MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Just seen in the local paper, a chap who is called an Arson reduction Advocate,had dealings with another chap who was called an income maximistation officer, staff working to get trains running are called production managers,bin men are called recycling technicians,traffic wardens= traffic enforcement officer,then theres a Managing director, now called a CEO, and theres lots more out there.
Lets hear the real job titles for staff you work with and the name they have designated themselves,
People who do a bit of Maths in an office getting called an 'engineer'
BOOOOSHH!!
Paulosoxo +1.
One of my jobs is Director of Colouring In. 🙂
A friend of my OH has the job title of "End of Level Boss," which amuses the crap out of me.
People who do a bit of Maths in an office getting called an 'engineer'
i was an engineer and i didn't even do as much as that
Not really unusual ones, but IT functions have a habit of proliferating roles and titles to make people sound more senior/important.
The "Whatever you chose followed by" Architect is the main one, and put a "Lead" or "Chief" and "SOA" in front of it also helps with the gravitas - generally all self titled - seems to me Enterprise Architects are breeding like rabbits.
But from an IT side the one that make me laugh is Software Engineer.
It is not so much that I have an issue with the title or role, it is just the way Project Managers decide to use the term Software Engineer or Developer to suit their own circumstances. When there is an issue with the clarity of requirements they suddenly all become plain developers again and their staff couldn't possibly expect to resolve the ambiguity with the business or to facilitate an resolution across different stakeholders. When the going is good they are all Software Engineers again.
CSR maintenance tech aka minion aspiring to be a lackey
'Pick Packer' - literally someone who picks stuff up and packs it
Revenue Protection Officers - i.e. ticket inspectors on the railways or security guards in shops.
arse doctor
Once went to see a Financial Advisor and when asked my occupation replied "Duct Erector" meaning I install ventilation ductwork, when the written revue came back I was descibed as a "Duck Director" WTF?
Secretary - executive administrative officer. I prefer dogsbody meself
This is an excerpt from the pages of the Taxpayers Alliance - most of their criticism of non-jobs is not warranted. But this one somehow stood out - Regional Reputation Manager - see below ...
NON-JOB OF THE WEEK
ANDREW ALLISON • WEDNESDAY 21 SEPTEMBER 2011 • 1 COMMENT AND 9 REACTIONS
What is a Regional Reputation Manager? I’m not sure, however I know Calderdale Council employs one, thanks to a Freedom of Information (FOI) request sent by one of our supporters.
The FOI also revealed the Marketing and Communications Team includes four graphic designers, a Campaigns Officer, a Marketing Officer, a Principal Communications Officer, and a PR and Public Information Officer. Some of these jobs must be part-time as the salary bill for 2010/11 was £199,900, and for the current financial year, the bill is set to rise to £216,800.
The FOI also revealed there are 11 personal assistants employed by the authority, and a further two secretaries who carry out the functions of a PA. When you add on costs for council newspapers and other publications, you can see that there is plenty of fat to trim.
I also knew someone who was charged with the task of Quality and Deliverance, whatever that is, for our local Primary Care Trust, and I've heard secretaries become documentation officers aswell.
I also liked this extract aswell from the Taxpayers Alliance site - the job description for a Foresight Horizon Scanning Analyst - can anyone work out what they actually do?
It has been reported in the Daily Mail that the Business Department is searching for a Foresight Horizon Scanning Analyst paying £44,186 -£55,662. One of our supporters who alerted us to it said they had been a civil servant in various Whitehall departments for over forty two years and this one even puzzled them. This is the job description on the civil service jobs website:
You will be a key member of a small team providing a futures research capability to Foresight and across other government departments. This work will include:
o Developing technically robust, futures research methodologies for the full range of Foresight projects.
o Leading on developing and applying futures research methodologies for futures analysis in all Foresight projects, including projects in Foresight’s HorizonScanning Centre.
o Working with Government researchers, analysts and policymakers to achieve strong participation in, and commitment to, creating and using futures analysis.
o Providing an authoritative, well researched resource of technical expertise for futures analysis across government, designing models for the best use of futures analysis in policy practice. Drawing on research and experience in the field, propose refinements to existing project models to achieve maximum impact on policy.
o Helping departments design and deliver workshops and other events to promote long term thinking in areas of current policy and on the translation of futures analysis into policy.
o Raising capability in futures analysis across government by participating in and contributing to training events run for government by Foresight.
o Develop and maintain networks with other futurists, within and outside of Government.
Andrew Pierce in the Mail says this job could come straight from the TV political comedy The Thick Of It. Either that or Yes Minister! If someone who has worked in the civil service for over forty two years can’t work out what this is (bearing in mind they are used to civil service doublespeak) then there isn’t much hope for the rest of us.
enough with the copy and paste from lying neo con propaganda outfits!
We have "clinical Team Leaders" used to be called Operational Supervisors and "Clinical team educators" or field based assessors as we used to call them.
Had to email our director of operations last week as I was fairly sure I wanted to apply for an advertised role, but I wasn't sure as the job title made no sense, it was something like "Assistant lead facilitator of emergency operational preparedness and MAJAX management". Now I know those words, but in that order they make no sense! (Good job i didn't get the job really!)
Chough Monitor
Can I just saw that those were the worst two I could find out of about 15 posts I looked at. And I was just joining in with the theme of the thread. I'm not a Tory - which actually is what most of them say when infiltrating talkboards to nudge people ever rightwards - and could they get any further rightwards to be honest. I digress. My politics for what it's worth are left of centre. And I can't stand any of them really. So please just enjoy the jokes, regardless of their source.
neo con propaganda outfits!
I also liked this extract aswell from the Taxpayers Alliance site - the job description for a Foresight Horizon Scanning Analyst - can anyone work out what they actually do?
Well apparently the job advert was placed by this government, you know, this government which the Taxpayers Alliance supports because its tough austerity measures will deliver value for money.
So whatever the job entails, I'm sure it will represent excellent value for money.
My Dad had a student (I think) whose occupation was listed as 'unemployed chicken sexer'
@ ernie_lynch - thank you for that. You really don't know me and get all political because the posts come from the Taxpayers Alliance. My intention was first and foremost NOT to be political. If I want that sort of thing I can go to the Guardian's CIF pages and drink in the vitriol there. Thank you again.
@ mtb2020 - I didn't mention anything about your politics.......what are you on about ?
And why are you having a pop at the Guardian ? What have they got to do with anything ?
I knew someone who was 'Head of Health and Happiness' for a company in Sheffield 😀
I was looking through a list of occupations whilst renewing my car insurance and saw
CHICKEN SEXER.
I was looking through a list of occupations whilst renewing my car insurance and sawCHICKEN SEXER.
Quite a skilled job according to QI
I worked at a place where I was the Grand Poobah of Shiny Things. Had business cards and everything.
The generic small business IT Guy/Department by the way.
Dan
A friend at work got a bit upset when he was regraded as ASsistant Head Of Lower School- ASHOLS.
Have a friend whose title is Pie Site Factory Manager, great job title! Local council had Conflict Improvement Officers- I know what they mean but they did say officers that would 'improve' the conflict!
Foresight Horizon Scanning Analyst
Their job is essentially to try and predict future trends in the business / technology sector so that DTI (or BERR or whatever they are called now) can work out where to invest time and money to keep the UK at the cutting edge, and therefore ensure future economic growth.
Depending who is in the job they could either be a really valuable resource who spots trends and emerging development, opportunities and problems or its Mystic Meg in a suit...
or its Mystic Meg in a suit
According to Andrew Pierce in the Daily Mail : [i]"Mystic Meg would be cheaper".[/i]
Which I find hard to believe.
Foresight, Impact and Knowledge Transfer Team Leader
Another WTF job title! He's a friend and do I know what he does- no way!
I once went for an interview somewhere where the head of the design department was officially called 'Design Overlord'.
What about saggarmaker's bottom knocker?
I used to be a communications distribution facilitator, aka paper boy
I received a letter recently from the 'Head of Rectification' at EDF recently.
Turns out he is in charge of telling me that I need a new electricity meter, which was a relief.
I've recently recruited a Principal Horn.
I work for a well known operatic organisation...
Data or Render Wrangler 😀
Mrs Toast, a place with a Design Overlord sounds like somewhere I'd be happy to work!
i don't really have a job title in my new job. i get called 'super nanny without the tv crew', or variations; 'supernan', 'jo frost' etc..
or just skiver.
Innovations manager for the NHS.
The NHS innovative? Come on, get real!
Used to work for a company who had a "Business Game-Changer"
I might become Director of Intangibles
I'm very proud
😀
mate of mine worked in a hamster farm and was;
male hamster supervisor. 😯
there was also a female hamster supervisor. it was there job to put them together at the beginning of the day and separate them at the end!!
once we found that out he became known as the hamster farmer!
Airbus Steering Committee Deputy Chairman.
A friend at work got a bit upset when he was regraded as ASsistant Head Of Lower School- ASHOLS.
I once worked for (companyname) Contractors Limited I.T. Services. They hadn't thought too hard about the acronym for that one, either.
I worked at a place where I was the Grand Poobah of Shiny Things
I think this is one of the best job titles I have ever seen. 🙂
I got to talk to my Relationship Manager the other day. Unfortunately he wasn't interested at all in the fact that my Mrs gives me a hard time about riding too much, and only wanted to talk about my banking issues.
Fluffer
End of discussion
Subway staff - "Sandwich Artists" apparantly..
The tea lady where I used to work was called 'Refreshments Coordinator' on the telephone list.
Unusual?
Prime minister.
Not many of them around.
Friend of a friend is officially a Fudge Packer.