[Closed] The Christmas Black Dog survival thread.....

If you were local to me, Houns, you could come round for a hug.

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Hope it gets better houns.. Sorry to hear about your problem/struggles. Good luck

Awww

(It was a ginger ....... that got me in to this mess)

GSWT!

Indeed

Anyway, this isn’t a thread all about me. Just posted my crap up in hope it gives others courage to shout up

It’s shit place to be I’m just crawling out horrendous time on,y realising how shit it’s been now, I’m buzzed for the next few weeks as I’m actually enjoying company again.

You could have come here for drinks and gluttony Houns if you’d been closer.

Like Hound says don’t lie to yourself get help.

Aww bless ya, thanks. I’ll be up in new year hopefully, visiting family in the N.E. so I’ll give you a shout then to meet up for a cocktail, then off up over the border.

Aye do and we’ll try and catch up.

Been through the wringer myself in the past, years of therapy to address decades of mental torment. Even though I'm much better now I still hate this time of year - everyone is try to be jolly but hardly anyone actually is,and I see straight through the facades which makes me hate it even more. I'm resigned to spending Xmas with people but am doing my best to avoid new year.

Stay strong folks, look after yourselves and post away on here.

Hound - your title reads like the endless Laithwaite’s emails I get daily.

Black dog - our hidden Shiraz that we can’t tell you where it’s from. But a mighty 15%. Only 50 cases available 😉

Thanks Houns. You have really made me think. I am about to go round to a friend's house this evening for usual Christmas hello. She's a life long friend, but earlier this year her Dad suddenly died (when she was 12 weeks pregnant with her first baby). Her Mum died when she was 3. I know she and her sister are really not looking forward to Christmas, but your post has really reminded me to be sensitive to what is going to be a very difficult time for her (at least I get to meet her new daughter).

Hugs and much strength to those all fighting individual challenges.

I`m doing ok for the moment because the kids are so excited for Christmas so im looking forward to that but...

Last Christmas it was all of us together now one year later they will be spending boxing day with their mum who is engaged and pregnant while im left on my own for the whole day...

Don't beat yourself up. Maybe this will help in some way but don't worry about the ego shit, just listen to Eckhart's reply about how thoughts rule us.

I'm in a better place this year, thankfully, but have never been a Christmas fan - kids now a bit too old for that innocent fun and parents old enough for us to wonder if this might be their last.

Two years ago I ended up off work and on meds just after Christmas - I know what it can be like if you are suffering. Speak up on here, there is always someone listening.

In week or two the Christmas fuss will be over, the days will be getting longer, and you have a whole new year to go and write yourself a better story

Great thread op.

I thought I was doing ok until I got from work saw the future in laws car parked outside the house. Don’t get me wrong they are really nice but I’ve had a hellish couple of weeks and I just wanted to chill out for half an hour before they got here. Got in and I ended up lying in bed drinking tea and playing games on my phone for about half an hour before I went back down stairs.

They are here for Christmas and I just hope I’ll pick up a wee bit, might try and get out on the bike before Christmas Day for some relaxing me time.

When money allows

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and

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In the meantime, fill your xmas with films and avoid pubs and the usual haunts - chin up

Great idea for a thread, had a tough year which has now come to fruition and things have worked out.
However today is my twin sons first birthday and the MIL hasn't even made contact to say happy birthday to them but has taken the neighbours out for lunch.
Her neighbours text and sent cards and even presents but nothing from her, its not like she's far away.
The worst part is how upset the wife is as the boys are too young to know about it.

Actually, here's some interesting Ted stuff, sweary, so enjoy

**** am all, look after your kids first (if you have them) then yourself...

Sarah Millican is doing something on Twitter for loneliness at Christmas for anyone who is on their own. That's as much as I know but may be worth checking out.

It’s my first Xmas really understanding my anxiety and depression. I’m a couple of months into CBT now and it’s helping. Simple stuff like accepting my panics aren’t really and telling muself that ‘it’s happening again” when my mind starts telling me everyone hates me really.

Sounds daft, but I’ve stopped caring as much, easier said than done - I did spend 2 hours of my own time this afternoon stomping around the office after hours waiting for a courier that didn’t arrive for some kit for a job that wasn’t going to happen as planned anyway - lord knows why.

The best medicine is bikes and mates for me, I love my wife and family dearly, but it’s graft sometimes, I’ve got responsibilities like anyone else - bike and mates time I don’t have to do this or that, just ride and hang out a bit. BPW yesterday, FOD tomorrow and I’m all set for making dinner for 8 on Monday and having in laws hanging about the place.

Good luck to all my fellow mentalists - how ever tough it gets, never forget ‘this will pass’ and we’re heading towards the sun now, not away.

Thanks for this thread op. I hope you soldier on through with some positivity in tact.

Winter does not agree with my brain. This winter has been worse than any other I can remember for feeling utterly drained, flat and demotivated. Today I went for my first ride in a few weeks and feel much better for it.

Hang in there fellow seasonal sufferers.

Sincerely ,all the best to you Houns...
Hope you'll be ok.

Btw,She's not called Louise is she ?
😉

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I'm struggling today. It's been building up for a few weeks but this evening I missed a deadline for a job application because I spent 3 weeks talking myself out of it.

We moved house earlier this year and it will be the first time ever that we are doing Christmas at our house. I know this means I should be happy but I have felt the dark cloud building.

I keep telling myself that it's only a few more days and it will all be over for another year.

The first three months and last three months of this year have been quite tough. I really struggle with autumn and winter and feel pretty tired. We’ve had almost no respite from grey and rain since September. Sadly we lost my dad and father-in-law, and our families seem to have broken apart rather than sticking together.
On the plus side, Mr Pea has been great and I have 2 lovely sons. And my fab counsellor inspired me to take up art again.
All the best to everyone who has struggles.

A hug with Dinkles out should see you about right..
You know were we are.
And you know how to get hold of us.
Sing out buddy, it’s always a pleasure.

You know why I struggle,albeit for different reasons, and, well, can relate to kinda all of it..

Christmas 2011 was the worst time of my life, anxiety and depression took me to a very bleak place - so I know what it’s like to feel worse than absolute shit at this time of year.

I am off until 8th Jan. if anyone fancies a brew, a slow as **** cycle or a chat, I have an understanding ear and some time I can plan around my family. Based in Brum.

Checking in. Actually feeling a lot better than I often do at this time of year, and now I think about it, a lot better in general than I have done for a long time. Still not looking forward to time away from the usual things which keep me sane, and looking forward to the start of January. Though it will probably help that I have a gig on 6th Jan which will help focus the mind.

Hugs to those who really are struggling.

I’m an IT manager. Service Desk, operational support, projects, troubleshooting failing departments etc. I’m good at what I do. At least I thought I was. Last August as a result of a take over, my position was made redundant. Since then I’ve struggled to find anything. Several interviews, a few second ones but ultimately nothing. I’ve got a fantastic family (wife, daughter, son) who have been amazing and an extended family who have also been awesome. However that doesn’t take away from the fact that career wise I’m on the rocks with nothing on the horizon. I’m also now struggling to hold myself together. I don’t want hugs or advice about using the time to ride my bike. All very nice but they don’t pay the bills. Houns invited venting, so that’s what I’m doing.

I'm not going to share myself, not tonight, but hugs to everyone else.

i have had my dark times over the last 5 or so years, all through ill health. not gonna go into that.
it can and does get you down not being able to do what you want, feeling useless and old and worn out.
but, that is life.
but, people telling you it will all be ok, well i know it is meant well, but it dont help. telling you to get out and ride, when you feel like shit, it dont help.
i have always coped by doing the bloke thing, ignoring it, and just getting on with my lot, because that is what blokes are meant to do.
kids to bring up, mortgage to pay, try not to let em all see you down.
been doing it for years, just getting on with my lot.

last year, i got some shocking news from my mother. i tried to carry on like normal with that too.
but it didnt work, i seemed to crack. i couldnt hold it all in no more.
i now cry quiet a bit, which is a hard thing to say to be honest. i cry at the easiest things.
i got my sisters together who i had been alienated from by my mother. i cried more than my sisters.
it may have been post surgery blues, but i dont think it was, it was coping, and just carrying on no matter what, for all the years. i felt i was unloading all the shit.

this last week, i have buried the hatchet with a lot of people i had fallen out with.
been to see 2 mates who i have not spoken to for 30 years. just shaking their hands and putting my arms round em felt great.

i honestly feel loads better, and brighter.
no more falling out will be done by me, no more holding my feelings in, no more just being a bloke and carrying on because that is what blokes do

i seem to have found some emotions i didnt think i had......and i ****ing love it.

keep well houns, and try not to be a bloke.

Excellent to see so many being open, part of my role at work is to help staff to be open and talk but I ignored the warning signs on myself. It meant I exposed myself to something I might have been able to avoid, I've years of damage which will be hard to get over maybe never will. What I need to do is retrict future harm as much as I can by seeking help but I'm stubborn and old school so it'll be a fight.

Talk people, to friends family collesagueas, get help if you need don't let pride drag you down.

This week I have mostly been burying my Grandmother and splitting up with the missus.

But as long as I have youtube and a sense of humour I'm sure I'll be reet.

Bloody hell sbob that’s a bit shit and so your story.

Keeping your humour helps but don’t sit alone.

But as long as I have youtube and a sense of humour I'm sure I'll be reet.

Sounds bad times sbob , hope you have some family around you.

I hate this time of year. Long hours of darkness, crazy busy at work, stupid xmas spendathon everyone gets caught up in. Really bad driving, followed a drunk driver home last night. He failed to overtake a cyclist with 100m of clear road, in an S3. So we sat there at 15mph for 1/2mile waiting for the cyclist to turn off.
Trolly rage in supermarkets
Its just turd . Hardly anyone goes to church . Hardly anyone actually beleives in God .
I dont want anymore plastic landfill tat that I didnt want before the 25th December , and I certainly dont want it after the 26th.
So the whole family have to go through the motions . My mum sits there and wonders why me and my bro are still both single, never had any girlfriends , then the dysfunctional nephews will be glued to smartphones and refuse to talk to anyone over the age of 18. My sister and her husband are now teetotal so thats even more awkward.

if anyone fancies a brew, a slow as * cycle or a chat,

I’m as slow as * at the moment! 🙂

Its a crap time of year for many of us, and my heart goes out to all who've posted here to say how rough they're finding it. From a mental health standpoint, I'm no different to many here- same issues, same blues, affected by the same troubles. In a good spot right now, largely because I seem to have learned how to pick my causes a little better.

It doesn't help that the whole of Christmas has been nicked by the retail sector to push sales.

Not really a surprising observation, and I'm not wanting to pee on anyone's chips here, but I said to myself and family that I'd put in a £1 for every time I saw any kind of advert over the festive season that had anything at all to do with Jesus, the original Christmas story, or anything whatsoever to do with not spending money in shops.

As of Christmas Eve-Eve, the total stands at a whopping....

£0.

If anyone's feeling down this Christmas over this added pressure to have the 'perfect' occasion, remind yourselves that you're probably a better person than you suspect precisely because you're aware that its not what its all about.

Peace my brothers and sisters- x

Thanks all for your words, and bigger thanks to those sharing.
‘I’m actually not [i]that[/i] bad at the moment, I think actively ignoring everything and trying to distract myself is helping. It’s a shame as normally I love Christmas and the run up to it. I’m thinking this year as a “fallow” year

As someone mentioned earlier, the sheer amount of plastic tat waste created by Christmas is depressing in its own way. I’ve really tried my best to only buy presents that are useful and wanted, and no plastic ****!

My biggest bug bear is "tat" presents. Either buy me something useful, or that I have asked for, or give me cash or vouchers. I don't want you to waste your money on buying me tat. Or calories.

I'm having a just-the-two-of-us Christmas this year, the dog and me, that is.
Couple of lovely long walks, one present for her, some nice food with a few treats for both of us, few glasses of something of drink for me, bowl of water for her, bit of Christmas telly... sounds about right!
And I shalln't be lonely because for me, as for Roxy Music, loneliness is crowded room!

Hope everyone who is struggling gets through alright.

Back on the meds this week after a year off. New ones this time, Escitalopram as the Venlafaxine before had become less effective.

Interestingly, as I’ve come back to UK, I’ve also caught up with an old friend who is struggling to cope with his own MH, alongside a wife who appears to be suffering long-term PSTD following a rough upbringing.

I’ve also been in touch with an old work colleague who scores really high in the GAD7 and PHQ9 tests, has a limited support network and not yet sought professional help.

It seems the world has gone mad...look out for each other 🙂

And this is the best thing I’ve read for a good while 🙂

i honestly feel loads better, and brighter.
no more falling out will be done by me, no more holding my feelings in, no more just being a bloke and carrying on because that is what blokes do

i seem to have found some emotions i didnt think i had......and i **** love it.

I’m coming off (well should be off by now , but if I go for more than 2 days without it I get the dizziness and ‘waves’ pulsing through my head) venafalaxin and on to mirtzapine (again)

Making sure I avoid all booze too as that’s a depressive and will make me feel worse

Did you find any issues with weight gain on Mirtzapine Houns? They initially prescribed me that this week but I’d read it could be a problem. I also had really bad brain zaps when I came of 150mg Venlafaxine last year!!!

alongside a wife who appears to be suffering long-term PSTD following a rough upbringing.

I hear good things about: [url= https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Transformation-Trauma/dp/0141978619/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1514029252&sr=8-1 ]The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.[/url]

Thanks Jamie, I’ve sent him the link.

Yeah mirtaz makes me permanently hungry, it’s easing off though. The brain zaps aren’t fun are they?!

Well I was worried about being all on my own for boxing day that has no changed to 3 days...

I family friend was due to go to Bluestone next week for 2 nights but has recently been in hospital and his wife and kids are staying at home with him so he very kindly offered me their booking as they are too late for a refund.

I cant go as the dog isnt allowed and I have no one to look after him (cant go to kennels) so the kids are going with my mum, which I feel guilty for not being that happy about as the kids deserve to go and have a nice time but I dont really want to be alone for 3 days...

Where are you Wiggles, I can look after your dog if you're local.

i feel like a fraud, reading some of your stories. can't offer much in the way of help, other than just to say that i hope you all find the strength to carry on through whatever you're going through. life is ****ing hard.
there's so much shite going on in/around my life these days, way too much to get into here, but my trouble is that i just try to bottle it up and at times i feel fit to burst. and on the times it does show itself, people saying "what do you have to be depressed about?" make it so much worse.
anyway, not really sure what my point is other than that i understand the stuggles many of us are facing daily, and empathise. and although i've barely ridden a bike at all this past year, if anyone's around (or going to be around) rivi/north manchester over the next couple of weeks, i'll do my best to either show you around or set up a sociable ride in the grim west pennine hills! i'll even make cakes...

Interesting link Jamie might have a look at that book/

Thank you very much for the offer Neil but its ok I need to get used to it anyway. I havent spent more than 24 hours apart from them all year so just seems strange. Maybe I will actually ride that bike I built in the same year I built it!

xherbivorex - I think we can all feel like that, my family are very much the "oh you`re depressed are you? ... well, then cheer up" type so I know it can be hard but you just have to deal with things the way you need to and try not to worry as much about other peoples perceptions of you

There’s some good resources here, depending on where people are at etc

https://psychologytools.com/download-therapy-worksheets.html

xherbivorex - I felt like my version of depression was always somehow inferior to everyone else's, I think that's something to do with having low self esteem and the (typical) resolve to keep everything bottled up so I never really faced how I actually felt and never shared it. It was only after a fair bit of counselling that I felt able to actually let myself face the reality of how I felt, and that was pretty overwhelming.

I guess what I'm saying is if you're with people who don't understand you, try to find some people who do. MIND have local support groups which I found really useful, and for a meeting of depressed people there was a surprising amount of laughter, as well as a few tears.

Hmm, gig is cancelled, just dropped my phone off the roof (was up there fixing the TV aerial), failing to find the motivation and/or time to get out and do any exercise and already fed up with being in the house with kids' mum rather than having somewhere to go out (I'd identified a while ago that spending time in the house with her in the evenings made me unhappy, so tend to go out most evenings if I can). I'm wobbling a bit here...

Less of a black dog problem, but I really don't get on with shortness of the days this time of year.

However, taking more note of the Winter Solstice this year does seem to have cheered me up a bit.

Mornings will soon be earlier & evenings lighter - I can't fing wait!

Stay away from negative people.

You can swear at me and I don’t give a shoot.

My old man tells me to piss off for no reason and I get upset/depressed.

Weird and I guess it is the emotional attachment but I don’t care anymore of the causes.

So I stay away from him. Took him out on my birthday though and he was an asshole. So dropped him off and had more fun with my friends and missus.

I don’t miss him. Yes I wish he was a great Dad but I’m kidding myself if that’s going to happen.

Hope it gets better for you Houns and everybody else.

I’m happy I’m away from my awful family except my missus.

Stay positive.

How’s everyone been today?

I’ve had a couple of crappy moments today and I’ve no idea why. I just wanted to shout, scream and run away. I thought about driving somewhere last night when I got home, not to do any harm to myself just to escape.

Had a couple of hours to myself this afternoon which helped a wee bit, went into town, bought some Christmas presents, wrapped them when I got home, went upstairs with cuppa and ended falling asleep watching final score on my phone.

Currently watching the punisher and having a bottle of waggle dance.

just got back from a night out with 2 of my sisters
all went well until 10.30 when my eldest sister was so pissed that every thing anyone said to here was misconstrued into something that was NOT said.
i made a excuse that i was in pain and needed to get home for some relief.
i am now annoyed with myself for doing this and not sorting her out, but i didnt want to do this in beer. so tomorrow i shall remedy this and pull her to one side and have a word.

sometimes other people **** you off, and it is not your fault, even tho you think it is.

i am now annoyed with myself for doing this and not sorting her out, but i didnt want to do this in beer. so tomorrow i shall remedy this and pull her to one side and have a word.

Best thing you could have done.

Kudos.

Been in some dark places in the past but (hopefully) I recognise the thought pattern that can drag me back there, so stay positive these days. Still the odd wobbly moment though.
Not enough time on my own does me.
Need to get out on the bike but had a bad chest since late Nov. Can only manage a few miles.
Think I’ve flu now, today totally wiped out. Night Nurse is about to kick in so signing off. Take care all.

Had quite a damaging upbringing from a parent who themselves had an upbringing far more damaging.
Got a girlfriend pregnant when I was 17 and found out it wasn’t mine when I was 20, I lost ‘my’ son and the woman I thought loved me in an instant and my life turn to siht, I ended up with nothing living in a tiny flat in a rough area and unemployed.
My depression was that bad a times I actually felt physical pain, I hated myself, I hated everybody.
Didn’t seek help, I just withdrew into a dark place and my way of coping with this for the next ten years was drink drugs and violence.

14 years ago I got into a fight on the way home from a Christmas night out, i spent a week in hospital with head injuries and lost the sight in one eye.

Id had enough, I started to think about ending my miserable life.

And then WHAM.......... I met somebody beautiful in every way , in an instant life was wonderful again.

It took years to get off and stay off the drugs but I’ve been clean for 6 years,,,, haven’t even touched a cig for 3 ,,,,, but I know I drink far to much (that’s my next challenge)

I’ve had several different councillors over the years and now have the tools to DIY my moments of depression although it does get the better of me from time to time but that’s the rollercoaster called life, i tell myself the ups and downs may be long or short but they do follow each other eventually

At the moment I have a job I don’t like , nice little house with my beautiful partner who has given me an amazing funny energetic 2 year old son. we don’t have much and it’s a bit of a struggle to pay the bills etc but we keep things simple and although I’m the happiest I’ve been for a long time, I’m prepared for the next time life takes a turn for the worst.

feeling pretty emotionally fragile today, to be honest.
i just really don't want to be doing christmas, it feels like its too much for me to cope with. i mean, i'm all set for it- presents for kids and close family all bought but i just don't want to be here. i'm terrified of the potential for drama, the chaos, noise, over-indulgence that i'll inevitably have to be present for but that's the problem- family is all into that kind of thing. whereas i'm totally not. there's going to have to be compromise somewhere, and that will no doubt be me just sucking it up because nobody gives a shit about how i'm feeling (until it gets to breaking point, as it has done many times previously but lessons are never learned.
i'd love to be able to just not care what anyone thinks about me, but that's unlikely to happen- instead i just have to sit there, try to smile, bite my tongue and hope that i don't expire somehow.
i appreciate that many people would love to have what i have too, though. it's difficult, as i said in my previous post i feel like a total fraud because at least i have family/friends and, for the most part, they're nice folk and a joy to be around. it's nothing personal, it's all down to me- i just don't feel comfortable in very many social situations, but at this time of year there's so much pressure to be involved, everyone expecting me to be someone i'm not. it wears me out.

As above, avoid the company of vexatious people, if possible.
Aside from one negative friend, who I felt I had to see for a few hours out of duty, I've kept my xmas diary to a minimum this year.
You think, maybe this year they will act differently, but they never do.
There are givers and takers in this world.

And then WHAM.......... I met somebody beautiful in every way , in an instant life was wonderful again.

Does she have a sister? 8)

oreetmon that made me well up. Good on you!

I’ll read the other replies and respond throughout today.

Sadly with parents this Christmas, miserable moaning, negative people, bickering already, sat here like a surly teenager locked away in bedroom with ear phones in so I can’t hear them. My Nan who is a legend and lightens up family christmases isn’t feeling great and is doubtful for tomorrow, think I’ll just spend the day with her and have my meal microwaved later on

I had every intention of getting out on bike today and escaping, bike and kit ready, lights charged.... but I’ve been awake most of the night with gut ache (think it’s stress) and feel like I’m going to throw up any minute. Bah!

I’ve been awake most of the night with gut ache (think it’s stress) and feel like I’m going to throw up any minute. Bah!

Power through. Worse thing that happens is you chunder. Which just makes more room for mince pies.

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Oreetmon-you are inspiring .
Op ,force yourself to go for the ride.

Keep on keeping on people.

Herbivore (or anyone else), I'm having a Christmas Day ride up rivington tomorrow late morning, anyone welcome to join.

Ok, I am going to try and give this thread a little lift.

Last week I was sitting in the living room with both our boys (Twins, 10 years old.) and Alex said to me “Dad aren’t you glad we can have great times together”. I agreed and my other son James said “You know, your our dad and you tell us what to do - but you are also like a friend we have fun with.” I was as you can imagine, understandably chuffed and responded. “Well one day when you are older and you are both probably taller and stronger than me I will turn to you and say - Do you remember when” and Alex, before I can carry on jumps in with “You didn’t only have white pubes”. I was more than a little blindsided, by: -
1). My son mentioning pubes, which is a little uncommon**
2). The fact he’s talking about my pubic hair*, which he’s not been in close proximity to
3). His cheek
4). His most excellent timing

I failed totally at being a responsible parent and laughed a lot. His mum as it turned out, not so much...

*Despite my age of 43 - I have no whites or greys. None anywhere I can see that is...
**After watching Wayne’s World, maybe 18 months ago, he asked my wife in the supermarket what pubes were. He doesn’t have a quiet or ‘indoor’ voice...

Anyway, I thought it might make you smile despite theirs sometimes being an incredibly hard time of the year. Also, I am taking bookings for Alex for best man speeches, stag/hen night comedy stand up and working men’s club circuit gigs.

Herbivore (or anyone else), I'm having a Christmas Day ride up rivington tomorrow late morning, anyone welcome to join

i'll have to see how the morning pans out, gonna be over at the gf's from first thing for the boys to open their presents but i can't stay in their house for too long due to allergies (which is another thing contributing to my shaky mental health i think, i'm not handling not being able to live in the same house as them particularly well) but the other downside to that is that it screws my respiratory system up for hours too, also contributing to my lack of riding this past couple of years. there's no easy solution to the situation, it's so ****ing tough. very kind offer though, i genuinely appreciate it (although i'd slow you down to snail's pace!)

OK so I really wanted to post this on facebook because this time of year is very hard, but decided against it because I'm not "out" about all this yet.

I stumbled across this podcast series on spotify and it's pretty much changed/saved my life. It's on a variety of podcast sources not just spotify. I recommend starting from the beginning rather than from the most recent. Some are more entertaining than others and some you will relate to more than others. One of them in particular could basically be me, it was uncanny. You'll laugh and you'll cry but you'll realise you are not alone. It's a series of talks with other comedians about depression, ocd, anxiety etc. I think it's utterly fantastic. I think there is a real link between depression and humour/comedy in several ways and there's no better way to talk about the subject.

https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/

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I’ll give that a go definitely. Cheers for the heads up.

I think it was from episode 2 where it really grabbed me. I saw Maria Bamford live a few years ago and wish I'd spoken to her after having heard her talk on this now. Episode 3 just blew me apart as it was like listening to myself gone just that bit further over the edge. Completely terrifying and the most immense relief at the same time.

I've had flu, a couple of colds and put my back out in recent weeks, plus I'll have a hangover. So I'm not gonna be setting any records on tomorrow's ride.

Any time though, just drop me a line.

🙂

Don't know if its a lift or not but getting it off my chest will help
2015 - split up with the Missus after 26 years together
2016 - started to get my mojo back then managed to pop my shoulder that bad that I spent 7 months off the bike slowly descending into myself
2017 - April got the all clear on my shoulder started going out starting to feel fit, June my Mother got taken into hospital and dead 5 days later, which knocked us all sideways. To date dealing with a bewildered 81yr old father, trying to cope with major crap in work, sorting out the financial mess my mother left, having him move in with me (otherwise he'd go lala on his own)

I don't know how I have managed to even get out of bed in the mornings all I can do is look forward to the New Year and I am trying to create a plan to get me out, get me thin and get me quick again. First step is always the hardest but I am trying to make myself excited about it.

Heck even admitting it all is a good step.

^^It’s only when we write things down that it becomes obvious how much we cope with. You have managed to handle a hell of a lot of knock backs in the last couple of years.