[Closed] Why can't women slice bread?

I concur. Mrs feet seems to squeeze the loaf to about 1/3rd it'ts normal size then pretty much push the knife through the bread, thus destryoing the loaf in the process.

As you say, the knife does the work. Mrs Feet doesn't seem to understand this though 🙁

i know exactly what you mean, i've developed mean "getting the slice back on track" skills though

My sister is the exception to the rule. She is a chef though.

Mrs S is just as bad.

I always have to cut a sacrificial slice off the loaf so that I can cut a square one for my toast. The sacrificial slice ends up looking like a cheese wedge. If she's feeling really adventurous, she can get it wrong in both planes by about an inch. Supreme cack-handedness.

Do you end up following the curve for the rest of the loaf or sacrificing a slice to straighten it up?

Most of my slices have a cross section shaped like a banana if I'm slicing after Mrs Maxray.

😀

I did a quick search and 95% of surgeons are men...apparently.

Perhaps only 5% of the female population can cut bread properly.

A curve I could deal with! Mine's more corrugated

The worse one I find although it my be my OCD is they cut the bread and will then put one piece of bread from an end and one piece of bread from the middle to make a sandwich which means it is uneven and different sizes! I always have o use adjacent slices - like I say though might be my OCD!

I don't why it is - but it is a universal truth

My mother couldn't do it & my missus can't either
I do however get a double surprise each day when I open my sandwiches, what will the filling be & will she have succeeded in only allowing the knife to wander off in one plane or both?
I'm used to sandwiches where the thickness of the bread is different in each corner

I'm glad someone else has this problem. I'm told that it's just how bread looks after it's been cut despite my slices looking like machine sliced bread and hers looking like scale models of the alps. All I know is that I'm never letting her* near my saws. Strangely my Mum can do it, but then again my Dad is a cabinet maker and bad tempered git so I imagine words were had about the use of saw edged implements before I appeared on the scene

*All women of my acquaintance including the other half.

'cos it's a knife job and knives are men's stuff?

Bit like the 'hunter' carving the Sunday joint.

I blame a lack of woodwork in their youth.

because we don't want to

ballcocks!

Why would someone not WANT to be able to cut something properly?

hummm, im incompetant at this and yet male, should i be practicing?

Lol at Karin. 🙂

Electric knife helps.

PS Stop posting rubbish threads when there isn't an equal number of ladies to [s]flame you[/s] reply. 🙄

It's cheese as well. Cheese on toast in our house can turn into a real nightmare. She things there's something wrong with our grill because it burns on one side but doesn't melt on the other!

Slice yer own bread then !! Are you all married to your mothers ??

Is she left-handed?

Slice yer own bread then !!

So I'd have to get up early too? - are you mad?

Yes! This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true!
My mum used to cut bread into a virtual corkscrew: Every slice looked OK on it's own, but it was IMPOSSIBLE to cut it straight afterwards as the loaf was FUBARED!

Mrs PP is EXACTLY the same, and SHE KNOWS IT! I can cut bread fine: Hold knife at 90 degrees to the bread, hold bread gently, saw evenly. Done.
(She does make some wonderful bread though, and soup..... so it's all forgiven. Om nom nom)

The only woman I ever saw cut bread straight was my Grandma, God rest her soul, who used to stand ther loaf on end and cut horizontally! WTF is that all about?

I'm sooooooo glad I'm not alone in this world of badly sliced bread!

They simply don't understand the sawing action and eyeline and all that.
after missus O has been at the loaf, corrective surgery leaves you with a slice 1 3/4" at the base and 1/3" at the top.
She's no better with the cheese, it always looks like she's cut it with a potato peeler?

Can I just add that I get mildly perturbed by the way Missus O cuts a baked potato. Everyone knows you cut it to expose it's largest open surface, better for eating and it sits well on the plate. But no she cuts it across it's narrowest point thus causing poor absorbage and presents you with a wobbly spud.

Its part of a global conspiracy...

Slice yer own bread then !!

Are you all married to your mothers ??

😉

Glad it's just not me twining at the mrs for wonky bread then. 😯

Alternatively why can't men cut a fork steerer straight without a cutting guide

Seen some right lash ups and can't see how they would fare any better than their missus with a loaf

meh, my girlfriend is just as capable of taking a slice of bread out of the bag as I am, some of you guys need to enter the modern world.

I recently bought a slice yourself loaf. I was worried my wife might cut it cack handed but she did some toast and the loaf was sliced PERFECTLY. it was a large crusty loaf with a very soft centre so not a loaf a novice would do well on. It was amazing - I'm not sure I could have done it that well. It was as thin as a medium sliced pre cut load, simply superb. I knew then (and it wasn't the first time I had thought this) I had married the perfect woman. 😀

Alternatively why can't men cut a fork steerer straight without a cutting guide

Becasue hacksaw blades are more flexible than fors steerers, so you can't keep them inline.

Bread vs Bread knife is the other way round, so you can

🙄

You need to buy her a fiddle bow knife:
[img] [/img]

I knew then (and it wasn't the first time I had thought this) I had married the perfect woman.

HAAA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

So says the man that was worried about the wifely reaction to the bike parts he bought the other day! 😉

Alternatively why can't men cut a fork steerer straight without a cutting guide

because is doesn't need to be, bread does

My gran used to the do the loaf vertical - cut horizontal thing as well. Mind you she was partial to the crust so would slice loaves lengthways in order to get an extra large crust 🙂

This reminds me of my favourite feminist discussion where Germaine Greer claimed that sexist fallocentrism was so pervasive that it's even found in space exploration, ergo: rockets shaped like giant willy's. The reply from a male protaganist was: "It's like that as its the most aerodynamic shape, I'd like to see a an interplanetary flying vagina"

Dunno, my mum and both my grans could cut bread fine, my mrs however is bobbins at it.

robdob - I think you need to check that she's not having an affair and there's a naked man under your bed. That toast was clearly cut by a man!
😉

I concur in the main

However ladies I have met go to anal lengths to cut a cake into equal portions which is the same process

Weird!

Make yer own effing sarnies! What do you think this is? Eh? A hotel!!!!

Make yer own effing sarnies! What do you think this is? Eh? A hotel!!!!

Keep yer effing hands of my unsliced loaf then, I'm fed up with repairing it after you've mutilated it.

HAAA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
So says the man that was worried about the wifely reaction to the bike parts he bought the other day!

Anyway, still doesn't alter the fact my wife is an ace bread cutter an yours isn't. 😉

Maybe it's because she's a Yorkshire woman and not cutting it straight would mean valuable bread would be wasted.

Electric knife helps.

good god no, how would anyone learn if they used electric knives?, if ever there was a waste of the earths resources it's the production and use of electic carving knives

This is clearly a hot topic. Who knows where it go?

Don't get me started on acceptable amounts of butter or spread deemed acceptable by males and females.

Electric knifes, like chainsaws, just mean more devastation happens more quickly.

As for jam in the fridge ... I feel an aneurysm coming on.

Karinofnine - Member
Make yer own effing sarnies! What do you think this is? Eh? A hotel!!!!

Nope, but as we share the same house I expect her to do her share of stuff... I bought my g/f a new bread knife, through her old blunt POS out.... she's still no good at it.
Showed her the thread, she made a snorting noise and flounced off (surf-matt would have been proud), calling us all nerds.

Some great posts here, but.

I see your wonky bread or cheese cutting, and raise you...

loose jar lids !.

Why is it that women can't screw the cap back onto a jar of branston ?.

So I go to pick up the jar, and then I'm wearing the jar contents.

Same for the tooth paste, pickled onions, jam, ketchup. all of it has the lid cunningly balanced on edge of the container, ready to slip off once the container has reached a height to cause maximum contents distribution.

Yeah, bread and jar lids.

It's not just women, I'm left handed and have been banned from slicing bread and carving potatoes and carrots
If she's not left handed maybe she just isn't bothered, I've found over the years that it's not that they can't, it's just that they don't actually care
It's a male OCD thing

As for jam in the fridge ... I feel an aneurysm coming on.

LOL! 🙂

We now have a humungous fridge. So all the jams and sauces are in it, despite spending the last fifty million (Roughly) years in the cupboard!

Apart from the home made jam, which is properly preserved without chemicals so doesn't need it.

oh, and:

there's a place for everything and everything in its place.

Unless you're a girl in which case: fight the system! Anarchist filing!

[i]it's just that they don't actually care[/i]

Yeap, after years, years I tell ya, of research, I've come to this conclusion.
🙁

has anyone pointed out how stupid it is to call women a 'species'? yes? oh well, i'll just be on my way ...

I'll take wonky bread and 7 fridges full of jam jars any day over being unable to get all the pee in the confines of the toilet bowl.

Vive la difference, and all that.

My wife complained the other day that I don't throw the toothpaste away when it's empty...but there's loads left in it!

RE margerine, spreads etc....she spreads them so thin it's like there's a shortage. Personally I like to actually be able to taste chocolate when having choc spread on toast.

We get sliced bread although she insists on cheap brown bread.

[i]We get sliced bread although she insists on cheap brown bread[/i]

I use to eat brown bread, until I heard an article on farming today.

Oh how I cringed/gagged during that program.

I've never looked at brown bread the same since.
Its white bread only now.

Also, I can assure you that your OCD habits drive her just as insane as her bread slicing habits bother you
And if all you have to worry about in your relationship is wonky sliced bread, your doing allright

I've never looked at brown bread the same since.
Its white bread only now.

??? 😯

Another one in agreement with the OP here. My missus can't slice bread for toffee. Sometimes I'll get one of htem posh Tiger loafs, nice a crusty outside, soft inside. Within five minutes it's been squashed and turned into some wierd naan bread/poppadom hybrid!

Interestingly, my Mum could produce perfect slices, however she was a surgeon so maybe falls into the 5% category mentioned earlier...

Also concur about my good lady's cutting bread abilities, so now have sliced bread. Unfortuantley when [s]placed[/s] shoved in the freezer, it comes out all mishapen so only good for feeding the ducks. Similarly, when grating a nice rectangular block of cheese, please keep it that way not attempt to create a wonderful rhomboid or other do-deca-dooda shape 😕

Seriously, I CAN cut bread straight - there, I've said it. Does that mean I'm not a proper woman? 😆

Don't worry Karin, there are always exceptions to the rule - I can use the toilet standing up without getting piss on the ceiling, and perfectly capable of cleaning up after myself if I do ...

I guess wonky bread has it's place - the sawtoooth edges will help secure loose fillings such as tuna fish or grated cheese.

LoL @ [i]Within five minutes it's been squashed and turned into some wierd naan bread/poppadom hybrid![/i]

PMSL @ [i]not attempt to create a wonderful rhomboid or other do-deca-dooda shape[/i]

Karin, I SERIOUSLY can't, so I think you may have stolen some of my genes.
I want them back!!!!!

Oh and as for -

there's a place for everything and everything in its place.

And does it really matter? Once it's in your gob it gets chewed to mush anyway
Do the aesthetics of your butty matter that much?
OCDOCDOCDOCDOCD...........

LoL @ Within five minutes it's been squashed and turned into some wierd naan bread/poppadom hybrid!
PMSL @ not attempt to create a wonderful rhomboid or other do-deca-dooda shape

+1
LMAO!!

Another one with a horizontally slicing gran!

I never knew how she managed to spread butter on slices so thin without ripping the bread apart until I caght her at it one day spreading the butter on the end of the loaf, THEN slicing.

That's proper bread-smarts, that is.

Love you, gran!

I never knew how she managed to spread butter on slices so thin without ripping the bread apart until I caght her at it one day spreading the butter on the end of the loaf, THEN slicing.

That is amazing. That's the sort of skill and inventiveness you just can't teach.

I can use the toilet standing up without getting piss on the ceiling

not first thing in the morning you cant I bet 🙂

I never knew how she managed to spread butter on slices so thin without ripping the bread apart until I caght her at it one day spreading the butter on the end of the loaf, THEN slicing.

That is amazing. That's the sort of skill and inventiveness you just can't teach.

That was a home economics tip from one of the war-time newsreels for getting thinner slices

not first thing in the morning you cant I bet

carving potatoes

Carving spuds? Really? Carving? How big are your spuds? I just cut them

hels - Member

I'll take wonky bread and 7 fridges full of jam jars any day over being unable to get all the pee in the confines of the toilet bowl.

Vive la difference, and all that.

I bet you would miss if you were standing up.

As for jam in the fridge ... I feel an aneurysm coming on.

My mother put the Nutella in the fridge over Christmas... I may have shown that I was somewhat disappointed when I and her precious grandkids couldn't have chocolatey toast for breakfast...

Being a little bit sexist feels jolly liberating don't you think.

My mother put the Nutella in the fridge over Christmas... I may have shown that I was somewhat disappointed when I and her precious grandkids couldn't have chocolatey toast for breakfast...

Did you deck her 😡

IanMunro, no, you can't have your genes back - I need them to dweeb over the handbook for my car, which I have finally managed to track down - it arrived yesterday - ahhhh, nerdy bliss !

carving potatoes
Carving spuds? Really? Carving? How big are your spuds? I just cut them

Mrs. Starship can't cut a loaf either but she can untangle several phone chargers and sets of earphones that have got all tangled up in a drawer. Something that I cannot do :oops:.

It's definitely something to with them not doing woodwork or a craft apprenticeship.

Mrs ADH did woodwork and metalwork while at school, whereas I did cookery.

Yet it is still me that fixes bikes, cars, computers, bits of building, all the DIY and all the cooking.

But that is becuase I want each of these things done properly FFS 😡

[/control freak]