[Closed] Things I should do before the girlfriend comes home

Why are you having to fake it?

Sit around in her underwear?
Shit with the bog door open
Leave toilet seat up
Wee in the sink
**** lots

[img] [/img]
[img] [/img]
[img] [/img]

Bikes in kitchen

Muddy bike clothing just dropped on floor

Last nights washing up left out over night

Why are you having to fake it?

She comes home at weekends and spoils the flow. I never fully get into it.

Underwear and weeing in the sink added.

LOL @ Jamie's GIFs

Frw or lrw if you're from the south.

Washing bike bits in the dishwasher
Order takeaway in every night

She comes home at weekends and spoils the flow. I never fully get into it.

You have all week I can do it sub 1 hour I'll be full bachelor mode as soon as the postie arrives today with my GTA V.

Delete your Internet history of your computers so she can't see what type of porn you've been watching.

Microwaved lasagne sandwiches.

Bike rides?

leave every door open, every light on and the heating turned onto maximum.

Delete your Internet history of your computers so she can't see what type of porn you've been watching.

This is some amateur shit, everyone is uring private/incognito tabs these days. 😉

[img] [/img]

Bleed you brakes on the kitchen table:
[url= http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8373/8575114261_9137ae357c_z.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8373/8575114261_9137ae357c_z.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/33251520@N07/8575114261/ ]Bike maintenance in the kitchen[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/33251520@N07/ ]eddkh[/url], on Flickr

I've just realised you can see my reflection in the window. Thankfully I was clothed...

have a nice long bubble bath with candles and a bottle of fizz whilst listening to Boyzone's "Said and Done" album.
:shrieks uncontrollably:

I was going to say farting. Lots of farting. But theres just no pleasure to be derived, even from the biggest, window-rattling rasper, unless there's someone there to look appalled by your obvious enjoyment.

So... first morning when she's back... the Dutch Oven!

Its good to share 😀

Delete your Internet history of your computers so she can't see what type of porn you've been watching.

Unless, of course, she works for GCHQ, in which case she'll be coming home with a printout as the basis for their catch up chat.

Whatever you do when she's away (bike maint in kitchen with photo evidence is a good one, mates round for beer, curry and poker evening etc) when she gets back book a dinner midweek somewhere nice, buy her some flowers and tell her it's to celebrate the fact you can now enjoy being together all week. The boys will be boys stuff is all good fun but the welcome home will serve you in good stead for the future.

Most blokes I know want to sit around in their pants eating pizza, smoking joints, playing GTA and ****ing.

Imagination much?

Have you ridden you bike down the stairs yet?
unfortunately the house i'm currently renting doesn't have the run off and the front doors too narrow to fit my bars through, but i have done it on a sled a few time with varying amount of success/ level of carpet burns 😀

Riding motor bikes up the stairs is more fun! Though does present a problem removing tyre marks from the wall

Most blokes I know want to sit around in their pants eating pizza, smoking joints, playing GTA and ****.

Multitasking at it's finest.

I'd:
Run the Hoover round
Do some washing
Dust and clean all surfaces
Fold clothes and put them away
Clean the kitchen/bathroom
Empty the dishwasher
Cut the grass

Post what reaction you get 😉

bikebuoy wants it to look like he's cheating on his Mrs.

Only thing missing is some fresh cut flowers already in a vase.

Massive amounts of suspicion? 😆

Not a fan of fresh cut flowers 😆

I really don't understand some of these responses..Surely the correct answer is pub.. Every waking moment and more..

Text her a picture of you wearing her favorite lingerie 💡

A bit of manscaping?

leave every door open, every light on and the heating turned onto maximum.

Is piemonster a woman?

Is piemonster a woman?

If he has followed Qwerty's suggestion, then I believe he is currently dressed like one.

Dunno, my missus has been away for 4 days, appart from just about everything mentioned above, I've managed to re-decorate the hallway how I wanted it!

So if I don't post anything tomorow I want Jamie to animate my demise in the form of an amusing .gif and mail it to the police.

back to back lord of the rings (extended), godfather, tarantino and star wars marathons, with the surround sound/stereo on max

Increase the level of sedation for your 'slave' in the dungeon you built in your cellar, so she is unable to attract your missus to her existence?

Don't wear her underwear, that's sordid.

Do - rearrange her underwear drawer. When I say rearrange, I mean hide all her day to day granny pants, and ensure that only the scraps of lace and a bit of string ones are left. She'll get the message. For extra points* add a few more quality items in there in place of the granny pants.

* When I say extra, I mean extra compared to 'no points'

bigrich - Member

leave every door open, every light on and the heating turned [s]onto maximum[/s] off.

Wimp. 😀

Don't wear her underwear, that's sordid.

Bit late to worry about that

I mean hide all her day to day granny pants

Hard to hide them if I'm wearing them

To be honest, I wimped out of wearing them to work.

Now that does sound like a challenge. Wear your wife's skimpies to work day. For charity, obviously 😳

She needs to open the front door to a house full of barely concious, v. drunk/stoned strangers. Preferbly with a pair (or more 😉 ) going at it on the dinning room table.

What an interesting thread - MissStripes returns tomorrow.... 😉

I often wear mrs buzz's pants to work - bit like a balaclave but they smell better.

bit like a balaclave but they smell better.

Tell the milf next door, its game over for her. 😯

Facebook open house party ...

[IMG] [/IMG]
[/img]

An idea

Gluttony first

[url= http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/9790705414_82dd55f360.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/9790705414_82dd55f360.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/90886684@N03/9790705414/ ]image[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/90886684@N03/ ]piemonster[/url], on Flickr

Relaxing now
[url= http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7399/9790705654_ea27799ea3.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7399/9790705654_ea27799ea3.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/90886684@N03/9790705654/ ]image[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/90886684@N03/ ]piemonster[/url], on Flickr

I won't post a photo of my 'alone time'

But I'm saving up for a garden wee

Front or back garden, I'm not decided.

They both carry risks. The back is safer, but with more severe consequences.

Front or back garden, I'm not decided.

They both carry risks. The back is safer, but with more severe consequences.

My innueno chip just exploded

bit like a balaclave but they smell better.

Leg holes for eyeholes.

My innueno chip just exploded

I'm giving serious consideration to the side alley. It's the one passage where I'm guaranteed to not be visible.

Pee off the roof FTW 😀

A most excellent thread ...

Pee off the roof FTW

Ok, this isn't totally off the cards. The back of this house has a little sticky out bit on the ground floor, kind of a triangular shape. Directly above this is a bedroom window. I could thrust out the window and wee down that.

I can confirm that re-decorating whilst she was out went down like [s]the hooker I also had[/s] a lead balloon filled with depleted uranium shot, caught in the downdraft of a Chinook taking off on Jupiter.

Seems acceptable compromise - avoid back-lighting and possibly go-pro it for the memory box.

Riding motor bikes up the stairs is more fun! Though does present a problem removing tyre marks from the wall

I don't have a GoPro, although my camera can shoot 3D apparently.

I'll get the womans underwear shot out in the morning. Purely for evidence, no posing.

"she" comes home tomorrow.

Sad times.

Must remember to do the [s]guilt[/s] recycling tomorrow to hide the bulk of the evidence. The rest was flushed.

I'm cramming in the junk food tonight.

I'm cramming in the junk food tonight.

Which end?

Feel a bit sick now

You have to do something to eff with her. Like leave a chainring in the dishwasher, or a cone wrench in the silverware drawer. 😈