As a bit of a tangent, would the shop sending thee CCTV footage to the school be a breach of GPDR.
The school would have no legal responsible for a pupils behaviour outside of the school premises, and cctv footage would very much be covered by GPDR, so I think sending that footage to the school would be a breach, if the shop wanted further action then the police would be the proper authorities to supply the footage to and they would/should be the people to talk to the school to see if they could identify the pupil.
Now from your point of view I expect that the school being notified is better than the police (unless it affects the way the teachers now treat your son) so not worth kicking up a fuss. But just as an academic question does anyone actually know how GPDR laws would cover this situation?
A very tricky situation to deal with at that age imo. Some people need full scale intervention others need a light hearted chat, it is very hard to know who needs what without a very good understanding of the individual, their friends and their environment.
Don't underestimate present day teenagers because you did similar 20 years ago.
*bookmarking the thread for the next time there's a self checkout thread.
@PrinceJohn , what would it take for you to stop shoplifting?
PrinceJohnFull Member
I do love the buy one get one free machines. The scanners can’t keep up with me, no one ever checks what you’re scanning so occasionally something might end up in the bag that I didn’t pay for.
yup, the school couldn't send me a copy of the image due to GDPR, absolute mental world, possibly shouldn't have sent it to the school either, but yes, possibly the best outcome this time. But if there is a next time i'd want the shock tactic of police involvement.
I'm planning on getting home later, and getting the bits and bobs done, ie dinner, washing up, while having a chat. there will be a grounding, but it will not be anywhere near as long as that. Accompanied with some chores, educational and otherwise. I'm not set on a visit to the shop, and have got it in my head to do some charity work in effect.
And don't over-fret - they can come good after years of being on the edge.
On Xmas eve, the police were at the door. "Eek".
But Thud had saved a girl's life - physically blocking her from rail lines to stop her from stepping in front of a train. He'd then phoned the police and they rushed straight round to get more details and track her down.
I was amazed because his history with the police hasn't all been roses. Well done lad.
As a bit of a tangent, would the shop sending thee CCTV footage to the school be a breach of GPDR.
Prevention/Detection of crime exemption, I would have thought. Don't think the wording states that only the police or prosecuting authorities can be sent personal information gathered via CCTV for this purpose.
Grounded for a month, banned from the store (as in you tell him not to go near).
I think a lot of kids did stupid stuff we regret afterwards.
My eldest climbed out her bedroom window to 'escape' being grounded. Technically she is still grounded for that (she is now early thirties).
In terms of him taking responsibility, how about asking him what he thinks is the best way to atone for his sins? Anything you impose has the risk of creating resentment/rebellion, but any punishment he comes up with himself he has to own. Chances are he may come up with something worse than you had in mind...
atone for his sins?
Ignore the charity option. Its normal and good to give to charity so theres no lesson in it.
.
Chances are having been caught and the fact you know, mum will know, probably banned from the shop is probably punishment enough.
Tell him your disappointment, even become a bit tearful. Show him it affects you/mum more then himself.
.
Alternatively you could smother him with a pillow.
I think a long drawn out punishment is to be avoided as can lead to resentment.
Think a good idea to apologise to the shop and an idea for OP to pop in beforehand to check the manager has the right approach. I think most managers would feel quite good after an opportunity to help keep someone on the right path. Again, needs to be done quickly not days later.
Most important thing is the need for your son to understand the long term benefit of learning when to say 'No' and walking away. The biggest worry is the downward spiral being enjoyed.
Good luck
Don’t worry about it too much, he did a bad thing, doesn’t mean he’s a bad person.
load of people have done it as kids, including my daughter, she’s grown up to to be a really good person (most of the time ?)
I have no doubt your lad will too!
I got caught nicking sweets for a wrong 'un that was waiting outside the shop , I just wanted to be in his gang ? Shop owner knew me and my mum and dad , my mum was very strict . He sussed the situation, the wrong 'un had scattered , I was asked to write a letter , own handwriting apologising and saying I'd never do it again .Which I did , in exchange it was never mentioned to my mum , she would have gone ballistic! I never did it again , parents never found out . Sorted !
Assuming the friends are at the same school, if the school was concerned about this being a sign of more serious stuff (CCE) you'd know about it.
Beyond that I'm in the 'no need to go ballistic at this point' camp. Talk it through with kid and mum together, explain why it's not OK and the potential implications for future, etc. Make it clear that any repeat/escalation is when things actually get serious.
(I don't have kids but do deal with 100s of them every day - they will make mistakes but best approach IME is to point that mistake/bad choice out to them and then give them chance to not do it again)
@politecameraaction mum never trusted him , one time when he was at our house she swore he stole half a crown ( user name checks out ) from her purse but couldn't prove it .
One day we were in the local woods riding his older brother's Tiger Cub he gave me a lift back promising to let me off before our house , he carried on past with me still pillion my mum saw us that was it grounded !
He used to bunk off school to hang around with an older kid who'd left school and had a Triumph Bonneville they used to tinker with , because I wouldn't do the same he dropped me fortunately , best thing he ever did.
<b><u>I considered marching him to the shop, and getting him to admit and apologies…</u></b>
I think this is an excellent idea. It'll be very uncomfortable for him (& you but less so), but it'll force him to own up to his actions & take responsibility for them.
I think a long drawn out punishment is to be avoided as can lead to resentment.
Agreed - short & sharp is better IMHO.
A two month grounding is harsh.
Two months without his phone is probably harsher still.
Two months without his gaming machine/PC whatever… is harsh.
Have you thought about a public flogging? That might help too?
All three together is borderline abusive, and that’s ignoring the verbal bollocking you’ve no doubt already given him..!
I wouldn’t match him down to the shop either. What if the school has misinterpreted the reason the shop has supplied the CCTV? What if the shop has a policy of prosecuting every shop lifter (a few Tesco express claim to) and wanted the school to identify the offenders so they could inform the Police? Do you want to walk your son into that?
We all make mistakes and do crazy things when we’re young, it’s part of life and growing up and presents life learning opportunities. Mega punishments will only serve to push him away, when what you want is to keep him close but with enough slack to have some freedom to cock up from time to time. This is the voice of experience talking.
Do what I would now do:
1) Give initial bollocking
2) Make him cough it to his mum
3) Have mum decide the best punishment.
I don’t know if an apology to the Tesco Express worker is necessarily great. If I’m the manager I probably don’t feel getting sucked into the life lessons of some kid when I’ve got 160 packets of bacon to stack and two people trying to stuff a bottle of vodka and a leg of lamb down their pants at any given moment.
By comparison to the thieving shitbags who’d do a door dash past my partner at B&M with a fully loaded trolly, with impunity*, the lad’s is a minor misdemeanour - I think FuzzyWuzzy’s approach is probably the best way.
I swiped some Hot Wheels cars from WHSmith in Burnham-on-Sea when I was on holiday, around 13 years old, so going on 60 years ago! I’d guess the Statute of Limitations has probably run out now! Basically my dad had died not long before, and we had very little money, we were staying in a family friend’s static caravan, so a very cheap holiday, the opportunity presented itself and I couldn’t resist the temptation.
* Staff were told never to attempt to stop them, far to much risk because there was no telling who else was waiting in the car park.
The only people allowed to see the CCTV are the police. They shouldn't even share it with you, let alone a school! Probably not the defining narrative of this thread but something to consider.
2 months grounding seems quite harsh. I've not got kids though so hard to judge. I was a teacher for a while though. Peer groups etc are both important and hard to navigate. I mean I get that it's good to have friends etc, but not one's that lead him to shoplifting.
Having read the thread I would go for a combination of suggestions.
He has to tell his mum
Ring the shop, make an appointment with the manager and take him there to apologise
Get him to suggest a suitable punishment for a first offense (or first time caught...)
Hardest bit is what to do about the contact he has with that group, not sure what to do there.
I think getting in shit at 13/14 is the only way many (most) of us learned what is fun, and what is stupid, or worse criminal.
Bollocking now, nuclear if he even goes close to do anything like this again. Going to Tesco and getting him to apologise isn't a bad shout, and it'll be the embarrassment that stops him from doing it again.
All the best!
I'd have taught him how, where and when it's safest/easiest to get away with shoplifting well before the age of 14. Success does require certain skills, a little forward planning and decent visual spacial awareness but if you're a fast learner and have confidence in yourself it's really not a difficult trade to learn. Although bursting into tears makes me think your lad might not be cut out for it.
I think getting in shit at 13/14 is the only way many (most) of us learned what is fun, and what is stupid, or worse criminal.
Bloody lucky they didn't have cameras when I was that age I think.
One of my lads swiped some sweets from a shop when he was little (maybe 5 - definitely old enough to know it was wrong though). As I was driving him home I saw him showing his brother. We dropped his brother off at home. I gave him a talking to and drove straight back to the shop. He was absolutely balling, but I picked him up and carried him in and got him to hand the sweets back and apologise. Everyone was crying by that point, shopkeeper, son, the queue of customers, me. It was the right thing to do though.
Although bursting into tears makes me think your lad might not be cut out for it.
Or maybe that's what he wants you to think...
let him know it was wrong, let him know he can (and should) walk away from suspect behaviour, let him know theres a better way to behave and to have values that are more important than stuff
and that if he does it again you're burning all his possessions in an oil drum in the garden
My mum was brutal with my younger brother.
To set the scene. A sat morning, Dad at work I was at home with my mum and my brother (13ish) had gone onto town with his friends. We had a call a few hours later from the police station saying they had my brother as he'd been caught shoplifting. It was stupid stuff he'd nicked, just the sort of things he could stuff into his pockets. He got caught, his friends got away and plod took him down the station. They rang up, explained what had happened and asked if she could come down to pick him after being given a caution and a telling off. Anyway mum was part way through her Saturday chores cleaning the house and didn't want to go without dad so she said "I'm busy. Keep him. I'll be over later" and she made him sit in that cell as a young boy all day long into the evening.
He was in bits after the experience and had a proper shock over it. Never did anything like it again.
I remember getting caught shoplifting as a kid. I was probably about 10 yrs old. Fair cop, store manager in a co-op caught me and held me until police came. I got taken to my school (i was on my way to school) so school headmaster knew. I then got my parents called in and i was given both barrells by all involved. I then had all day at school wondering what was gonna happen when i got home to my dad who believed a good hiding was the answer to everything. I got repeated leather belt, back of the hand and booted up the stairs. I didnt make a sound in front of him for months and my mums face is etched in my memory. I was ashamed for years about it and feel it effected my self worth around school and lots of other things. All for a packet of effing Rolo's
Looking back i think i would rather i got the branding with hot iron option. Probably easier to get over.
Has anyone posted Jane's Addiction yet?
Agreed – short & sharp is better IMHO
No need to stab him.
B&M with a fully loaded trolly
Good Lord - there could be well over a pound's worth of goods in that !!
