[Closed] Wedding list - whats the score

if your not to worried about getting presents/cash ask for donations to a charity? my mate had this at his wedding recently. (help for heros)

just a thought

[EDIT] you could ask for thomas cook vouchers [url= http://www.thomascook.com/holiday-extras/travel-vouchers/ ]LINKY[/url] [/EDIT]

we asked for vouchers from trailfinders and argos, meant could get what we needed and not be tied to toasters etc.

John Lewis vouchers? I suspect they're the best in terms of noit voiding vouchers after a period of time / likelihood of going bust. I'd avoid Argos vouchers as they don't sell a great range of stuff (there's plenty of range, but the items in the range aren't great).

To be honest I'd try and avoid vouchers wherever possible, but I doubt you'll get people to hand over cash 😆

Mate in similar situation set up a "tandem fund".

Might as well ask for what you want - as you say, otherwise you'll end up with no end of toss as folk feel obliged.

The obvious solution is to get people to put money towards the honeymoon - has anyone got any experience (good or bad) of this?

We did also have a small gift list with WrapIt (now defunct) for those who didn't want to pay towards the honeymoon.

It worked for us.

EDIT: The one good thing about WrapIt was they price-matched all major stores (including John Lewis) and you could actually choose from anythign in those stores too - WrapIt simply had your money then went out and bought them at discounted rates. It was great going home to big boxes of things to open 🙂

Argos ay classy.

We renewed items we already had with a list from a big department store, and got special things like Denby items and asked people who weren't sure what to get for vouchers for the same store.

We had a wedding list @ John lewis for the "regular" folks, and another at Sideways Cycles for the bikers. The Park tool workstand that came from the latter list has seen far more use than anything from John Lewis, some of the stuff from John Lewis has never been out of it's packaging!

I've no intention of getting married again, so I should STFU, but if I was doing it again in circumstances other than genuine poverty I would thank people for taking a day off, travelling a significant distance, staying overnight and attending a so-so party in new outfits because I'd asked them to, and then just leave it at that. At the high point of my wedding-going a couple of years ago, each wedding I went to was costing me about £400 all in. 🙂

same boat here

We've just said if anybody wants to get us anything,
contributions to our honeymoon will be great.
we might get cash, cheques, bank transfers, travellers cheques
this list companies tie you in to certain things and take a %££
a couple of friends have done this in the past too, seemed to work OK for all of them

We asked for vouchers - Argos et al, had people giving us M&S etc "because they're not Argos". FFS, you can't buy power tools & cheap flat pack at M&fückingS can you, you knobs!!!!!

No wonder I didn't get any DIY projects done for about 2 years after getting married. We ended up selling the M&S vouchers to M&S mad sister in law.

If you ask for vouchers from a specific store, explain why, or ask for cash.

same here too - i've found out that a wedding list at chainreaction is not acceptable to both parties. 🙂

we are thinking of setting up something charitable - would feel wrong using the tradition of setting the couple up in their new home as we're fairly sorted for most stuff we need.

mastiles_fanylion

we're doing the tables in a similar honeymoon theme too, country's we'll be visiting

I like the thank you cards being honeymoon photo's too,
might do that once we're back

All the weddings i've been to recently (involving people in long term relationships who already lived together ) have specified your presence not presents. I think asking for anything else is a bit vulgar to be honest.

Do you have a decent dinner service? Could ask everyone to get a plate or a teapot...

We used this website to ask for what we wanted;

[url= http://www.whattogive.com/ ]What to Give[/url]

It's free and allows you to ask for wat you want, but doesn't tie people into getting it from a certain place. Had a few friends used it since too.

Could ask everyone to get a plate or a teapot...

[i]your presence not presents[/i]

Lovely. Like that. 🙂

Ebygomm & BigDummy have it right.

Depending on where you are, we asked for vouchers for Meadow Hall (big shopping ctr near Sheffield). They have loads of shops in there including major department stores and travel agents. People were happy giving them as we needed a new telly so put some toward that. That way you can buy the bigger things you want and people dont get put off by you asking for hard cash (we did that though for direct family and close friends!!)

we obviously all cant be as high class as Drac, but even I have a limit to the amount of ultimate mash can put away. And as said above, M&S range of power tools and flatpack quite limited.

Ebygomm & BigDummy have it right.

I like to buy presents for people and would probably ignore a request not to buy a present (although if they specify a donation to a specific charity I would do that of course).

In the past I've actually refused to go to a wedding when the wonderful weding list was sent out - nothing below £250 (unsurprisingly from a trust fund son).
However, most of the weddings I've been to recently have just said we wanted to share our day with our friends and family and are pleased that you could come. Anything else is a bonus and not expected from any of the guests - except dancing :o(
If we do ever do the thing we'd do something similar except that some of the more elderly friends and relatives prefer to have given something concrete and for them we would provide a simple wedding list with things that they can relate to which we would not ordinarily buy but would use if we did have.

One thing i'd like to avoid is telling people that they need to buy us something from a list in John Lewis... Maybe it makes me a bit pikey, but I'm yet to buy anything from there as there always appears to be a better value option available.

I've no problem with people not giving presents, but I know a lot of people feel its the 'done' thing, and frankly anything that can lessen the expense is fine by me. Sounds like there isn't a clever solution that doesn't involve vouchers - may well be trail finders then...

PS. I suggested a CRC wedding list. It was met with a stoney stare. 😆

IME folk who express a desire to buy wedding presents tend not to like buying vouchers.

...which we would not ordinarily buy but would use if we did have.

A novelty bottle opener?

IME folk who express a desire to buy wedding presents tend not to like buying vouchers.

If we went with a company like Trailfinders, it'd be 'contribute to our honeymoon' rather than just 'give us cash/vouchers'. More or less offensive? This appears to be a minefield!

Wedding lists at John Lewis are effectively the same as buying vouchers, albeit for very specific amounts. They let some friends of mine swap stuff around so that they could buy whatever they actually wanted on the list rather than what people had purchased. It allows you to get the full set of crockery without having to buy that extra single saucer and soup bowl yourself.

On another note, given that the whole wedding present thing was originally to help set up a new home, and in your case you don't need this, why not just go for no presents/charity donations. Were I to get married that's probably what I'd do.

One thing i'd like to avoid is telling people that they need to buy us something from a list in John Lewis... Maybe it makes me a bit pikey, but I'm yet to buy anything from there as there always appears to be a better value option available.

JL stuff is often the best value around. Anything they sell that other people do (and that's one to watch out for - some stuff is a subtly different model) is price matched.

On another note, given that the whole wedding present thing was originally to help set up a new home, and in your case you don't need this, why not just go for no presents/charity donations. Were I to get married that's probably what I'd do.

Fair enough, our situation is different - we're saving for a deposit for a family home (as opposed to my pokey flat) so any contributions that lessen the impact of the wedding (which is horrifically expensive despite me being tight about everything) will be welcome.

We are getting married on the 28th August personally we are not even mentioning presents all seems rather vulgar we just hope all our guests turn up. If you have home already there is not much you need from anyone just my personally thought of course do what you feel.

I think you find most people spend a lot getting to weddings with clothing costs and even travel in some cases.

Wedding lists are the height of vulgarity, imo. A mate of mine got married a few years ago, they had a John Lewis wedding list. On it were all sorts of poncy useless things (his wife is a snob with no taste). Crystal wine glasses and other ostentatious tat. Oh, and a 32" LCD TV, at something like £600. Get ****ed.

My mate told a few of us, in confidence, not to bother as it was his wife's idea entirely and he was actually quite embarrassed about it. It was more to do with impressing her fathers friends ('oh, if they can have a JL list, then their friends must be decent, upstanding 'successful' types'...). I think I got him a packet of rollie baccy or something.

We had to travel up to some Godforsaken Northern town, stay in a ****ing TravelodgeInn, the only booze was cheap wine and Stella (for the riff-raff; that was her father's idea of 'beer'), and there was hardly any ****ing grub! And it was only the reception, as they had a small ceremony with immediate family only.

Nah, none of that bollocks. Registry office, Go-Karting and a proper knees-up later on. Much more fun!

the problem with this whole situation is that tradition doesn't dictate what you should receive as a wedding present anymore and therefore you are at the mercy of the opinions of the congregation which, as refelected above, are diverse
.
in the end, just ask for what you need (want), you'll inevitably upset someone, but **** it, it's your wedding day and they'll get over it 😀

Balls to all this mincing around, my wedding is costing the in-laws a fortune 😉

We have asked in a round about way (It’s contained in a vomit inducing rhyme that was sent out with the invites) for people to consider contributing to our honeymoon fund.

Plus we’re putting on a free bar FFS.

I do however consider it bad form to ask for donations from people only attending the evening-do.

Show me the money.

Actually, thinking about it, what I would like were I foolish enough to ever forsake all others:

I'd ask everyone invited if they could give us a small thing they'd found whilst travelling; a pebble or shell from a beach, little tacky nick-nack souvenirs, key-rings, coins, bar mats, rail tickets- that sort of thing. With a description of each. Then, mount all the items in a large frame, with little labels identifying them, and bung it up on a wall.

Yeah, I'd quite like that. I'd ask for the World, and get it! 😀

I'd give you a dog turd wrapped up in a pretty pink bow

I'm with Talkemada on this one. Height of vulgarity indeed.

Call me a bitter old spinster but I hate weddings, I hate going to them and I hate shelling out constantly for getting to the wedding, wearing something nice and staying in a hotel, presents are just the last straw, especially when the poxy list has nothing under £50 left.

I wouldn't go to any weddings but don't want to lose any friends, people take this kind of thing to heart sadly.

If somebody gives me a present I smile nicely, accept it graciously, and it it doesn't suit me I regift it.

When it comes to the present I look at about how much I reckon they are spending on the free dinner and drinks I will get, and buy them something I think they will like.

Bah humbug.

Actually I put that badly, I like the actual wedding ceremony part and if I could get away with it would just go to that. Its the reception I hate.

Oh, and a 32" LCD TV, at something like £600

We ended up with a 'John Lewis' gift list, because close family and friends kept asking us what we wanted.
I had very small things on the list, e.g. a vegetable peeler, or a salad server.

I.M.O it is vulgar to ask for money, honeymoon or no - sorry.

I'd give you a dog turd wrapped up in a pretty pink bow

I'd get it and mash it into your face, and some of it would go in your mouth and you'd swallow it and then be violently ill and lose 2 stone.

How about that one then, eh? Eh? 👿

😀
was it the pretty pink bow?

We were in a similar position although we ha da tiny wedding for immediate family only and then a bit of a knees up for friends/family etc. Everyone wanted to buy us something but we had a great excuse - we had to fly back to NZ and couldn;t carry anything. SO we thought we got away with it - however we ended up with 10 grand in cash/cheques which was absolutely outrageous really. Gave half to charity and I spunked the other half on a Tallboy while the wife wasn;t looking 8)

Wedding lists are the height of vulgarity

I agree, it just seems rude to me. She didn't. So I had to spend a whole day traipsing round John lewis and all I got to choose for the list was a cordless screwdriver. What a load of bollocks.

No to lists, no to presents. We were grateful that our friends had dragged themselves across the country so to ask them for frippery would have seemed obscene. And we had paid for the wedding ourselves without family help & did not have the cash for a honeymoon. Taking a tradition designed to help youngsters set up a home and pervert it to supply unfettered consumerism is morally bankrupt. Be grateful your friends took the trouble to turn up and leave it at that.

Friend of mine got married in France (I was bridesmaid) but what was good was the weekend of the wedding they also have the village fete with lots of knick knack stalls and stuff, in the wedding invite they sellotaped a 2 euro coin and asked every to buy them a gift from the knick knack stalls for max 2 euros, then after dinner at the reception they would annouce the winners and people would get prizes. It was great there were sentimental stuff that the older generation bought like a battered old oil lamp symbolising the eternal flame, there was a book of the Karma Sutra, a penis salt and pepper set and we won a prize with the his and hers matching fake Ferrari watches in an authentic Chinese style box! Oh and I forgot the moose head.... we still don't believe someone spent 2 euros on it!
But it was fantastic, they gave out bottles of wine to various winning categories! Awesome do, one of THE best weddings I have been to!

Do not ask for cash I think it's offensive IMO. If you feel you have to ask for something then have the balls to put a wedding list together and do that instead.

So I had to spend a whole day traipsing round John lewis and all I got to choose for the list was a cordless screwdriver. What a load of bollocks.

Heh! You sound somewhat bitter, Greatape! 😆

The problem with bleating about the height of vulgarity is that vast numbers of guests have no taste whatsoever, and it's really heartbreaking when people act in good faith but don't know what to get so waste their hard-earned money on stuff that won't actually be used. It would have been much better if they'd kept their money for themselves than giving it to Mr Gift Shoppe.

The fact is that *some* people want to buy gifts and if you don't give them a clear idea of what you want, they'll have to make their best guess, which is usually wrong, which is like asking them to throw their money away. Even if you say "don't give us anything" people will want to.

You need to make sure that people don't feel awkward if they're broke or don't feel like splashing out, so make sure there's a lot of stuff at the 10-50 quid mark. No problem in putting bike bits, tools, flatpack, whatever on. No point in putting a ****in telly on - no-one will buy it and you'll look like a ****. Make sure you do it at a shop which has a flexible returns policy and that you can get eBayable gift cards (usually get 80-90% of face value).

I don't think it's offensive to ask for cash (and in some cultures - not English - it's traditional just to give an envelope instead of fannying about with toasters) or to give cash. I've been to a couple of weddings where I flew in, had no idea what to give them bc I hadn't seen them in a while, and just gave an envelope. They were just as grateful as if I'd got them something - at least it will be useful to them (esp considering how expensive weddings are).

I actually got a whistling kettle as a birthday gift of the mate I mentioned earlier. It was an unwanted wedding gift of theirs. Something that wasn't on the JL list. Mind you, it was from her, as he's from Yorkshire and therefore wouldn't get me owt anyway. I suppose I should see it as a nice gesture, and be grateful, but in truth it was just a way for her to get rid of a bit of tat that she didn't want, and avoid spending any money. Piece of junk broke after 2 uses anyway, and got lobbed.

Do not ask for cash I think its offensive IMO. If you feel you have to ask for something then have the balls to put a wedding list together and do that instead.

What? How precious and delicate can you be to find the ‘invitation’ for money as offensive – a bit strong, no? Would this upsetting of your sensibilities be so grievous to you that you would actually take OFFENCE at someone who considers you such a friend that they would invite to their wedding? As far as balls and wedding lists go, what if people simply don’t want gifts as they have enough bed sheets and saucepans (forgive my lack of imagination). What difference does it make?

Chill out.