[Closed] Walking into dodgy pubs - etiquette?

As long as you don't mention the pentagram on the wall, it will be [i]fine[/i]. What's the worst that could happen?

just tell them you're a middle class cyclist with ideas above his station.. I'm sure they'll understand.

Who's to say they're not generic office people who've taken the week off for half term ?

Just ask yourself, "what would Begbie do" and act accordingly.

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Everyday occurrence in the Weedge! You get used to it.

Stab in the dark. Are you in Salford?

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Sorry. Should I not have used the word [i]stab[/i]?

Straight up to the bar and ask for a bacardi & coke. Isn't that what you and Hora normally do? 🙂

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I try and avoid ones with a long list of 'live matches' scrawled on a rotten A-board!

Hmm, my first rule of pubs is; Never enter a flat roofed pump!
This has served me well over the years.

'perfumed ponce'

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They're not all bad Jeff - this one's a cracker 🙂

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Used to be my local, that, Bregante. Salford 6 I can deal with. I'm in Rawtenstall. It's more of a 'Deliverence' type of scary! 😯

if you have tapped this out on your eye wateringly expensive fondleslab while peering around, i suspect you are currently resting your chin on the urinal with your pockets freed from the weight of your cash and cards.

once you are through the door, crack on.

would you rather be the roughest person in the nice pub, or the nicest person in the rough pub.

Don't forget the "heart condition I may die" get out clause.

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Hmm, my first rule of pubs is; Never enter a flat roofed pump!
This has served me well over the years.

This has also served me well.

Well, not the pump bit, that's just odd.

birky beat me to it

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Used to be my local, that, Bregante. Salford 6 I can deal with. I'm in Rawtenstall. It's more of a 'Deliverence' type of scary!

You made me miss. I've never missed that board before.

Hmm, my first rule of pubs is; Never enter a flat roofed pump!
This has served me well over the years.

This one is a particular favourite

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Never ever had a problem because I'm quite a grey character/I blend in and that included walking into a ragga club in Brixton near midnight and dancing our socks off- we got laughed at etc.

They can also smell that I have no money on me so not worth mugging 😀

This has also served me well.

Well, not the pump bit, that's just odd.

Ah, typing tourettes. I am in the pump business so I blame muscle memory on the keyboard.

They can also smell that I have no money on me

It's not the smell, it's your hard faced refusal to get a round in.

This used to be the pub nearest my work, had a leaving do there.

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The flat roof pub thing is interesting, it is generally a good rule of thumb. Glasgow has a lot of these, apparently they're a hang over from when they demolished a lot of the old housing but weren't allowed to demolish the pubs which were often the ground floor. So they've ended up as free standing remnants of the old area. The Stanley Bar has a few old boys who still drank there as it used to be their local before all the houses in area got demolished.

Well I made it out alive! And un-bummed! Literally and metaphorically!

£2.60 for a pint of Kronenberg! Difficult to see how they could do it and still finance the elaborate decor

ask for a soy flat white and the wifi password

It's not the smell, it's your hard faced refusal to get a round in.

When I'm mugged I find I've got magically got the thieves money in my pocket.

Ask if they do Tapas

Can't have been that bad binners if it was selling kronenberg and not Tennents Super.

The flat roof thing is generally a good guide around more rural areas like North Wilts, as they're almost inevitably cheerless, soulless places built in the 60's for new housing estates, and characterised by large TV screens featuring 'Sky Sports all day', gassy lager, and bar snacks.
Oddly enough, three that spring to mind locally all have bird names, The Kingfisher in Chippenham, The Mallard in Lyneham, and the Jenny Wren in Calne.
The 'Fisher isn't too bad, really, but it's still a bit soulless, due to the 60's architecture.

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The marketing agency behind this one is a real winner!

Which pub?
Struggling to think of a proper rough 'en in Rawtenstall.
I knew Rammy would send you soft - poncy, middle class excuse for a hilltown.

If you want true terror, try Hassie.

woody2000 - where is that?

@Jef Wachowchow
I am in the pump business....

S****s

Years ago, I working away on site. Went out with a mate looking for a local watering hole after work, and tripped over something that looked suitable. I want to say it was The Angel in Dudley, but a quick Google shows a building (now a charity shop) which doesn't fit with my memory.

Anyway. We spied this place. Dark green wood panels outside, grimy windows, looked like a rock / biker bar type place. Thought "that's for us."

Went in, and it all went a bit Slaughtered Lamb. We'd been offered drugs twice before we'd even made it to the bar. At which point, Binners' quandary hits. Do we turn and leg it, risking a "situation", or do we just act nonchalant, have a pint and leave intact?

We decided on "easy, Trigger." We ordered the beer, and settled in for a swift one. They had the Lethal Weapon 2 pinball table in there, and in a pique of madness I thought that'd help with the normality so we went to have a game. All the while a succession of punters approached us offering various things; drugs, car stereos, women... I think at some point someone just openly asked "well, what do you want then?" We smiled and waved and explained "no thank you kind sir, we're just here for a pint." We hiss to each other to drink up, quickly but not too quickly as to look suspicious. And who knows what might happen if we left beer.

Then somewhere at the back of the pub, someone shouted, "lock the doors!"

We exchanged a glance, then as one well-oiled machine we did our best Rincewind impressions. We'd have outpaced Usain Bolt across that room to the exits. The last thing I heard as we took flight was that pinball table, forever burned in my brain now is Joe bloody Pesci going "what Leo wants, Leo Getz!"

Moral here is, trying to blend in is admirable, but sometimes cutting and running like hell is your best course of action.

You have to carry on striding purposefully to the bar and confidently order a pint, don't you?

You won't see any sportsmen or women in here,but quite a bit of boxing.
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The rougher the pub, the more scottish I am.

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A small Creme de Menthe please. Would you mind if we have Sky Arts on instead of the rugby?

Sorry I read that as pup 🙂

i have never had a problem walking into any kind of boozer. i tend to fit in quite well.

This thread reminds me of a time when I walked into Newton Abbot's finest " cider bar " where you literally think you've just stepped onto a pirate ship.

I casually ordered two steak and ale pies and two pints of strong cider and was presented with a plank of wood to perch on which was all very basic but man that pint and pie did the job!
I actually quite liked ths experience as a teenager as it felt " proper jobby " in a historic kindaway.

If I went further south and found this place then inbreds would deffo be found.

Tbh I can't stand going to my local nowadays or in past as it's unfortunately full of inbreaded toffs and rich so called " farmers ".

So I have now found a great ph on the canal with great scenery and countryside walks whilst topping up on black dragon cider ( is a must try ).

Rev James is a really good cask ale but I have to go into town to get it. Sigh lol

Other than that I usually pick up some Stella on route back from work, mmmmmm lovely jubbly.

used to score dope in the Commercial Tavern Bedford, West Indian pub. I was very odd being the only white faces in a pub, but it was very welcoming once they knew you could play pool 🙂

I'm looking at pictures of some of these pubs and wondering why you need to walk in before realising it's not going to be a comfortable visit.

That said - you can't always tell a book etc. I walked in here one evening while on a jolly around the watering holes of one of Surrey's more upmarket towns. My mate went to the bar to get the pints in while I went for a slash. In the gents, some young soldier was merrily mashing another young soldier's face hard against the basins while a third stood guard at the door. There was blood everywhere and Guildford has lots more pubs so we didn't stay long.

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Favorite pastime of mine is exploring dodgy looking pubs in new city's. Never had a problem, in fact had some cracking times. As above, just get yer pint and don't be an arse.

I'm in Rawtenstall

You poor sod. Used to go out with a girl from there. The excuses I used to make [i]not[/i] to go there at Christmas/ever. Still, could be worse... could be Stalybridge...

A small Creme de Menthe please

that reminds me of an old Billy Connolly story...

Billy & his mate are in Rome to see an Italy vs Scotland game, and they go to a bar before the game. The bar doesn't sell "heavy" so they ask the barman "what does the Pope drink?" "creme de menthe" answers the barman.
"right, we'll hae two pints o' that then please"

Don't laugh at the strippers.

I always find a Mark Corrigan internal monologue is helpfull when confronted with these situations.

Tom - it'd be a brave man who called your pint a puff! 🙂

Bregante - talking of Salford pubs, we'd been out on a Saturday night and pushed on through to Sunday. In a bit of a dazed and confused state, we went to a mates local - the Weaste. Nice boozer! 5 of us walk in and there's about 20 Salford heads stood at the bar. Something major was clearly going off. They all turn round and stare at us, then this man mountain marches towards us...

"What the * ya think you're doing lads?"

"We've come for a pint"

"No you haven't. Not here. * off!"

.... And literally shoved us out the door! 😯

I can't find a picture, but we stayed in the log cabins next to Goytre Football Club with an attached bar. I had never been in a pub before where absolutely everyone wants a fight. Not with anybody in particular, just whoever is in range. The only way to act nonchalant in there was to run in, grab a chair and smash someone over the head with it before nicking his pint, and glassing the next bloke you saw.

And there was that bar in Glencorryg - dunno if it's still there, under the church I think. I was propositioned by a very large welshman in the toilets. Never tried to finish a wee so quickly

Oh and cougar's post made me laugh 🙂

Used to go out with a girl from there.

so did I. Up near the ski slope. I wonder if it was the same one

Probably. Was she MENTAL by any chance?

Completely. Batshit crazy to the power of lobster!

I don't think that narrows it down much, lads.

Did you ever take her up The Halo?
Very popular round there.

Come on Binners, which pub - your reputation's on the line here.
😀

Did you ever take her up The Halo?

Tried, but her Victorian Dad was asleep in the next room so she wasn't having any of it...

Rusty - The queens Arms. I've not been in pub that smelt that bad since the week the smoking ban came in! More tracky bottoms than you can shake a spliff at!

"Oh hello! Two glasses of Prosecco please and have one for yourself my good man'.

I recall a rough old looking dive in the Welsh valleys when briefly living there, bunch of us IT folk walk in, sawdust on floor, bar and a dartboard and that's it. Toothless types about that place, odd looks walking in. Still, after ordering the local ale and daring to use the dartboard they turned out to be a really friendly bunch. Likewise the working mens club. Flat roofed and grim from the outside, but was a lively fun place, bingo, quizzes, live music etc.

I didn't know it opened during the daytime!
Bad rep that place.

If you see a snide looking bloke with ringworm and a greyhound/staffie cross, could you pick up a quarter of my usual?

Have you tried the bar at the station?
It's ace.

Etiquette? Avoid eye contact.

Then order up, buy a packet of crisps and share them with the Rottweiler/Doberman/German Shepherd you rode in with.

My boss told me about the Manchester tradition of buy a pint and tip the barman (20p?). Is that common place?

'Similar' experience as we were greeted by the doorman of "le pipeline" bar in the south of france.
Only figured out it was a butch biker gay bar, not a strip club just as that same doorman closed and locked the door behind us and our eyes adjusted to the dim light to get eyed up by 20 blokes 😉
The red light illumination in the loo was somewhat unsettling.. but yep.. straight to bar, order a beer and drink up.
Nice bunch actually, got bought a second round 😉

@ElShalimo - it's nr hipperholme traffic lights, just on the left as you head towards brighouse. Do you know it? Odd place - portacabin outside, then you go in and it's a bit pub meets wine bar 🙂

Had a similar experience in Blackhill, near Consett in County Durham. Me and the wife had cycled up to a campsite one Friday after work, and walked to the nearest pub. Walked through the door, looked at each other in a way that said "we can't just walk straight out, we'll never be seen again" and ordered a pint each.

10 pints later we actually left, had a cracking night!

Begbie!!! Chilling even in a photo. I bet the other actors were terrified.

I've been in the Flemish weaver, it wasn't that bad, just very empty and a bit quiet.

The one further up the road was the one where everyone was bundled out while a bloke got his head stoved in whilst in the bogs...

Nowt on this place (now demolished)

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The ‘Brass Handles’ murders: The gangland killing in Salford which backfired
On a Sunday afternoon in March 2006, Richard Austin and Carlton Alveranga walked into the Brass Handles pub in Salford. They were not, like the majority of the patrons, there to watch the Manchester United versus Newcastle United match.
The pair had been hired to perform a gangland "hit" on a man drinking inside the pub. Instead, they had their guns wrestled from them by pub regulars and were themselves shot – murdered with their own weapons – and left to die on a grass verge outside.
But despite the pub being busy due to the football match, no one admits to having witnessed the killings, and the police have made no headway with the murder inquiry. After the shooting, the pub's shutters were immediately pulled down and the CCTV footage from inside was wiped clean before police could get hold of it.
Yet the circumstances leading up to the murders have been pieced together, and three convictions have been secured for Greater Manchester Police. Austin, 19, and Alveranga, 20, were hired by the 41-year-old gangster Bobby Spiers who "masterminded" the assassination attempt. He wanted David Totton, 27, dead because Spiers, a director of PMS security, had fallen out with Totton over entry to a nightclub.
The young gunmen were driven to the pub by Ian McLeod, one of the leaders of Manchester's Doddington Gang. Not being from Salford themselves, they did not know the layout of the pub nor the identity of the man they were supposed to kill.
That is where Constance Howarth came in. The 38-year-old drank in the pub once a week and agreed to act as a "spotter" and guide the would-be assassins to their targets. Entering the pub at 2.15pm, Austin fired his pistol six times at Totton before someone intervened.
Then Alveranga's 9mm handgun jammed. Another person wrestled it from him and the weapon was turned on the hitmen. Both ran out with bullet wounds to their chests. They died on the grass outside, 20 yards apart.
David Totton was shot three times, but survived. His friend Aaron Travers was shot five times, but also lived.
Howarth was in the toilet the whole time, applying her lipstick. After the botched execution, she calmly left by a back door. McLeod, waiting in the car outside, ran over to the bodies and shouted, "Are they dead?" before speeding off in his Ford Mondeo.
Howarth and McLeod were both convicted of conspiracy to murder and sentenced to 20 and 21 years respectively in May 2007. Bobby Spiers believed he had the perfect alibi. He was at the football match being watched by those in the pub and had directed the plot at half time, sending text messages while enjoying hospitality in an executive box at Old Trafford.
He fled to Spain, but was extradited and sentenced to life earlier this month. Whoever killed Austin and Alveranga has never been caught. Sources close to the case say officers know the identity of the killer – a Gooch gang member (rivals to the Doddington gang), who just happened to be in the pub at the time – but cannot prove his involvement. Due to the wall of silence the police face, it is unlikely he will ever be convicted.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/getting-away-with-murder-britains-most-notorious-unsolved-crimes-1785218.html

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laindon, near the post office. it's the nearest post office to work, not had the nerve to go in yet

2 rules
never drink in a pub with no windows
never drink in a pub next to a bus station

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The Brown Cow in Heywood looks really dodgy from outside.

It's the completely-untrelated-to-cattle Parachute Regiment cap badge on the sign that is the giveaway.

My boss told me about the Manchester tradition of buy a pint and tip the barman (20p?). Is that common place?

Took me a minute to remember what you're talking about there. This is a code for expressing interest in a value-added service, yes? I know what you're referring to if so, but I thought it was a specific pub rather than a "Manchester Tradition" and I've no idea whether it's true or the entire thing was an urban myth.

The Brown Cow was on our Friday night pub crawl list Tobago.

Duke of Wellington
Wishing Well
The Ship
The Victoria
Queen Anne
Freemasons
Brown Cow
Squash Club

🙂

Used to drink in The Rag Doll in Edinburgh's Stockbridge - very very local, quite rough round the edges, but my flatmates played football with the regulars and I would go with them or the guys from local bowling club..

As above any of the flat roofed pubs in Glasgow. shudders.

WillIamnot what about pubs next to train stations 😀

Cough Huddersfield 8)

Bregante > that's an amazing story. Thanks for posting.

Some decades ago whilst young and unaware of the ways of the world, my mate and I went to london to visit a girl at university.
To explain our level of inexperience we went without an A to Z believing in our northern way we could ask friendly local residents of london for directions when we arrived!
Totally lost after several hours of asking "friendly" locals for directions we went in to a public house for refreshment.
One room, everyone of the many customers stopped and judged us. In a cartoon manner I noticed the St George's flag and crossed swords above the fire.
Without doubt the most NF pub I have ever walked in.
Followed the established practise.
Two pints of lager,
Look straight ahead,
Drink promptly!
Leave without making eye contact.

williamnot - Member
2 rules
never drink in a pub with no windows
never drink in a pub next to a bus station

POSTED 26 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST

For a minute Cougar, I thought you was taking the Michael. 🙂

Yeah, sorry, that's probably to be expected. I was serious, thought it was really interesting.

More so when you know some of the characters involved, up close and personal like