Enjoy it, it’s all over far too soon – from a VERY empty nester

So much rings true, when we left hospital after an extra nights stay we got home then it all felt very very real and we wanted to run back into the hospital.

Our wee man slept all night the first night. The health visitor gave us a bollocking as he needed fed more often than that.

After the first night I woke, jumped up and checked he was still alive. I still deem every day he is alive a success.

Commando dad was a good read.
Most of our clothes were second hand up until 2 years old, lots of toys are second hand.

We got a barely used osprey Poco back pack which has been great. A Thule Yepp mini seat has been good

Oh and congratulations.

And his umbilical cord fell off very early which had me phoning the hospital only to be told it’s ok.

I have driven to hospital with a child screaming uncontrollably for 3 hours only for him to stop as soon as the doctor so him

Lots of good advice here.

Bits I remember from 2.5 years ago:

Being terrified is normal.

Support your wife.

First 12 weeks is just about surviving

Don’t let anyone visit until you want them to.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from whoever you think can give it.

Make sure the freezer is full of single portion meals

Support your wife (again)

Sleep training will pay you back many times over

It is easy to tell if they are too cold, but harder if they are too hot. Feel the back of their neck as a guide.

Dont be afraid to try different things to get them settled or sleeping (but avoid doing things that lead to you suffering eg driving around for hours that they become dependent on)

Prioritise practical over pretty for dealing with a baby

Use sleeping bags. Tkmaxx often have them cheap.

Support your wife.

Don’t buy anything unless you are sure you need it

Cheap pram, expensive buggy.

Top tip is 200mL of formula in the microwave before bedtime with timer set to a min on 300W.

Then in the middle of the night you get up stagger downstairs and hit START. I used to think of it as minutes of sleep going into the baby. The mother needed the sleep and I always woke up anyway.

Your parenting will not descend into moral decrepitude if you mix breast and formula milk. We learned this the hard way after the first never slept and was always hungry.

And the one they never tell you, if it’s a boy, Point the penis down and nip up that nappy tight. Or you’ll be changing wet baby grows a few times a day!

New dad with baby born in March just before lockdown. NCT classes were okay, first was more about birth pain relief and when to get to hospital, the second was on breastfeeding, it was as well attended as the first and gave better opportunities to ask questions.

When the baby is born, they will more than likely keep mum and baby in for the night, go home, have a beer and enjoy the last good nights sleep for days/months/years/decades.

We were given the same advice of one more layer then we are wearing, seems to have worked so far. Babies drop weight when born, when getting checked out post birth the midwives will give you some guidance on how much to feed and how regulary, typically its every 3 hours till the go past birth weight.

My wife actually got admitted to hospital with very high blood pressure when our son was 3 days old and she was kept in for 2 nights, as she was shattered and needed rest I took the boy home and took care of him, what they dont tell you is that babies make a lot of noise when they sleep and flinch ALOT! first night I barely slept as he sounded like Darth Vader from time to time and kept jerking his arms or legs. Second night I put the radio on for some background noise and was much happier.

I had 3 weeks paternity, in those 3 weeks I did everything, feeds, nappies, settling, all meals for mum ready, it was great, I really enjoyed the night feeds felt like a bonding experience.

We intended to breast feed, but the boy didnt take to it in the hospital or at home, it wasnt till he was a week or so old at one of his last check ups I asked to recheck for tongue tie, he had minor tongue tie which we got sorted and he’s been breastfeed ever since, this has been excellent but now we’ve got to weening or wanting to send mum out he doesnt like bottles! so if you do breastfeed do give them a bottle every now and then to make it easier down the line. Also the midwives arent that helpful at teaching breastfeeding, they will just take the baby and attach him with no real coaching!

and last thing, we have the wonder weeks app, it shows when the baby will be extra cranky due to changes they are going through, what these changes are and what you’ll notice.

Actually I lied, one last thing, for the 8 week and 12 week jabs, get a morning slot, the fever kicked in at exactly post 8 hours for us, which for both was just after midnight and meant a sleepless night rocking an upset child!

EDIT: Osprey Poco owner here, picked up with boy 7 months, works wonders for off road walks, got second hand for 1/3rd of the price!

Worth persevering a lot with breast, as once you crack it it’s so much easier than faffing about with microwaving bottles and stuff. It doesn’t always work straight away but it can be done.

Best thing I read (and yes, I know I’m a bloke but we went through all this together, I’m reporting my wife’s experiences) that didn’t seem widely covered was that it’s like sex, there’s a hormonal side to it. Shoving it in there isn’t always enough. Think loving baby thoughts, if you have any left at that point… Also we had specific breastfeeding coaches in Cardiff, which helped. My wife and daughter struggled for 3 highly stressful months before it clicked.

As for keeping babies warm outside – layer them up until they start to look red and fidgety, then remove a few. It’s not rocket science – babies weren’t freezing to death all over the place before thermometers were invented.

Also don’t buy loads of crap up front because you will probably buy wrong. Just get a sling/wraparound, onesies and a sleeping bag. Then buy whatever else you need when you decide you specifically need it. Shops are open all hours these days.

Some great advice up there.
If I could do it again, I wouldn’t. But if I was forced to I would have liked to have know this:

1) the baby. It will be fine. It makes noise when you need to do something. If you’ve tried everything try some background noise
2) your partner. Probably won’t make noise when you need to do something until it’s too late. Talk to each other and make sure they’re ok
3) you. You will be holding, moving, carrying, twisting, lowering, raising, stretching in a way you’ve never done before. You will hurt your back. Stretch and strengthen your back and shoulders a bit now and you might get away with it.

Congratulations and all the best. Just the fact you’ve asked the question means I know you and your family will do well!

https://www.youtube.com/user/watsojg1

Wish I had this when mine were born.

Oh yes, that other general rule – books on parenting are read by the people who least need to read books on parenting. I guess for you it’s youtube.

But read “Toddler Taming” anyway – quite refreshing.

Don’t get it wet and never feed after midnight. Or something.

They’re all different, forget the life you’re living now totally for the first three months, you’ll get it back in installments over the next twenty five years but with some enhancements.

Good luck and chill out.

Just pretend it is your second. You get all the stress and worry of rules or expectations out of the way on the first so you can be relaxed and enjoy it second time around by just taking it as it comes.

Keep the receipt – you might need it

Stupid people have been raising children since forever. Just feed them and dispose of the shit. You pretty quickly get used to smelling like vomit and baby shit. Worst thing is that you will be utterly exhausted for the first year or so and you will have a little monster that demands constant attention, so just getting enough sleep is first priority. You pretty much have to stop hanging out with your single friends and find friends who have kids. Your topics of conversation will change from whatever it is that single people talk about to baby shit, funny things babies do, baby sleep patterns, baby eating habits, etc.

Congratulations most of the above contains great advice however if you thought there are too many bike part standards wait till you try to fit a part to a pram or buggy that is not OEM even the simplest thing !! As with bikes beware of N+1 we ended up with N+2! It goes by in a flash so enjoy every minute we now have 2granddaughters they’re brilliant fun

+1 on the bogey sucker, so much fun
5.5yr old and a 2 year old here

As said before they are pretty tough things on the whole

We have never stopped getting outdoors and both have been out in all weathers, even when tiny.
Sleeping in tents and Campervans from a couple of months old and arguably, they seems mellower and more adaptable because of it.

Neither of us have been a fan of the buggy and both of ours hardly ever went in it. We always just used slings and baby carriers until they could go in a rucksack style carrier.
Less faff than buggies, easier to get around adventuring and good for your fitness, plus they love “hanging out“ on/with you

Good luck, it’s flipping ace!

Some babes are great some can be nightmare, just the luck of the draw. I had one of each. The first 3 – 6 months are both amazing but hellish, wish someone had prepared me for how hard the first few weeks actually are.

Most points covered before but a few random notes…

1) Your instincts are probably good enough to get you through, frightening at first but you soon get it, thank god for my wife!

2) All babies are different you just have to find what works for yours. For us it was a good routine.

3) I got the impression every **expert** needs to sell their books so they have to come up with somthing different – when we had sleep issues with our first we read too many books and just confused the shit out of everyone.

4) Amazon was on repeat in the weeks before our first arrived, my mum used to come in sigh and say “they would happily sleep in a draw you know”, she was right. Don’t buy too much crap. My younger son now wears his sisters clothes 🙂

5) NCT was great, its another luck of the draw thing with who you get but we made some great friends and still are, 4 years later and my wife had some amazing support at the start. The course/anti-natal part is rubbish though, free NHS one was alot better.

6) They ask you to make a birth plan, in other words what you would like to happen. Its not up to you, don’t sweat it.

7) Learn your baby’s crys, you can tell hungry, in pain, annoyed etc after a while.

8) If i did it again i’d not buy a video baby monitor – countless hours wasted staring at that stupid fuzzy little sceen. You don’t have to rush in everytime he/she moves.

9) Don’t let others tell you how you should be doing it. Sleep training worked for us but its not for eveyone.

10) Whatever gets said in the night is forgotten in the morning, that was our rule 🙂 Supprising how lack of sleep/high emotions can wear you down – look after yourselves!

11) Birth part is pretty sureal, still don’t really get it, i mean we have iphones, people have been to space yet we have still not evolved away from having to push somthing out of a hole thats not really big enough for it to come out of. No real advice for that part – i’ve blanked it out!

12) looking back, you only really remember the amazing bits.

Good luck its 100% worth it!

Whatever manual you choose to go with remember they’ve sent you the instructions for the basic version, and you’ve got the one with the V1.02 and 1.04a enhancements, the additional features and the feedback module refinement.

None of which are documented, even to the point of actually telling you what features they are and what the refinement is.

You’ll work it out. Eventually.

You’ll either have a kid who sleeps well and is a delight or one who’s an absolute pain in the a**e. If it’s the first, do not tell anyone else who has a baby as they will hate you forever. If it’s the latter, just try and get through as best you can.  The word that usually sums up the first 6 months or so is relentless. You thought you knew how little sleep you could survive on and then you have a baby and realise it’s about 1/4 of what you previously thought.

Buy a pair of camo shorts, they hide a multitude of sins

Take loads of photo’s and get them printed out, every moment is fleeting, before you know it they’re 14, farting, eating you out of house and home, stuck to PS4, Etc etc so enjoy them while you can and they’re adorable!

1. The baby operates you for the first year, just do what you’re told.
2. Mum however definitely needs regular maintenance and care. Now is the true man-up point in your life where you put yourself a distant third.
3. Do not under any circumstances get an expensive buggy, you will look like a newb and they are a con.
4. Brew your child well and after 15 years they will jokingly punch you on the arm and the pain will remind you of the circle of life and your position in the last quarter of it.

3. Do not under any circumstances get an expensive buggy, you will look like a newb and they are a con.

Hmmm, we’ve bought an expensive buggy cheapily second hand on facebook marketplace (which seems to be a gold mine of baby shite). Perhaps we need a sticker to disguise our newb status.

I was told the first twenty or twenty five years are the worst; not been proven wrong so far…….

Commando Dad was our reference book too.
Given a Ewan Dream Sheep, it worked first time so didn’t dare do anything else afterwards.

Mostly winged it, not too unsuccessfully so far.
Biggest mistake was thinking the first one is always late based on friends experiences. Bit over a month early and just 2 boxes of random baby stuff given to us the day before, house semi in bits getting stuff finished before due date. Think car seat was ordered online from maternity ward.

Always carry the baby if it snows, you can snowball others but they can’t get you.

The best advice I was given was that it’s always just a phase…
If you’re struggling and don’t think you can cope, then things will get better, they’ll grow out of whatever it is that’s drive you insane. However, if you ever think that you’ve got parenting nailed then the little bugger will change it up and you’ll have to adapt all over again.
Oh, and they really don’t stay small for very long. Enjoy it.