle of the night for feeds easier, but we knew broadly that it had to be 10pm, 1am, 4am (or whatever) and could plan around that.
– Knowing how much the baby was eating was key too. We were bottle feeding breast milk (long story), so it meant we knew exactly how much sprog was having at each mealtime. And we tracked it – how much milk, poo, pee, sleep etc – every day for the first 2 months.
– From there, being lucky to have a fairly happy and healthy baby, we generally knew that screaming meant hungry (but unlikely because we knew how much we were feeding and when) or dirty nappy. Obviously you’re naturally really careful around a newborn, but for the most part with the feeding and sleep routine under control, we had a bit more confidence that if something was seriously wrong, the sprog would let us know.
…and it also meant that we could escape demand feeding, which I know can be an absolute killer for mothers in particular, and the worry of “OMG we haven’t fed the sprog enough, maybe it’s starving!”
– baby Bjorn bouncy chair was a massively worthwhile investment
– we were told the nose snot sucker thing was amazing, bought one, and it has not been used once!
Good luck!Posted 4 weeks ago
Sleep now while you can.
Was meant as a joke, I think, but you won’t realise for a long time just how utterly knackered you are all the time.
I found time to ride. Much reduced compared to what I did before, but still a few hours a week, often very early morning or late at night. BUT the knackeredness I mentioned probably contributed to many crashes and several injuries that I still carry, and possibly a weird chronic fatigue syndrome type thing that eased off as the kids got older. (Youngest is 9 now..)
And most important:
When they were little, the first time I ever raised my voice and gave them a real telling off (for something trivial) they were stunned. ………………………………………
Smallest child then says” It’s ok Dad, you’re just the Dad we need”
Ignore this – it’s not normal and his smug virtual face needs a virtual slap! 😀Posted 4 weeks ago
Stay up the dry end.
DO NOT look, no matter how persuasive the midwife tries to be.
Do a head count at the end of each day. If everyone is still alive then you’re doing a great job.
All babies are different. Listen to everyone but ignore them all if you don’t think it’ll work for you.
The second one is much easier.
The third one is much harder than the first two.
It’ll all be fine.Posted 4 weeks ago
Buy all the batteries in all the sizes. Nobody warned me how much I’d end up spending on batteries. Also develop a caffeine addiction. As for serious advice, there’s already been loads in this thread so I’ll end with a question. What size TV for a newborn?
Congratulations and you’ll do a grand job. I’m the most useless person I know and I’ve got two fully functioning little ones.Posted 4 weeks ago
I’m sure some people will be able to relate to some of these…
FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS TO SEE IF YOU’RE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN….
Test 1 – Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for children:-
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the
counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to
their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Test 2 – Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance
levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table
manners and overall behaviour.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
Test 3 – Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 – 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some
other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years, look cheerful at all times.
Test 4 – Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.
Test 5 – Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door people mover.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
3. Get some melted chocolate. Insert it into the USB socket.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6 – Going For a Walk
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours
come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
Test 8 – Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can
find to a pre-school child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you
intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
Test 9 – Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to feed them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
Test 10 – TV
1. Learn the names of every character on kids tv.
2. Learn the words to every song they sing.
3. Watch and sing along to nothing else on television for at least 5 years.
Test 11 – Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean
walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor
& leave it there.
Test 12 – Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a playlist of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. Important
Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include
occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Test 13 – Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve
while playing the Mummy playlist above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a
child in the room.
Test 14 – Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work
You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!Posted 4 weeks ago
Start saving old bike bits. Your n+1 is about to become 2n+2.
Enjoy. Don’t over think it. It’s fun.
Though you will have to remind yourself it’s fun sometimes.Posted 4 weeks ago
Dad of 2 here.
A couple of thoughts –
Nobody is ready for their first child –
I remember walking out of the hospital with our first in the little baby carrier/car seat thing thinking – “Sh*t – what do i do now” but it kind of comes naturally.
Assuming you have a warm house, the means to look after your child properly, and the desire to be a good parent then your child is already better off than a lot of kids..
Good luck – don’t overthink it..Posted 4 weeks ago
The only advice I can give is to ignore everyone else’s advice and trust your instincts.Posted 4 weeks ago
I’d recommend Commando Dad (mentioned earlier) – very practical and an easy read. Might come across a bit clichéd, but he gets the point across.
All babies are different (my two certainly are) so take most peoples advice with a hefty pinch of salt.
NCT groups are reasonably useful – but main benefit is connecting with others going though the same things, arc pretty much the same time.
White noise apps are a godsend, though.
Enjoy – they’re only little once and time absolutely flies by…
*stealth edit* What Fin25 says.Posted 4 weeks ago
White noise apps are a godsend, though.
Until someone phones part way through putting baby to bed. Got that t shirt.
A white noise machines about a 10er and a godsend. With the white noise on our little one managed to take mid day naps through our building work on going in the room belowPosted 4 weeks ago
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