Forum menu
yes yes I know. There was actually a guy in my class who had a laptop with braille keys and my mind was blown.
Still...I laughed :)!
A couple:
An Irish colleague from college said "So you're gay. Does that mean you have sex with those lesbians then?". He also said "The Chunnel - is it being dug to take boats?"
My mate turned up at college (Bangor) for his first day as PhD student wondering where this enormous place called 'Traeth' was.
In a meeting on cost cutting:
"I sharpen my pencils at both ends so they last longer"
That's quite, quite special. Bless.
As funny as these stories are I would still like a bit more detail on emsz and her friend getting caught out and whether rachel got her torque wrench.
STW the soap!
Actually elf, I was in Canada and the Canadians understood just fine.
Not said to me but cracks me up
Gee Jay
😆 😆
LOLing at these.
Teaboy, that's the sort of conversation my mum has every day!! (she manages a salon)
My boss asked me today- 'what's the name of that actor who is in the More Than Freeman adverts?'
My boss asked me today- 'what's the name of that actor who is in the More Than Freeman adverts?'
Why's that a stupid question? 😕
Her: What out of your Penis?
That would stop me in my tracks, eyes staring, mouth open!
The mind boggles as to what misapprehensions she could have been labouring under. Probably about her bits too!?
My boss asked me today- 'what's the name of that actor who is in the More Than Freeman adverts?'
[url= http://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/advertising/insurance-salesman-whos-created-more-than-an-advert-2211236.html ]The American impressionist Josh Robert Thompson apparently. [/url]
American Tourist in Edinburgh, "It's funny that they built the Castle right in the city centre to make it easy to get too, but then went and built it right at the top of the hill". ❓
Strange indeed......
Once got a message from a colleague: "Someone rang your desk while you were at lunch. Needs you to call back ASAP. Refused to give his name. Said you have his number."
thv3
Thats a good one.
A couple from tourists in Edinburgh
"excuse me - where is the castle?" we were on princes street 🙂 answer - "see that big building on the crag up there?"
During the festival - "can you tell me where the theatre is please?" Edinburgh has half a dozen all year round and dozens more temporary ones in the festival
I've always wondered if we're being subtly trolled by America over the castle/close to station thing. I had it chalked up as an urban myth til I'd had it happen myself.
On a sea kayaking trip in a remote fjord in New Zealand. As we paddled past a waterfall a Welsh female piped up with "Is that a permanent fountain?" 😯 Same person also enquired about the 'axe' that the group leader was paddling with. Er, that's actually called a paddle love.
Six years later I still smile when I see a waterfall.
Anytime anyone says "I told you so.."
F@£$ OFF!
She asked what time the lift closed. I said half two. She looked confused. The guide clarified by saying two thirty. Woman then turned to me and ask why I couldn't speak English properly!.
The Americans have quite a different manner of talking about time. A girl at the bus stop here in the US leant over and wanted to look at my watch to see the time. My watch is in 24hr - it showed, say, 16:45.
Her: What time is that?
In a similar style, saying 'a fortnight' will confuse them. Therefore I use it often 😆
The Americans have quite a different manner of talking about time
Yeah, it's a unit of distance.
Yeah, it's a unit of distance.
Like a parsec?
[img] 
[/img]
I used to work as a tour guide in a distillery. We used to get some intersting questions. Generally though not exclusively from american buds parties.
AFTER explaing how we make alcohol by brewing the wort and then distill th wash to make new spirit i have variously been asked:
So... when do you add the alcohol?
When do you put the shortbread in?
And slightly bizarrely, when do you add the carrots, you know for colour?!
"Can you see through a glass eye?"
.
(whilst walking along a beach, in the tufty grassy bits that grow near the dunes) "It's like walking through a hairy person."
.
And in a really excited voice "LOOK! Cows on a hill!"
Worse for wear in a cafe after a night on the sauce a friend reads aloud from the menu slowly "cheese and mushrooms on toast....." then looks at me puzzled "what's in that?"
Standing outside Waverly station waiting for someone
American tourist "Gee isn;t the castle amazing , such a shame they built it so close to the railway station"
wtf
Another tourist one,
Again in Edinburgh, I was stopped and asked where all the "Scotch" people were?
Turned out the tourist in question thought the only "Scotch" people, were the ones in kilts, preferably playing the bagpipes.
A friend of mine's OH went to the train station. The sign said "front two coaches", so she went and stood outside and waited two hours for a bus... It never came of course... 😯
Got a couple here:
We saw a massive wood pigeon sat on a branch in the garden to which my girlfriend says "Look at the size of that pidgeon, it must be pregnant" - Dont birds lay eggs darling?
Out walking in the winter when there was snow about same said girlfriend came out with "doesnt the snow make those sheep look really dark" - yes that would be because they are black sheep!
She is actually really clever though......
I know someone who wondered why the smallest hand on a watch was called the second hand, not the third hand...
"Wait. When you get stuff dry cleaned, does it get wet?"
Driving along with a riding buddy who really ought not to be allowed out on his own. He's picking my brains about running shoes, knowing that I buy mine from a shop called Achilles' Heel:
"Aye, you really rate that [i]Athlete's Foot[/i] shop, don't you?"
Same guy once referred to 10 at Kirroughtree as "10 Under the Tree".
"Wait. When you get stuff dry cleaned, does it get wet?"
Yes they do get wet. They are immersed and cleaned in a liquid solvent solution. the term "Dry Cleaning" just means the absence of water.
Like a parsec?
Exactly the opposite. Americans use units of time to indicate distance, Han Solo was using a unit of distance to indicate time.
</geek>
When I was about 17 I had a job shelf stacking in Sainsbury's.
Walking through the fruit & veg section one day I was stopped by a rather posh woman who asked "Do these tomatoes have any genetics in them?"
I knew that she meant "are they genetically modified tomatoes?" but the fact that she'd obviously read an article in the Daily Wail and completely failed to grasp any of the finer scientific points amused me no end.
A favourite, probably, apocryphal one:
American 'phones the Tourist Office to ask if the Cotswolds are open on a Sunday.
And one that did happen to me, an American walking down The Backs in Cambridge asking where "The University" was. I think she was just interested in King's College Chapel.
in edinburgh heard an american berate the castle as not that good while looking at the scottish office building
In supermarket one shelf stacker to another " you know , there is actually no cheese in a cheese cake"
Abergavenny yesterday in a cafe - "Do you want milk with your black coffee"!!
in edinburgh heard an american berate the castle as not that good while looking at the scottish office building
Likewise I've seen, more than once, Americans stood on North Bridge talking about how lovely the castle is while taking photos of [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calton_Hill ]Calton Hill[/url].
[i]iiiiiittt's behiiind yoooou![/i]
Abergavenny yesterday in a cafe - "Do you want milk with your black coffee"!!
I was somewhere recently and asked for a black coffee, as a very thoughtful gesture the waiter/ress put a little milk carton (buggered if I know what they're called) on the saucer, just in case I changed my mind, I imagine.
[i]Americans use units of time to indicate distance[/i]
Still? I thought that was when they travelled by horse
"It's 2 days to the next town. Spit"
Americans use units of time to indicate distance
And London bobbies at Christmas.
Q: How far to Harrods?
A: About 20 mins.
Q: 20 mins?
A. Yes, it's only 200metres but will take about 20 mins to get there.
Oh.
Still? I thought that was when they travelled by horse
😀
It really threw me when I was there.
"How far is it to the mall?"
"Oh, about 45 minutes."
"Yes, but how [i]far[/i] is it?"
*puzzled looks* "About 45 minutes!"
Absolutely no concept of the actual distance, and utterly perplexed as to why anyone would ever want to know or care. Which makes some sort of sense I guess.
1. My sister in law is a school teacher
She had never heard of the dalai lama and said "are you saying Dilemma?"
2. Me and the Mrs went looking for a new car and I always try as be informed as possible.
Salesman: What type of car are you looking for?
The mrs: a turbo-deedle
I think we all did a little wee at tghe 2nd one
turbo-deedle
uncontrolled squeak of mirth just rang around the office.