[Closed] what's the most stupid/idiotic thing you've done whilst intoxicated?

too many to mention, seriously.

Once when very of my face on coke I was waiting for a mate next to a church field at about 4am. I had some on me, and was paranoid about being stopped by the police, so I sat under a tiny, newly planted pine christmassy type tree in the middle of the field and ripped the branhes off to 'camouflauge' myself.

me and a mate climbed to the top of the warehouse racking while wasted on gin. three storey warehouse. we danced on the boxes then swung from the roof beams. still gives me a chill if i look at it these days...

got married

I did a spectacular stage dive at last years Big Bike Bash on the Saturday night after a few beers.

Unfortunately this wasn't followed by crowd surfing, I just hit the ground hard and dislocated both shoulders.

The rest of the weekend was quite painful and it was Tuesday before I could get to a hospital for proper drugs.

Got naked in my mates girlfriends garage on her birthday. In December. Wasn't particularly flattering, as you can imagine.

Not a lot - i've led a very sheltered life 😕

Buried a cocktail stick in a strangers ar$e?

20th birthday. After having my shirt torn off me and thrown in the open fire by admittedly well-meaning Skye pub regulars (it [i]was[/i] very ugly), tried to put it back on. While it was on fire.

Then fell asleep in a ditch on the way back to the bothy.

Got very, very drunk one night with my ex-g/f and and wandered stark naked into her mum's bedroom.

Twice.

Michelle, we don't talk anymore.

I once attempted to do a trick i had never managed on a BMX as a child, on a mountain bike. As a pissed up adult.
I landed on my face.
I also forgot what time i was supposed to meet my GFs train.(Same day).
So turned up at the train station dragging my bike behind me with blood streaming down my face, shrugged it off as just a scratch and then suggested we go to the nearby pub for "lashings of ale".

I was not allowed lashings of ale and was promtly taken home.

Wrestled a Turkish Cypriot soldier to the ground and took the magazine off his rifle!

After at least half a litre of smirnoff blue in a couple of hours pulled the emergency stop on an Edinburgh to Glasgow train, TWICE, then threw up all over the carriage. We split up to avoid getting arrested by the BTP on arrival in Glasgow Queen St. Then lost my mate who i was with (smilar state) wandered around glasgow for a couple of hours trying to find him and didn't get hold of him until the next day. How we didn't get taken to the cells I dont know.
The guard realised we were completely out of it and chose to let us go I think.

Fell of a (small )cliff going thru a tree on the way down - bumped and bruised but it took a while to find my way back out.

also arrested for street surfing on the roof of a car in hicksvile australia

I'm not even going to tell you because you probably wouldn't believe half of it and I'm certainly not proud of most of it anymore.
However, probably most of the best laughs I've had and birds (inc wife) pulled etc have been whilst pished and so have 90% of the total f#ck ups I've made in my life.
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

I'm from Scotland BTW 😯

I once attempted to do a trick i had never managed on a BMX as a child, on a mountain bike. As a pissed up adult.

Well, you know what they say. Skids are for kids.

Mine was after a colleagues leaving drinks a good few years ago now.

6 pints of stella then went through the entire cocktail shots menu (all 16 of them). I thought it would be a good idea to have a race with a couple of mates and I managed to down them all in 31 seconds. Shortly after I don't remember a thing but apparently done half the menu again and another pint of stella.

I got thrown out for having a 'play fight' with a mate then ended up with a mate and his missus hailing a cab for us. I got about a mile and a half away from my house and had to ask the cab driver to pull over so that I could puke. I got out and he drove off so I ended up walking the rest of the way. I really can't remember what happened after this but I woke up at the bottom of a 10ft wall in the local library garden covered in blood (broken nose - I must have landed on my face) and with several missed calls on my mobile. Luckily a mate managed to decipher a phone call from me and had come to find me and took me home.

I've never been that drunk ever again, was scary to think what could have happened.

for me its either:

my 18th where my parents took the carpets up and opened up the house to about 120+ teenagers, encouraged me to 'down' the many drinks they had lined up in the kitchen...

my memories of the night consist of crawling up the stairs from the kitchen, somehow arriving in the loft (converted) and being comforted by several kindly young ladies whilst i threw up out the skylight down the roof, getting a blow-job from an ex whilst her current (and much stronger/bigger) boyfriend was downstairs, mum walking around making toast for all the stoned teenagers at 4am, deciding to go to bed at 6:45am on the office floor then waking up at 6:52am feeling fine and deciding its time to clean the house up haha.

or:

well out of the other examples i could put here i dont really want to admit them online.. or to anyone apart from the people involved at the time! 😳

Buried a cocktail stick in a strangers ar$e?

I read that as cocktail [i]sausage[/i]

Drunk and after a gig we re-coned some roadworks then watched all the traffic leaving the gig getting confused as they were directed down someone's drive.

Managed to throw up in 3 cabs on the way home once, a £20 journey cost me the best part of £100 that night.

Skinny dipped at a beach in Newquay...only to turn away from the sea and see lots of people in the restaurant on the beach looking at us.

Rode home from uni one night absolutely hammered. Can't remember anything about the ride but do remeber waking up to see that I had left the front door open with my bike only have in it.

Lots that I can't ever divulge. But from the collection of more repeatable drunken fluff ups I can add:

Snorting lines of wasabi and daves insanity sauce

And piercing my own perineum

Snorting lines of wasabi and daves insanity sauce

we went through a phase of doing that at school... my best mate at the time Rick was an expert and being eager to please would snort anything we put in front of him

philconsequence: Your parents sound legendary!

Or it could've been some sinister plot to get you to drink so much that you never wanted to drink again?

also a football trip to York springs to mind. 3 days of boozing (that included a vey successful saturday at the races) climaxed in a coachride back to newcastle on sunday evening. I had previously spent 30 quid on two bottle of red wine to drink on the way home. i opened the first one and poured it over my head, opened the second one and poured it down my trousers. we had a comfort break on the way back, in a field, where a couple of the lads stripped me naked and disposed of my clothes. I then had to walk through the streets of a newcastle suburb totally naked. The best way to do this I decided was to knock on peoples windows (it was about midnight) and when they pulled back the curtains tI shouted "LOOK AT ME I'M NAKED" I then got home and smashed my mobile up.

Threw up all over some girls living room (house party) whilst everyone else was asleep. Decided I didn't want to be in that room any more so went and slept in my car then drove home the next day hopefully before anyone woke up and found the damage. It's great because nobody knows who did it and I really don't like that girl. It's also the only time I've ever been sick from drinking - never having cheap white rum again 😯

Got involved in a fight in a club in Liverpool which I forget the name of now. Getting involved in a fight wasn't unusual or particularly stupid in those days but in this one the bouncers were hells angels. I knew the reputation of the place but I guess since we were regulars we got used to things and forgot. Me and the other lad were outside very quickly and being shown the business end of a machete. I got the picture.

Got naked in my mates girlfriends garage on her birthday. In December. Wasn't particularly flattering, as you can imagine.

Well, you know what they say. Skids are for kids.

Also traversed the entire span of the suspension bridge in chester hand over hand no feet allowed whilst very drunk in full goth regalia including a vintage frock coat which would absorbed the entire river dee if I'd have gone swimming. The lost boys has a lot to answer for

afro... not going to lie, as a teenager i couldn't have asked for better parents. no rules other than "if you're going to do something, make sure its an informed decision" which meant i had nothing to rebel against, thus negating the need to try silly substances or go off the rails.

dad thought it was hilarious to make me down a pint of (3 years out of date) guinness which contributed to the throwing up more than anything else that night. a load of people from basingstoke crashed that party and however many years later one of those guys is one of my best friends. 🙂

Does anyone else wake up after a night out boozing with the thought that you're sure you did something ridiculously stupid but you can't remember what it was?

Went to Austria.

Does anyone else wake up after a night out boozing with the thought that you're sure you did something ridiculously stupid but you can't remember what it was?

chances are they're still locked in the bathroom trying to work out how to open the door if they're that stupid 😉

I'm not sure I should be mixing with you lot any more you all sound terribly uncouth..... 😉

[s]I of course haven't done anything at all[/s]....

I haven't been caught doing anything.... same thing

The night I was the meat in a TSY and philconsequence sandwich. Still seeing a therapist.

The night I was the meat in a TSY and philconsequence sandwich. Still seeing the rapist.

we on for sat night darling? 😉

Missed the last coach out of London back to Bournemouth, me and my then gf were wasted and arguing, security called the Police i threatened the Police and got banged up in Belgravia police station for the night 🙄

I was scared shitless.

Not many people know that.

Still seeing a therapist

Is TSY the therapist or is it phil?

whilst trying to impress a girl i was dressed as Bungle (Rainbow), got too drunk and was carried out of the pub, by two nuns, Goldilocks and a giant egg.

whilst trying to impress a girl i was dressed as Bungle (Rainbow), got too drunk and was carried out of the pub, by two nuns, Goldilocks and a giant egg.

Genuine lol

Tried to pick a fight with four US Marines over a girl. Well, two actually wanted to fight the other two were holding them back, no amount of goading would cause them to let go, impressive restraint! On the same night I got hit by a moped and fell asleep leaning face first against a tree. Happy Days!

Run naked through the welsh countryside, doing a steeple chase event over dry stone walls and streams, then got locked out of the hut for about twenty minutes 'till we could get someone to let us in. It was February.

Took a horse from a bit of scrubland and brought it back to my mates house, kept it in the garden overnight then took it back again once sober.

I once woke up on a building site in Germany. At the time I was completely under the impression it was a similar looking building site in Dundee. Not sure how I got there and didn't really have any money. It's very strange when you walk into the street and findng out you're Abroad, but can't be much more specific than that. I'm sure a ferry was involved, I remember an epic street party and a fight (in both cases the people involved were speaking Foreign and the time I couldn't speak Foreign and it's all a bit vague so I'm not sure if it was the same dialect of Foreign), but unusually, no bruises on me. Had to get a job to get money to get home, not so very easy when you're 17, have no trades or skills and don't speak the language.

Fortunately, there are no skills involved in shoveling horsesht fora couple of weeks.

..and you should try trying to explain to people that you need a pee and where are the toilets when you've just slept on a building site with no idea where you are and very little confidence in who you are

passport - is that me? naaaaaahhhh, he looks like he knows how use a comb and a razor

Mine is horrible and I am deeply ashamed.

Back in my clubbing days and after both a Friday and Saturday night out, we attended an all nighter in Warrington on the Suday night. Must have been getting on for 48hrs with no sleep, we decided that ketamine laced E's would be just the ticket.

I have no recollection of the night, only emerging dazed from the club and trying to find the van, during this search, we took a couple more (I think they were called Flatliners). We found the van and set off back to Blackpool. Me and my mate were equally wasted, we gave a lift to another mate,we we had met outside the club and was relatively ok. I have no further recollection of the trip home other than reversing the wreckage of the van out of a bus stop 200 yards from my girlfriends house. Wrote the van off.

On later asking the lad we took home what had happened, he said that during that journey from Warrington to Blackpool, he had made his peace with the world and was ready for death, which he was convinced would have come, such was my wasted state.

That unhappy trip instantly ended my role a chauffer for weekend activities. I could have killed hundreds. Proper shook me up and signalled the start of me cleaning myself up and ultimately stopping going out to raves and clubs. Never been near a vehicle intoxicated since.

Deeply ashamed.

Woke up by the side of a lake with a sailing boat (presumably 'borrowed' earlier from the sailing club on the other side of said lake) moored next to us. None of us have any recollection of sailing it across a lake, but we clearly did. None of us had ever sailed before. Amazingly, nobody drowned

Oh to be young and stupid

Lap of the TT course, sat facing backward on the pillion of Kwak 750 Turbo, alternately laughing, screaming and crying with fear.

Climbed on stage and dived into the crowd at a Ramones gig .

Helped a bloke break into the Spa in Crumpsall one night after stopping to ask him why he was on the roof.

A mate of mine climbed Snowdon on millenium night, pissed as a fart intending to let off a load of fireworks, only to realise on the summit that she'd left her lighter behind.

Blimey I've never lived!! 🙁

OK, I've thought of one...

When staying at my Dad's in Italy at around 19, me and him went out for a few drinks with some of his business associates. Got a little drunk and he decided that rather than walk back from the bar we'd drive back, after an hour or so driving around Milan we found a parking space and walked the rest of the way back to his apartment.

I was woken up in the morning by my Dad asking me if I could remember where we'd put the car. A few days later we found it further away from his apartment than the bar, and poorly parked next to a 24hr street bar.

I can only assume we found a place to put it and then had some more drinks before walking to his apartment.

But remember, drink driving is bad.

Climbing up the outside of a two storey house in London, trying to get in through the upstairs window, losing my grip, falling 20 ft or so, narrowly missing the spiked iron railings, bouncing off a large bush in the garden and through a plate glass bay window, landing squarely in the middle of the carpet, covered in branches and broken glass at 3 am. Not one scratch on me. Wasn't even my house.

Running skyclad down a large Cumbrian hill at midnight, only losing my balance and falling into a large patch or gorse. Took two weeks to get all the thorns out.

Making home made fireworks and accidentally blowing the guttering off the roof.

Lots more fights, broken glass, blood, a few tears, sticky fingers and hazy memories. Life as a responsible adult now seems very dull in comparison.

Not me, but a mate from Uni. Was on holiday on a boat with his GF and her family, sailing round the Virgin Islands. Went ashore for a night out to see a reggae band at a local pub. Witnesses say he was very inebriated. 'Borrowed' a little boat with an outboard to get back to the yacht, moored about a half mile offshore. He was never seen again. Turns out the boat had a faulty engine and was waiting to be repaired.

Devastating.

Me, I've never done much while drunk aside from snog some howlers and puke in some rather public places, but I'm still alive, and for that I'm very grateful.

Thought of another one...

Me and a few friends at uni (Farmer Dave, Dangerous Dave and Mike) walking home drunk and noticed a light on and music coming out of a window in a house at about 4am.

We decided to gatecrash the party and began climbing through the window.

I stood on the bed and woke the guy in it (who had fallen asleep while listening to music presumably)...he was a little surprised and demanded to know who we were.

We staggered off laughing as him and his housemates 'saw us off'.

This was after being rejected from gatecrashing another party further down the street...apparently they didn't know anyone called Steve who we assured them said we were invited.

BigButSlimmerBloke - if true, that really is legendary.. not even knowing what country you're in!

Most embarrassing involves a lady and a room of (sleeping) friends.
Probably most dangerous involved trying to work out if I could jump off my motorbike, have a slash, and then jump back on the still upright bike before it fell. Needless to say there was a huge fail. As momentum was lost the bike keeled over trapping my left foot on the floor. Lifting it was somewhat problematic but achieved in the end. Seconds after righting the bike and moving to the edge of the road a car came screaming round the bend and right over the spot I had been lying seconds earlier!
Thrown down some nightclub steps and through the window of a waiting taxi.
And many, many more which I can't remember.

The most recent, buying bizare stuff on ebay!

Set fire to my hair (went up quicker than I thought it would).

Tried to jump out of a moving car and hit the ground running (harder than I expected).

Both when under 18.

Far too many examples I could list, but an early one was getting in the back of a Police car thinking it was a taxi, aged 17 and very drunk.

Set fire to my hair

Cha****ng. Yip. Done that one too, when falling down a ditch at Glastonbury carrying a huge flare

Oh god, I've just remembered another one. We decided to turn all the furniture in my mates hotel room upside down (like you do) while we were on a skiing holiday in Austria. We gained access to his room by Jumping from one balcony to another all the way along the hotel, four stories up. All while absolutely leathered.

Both when under 18 too. I'm amazed I lived to see 20

the missus

I saw some French white trash types in a campsite once doing their hair early evening in the toilet block - smoking, and using copious amounts of hairspray.

Not long after there was a lot of screaming, running about and slapping of head.

In my student days, once woke up after a night out to find a complete set of temporary traffic lights in the living room of our second floor flat. Now that has got to be one better than the standard traffic cone/ road sign beer trophy. No idea how they got there.

The following week the university had a traffic cone/sign ammensty so when we rocked up with the a complete set of temporary traffic lights they looked less than impressed.

was taking a young lady back to my flat after meeting her in a nightclub, she went to shop to get cigarettes, I had a moment of clarity and remembered that I lived with my girlfriend so i did what any man would do and legged it

we did end up going out for a while a few months later, not sure how i explained it away.........

Were the lights working? Did you nick the genny too?

The original Big Bike Bash was actually the Singletrack southern festival and was held in my back garden.

that started after 8 big Leffe and about 6 little duval with me posting an invite to a free weekend party in my back garden with free beer and food

Turned out okay though

your mama..
seriously..?
we would need to build a whole new internet to catalogue it all..

one of the more entertaining that I can recall off-hand.. was losing all my clothes barring a pair of ancient threadbare briefs before getting painted head to toe in a veritable riot of dayglo paint.. and then much to my surprise.. being invited onto the second stage at reading festival to dance for the duration of the headline act's set as a sort of Bez style mascot..

or perhaps eating a quarter of skunk then trainhopping around the country without a penny in my pocket until I eventually arrived in Brighton.. where I gave away all my worldly posessions (wallet.. driving licence.. shoes and coat..) to some french students before spending the weekend bumming around the beach smoking crack and drinking white lightening.. only to end up early on sunday afternoon back at the communal squat of some fundamentalist musical vegan religious sect where I broke their mixing desk and tried to steal a guitar.. I nearly got stabbed later that same evening by a group of homeless that were holding some sort of wake for a recently deceased friend.. after gatecrashing their street party and helping myself to the special brew and bucky..

oh the joys.. 🙄

I have a few I could list but my Brother wins the prize. The story goes...

A few years ago he was at a party hosted by his best mate, he ate handfuls of mushrooms amongst other things and all was going well until my bro really started to lose the plot. He told me he thought he was one of the Sims and that his mates could just reset him if they needed to so he proceeded to go on the rampage. After an hour or so of dancing like an idiot, removing his clothes and making lewd suggestions to men and women alike, he squatted down in the crowded living room and took a shit, right in the middle of the carpet. Then he fell in it. Then he wriggled about in it, wearing only a single sock.

The hosts demanded he cleared up but he was on another planet so they cleared it up, kicked him out and went to bed. BUT, he felt he had to apologise so he kicked their front door down, fought his way past his mate and crawled into bed with said mates missus. He was still not clean, apparently they had to replace the sheets and mattress, but he crawled in anyway and when she went nuts at him he demanded a blowjob. Eventually he was hauled into the street, barricaded out, his mates called my mum who found him dancing in the middle of a roundabout wearing only at shirt and covered in his own mess at 4 in the morning.

After this he actually left the country for 6 months and was eventually forgiven on his return, though I think the mates GF will never really trust him again.

He is a bad man my brother, but he knows how to party.

wonder how many "what goes on on tour, stays on tour" stories are being held back 😆

your brother sounds good.. I'm not mentioning any personal poo stories.. though they would merit a chapter..
or mushroom stories..
or lost plot stories.. 😳

Torminalls - your brother is truly awesome and I'm still laughing uncontrollably a few minutes after reading that.

He does indeed know how to party.

It is very rare I have ever seen him exhibit genuine shame at his antics (and there have been many) but this was one of those times.

Weirdly, my mum was strangely amused but we definitely managed to harden her up over the years.

Two of my mates were arguing shouting at each other in the street, I was shouting at them to calm down but they wouldn't listen. I saw a house brick on the floor and decided to throw it though a car window in order to get their attention. Chucked it and by some freakish miracle it just bounced right back off the window. So surreal that everyone stopped shouting in amazement and we went on our way.

Practicing kung-fu on vending macahines gets you free fanta. This is a good thing. Fleeing the scene via a window, through a muddy flower bed and traipsing foot prints all the way back to your flat is a bad thing. It makes the free fanta end up costing you several hundred pounds.

Chatted to a couple of policemen while on it.

Luckily they didn't search me, or I'd be going away for a while under "possession with intent to supply".

Looking back, it makes everything else I've done under the influence of everything else pale into insignificance.

still laughing.

the poo was the icing on the cake, so to speak

Loving that poo in the room story!

Torminalis - that's absolutely outstanding. How do you cope? Living in the shadow of such greatness 😀

torm has his own stories, ones that his brother is probably writing up over on a forum somewhere 😆

How do you cope? Living in the shadow of such greatness

Not sure really, he is the youngest and definitely the wildest of the three of us. I reassure myself that I trained him well.

Got confused where the toilet was once and tried to wee sat down on the bed. Body was having none of it though an I couldn't go so just fell asleep sat up on the edge of the bed with pants off an a boob hanging out

I think it's a clever use of 'my brother'.

I've got a mate who...

fell asleep sat up on the edge of the bed with pants off an a boob hanging out

first one that made me genuinely laugh out loud.