[Closed] Why have children and then send them to boarding school ?

Quite right, children are not just for Christmas 🙂

When you've got an Audi, then what else is there to bray about?

Because every family is different and every town and the opportunities it offers is different.

I was sent to one at 10. Hated it.

By the time i was 11 i didn't want to go home. Loved it.

Best 7 years of my life.

For better education? Value for money?

In other countries teachers moonlight by teaching half of what they are supposed to teach then ask the students to pay for private tuition ... The result some of these teachers earn more than your average general manager.

So if going to boarding school means you are "guaranteed" to get good results why bother with those private tuition?

to train them to be bankers and politicians, subjects the local comprehensive school does have on the timetable.

Get a copy of the film "IF", and see what really goes on in them, a great docu soap. 😯

Also some people just see kids as token items of worth, something to parade round , like a company car, large name plate on office door,large house.But only want the kids at christmas, when theyre babies and for birthdays it seems of a large number of people, the way they ignore the kids feelings for a lot of the time.

I'd be bereft.

Who would empty the dishwasher?
Prep the veg?
Hoover?
Do the cleaning?
8)

Project, the chip on your shoulder must be MASSIVE! Such utter, blinkered ignorance!

because you're a shoddy parent and want to offload the chore of raising them 😀

I was about to post that. But then i don't have a chip on my shoulder about being given a well balanced and reasoned education so i didn't.

Each to their own view - just re-affirms that there is different choices to be made for different people.

If it's any help project, my parents owned a Talbot Horizon and a Nissan Sunny and we only paid 10% of the fees as we were means tested etc.

You new to Britain? It's boot camp for the Rich, royal and aristo****s. There's still a lot of employers that won't touch you unless you've been to hog warts.

In my case because my dad was at sea for much of the year and my mum had two younger children to raise. Plus the education was excellent, though I've forgotten most of my Latin. I went at 8yrs and it was a positive experience, especially the tree-climbing and bike-riding.

I know a lot of you may not understand, but some parents may think it's the best way to get a good education for your children. It may not be but if you did, and you could afford it, why not?

Nearly 40 kids per class in the local state school. Never more than 15 in a class at my school.

I enjoyed a huge variety of experiences and knowledge. I was practically a full time sportsman.

Braying rights for my parents? Hardly - they were skint. Full scholarship waived all fees.

[devil's advocate] because you're a [s]shoddy[/s]parent aware of you're own short comings and want to give the proffesionals a chance[s]offload the chore[/s] of raising them [/devil's advocate]

They only do it so people can judge them.....

Many reasons, most of the kids who survived the 1st semester at Uni best in my halls had been to boarding school for a number of reasons.

Project, the chip on your shoulder must be MASSIVE! Such utter, blinkered ignorance!

I could not even think about sending my daughter and son away for education.

My job entails a certain amount of travel, domestic and international, and I find that:

1 night away, no problem.
2 nights away, OK...
3 nights away, start getting a little twitchy
4 nights away +, rather not

There is nothing better than coming home, after a hard day, to the noise and bustle of the family. No it's not all roses and there are arguments but it's all part of family life. I love my children and relish every minute in their company.

I didn't have children to abdicate the responsibility for their upbringing to someone else.

I know quite a number of people who went to boarding school. I have to be totally honest and say that not one of them is genuinely well adjusted to anything other than the narrow strata of society that they knew at school. I'm talking about perhaps 10 people I know.

I have two little lads. The thought of sending them away for 9 months of the year at age 11 (or younger) seems to me to be unspeakably cruel. There aren't really real educational justifications for it, it's more like a tradition that people assume must be good because its relatively exclusive. A bit like circumcision perhaps.

The thought of sending them away for 9 months of the year at age 11 (or younger) seems to be to be unspeakably cruel.

Agreed.

My friends kids went to boarding school. In their case it was because their father was in the military and moved around a fair bit, it gave them a stable educational environment.

For what its worth they seem like nice kids too.

yossarian

A bit like circumcision perhaps.

you're a cut above the rest ! 😉

I dunno if it's cruel to the kids involved but I can't imagine missing so much of my daughters childhood.

Neither of the two schools I went to that had boarders when I went have them now. Seems to me that less parents want to send their kids away. My Grandfather, who went to Harrow, thought it terrible for an kid to be a day boy - they were considered 2nd rate; this was around the beginning of the last century though!

...okay Im glad that other people feel how I do, being woken up every morning at 5.45am for the last 5 years...wouldn't change it for the world...

No guarantee of a good education if you go to public school but perhaps a better chance of achieving one, a lot of my friends went to public school and have been very successful. My son however goes to a secondary school and has applied himself and been selected to go on a Oxford/Cambridge workshop and he's very excited, his school gets better results than the Public school down the road.

[quote=mudshark ]Neither of the two schools I went to that had boarders when I went have them now. Seems to me that [s]less[/s][b]fewer[/b] parents want to send their kids away.
Let no one say it's done in search of a better education 😉

5.45? My eldest is up at 5 on the bloody dot. 🙂

Cannot, CANNOT imagine him and his little brother not being with us for 3/4 of the year. Makes me sad just thinking about it. I genuinely don't understand how parents today can conclude that it's the thing to do.

I saw loads of my parents at school - with at least two sports matches a week the touchline of the ruby pitches (home and away) were always lined with supportive mums and dads. So too the regular orchestra recitals, plays, exhibitions and other events.

[quote=ourmaninthenorth ]the touchline of the ruby pitches
See - we had to make do with grass

It ain't the same OMITN, not even close.

A friend of mine [ a teacher] says it is because they are rich enough to not be prosecuted for child neglect. Does seem an abdication of a large portion of your parenting duties tbh.
My own view is more like druidh's.

Our man - they were close enough to attend all school events but to far away for them to live with them?

unspeakably cruel

child neglect

Seriously?

😐

Grandfather was in FCO so worked in embassies all over. Mother and uncle did 4 years of school in Cairo and the rest in boarding school.

Sounds like it was far more interesting than my bog standard modern comprehensive.

Never said i agreed flashy but can you not see why some folk think they have not actually lived up to the role of being a parent?

I genuinely don't understand how parents today can conclude that it's the thing to do.

As above lots of families moving round with the military etc - should their kids change school every couple of years?
Not saying either way if it's good or bad but also saying people have their reasons some good some bad. In the end of the day your preaching to a safe audience in here of Public School = Tory Toff types 🙂

As once said before you criticise you should walk a mile in their shoes then at least your a mile away when you tell them...

Sorry Flashy but yes, cruel. My lads have grown up with their family at the centre of their lives. To strip that away whilst they are still children, not even adolescents, seems like cruelty to me.

You've just become a dad right? Imagine sending your child away at age 11. How does it feel?

Edit: despite a few attempts by others to turn this into a proper argument, I'm not up for a fight. Genuinely puzzled as I said earlier.

My father was the 1st in our family not to send his kids away - couldn't afford it but doubt he would have anyway, my Mum wouldn't have allowed it anyway. Serves him right for marrying someone from the middle class...!

Happy to have found the place that is raising the future cleaners, nursery nurses, fast food workers and petrol station attendants

Many parents send new babies away to nursery from 7am-6pm 5 days a week until they reach school age.
So I guess boarding school is just a step up.

I went to boarding school because the local schools were going through major reorganisation, and it was a mess. I'm the 5th of 6 kids (and clever enough to go to Uni - neither of my folks had that chance) and my mum was suffering from what, at the time, was called a nervous breakdown. She wept as they dropped me off. It was a selective Grammar School, not independent, so the actual education was state/free. Many of the other boarders were the children of soldiers/airmen, who just wanted some stability for their kids, while they were posted to Germany/Belfast/Crete etc.
It's easy to be judgemental, but some boarding schools really are necessary/best option for kids. Did me no harm - and while my folks beat themselves up over sending me, as a parent I can fully understand why they did it.

Sorry Flashy but yes, cruel.

You'd be surprised that not many of the children or parents actually feel like that.

[quote=restless ]Many parents send new babies away to nursery from 7am-6pm 5 days a week until they reach school age.
Do they?

As once said before you criticise you should walk a mile in their shoes then at least your a mile away when you tell them...

And you've got their shoes 🙂

I know several people who went to boarding school. My parents were expats in Lagos for a few years when I was 10-13 and I was the only Brit kid of that age in the country as the rest were all boarding as that was the done thing. My family are French and just couldn't go with that as it's considered a very weird British thing connected with stiff upper lip...

So that's the background. I would never send my kids to boarding school as I'd just miss them too much and I think it breaks down close family bonds.

That said I do know people who I genuinely believe loved their boarding school days. Admittedly they do seem to have fairly distant relationships with their family though I don't know if that came before or after they started boarding.

I have never had a real insight into the world of fortune, but the older I get the more I feel I would of benefited from a better education & perhaps a better understanding of discipline.

That is all.

Why have children and then send them to boarding school?

...oh sorry did you assume that only private schools had boarding?

neither of my children did that nursery stuff from 3 yrs old they went for half a day...have to savour every minute you can get...

Nearly 40 kids per class in the local state school.

yes druidh they do and my mate says the same about them.

At school most schools let you send kids from 8 m - 6 pm as well these days

You also see other nursery staff dropping kids off and picking them up.

the nearest school is >100 miles away on country roads

having been through a nightmare in getting my son into a local school due to the 30 place class limit, so do I 😉

...oh sorry did you assume that only private schools had boarding?

fair point 🙄

or move closer... 😉 (no returns on that one as I am only joking)

Boxelder - big village school with a large catchment area and too much new housing at the time.

I exited the primary school when the class hit 38. I understand the same continued at the secondary school.

But if you better know the detail of rural north oxfordshire school class sizes in the early/mid-1980s, I'm happy to accept your own direct experience over mine.

Many parents send new babies
away to nursery from 7am-6pm 5 days a
week until they reach school age.

I call BS on that too unless "many" means a very few (or if it's maybe a London specific thing)

I don't know a single kid who's done anything like that.

Having a close relationship with your kids is as important as the quality of their education. Perhaps my education or sporting opportunities would have been better had i been sent to a boarding school but my relationship to my parents would not be so good and i would have lost so much as a result. In any case education is much broader than what happens in academic environment and parents have a huge role to play in that, not just hand off that responsibility to some teachers.

But if you better know the detail of rural north oxfordshire school class sizes in the early/mid-1980s, I'm happy to accept your own direct experience over mine.

Whereabouts in Oxfordshire? I grew in the south of the county at a similar time and I remember my class being amalgamated with another because there weren't enough teachers. I just wandered around doing nothing for about 4 weeks before anyone noticed.

having been through a nightmare in getting my son into a local school due to the 30 place class limit, so do I

Whereas my daughter will go to school in two years' time, and the projections look like the class size maximums of each of the three nearest schools will be breached. Why? Combined year groups and a baby boom.

Am I still lying, or are you both deeply familiar with the primary schools or rural West Lancashire as well.

you suggested 40 now, not three years time.

Whereabouts in Oxfordshire?

Near Banbury.

Go on tell me what is so wrong with boarding school?

From 13ish(years old) a lot of kids in schools with boarders want to stay over during the week as so much is going on and day students feel like they are mnissing out

As a kid my family lived abroad and we moved country quite a lot. Both my brothers and I went to boarding school from 11 to 18. My parents had split up and still lived abroad. By the time my Mum came back to the UK we were perfectly happy and didn't want to leave.

I have kids and wouldn't send them to boarding school. Having said that, just because I'd miss them hugely doesn't mean that they wouldn't be happy, or even prefer it. What teenager wouldn't want to be with his mates rather than his family, generally speaking? As far as I was concerned, I got to play shitloads of sport and spent all day every day and weekends hanging around my my mates - what's not to like? Plus I got around 18 weeks holiday a year (which made up for going to school 6 days a week, being in lessons from 9-5 every day and then doing 2hrs of study in the evenings).

Boarding schools are full of normal kids, just like many other schools. As far as being like "If" is concerned - absolute bollocks. If you met me I'm pretty sure you wouldn't think I had gone to a stereotypical boarding school.

Interesting, clubber ^ ^ ^

My parents were in the Sudan where I was born, 'til I was 4, then back to Wales, then out to the north of Nigeria and then in Lagos, then Cairo. We went to Nigeria when I was 8, and I started boarding back in the UK at 10, as the educational systems in northern Nigeria were pretty basic beyond that age. As I recall, Lagos had several international schools to which expats often went.

When given the opportunity to re-enter the state system at about 15 I opted to stay in Marlborough as I loved it. I guess the only distance between me and my parents was and is the physical mileage, perhaps it made us have a more intense relationship when we were / are together.

Then again I've seen peers who definitely struggled with the whole arrangement - and which I've seen in people from state education too. Everyone's different (cue scene from Life of Brian).

I think trying to make this so black and white on an internet forum - if you send your kids to board you must hate them / be a crap parent - is going to be about as successful in changing people's perspectives as the ones we see on here time and again about religion.

From 13ish(years old) a lot of kids in schools with boarders want to stay over during the week as so much is going on and day students feel like they are mnissing out

you suggested 40 now, not three years time.

No. Nearly 40 in my day, c30 years ago.

My daughter's looking at class sizes of 45. Headmasters have told me that if more than that, then they'll get in an extra teacher.

TBH, I'm torn. She'll be a few days over 4 years old, so the 40 mile round trip to a fee paying school will likely be too tiring. And evern I agree four is far too young to board - that's why prep schools don't start until seven.

Junkyard, sponsored by mcvities ginger nuts

And having had the hassle recently, I empathise omitn. we were getting close to moving house because the school place we could get was such a pain to get to.

And that's the other thing. Some stay in one place, and pay school fees. Others incur massive cost moving house.

TBH like all things - I loved public school, so I'm in favour of it. My sister loathed it so any children she might have wouldn't find their way to one!

Its great that people have the choice and I wish that the option of boarding was available to more people. For the evil/dereliction of duty/parents are cruel camp, may I suggest that a visit to a modern boarding school may alter perceptions. Today's schools are largely unrecognisable from the one I went to and nothing like IF/hogwarts/Tom Brown stereotypes- especially conditions, privacy, food, behaviour, parental contact and range of extra curricula activities.

Many boarding schools have become in effect weekly boarding schools and actively encourage parents to be very active during the week. Indeed one headmaster delights in reminding parents that they can forget about delegating it all the the school - it remains a partnership with parents being very much involved.

But lets take two [i]generalised[/i] scenarios - (1) day pupil, ends days at @4. Goes home to no/one/both parent(s). Has food, does homework, chats with parents/siblings (?), watches TV, plays on computer, goes to bed; (2) boarding school pupil, day can start before 8 (music practice?), classes/activities/sport end @5-6. Socialises with friends. One hour of homework. One hour for dinner in full social environment. One more hour of homework. Finally one hour of sport, music, drama, fun etc....all in a social environment. Including call/skype home. Are either options better than the other?

Personally, I see no evidence that family bonds are dramatcially weakened or even altered by boarding from 13 and in many/most cases see the opposite. Personally, I feel that 7/11 is too early but even then it can be a great experience for the right child.

But as always in education and parenting - its horses for courses IMO.

6th form boarding is fine but younger I am not so sure.

Junkyard - Member
Makes inappropriate sexual joke about biscuits

Have you been reading too much Stephen Fry, JY? 😉

Edit

Poopsies - Member
Having said that, just because I'd miss them hugely doesn't mean t[b]hat they wouldn't be happy, or even prefer it. What teenager wouldn't want to be with his mates rather than his family, generally speaking?[/b] As far as I was concerned, I got to play shitloads of sport and spent all day every day and weekends hanging around my my mates - [b]what's not to like?[/b]

Well said

(1) day pupil, ends days at @4. Goes home to no/one/both parent(s). Has food, does homework, chats with parents/siblings (?),[b]takes part in social activities, clubs, sports etc. Chats to/plays with friends.[/b] watches TV, plays on computer, goes to bed;

No. Nearly 40 in my day, c30 years ago.

My daughter's looking at class sizes of 45. Headmasters have told me that if more than that, then they'll get in an extra teacher.

Apologies - I'm just surprised at that. If true, then don't enrol her there - or do, and join the governing body. North Lancs has plenty of choice surely?
My brother teaches in what is (as of today) the worst (apparently) school in Lancs - Lancaster to be precise. Perhaps if parents took a vested interest in their local school, instead of paying a premium and assuming it the result was good (like designer clothing) everyone would get a better deal? A bit like fussball really - if you supported your local team, the football league might not be a Mancunian two horse race?
Just my tuppence worth (based on being a parent and teacher of 2 decades) - and boarding school boy........

EDIT - I sound a bit of a pr1ck there (so what's new) - I'm not judging, just sharing a disappointment that people feel they need to use selective/boarding schools, when 99.673% of the population are close enough to a school, to use it and be able to tuck their kids in at night - and it would slay me not to be able to see my 3 asleep when I want - in fact, I'm off to do just that now....

I call BS on that too unless "many" means a very few (or if it's maybe a London specific thing)

I don't know a single kid who's done anything like that.

As you know, I live in Bristol. At the nursery where Ms TT does 3 days a week, there are quite a lot of 6m+ babies in there from 0730 - 1800 and quite a few of them are there 5 days a week.
It is surprisingly common where both parents want to / need to work.

As for those who decry boarding schools without understanding boarding schools or the lives of the parents involved - a bit sad and a bit to willing to jump to attack something they don't understand and a bit egotistical to believe that they MUST be right about it. Sad.

Good edit and point druidh - I hoped by italicising "generalisations" that it would be obvious that I was exaggerating to emphasise a more subtle point.

Others (eg poopsies) have put it better than my crude example!

My son boarded at his specialist school as it was the only place we could get acceptable education for his dyslexia and we were to far for a day commute. He loved it.

We did, however, buy a house near to his school an after 18 months of boarding he's a day pupil. Loves the setup now too!

I think everyone has their reasons for their choices; I'd never criticise anyone for sending their child away to a good school, or not.

I've got a different insight as I personally went to a normal state school but I now work in a boarding school.

I didn't used to think the me I was as a kid would have enjoyed boarding life. And that still probably holds true - the kid I [b]was[/b] would not have enjoyed it. I thought the concept cruel and heartless for parents who didn't care and wanted to palm them off. I had real misgivings about coming to work here.

After a while here I had to modify my attitude. It turns out children are way more adaptable than I gave them credit for - the me I was would have changed and would have loved it! Most of them are properly happy with the situation (some are not and switch to being a day, but they are small in number). Sorry parents, it turns out your sprogs don't need you as much as you imagine they do! In fact those that struggle with the setup the most are normally the parents missing their kids not the other way around. Boarding school is a very very close family atmosphere. Pupils have a much more pseudo parental relationship with their teachers and house staff and the boarders are like often like siblings to each other. At the end of the academic year there are genuine heart felt tears as the "family" is broken up.

The upside to modern boarding schools is that most release the beasts at the weekend and you get the impression some seriously good family time happens then. I'm going to get shot down for this but a lot of my friends with kids seem to either be permanently knackered or live their life vicariously though their kids exploits. Maybe intense quality family time at the weekend and guilt free adult time in the week to get that bit of work done, go to the gym, ride your bike or get jiggy with it is not a bad way to go about it.

Having said all that - my gaff starts at 14. I'm not so sure about boarding at a very young age. Also my school is about as far from the straight laced Etonian environment of the 1950's most of you imagine when you think boarding school which might have something to do with it too.

[quote=teamhurtmore ]Good edit and point druidh - I hoped by italicising "generalisations" that it would be obvious that I was exaggerating to emphasise a more subtle point.
Others (eg poopsies) have put it better than my crude example!
It has to be said that the availability of extra-curricular activities for kids is normally pretty good in town but can be severely restricted in rural areas - one of the reasons my wife and I chose not to move out into the country. In that situation, boarding school can offer a more full range of activities beyond just "schooling".

For the evil/dereliction of duty/parents are cruel camp, may I suggest that a visit to a modern boarding school may alter perceptions.

Its a comment on the act by the parent not on the quality of the school. I am sure the school is a superb surrogate parent and at the prices they charge a fine school.

I dont read books as a rule so not a Fry reference

I would have loved to go to boarding school. Wouldn't have had to watch my pathetic drunk of a father knock shit out of my mother.

Couldn't bear to send my kids to one. Start to miss them horribly after just a couple of nights away.

Guess I'm on the fence!

@boxelder - it's why we're paying close attention now. We live where we do in order to be in the current catchment area for the decent (best in Lancs, I think) state 2ndry school. But then the feeder primaries don't set my heart racing. One is an academy - I'm undecided on them, as I'm not sure the state sector should suffer streaming like that (I see private sector as distinct).

One thing I'm absolutely keen on, whatever educational route she takes, is that we will be engaged with her education, and engaged with the teachers and the school. Mrs North comes from a family of teachers, so I have plenty of insight to the challenges of teaching in secondary schools in Wigan!