[Closed] "You've ruined my life"...

yes

Yes.

Off the top of my head, the psycho hose beast I was going out with that went away to Aberdeen for the weekend, and came back engaged to a guy she met on the Friday night 😆

She slapped me in the face & then got on a plane to Canada, never to be seen again.

A girl I was seeing parting shot was, outside a very busy beer garden

"you just want a blonde slut to snort coke off your "c**k"

who doesn't?

"My dad thinks you are gay"

"I thought we were going to get married!"

[i]Really[/i]?!

And with that chaps - so long and thanks for all the fish.

'lets have a baby so we can get a council house' aged 17 😯

I told her not to slam the door on her way out.

She did!

Women. 🙄

Id been trying to finish with a long term girlfriend who just wouldn't leave me alone, so i told her I thought I might be gay. (i'm not btw) instead of finally leaving me alone she decided it would be for the best if she stuck around to help me through it.

Not my brightest moment

Can we still be friends?

oh, another one...after dumping a Christian girl (don't ask)... "you're going straight to HELL"

"you dumped my while casually making a cheese f-ing sandwich, you pr-k ??" my ex wife as she asked me what was wrong , whilst i made a snack 😉

Pedalhead-You owe me a laptop,just spat Tea all over it,laughing

Any good ones you've said yourselves?

I got dumped via text message once. Oh, the witty retorts I came up with a few hours later...

Our mortgage advisor's adult stepson came to the door and said 'my 50 yr old step dad is sleeping with your 24 yr old fiancee'.

I spent about 2 weeks getting wasted on cherry brandy then snapped out of it.

Ended up having monkey sex with a Sissy Spacek lookalike at the exact time I 'should' have been getting married.

I never looked back 🙂

At 16 a girlfriend went out on Friday night, phoned me the next day to tell me she was going out with someone else. Her last comment was, if you hit him I won't speak to you again.

Why would I want to speak to her again?

A friend of mine had a major bust up with the girl he rented a room from. She was seriously cute but also an actress and consequently a little 'unhinged'.

The bust up was something or nothing but it was really heated. In the heat of the moment he apparently made her cry and while in the process of consoling her, they ended up in bed.

As she lit a post-coital fag she casually mentioned that she'd recently been diagnosed with the clap and that right after he'd moved out (this was her giving him notice) he probably should make an appointment at the clap clinic.

She wasn't kidding either.

I got it Stoner 🙂

Not mine but an old girlfriend told me about a previous boyfriend of hers. He was a strict catholic and every time they had sex he would end up being racked with guilt and would immediately leap out of bed and hose himself down in the shower with cold water before curling up on the floor to punish himself.

After one such instance she became so annoyed with this she told him to do one and not come back. He didn't argue, he agreed with her that he quite understood, she was totally right in finding him disgusting and went out into the night clutching his clothes to his chest.

Gotta love the Catholic church eh?

Ended up having monkey sex with a Sissy Spacek lookalike at the exact time I 'should' have been getting married.

And that's a good thing?

[img] [/img]

I got dumped by a girl because God told her to, I shit you not!

She said "and I'll need all the underwear you borrowed back"

Fair broke my heart, I'd had a lot of fun in it 🙁

And that's a good thing?

Ohh yes...
[img] [/img]

In my early 20s I was dumped because she could not keep up with my demand for "happy times" and was not romantic enough. FFS! Happy times is surely romantic enough. 🙄

chewkw - that's girl-code for "it's the shoes"

I'd just been made redundant in June and at the same time was going through a bad patch with the first wife, so I decided to have a break and booked a flight to Spain. At the last minute she decided to join me for the week. After a few days there she asked when my return flight was..........................
.
.
.
.
.
.
..........................I said probably around end of September. Which was spot on as it happened. 😀

I dumped a girlfriend in a christmas card.

Her dad wasnt best chuffed with me 🙁

mastiles - please forgive my nativity but what is [b]monkey sex[/b]?

I once told a girl that it was over and she asked (in tears) why.
"Because my girlfriend is coming back from The States tomorrow - she spent her uni' summer holidays out there working."

The look on her face....

my first girlfriend dumped me via a letter written on fungus the bogeyman notepaper.

We were 10

It doesn't get any easier 😐

Mathilda: Is life always this hard, or is it just when you're a kid?
Léon: Always like this

cynic-al - Member
chewkw - that's girl-code for "it's the shoes"

I was a proper cool dude with thick hairs (LOL!) in those days wearing proper Dr Martens with biker jacket and she was a goth .... hhhhmmm ... riding a goth ... hhmmmm ...

Merry Christmas DS 🙂

"It's not me, it's you"

I can't remember what any of mine have said, they were more of a fizzle than a pop :-$

I think my personal favourite was at the end of my first relationship (which lasted 5 years), was "I tried to see past the way you look and concentrate on your personality". Rather incredibly, he wasn't actually [i]trying [/i]to be mean, he'd become a hardcore Buddhist and therefore felt he should be 100% honest. Evidentally the stuff about 'Do no harm' had gone over his head...

"I've given you the best years of my life"

Well, if they were the best, love...

mastiles - please forgive my nativity but what is monkey sex?

[img] [/img]

After saying for the god knows how manyth time, No I do not want to trawl round a shopping centre I hate for hours im going riding.

Her: 'You're going to have to choose between me and those stupid bikes of yours'

Me: 'Well that's an easy decision...'

Her: 'Aw thanks. I knew you would see it my way of course'

Me: 'No, you don't see it mine... Im going riding'

I did have "but what if I'm pregnant" shouted at me as I walked out the door.
I don't think she was, it was over 30 years ago and I'm sure I would have heard by now. 😉

Let me see...

Got dumped by a girlfriend at uni two weeks before my finals. Apparently we were never more than friends that slept together despite the fact that I thought the world of her and was very keen to settle down with her. I remember getting very emotional in the bar later that night after being refused more tequila.

A few years later I met another girl and, after a couple of months of good times, she went back to France promising to visit as soon as she could. She did, but was distant. I later found out that she had met someone else the friday before she was due to visit me and only came over because she could not cancel her Eurostar tickets. Classy.

"you just want a blonde slut to snort coke off your c**k"

who doesn't?

+1! 😀

In my early 20's I was seeing a nympho. After a year of what felt like a constant nookie I said I wished she gave me a few minutes to regain my breath. She commented "You're gay! I'm moving out to my brother."
I helped packing and even walked her down to Ealing Bdwy so she could catch the Tube.

does sound pretty gay tbh

Not getting dumped but dumping her.

During the 1st Gulf War a mate on my behalf dumped a bunny boiler who had ideas of marriage but was only supposed to have been a one nighter. I confided in this mate and he wrote a firm but polite letter with my blessing to her to finish it. Her constant letters to me and visits to my mother ceased, result.
On leave afterwards I was physically attacked by her sister in the high street, her mother threatened to kill me in the supermarket and the girl herself wept so much whilst cursing me that an old couple had to lead her away giving me dirty looks as they did so.
Turns out my mate wrote another letter to her, ditching the original, to inform of my death in action.

You're an emotional retard

Was the best I've been dumped with 🙂

I was always terrible at dumping girls, mainly because I didn't want to be viewed as the bad guy. Example:

This must be about 15-16 years ago but I met a girl in a club. I was a shambles of a drunken state and for some bizarre reason I told her I was a professional snowboarder. Phone numbers were exchanged at the end of the night and we agreed to meet up the next night. We got on ok and saw each other for a few weeks but I couldn't be arsed with going any further.

So in a genius moment I phoned her and told her I'd fallen out with my parents and I was going to stay with a friend in Fort William, which was about 160 miles away from where she stayed. I told her I'd get settled in and give her a call in a few days. She called me back a short while later saying she'd found Fort William on the map and she'd be able to drive up and see me. 🙁

The next day I text her saying I was in Glasgow Airport and I was heading back out to France for the winter season as my sponsors needed me out there 😆

Over the course of the winter I'd text her occasional pictures of snowy mountains to maintain the lie

Turns out my mate wrote another letter to her, ditching the original, to inform of my death in action.

😆

please forgive my nativity but what is monkey sex?

I think it involves lots of bouncing up and down going "oooh oooh oooh."

please forgive my nativity but what is monkey sex?

I think it involves lots of bouncing up and down going "oooh oooh oooh."

Over in 30 seconds?

[url= http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hot%20monkey%20sex ]Linky to monkey sex.[/url]

After ten years of marriage - 'I'm never going to have a child with you because you are Thomas Hamilton'

Not knowing the full extent of her mental health history before we got married,

I left immediatly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunblane_massacre

Over in 30 seconds?

[i]Turns out my mate wrote another letter to her, ditching the original, to inform of my death in action.[/i]

ex-mate? That's a pretty shit thing to do - she might have told people who cared about you?

While curled up on the sofa one night watching television, there was a program showing a funeral, she asked me what song I would play at her funeral, I started singing "ding dong the witch is dead" she slapped me, walked out and never talked to me again.

Seriously hacked off at the time but we're still mates and can laugh about it now.
She had spoken to my mother referring to me in the past tense. My mother thought we'd split and didn't give it a second thought. I still bump into her every now and again, normally she crosses the road to avoid me though.

Cougar - Member
please forgive my nativity but what is monkey sex?
I think it involves lots of bouncing up and down going "oooh oooh oooh."

My first tea spitting moment ever on STW. Thanks for that.
😀

"But I LOVE you!"

Oh the number of times I heard that... sigh.

My first tea spitting moment ever on STW. Thanks for that.

\o/

craigxxl my mate tried that when we were in germany. caused no end of trouble when she turned up at the guard house with her parents, and then the police as the now confirmed non dead ex also owed her money lol he was swiftly and quietly returned to uk

You're an emotional retard

Was the best I've been dumped with

<goes off to google emotional awareness classes>

It came from me, I'm not proud of it, but it was needed.

Her-"What do you mean you're at your parents? I've been waiting at the airport (Amsterdam) for hours for you. Does this mean you're not coming to live with me (and mum and dad, gran and the two brothers)?

Me"OBviously not " click.

She was 19 Dutch, had met me whilst traveling around Australia, had fallen in 'love' and wanted me to live with her in Holland with her family.
I had stupidly said yes..............and then had her hanging on for another 6 months while I bummed about the world.

Can you give a C? Can you give me a U? Can you give me an N? Can you give me a T? What does it spell? Quirrel.

"But I LOVE you!"

I wouldn't have the speaker sup too loud in the office with song mind.

 

Glad I'm not the only one going to "HELL". Some of you lot are right barstewards 😀

I dump Mr. Toab about 3 times a year. He just goes on like nothing's happened, text, emails, invitations to see his parents, the lot. It's impossible.

I think the best one ever went:
Me: You realise I've never wanted to be in this relationship? I just can't face the fuss you'll make if I try and get out of it.
Him: That's alright, you don't feel like that [i]now[/i]
Me: You have no idea how much I feel like that now
Him: (suddenly crying loudly to get the notice of everyone in the room)
*sniff* I know you don't mean that, you're just saying it to upset me, why do you have to [i]do[/i] this
Me: But I [i]do[/i] mean it.
Him: That's alright edar, I know you don't. You're forgiven. Another cup of tea?

Fun huh?

"Thanks for paying for lunch, it was great... btw this isnt working out I think we should see other people"

Downside....cost me 40 quid to hear that!!!

upside....I was already in the pub!!

What a pretty song Quirrel. Thank you 🙂

DEZB the Macc Lads are worth investing time in, Sweaty Betty is one of my faves.

'You'll have to take your canoe out of the kitchen too.'

It was actually a kayak...

DEZB the Macc Lads are worth investing time in, Sweaty Betty is one of my faves.

If you aren't too easily offended.

I do remember the Macc Lads from back in the 80s... preferred the Dickies for my novelty punk experience 🙂

Situation - caught red handed in a nightclub with another girl who wasn't the GF.

GF said "I hope you get AIDS from that whore" before storming out.

Pretty harsh I thought, particularly with so many people watching. Safe to say I never saw the GF again, but later on the the same night the other girl lived up to her name in almost every sense (apart from the AIDS bit of course) ;o)

[i]the other girl lived up to her name in almost every sense[/i]

I have to ask... ?

I had one ex pour a bag of rice through my letter box. Im not sure what that was supposed to achieve!

I had one ex pour a bag of rice through my letter box. Im not sure what that was supposed to achieve!

That is hilarious, shows the true mind of a broken woman (or man of course)!

My girlfriend said she wanted monkey sex, so I masturbated and then threw shit at her 🙂

An ex dumped me by text message after we'd been going out for about 9 months, which most people agree is a bit off. Apparently me responding "Oh OK" is much much worse

I've never actually dumped anyone officially, not even by text or email. I just try and fade out their lives and cease contact and avoid the hassle, drama and stress that will inevitably come with breaking up face to face.

I recognise i do have a bit of a problem here and it makes me a right emotionally immature bastard. But so long as the French foreign legion is about, i will keep pretending to join.

My girlfriend said she wanted monkey sex, so I masturbated and then threw shit at her

Very nearly spat a half eaten sandwich over the keyboard.

(apart from the AIDS bit of course) ;o)

Did you get tested?

I did have "but what if I'm pregnant" shouted at me as I walked out the door.
I don't think she was, it was over 30 years ago and I'm sure I would have heard by now.

Dad?