[Closed] Why can't women slice bread?

Karinofnine - Member
Make yer own effing sarnies! What do you think this is? Eh? A hotel!!!!

Nope, but as we share the same house I expect her to do her share of stuff... I bought my g/f a new bread knife, through her old blunt POS out.... she's still no good at it.
Showed her the thread, she made a snorting noise and flounced off (surf-matt would have been proud), calling us all nerds.

Some great posts here, but.

I see your wonky bread or cheese cutting, and raise you...

loose jar lids !.

Why is it that women can't screw the cap back onto a jar of branston ?.

So I go to pick up the jar, and then I'm wearing the jar contents.

Same for the tooth paste, pickled onions, jam, ketchup. all of it has the lid cunningly balanced on edge of the container, ready to slip off once the container has reached a height to cause maximum contents distribution.

Yeah, bread and jar lids.

It's not just women, I'm left handed and have been banned from slicing bread and carving potatoes and carrots
If she's not left handed maybe she just isn't bothered, I've found over the years that it's not that they can't, it's just that they don't actually care
It's a male OCD thing

As for jam in the fridge ... I feel an aneurysm coming on.

LOL! 🙂

We now have a humungous fridge. So all the jams and sauces are in it, despite spending the last fifty million (Roughly) years in the cupboard!

Apart from the home made jam, which is properly preserved without chemicals so doesn't need it.

oh, and:

there's a place for everything and everything in its place.

Unless you're a girl in which case: fight the system! Anarchist filing!

[i]it's just that they don't actually care[/i]

Yeap, after years, years I tell ya, of research, I've come to this conclusion.
🙁

has anyone pointed out how stupid it is to call women a 'species'? yes? oh well, i'll just be on my way ...

I'll take wonky bread and 7 fridges full of jam jars any day over being unable to get all the pee in the confines of the toilet bowl.

Vive la difference, and all that.

My wife complained the other day that I don't throw the toothpaste away when it's empty...but there's loads left in it!

RE margerine, spreads etc....she spreads them so thin it's like there's a shortage. Personally I like to actually be able to taste chocolate when having choc spread on toast.

We get sliced bread although she insists on cheap brown bread.

[i]We get sliced bread although she insists on cheap brown bread[/i]

I use to eat brown bread, until I heard an article on farming today.

Oh how I cringed/gagged during that program.

I've never looked at brown bread the same since.
Its white bread only now.

Also, I can assure you that your OCD habits drive her just as insane as her bread slicing habits bother you
And if all you have to worry about in your relationship is wonky sliced bread, your doing allright

I've never looked at brown bread the same since.
Its white bread only now.

??? 😯

Another one in agreement with the OP here. My missus can't slice bread for toffee. Sometimes I'll get one of htem posh Tiger loafs, nice a crusty outside, soft inside. Within five minutes it's been squashed and turned into some wierd naan bread/poppadom hybrid!

Interestingly, my Mum could produce perfect slices, however she was a surgeon so maybe falls into the 5% category mentioned earlier...

Also concur about my good lady's cutting bread abilities, so now have sliced bread. Unfortuantley when [s]placed[/s] shoved in the freezer, it comes out all mishapen so only good for feeding the ducks. Similarly, when grating a nice rectangular block of cheese, please keep it that way not attempt to create a wonderful rhomboid or other do-deca-dooda shape 😕

Seriously, I CAN cut bread straight - there, I've said it. Does that mean I'm not a proper woman? 😆

Don't worry Karin, there are always exceptions to the rule - I can use the toilet standing up without getting piss on the ceiling, and perfectly capable of cleaning up after myself if I do ...

I guess wonky bread has it's place - the sawtoooth edges will help secure loose fillings such as tuna fish or grated cheese.

LoL @ [i]Within five minutes it's been squashed and turned into some wierd naan bread/poppadom hybrid![/i]

PMSL @ [i]not attempt to create a wonderful rhomboid or other do-deca-dooda shape[/i]

Karin, I SERIOUSLY can't, so I think you may have stolen some of my genes.
I want them back!!!!!

Oh and as for -

there's a place for everything and everything in its place.

And does it really matter? Once it's in your gob it gets chewed to mush anyway
Do the aesthetics of your butty matter that much?
OCDOCDOCDOCDOCD...........

LoL @ Within five minutes it's been squashed and turned into some wierd naan bread/poppadom hybrid!
PMSL @ not attempt to create a wonderful rhomboid or other do-deca-dooda shape

+1
LMAO!!

Another one with a horizontally slicing gran!

I never knew how she managed to spread butter on slices so thin without ripping the bread apart until I caght her at it one day spreading the butter on the end of the loaf, THEN slicing.

That's proper bread-smarts, that is.

Love you, gran!

I never knew how she managed to spread butter on slices so thin without ripping the bread apart until I caght her at it one day spreading the butter on the end of the loaf, THEN slicing.

That is amazing. That's the sort of skill and inventiveness you just can't teach.

I can use the toilet standing up without getting piss on the ceiling

not first thing in the morning you cant I bet 🙂

I never knew how she managed to spread butter on slices so thin without ripping the bread apart until I caght her at it one day spreading the butter on the end of the loaf, THEN slicing.

That is amazing. That's the sort of skill and inventiveness you just can't teach.

That was a home economics tip from one of the war-time newsreels for getting thinner slices

not first thing in the morning you cant I bet

carving potatoes

Carving spuds? Really? Carving? How big are your spuds? I just cut them

hels - Member

I'll take wonky bread and 7 fridges full of jam jars any day over being unable to get all the pee in the confines of the toilet bowl.

Vive la difference, and all that.

I bet you would miss if you were standing up.

As for jam in the fridge ... I feel an aneurysm coming on.

My mother put the Nutella in the fridge over Christmas... I may have shown that I was somewhat disappointed when I and her precious grandkids couldn't have chocolatey toast for breakfast...

Being a little bit sexist feels jolly liberating don't you think.

My mother put the Nutella in the fridge over Christmas... I may have shown that I was somewhat disappointed when I and her precious grandkids couldn't have chocolatey toast for breakfast...

Did you deck her 😡

IanMunro, no, you can't have your genes back - I need them to dweeb over the handbook for my car, which I have finally managed to track down - it arrived yesterday - ahhhh, nerdy bliss !

carving potatoes
Carving spuds? Really? Carving? How big are your spuds? I just cut them

Mrs. Starship can't cut a loaf either but she can untangle several phone chargers and sets of earphones that have got all tangled up in a drawer. Something that I cannot do :oops:.

It's definitely something to with them not doing woodwork or a craft apprenticeship.

Mrs ADH did woodwork and metalwork while at school, whereas I did cookery.

Yet it is still me that fixes bikes, cars, computers, bits of building, all the DIY and all the cooking.

But that is becuase I want each of these things done properly FFS 😡

[/control freak]

I'm left handed and have been banned from slicing bread

I am too, which is why I asked, back on page 1.

For [i]years [/i]I couldn't cut straight, not just bread but generally. I just put it down to me being randomly hopeless. Then I got a left-handed knife, and it's revolutionised my kitchen abilities.

It sounds like snake oil, I know. The theory goes (and I don't know how true it is, but) you naturally twist as you cut and the serrated edge is biased in order to compensate for this. Change hands and you twist the other way, so rather than compensating the serrated edge now amplifies the twist, and ta-da, bread wedges.

The sceptic in me (power balance bands, anyone) wants to dismiss the theory as pish, but anecdotally it definitely, definitely works. I can't use regular serrated knives unless I have a sudden desire for triangular food.

Being a little bit sexist feels jolly liberating don't you think.

Couger, I'll try one of those, it can't make it any worse

[i]But that is becuase I want each of these things done properly[/i]

Never a truer word written.

I'm the same.

Why would someone not WANT to be able to cut something properly?

Pfft, I refuse to subscribe to your slicing fascism! Freestyle slicing all the way!

I can't use regular serrated knives unless I have a sudden desire for triangular food.

If you know it's going to be triangular when you try to cut straight, why don't you just compensate by trying to cut triangular? It'll probably come out straight then and you won't need any of this left handed pencil nonsense!

A friend of ours would refuses to watch my leftie wife cut a loaf because it disturbed her. She asked me to do it, so I cut it left handed (I'm right handed)

and as for baked potatoes

Everyone knows you cut it to expose it's largest open surface, better for eating and it sits well on the plate.

You can get left handed pencils? Where, how much?
I'm saving up for a left handed screwdriver....

I was somewhat disappointed when I and her precious grandkids couldn't have chocolatey toast for breakfast

Chocolate on toast is wrong anyway. Very wrong. She knew this.

Marmalade only please. Unless it's not for breakfast then jam or beans is passable.

Tsk.

Marmalade only please. Unless it's not for breakfast then jam or beans is passable.

p.s I can cut bread but we get rye so it's firmer / easier than normal bread.