[Closed] Work,family and illness issues

I am sorry to read your post and being ill is no fun. Do you think your current condition is due to stress? Can I politely ask whether those animals are in the house or in some outside space?

Edit: are you on any medication? What does the GP reckon it is? Does the GP know that you are under stress?

I know the bp readings are stress related as I've had similar in the past due to my mum's abusive ex partner. Not spoke to the Gp about it, feel embarrassed. All animals indoors!!!! Snakes I don't mind and lizards. The rest however stink.

Yeah on medication for hypertension. Spent 18 months under a consultant to find a cause, they eventually put it down to stress and a family history. My late Grandmother had hypertension and had a massive stroke and died two months after I was born. My Gran and Grandpa also had hypertension and died last year from stroke and heart attack. Eight weeks between deaths

Sorry for you ill health.

Speak to your line manager tell them what's happening, speak to HR tell them what you told your line manager, ask for support on counselling if you think it would help. Tell your bosses your feeling down that you know you not giving your best but explain why that is, tell them about the bullying too.

When I'm feeling 100% I'll usually snap back at any digs about my previous injuries and time off. I mean a broken leg and ruptured Achilles isn't something planned. Nothing is said regarding people having pregnancy related illnesses. I know myself my absence record is appalling but it's all backed up by Gp records and a folder full of hospital appointment letters and discharge notes.

My boss is really supportive and when I rang up Tuesday morning my boss said your not having a good time are you and said get better soon. She is the ward manager, matron the main manager has a face like thunder but understands. One ward sister whinges and even stomped off when my mother took a sick note in for me ( I was on crutches in the car) no thanks no nothing. My Mum is a ex matron and now teaches nursing studies under grad and post grad.

Missus whinges over money issues we aren't in any major debt (567 pound at the very most) but makes me feel guilty if I'm off.

I am not a Doctor.

I've been through depression and stress related illnesses and your words mimic how I felt. To me you sound depressed and you need to speak to your GP and / or councellor ASAP.

You also need to speak to your wife about how you feel. If she is supportive then you need to talk about some changes that need to take place for you to get better.

What Drac says ref. work. ^^^^^^^

It may seem like a deep dark hole that you're in, but it will get better, but you will need help to get there. Good luck.

As far as the my-family and-other-animals situation goes, I'm guessing that it hasn't been sprung on you out of the blue - it's prob something that you're normally ok with but are just noticing because you're feeling down. So I wouldn't be seeking a confrontation with the missus on this when the root cause appears to be work issues. [Personally I wouldn't be keen on 7 or 10 of any one species under my roof - that's like owning 7 time trial bikes - a pointless indulgence, but no matter].

What I would be speaking to the missus about as a priority is her re-inforcement of the stress you're getting at work about time off. This is the absolute last thing you want to be hearing - you're getting a hard time at work and your wife is laying down an attritional whining campaign? No way - can't be happening.
Marriage is a team effort, and you face up to external challenges together, helping one another out - not purposefully undermining one another. You have to tell her that you need her support right now - how you tell her, only you can say - but put this right and the work situation will seem a lot easier.

Your off sick - but u have a job
Your concerned about ur misses - but u have a partner
Ur homes a zoo - but u have a home with pets too

What do you want? You don't have to live like this.............
Your life your choices. Only you can change it,
Chin up lifes for living.

No mention of children in your posts, if you haven't got any I suggest you keep it that way in your current life. Whatever crap has come my way one person has been consistently on my side, Madame E (who likes horses but doesn't insist on keeping 10 in the house).

I haven't worked in 12 years and she hasn't moaned once, I mention this as I feel you are being expected to accept things that are well outside the norm but are moaned at for things well within the norm.

Look after yourself, do whatever you can to get well and back to work, and put all the home issues on hold until you are strong enough to deal with all the brown stuff that will start flying when you try to address them. If she really is texting another bloke it'll either fizzle out or come to a head before long without you precipitating anything.

I have a 18 year old step daughter, her kid from previous relationship apart from the initial laziness when me and missus got together the daughter works full time and pays £350 a month towards house costs and her animal food costs (3 snakes). Has her bratty moments but nothing out of the ordinary for a teenager. Works, goes to bed and goes to her boyfriends on her days off.

I think a lot of it stems from worrying about time off work through injury or illness, which in turn gets me down and the slightest bit of aggro at home rubs me up the wrong way.

And in a none descriptive way sex is very limited as I'm just not in the mood. I don't sleep well, my mountain biking which I've loved since being a teenager I don't have any desire to do. My days off seem to be stopping up late and staying in bed till the afternoon, then tidying the house.

Very rarely go out.

You could get down the Reebok tomorrow - that might put a smile on your face. Lennon has steadied the ship and knows what he is doing I reckon.

Sounds better than from earlier posts.

Eat well, drink enough liquid, get enough sleep, get enough light (important at this time of year), keep active doing things that won't result in injury - walk lots.

Supposed to off sick. Still got the Brown water, nausea rather than vomiting now though. Just the usual wintergastro bug I imagine but still knocked me for six, hence being off work this week.
Lennon has made a big difference, much happier than when freedman was in charge.

There's been some good advice given above and I would echo what Edukator said re light - grab sunshine when you can, even if just for 10 minutes.

It's not easy with a teenager around but she sounds sensible, be thankful for that.

You need to try and talk with your partner, she needs to understand how you're feeling and to support you. I can't imagine how it must be living with a constant odour from so many animals, any chance that she could move some of them to an outside area? That could possibly be affecting your health, perhaps worth mentioning to your GP.

Do take care and remember it's small steps.

As has been said, you really need to speak to your GP about how you are feeling and make use of any counselling offered to you by work. Don't be a bloke about it, help is there.

Sounds shit..one day you'll look back and see it as the rich tapestry of life.

In the words of Bruce Willis, "you can't appreciate the sweet without tasting a little sour".*

All the best.

(*I may have just made that up)

A lot of the odour is due to working long hours all three of us and not being able to clean them as often as we'd like.

I seem to get Ill from work due to staffing levels, there is 10 staff out of 30 nurses/healthcare assistants on maternity, some with orthopaedic injuries. And we are always short staffed. Nothing out of the ordinary in the NHS but I'm quite sure my Achilles injury was due to overstretching a already inflamed tendon.

Low mood and lack of exercise means my body is not fully fit making me susceptible to bugs. When I worked in my previous job, we were fully staffed and it was less back breaking (General surgical ward then Nursing home) and I never had a day off sick in 5 years apart from for hernia surgery.

You sound like you have had a couple of tough years. No wonder you seem to be run down and losing interest in many things. Might be worth investigating the employee assistance programme options at work. I've found them useful in the past...

Well I think I have found the cause of my nausea, vomiting etc. I now have pain in my left kidney area and groin and haematuria (blood in urine) last time this happened it was due to kidney stones which caused a infection. Explains why I've been feeling like craps for a week.

NHS occ health nurse here - have you had referral to occ health? If not may be worth asking for one to see what support available. Will also help as will show you are being proactive, some Trusts will have triggers in policy re: numbers of absence per rolling 12 month indicating need referral.

Does your Trust offer staff counselling? If so self refer as may help more than you think, it will be confidential service with no feedback to anyone but may help. Some will have access to complementary therapies too which may help destress and reduce BP.

See if they offer physiotherapy too as like with the counselling if offer it through occ health will most likely a lot quicker to access than through GP/ normal referral routes.

One of the biggest issues I see with people who are having bit of shit year with a few absences is attitude from colleagues adding stress - same advice I give everyone - **** them. The only attitude that counts is that of your line/ ward manager - if they are fine then screw the rest of them - if it wasn't this they would find something else to be dicks about. Us nurses as a group are a bunch of whiney, moaning bitches and it does my head in. Make sure you look after own best interests and remember you can only do what can do, safeguard/ Datix/ incident form issues with staffing - this gives your manager support and evidence for business case for more staffing and covers your arse too.

Yeah was referred last year and before my Achilles ruptured. Was the occy health doctor who basically wiped the floor with them regarding pushing me too hard on my Achilles. Unfortunately it ruptured days later. He did speed things up regarding recovery too and have had weekly physio since I came back.

Not sure about counselling, but I'd imagine it's available. The trust is great, I just think I'm not cut out for Orthopaedic Trauma it's ruining my body and contributing to stress due to staff shortages.

Other wards seem busy but fully staffed and happy, a lot of work colleagues have left to work in other departments in the trust. Which says it all really. When asked why they say lack of staffing and support from certain managers which I'm inclined to agree with.

Glad hear OH Doc helpful, is good when managers actually listen.
Maybe worth a try with the counselling, even in interim may help. If not happy move, know it's bit cliched on here bit move job, generally ortho wards are killer on staff due to type patients and level of dependency. If you do leave make sure have exit interview and tell them why - again if they don't know then can't fix it.

Likes northshoreinall and edukator posts, especially

Eat well, drink enough liquid, get enough sleep, get enough light (important at this time of year), keep active doing things that won't result in injury - walk lots.

Now I'm always in scruffy clothes and can't be bothered to dress nicely anymore.

A bloke a work suffered from depression ams was advised to reverse this. Make an effort, it's suprisimg how much better you'll feel about yourself, and how others perception of you will change.

Good luck, the downs in the ups and downs in life can be challenging but at least you are talking about it.

Snakes and lizards are very commonly carriers of salmonella bacteria (often rather unusual strains of salmonella).
If you keep getting gastroenteritis it would be well worth getting a stool sample checked asap.

Get rid of the zoo, or at least get it down to a manageable level, you need to come first.
You need to discuss things with your partner, obsessive people are often selfish, you need to grow some and get control back of your life.
Sorry for being blunt, but you did ask.

twin - you really are the man aren't you? 🙄

I honestly think trimming back the zoo will definitely help.
Animal collecting isn't healthy, the smell isn't healthy, giving all that room to them in your house isn't healthy, the monetary and time cost isn't healthy.
Why does she need all of those animals? As you have already said she doesn't have time to look after them properly. If you convinced her to get rid of 75% of that lot she may feel happier too and it will give you more time for each other.
I would also address this texting thing as well for your own peace of mind.

Sometimes grabbing sunshine just dosn't cut it, cinn.

Well I have been diagnosed with a kidney infection and having a ct scan with contrast to check for kidney stones. Last week was just severe vomiting, squits and slight ache in my groin. Now the vomiting only comes when I have bouts of pain which is every two hours or bending down for 20 mins. 8 out of 10 for pain.

Had kidney stones in 2008 and its was horrendously painful. So that's the health issues diagnosed.

Work I'm back to work just rushing off to the toilet frequently.

The text issue well, she has been texting all day at work and when not with me since I posted, quite frequently. Samsung logs who and when you've text or rung on call history but the texts to him in her inbox have been deleted but I can see them still on call list.

Now the background is all three of us used to work together three years ago and I was with my ex, my now missus had just split up from her ex and the bloke she texts is married. Now them two had a sexual relationship all through 2012 before I got with her end of 2012.

Now I'm not a insecure type but these two have a past, and it makes me suspicious because the texts are deleted.

Monitor the situation, confront or just walk away and start a fresh? Oh and we are not married just to clear up, we just live together.

I'd be inclined to find a plan b. She's not got your flesh and blood to use as a lever to keep you there...

Finish it, move on.

Best off out of there.

Sounds like 2015 might be a good time to make a fresh start all round. Your domestic arrangements sound unhealthy both from a physical and emotional perspective. Get out, get yourself well and get your life back on track.

The only thing stopping me is feeling guilty. As obviously I pay half the bills etc. Also at nearly 29 year old moving back in with my mum seems embarrassing.
And in a way I'm scared of being on my own. Yet when I'm with someone I look forward to time on my own.

Also get whinged at by the missus when I'm off etc.

That is NO WAY for a partner to behave! Have a good word with her.. or yourself...

The only thing stopping me is feeling guilty

Take the latter option. Sounds like you have self confidence issues...

Why would you feel guilty to someone who is probably cheating behind your back. Think about it. And think about yourself, you seem like a nice chap despite your dodgy kidneys 😉
While scary getting control of your life and having your mum cook your dinner for a while will be nice, i did that, best thing i ever did.

Molgrips - Hit the nail on the head with self confidence issues. Ever since I lost my Step Dad (who was more of a dad than my real Dad) passed away when I was 14 I seem to feel the need to fill the void left and have a relationship. The only time I've been single was between 2006-2008 I lost one good friend in a motorbike accident but due to a forum like this I met a lad who is probably my closest mate.

And spent two years, going out on motorbikes, going to bike meets and going out on the piss pulling random girls each week.

He's now moved up to Scotland with the RAF, my other mates are all shacked up with a missus and kids etc. Keep meaning Go out on mtb with another mate who I've known since primary School but again he works away etc.