[Closed] "You've ruined my life"...

I was always terrible at dumping girls, mainly because I didn't want to be viewed as the bad guy. Example:

This must be about 15-16 years ago but I met a girl in a club. I was a shambles of a drunken state and for some bizarre reason I told her I was a professional snowboarder. Phone numbers were exchanged at the end of the night and we agreed to meet up the next night. We got on ok and saw each other for a few weeks but I couldn't be arsed with going any further.

So in a genius moment I phoned her and told her I'd fallen out with my parents and I was going to stay with a friend in Fort William, which was about 160 miles away from where she stayed. I told her I'd get settled in and give her a call in a few days. She called me back a short while later saying she'd found Fort William on the map and she'd be able to drive up and see me. 🙁

The next day I text her saying I was in Glasgow Airport and I was heading back out to France for the winter season as my sponsors needed me out there 😆

Over the course of the winter I'd text her occasional pictures of snowy mountains to maintain the lie

Turns out my mate wrote another letter to her, ditching the original, to inform of my death in action.

😆

please forgive my nativity but what is monkey sex?

I think it involves lots of bouncing up and down going "oooh oooh oooh."

please forgive my nativity but what is monkey sex?

I think it involves lots of bouncing up and down going "oooh oooh oooh."

Over in 30 seconds?

[url= http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hot%20monkey%20sex ]Linky to monkey sex.[/url]

After ten years of marriage - 'I'm never going to have a child with you because you are Thomas Hamilton'

Not knowing the full extent of her mental health history before we got married,

I left immediatly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunblane_massacre

Over in 30 seconds?

[i]Turns out my mate wrote another letter to her, ditching the original, to inform of my death in action.[/i]

ex-mate? That's a pretty shit thing to do - she might have told people who cared about you?

While curled up on the sofa one night watching television, there was a program showing a funeral, she asked me what song I would play at her funeral, I started singing "ding dong the witch is dead" she slapped me, walked out and never talked to me again.

Seriously hacked off at the time but we're still mates and can laugh about it now.
She had spoken to my mother referring to me in the past tense. My mother thought we'd split and didn't give it a second thought. I still bump into her every now and again, normally she crosses the road to avoid me though.

Cougar - Member
please forgive my nativity but what is monkey sex?
I think it involves lots of bouncing up and down going "oooh oooh oooh."

My first tea spitting moment ever on STW. Thanks for that.
😀

"But I LOVE you!"

Oh the number of times I heard that... sigh.

My first tea spitting moment ever on STW. Thanks for that.

\o/

craigxxl my mate tried that when we were in germany. caused no end of trouble when she turned up at the guard house with her parents, and then the police as the now confirmed non dead ex also owed her money lol he was swiftly and quietly returned to uk

You're an emotional retard

Was the best I've been dumped with

<goes off to google emotional awareness classes>

It came from me, I'm not proud of it, but it was needed.

Her-"What do you mean you're at your parents? I've been waiting at the airport (Amsterdam) for hours for you. Does this mean you're not coming to live with me (and mum and dad, gran and the two brothers)?

Me"OBviously not " click.

She was 19 Dutch, had met me whilst traveling around Australia, had fallen in 'love' and wanted me to live with her in Holland with her family.
I had stupidly said yes..............and then had her hanging on for another 6 months while I bummed about the world.

Can you give a C? Can you give me a U? Can you give me an N? Can you give me a T? What does it spell? Quirrel.

"But I LOVE you!"

I wouldn't have the speaker sup too loud in the office with song mind.

 

Glad I'm not the only one going to "HELL". Some of you lot are right barstewards 😀

I dump Mr. Toab about 3 times a year. He just goes on like nothing's happened, text, emails, invitations to see his parents, the lot. It's impossible.

I think the best one ever went:
Me: You realise I've never wanted to be in this relationship? I just can't face the fuss you'll make if I try and get out of it.
Him: That's alright, you don't feel like that [i]now[/i]
Me: You have no idea how much I feel like that now
Him: (suddenly crying loudly to get the notice of everyone in the room)
*sniff* I know you don't mean that, you're just saying it to upset me, why do you have to [i]do[/i] this
Me: But I [i]do[/i] mean it.
Him: That's alright edar, I know you don't. You're forgiven. Another cup of tea?

Fun huh?

"Thanks for paying for lunch, it was great... btw this isnt working out I think we should see other people"

Downside....cost me 40 quid to hear that!!!

upside....I was already in the pub!!

What a pretty song Quirrel. Thank you 🙂

DEZB the Macc Lads are worth investing time in, Sweaty Betty is one of my faves.

'You'll have to take your canoe out of the kitchen too.'

It was actually a kayak...

DEZB the Macc Lads are worth investing time in, Sweaty Betty is one of my faves.

If you aren't too easily offended.

I do remember the Macc Lads from back in the 80s... preferred the Dickies for my novelty punk experience 🙂

Situation - caught red handed in a nightclub with another girl who wasn't the GF.

GF said "I hope you get AIDS from that whore" before storming out.

Pretty harsh I thought, particularly with so many people watching. Safe to say I never saw the GF again, but later on the the same night the other girl lived up to her name in almost every sense (apart from the AIDS bit of course) ;o)

[i]the other girl lived up to her name in almost every sense[/i]

I have to ask... ?

I had one ex pour a bag of rice through my letter box. Im not sure what that was supposed to achieve!

I had one ex pour a bag of rice through my letter box. Im not sure what that was supposed to achieve!

That is hilarious, shows the true mind of a broken woman (or man of course)!

My girlfriend said she wanted monkey sex, so I masturbated and then threw shit at her 🙂

An ex dumped me by text message after we'd been going out for about 9 months, which most people agree is a bit off. Apparently me responding "Oh OK" is much much worse

I've never actually dumped anyone officially, not even by text or email. I just try and fade out their lives and cease contact and avoid the hassle, drama and stress that will inevitably come with breaking up face to face.

I recognise i do have a bit of a problem here and it makes me a right emotionally immature bastard. But so long as the French foreign legion is about, i will keep pretending to join.

My girlfriend said she wanted monkey sex, so I masturbated and then threw shit at her

Very nearly spat a half eaten sandwich over the keyboard.

(apart from the AIDS bit of course) ;o)

Did you get tested?

I did have "but what if I'm pregnant" shouted at me as I walked out the door.
I don't think she was, it was over 30 years ago and I'm sure I would have heard by now.

Dad?

'I don't want this'

😥

Sixteen years after the divorce from the first Mrs Balanced I phoned to discuss something about our daughter. Mr Ex-in-law answered and proceeded to spend the next ten minutes telling me how I'd ruined all their lives and was the scum of the earth befiore slamming the phone down.

I completely wasn't expecting that as up until then they'd always made me a very nice dinner on days I visited and we'd all (except my ex) chatted through it quite sociably it at the dining table.

A week or so later my ex, who had made herself absent on visiting days for the last ten years phoned to try and work out a peaceful solution.
I wasn't expecting that either.

Sweepy, you just made me spit coffee over my dog !

Does forgetting the name of your GF when you're a teenager count? She traveled across the country to meet me following our Summer holidays but I forgot what she looked like and what her name was. Strangely, she never spoke to me afterwards.

craigxxl - Member

My mother thought we'd split and didn't give it a second thought. I still bump into her every now and again, normally she crosses the road to avoid me though.

Your mother crosses the road? Wow

I did have "but what if I'm pregnant" shouted at me as I walked out the door

Now that's what I call clutching at straws.

Turns out my mate wrote another letter to her, ditching the original, to inform of my death in action.

Classic. If that was the plot of a romcom you'd think it annoyingly contrived 🙂

I dump Mr. Toab about 3 times a year. He just goes on like nothing's happened, text, emails, invitations to see his parents, the lot. It's impossible.

I had no idea people could be this bizarre!

Top thread this. Should be a sad subject but 🙂

a girl i worked with dumped her bf of 5years and said 'you never made me come once' which was apparently true as she drunkenly told everyone in the pub later

a girl i worked with dumped her bf of 5years and said 'you never made me come once'

She's clearly a good communicator and an honest partner then. BF was well shot of her.

Not a GF but

On a drunken night out in Calgary,

Girl hitting on me - 'blahblahblah'
Girls 'friends' - 'Don't go near her she's got dangly labia'
Girl hitting on me - 'i'll have you know i've got the cooch of a 13 year old'
Me - 'What? In your basement??'

She walked.

I broke up with a girl I'd been seeing for 6 months as I'd come to the conclusion she was a bunny boiler. I told her it wasn't really working etc. she got all shreaky and started rocking back and forth shouting "I have nothing more to live for..." oops....
2 weeks later she knocks on my door "I don't think it's really working between us and we haven't spent much time together recently." erm, that'll be because I dumped you 2 weeks ago you dozey bat...

Latest and greatest achievement....

Dumped on my 30th birthday by my gf of 3 years because I wasn't fulfilling all her needs. She'd been seeing another women behind my back. As I don't have a man-mimsy I guess this part was at least true.
I find it a bit odd that I'd even babysat for this women, so the two could spend time together so they could do "Girly things". I foolishly thought this meant watch crap films and talk about shoes. Shortly after the split she then got together with another bloke to form some kind of polygamous family between the 3 of them. It's all a bit strange to get my head around.... 6 months later, after she'd ****ed off to leave me to deal with the shared house, sort out the bills and get rid of most of the cr*p she'd abandoned I get an email "I haven't heard from you for a while. Is there any possibility we can still be friends?" My reply wouldn't get past the swear filter