I’m coming off (well should be off by now , but if I go for more than 2 days without it I get the dizziness and ‘waves’ pulsing through my head) venafalaxin and on to mirtzapine (again)
Making sure I avoid all booze too as that’s a depressive and will make me feel worse
Did you find any issues with weight gain on Mirtzapine Houns? They initially prescribed me that this week but I’d read it could be a problem. I also had really bad brain zaps when I came of 150mg Venlafaxine last year!!!
alongside a wife who appears to be suffering long-term PSTD following a rough upbringing.
I hear good things about: [url= https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Transformation-Trauma/dp/0141978619/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1514029252&sr=8-1 ]The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.[/url]
Thanks Jamie, I’ve sent him the link.
Yeah mirtaz makes me permanently hungry, it’s easing off though. The brain zaps aren’t fun are they?!
Well I was worried about being all on my own for boxing day that has no changed to 3 days...
I family friend was due to go to Bluestone next week for 2 nights but has recently been in hospital and his wife and kids are staying at home with him so he very kindly offered me their booking as they are too late for a refund.
I cant go as the dog isnt allowed and I have no one to look after him (cant go to kennels) so the kids are going with my mum, which I feel guilty for not being that happy about as the kids deserve to go and have a nice time but I dont really want to be alone for 3 days...
Where are you Wiggles, I can look after your dog if you're local.
i feel like a fraud, reading some of your stories. can't offer much in the way of help, other than just to say that i hope you all find the strength to carry on through whatever you're going through. life is ****ing hard.
there's so much shite going on in/around my life these days, way too much to get into here, but my trouble is that i just try to bottle it up and at times i feel fit to burst. and on the times it does show itself, people saying "what do you have to be depressed about?" make it so much worse.
anyway, not really sure what my point is other than that i understand the stuggles many of us are facing daily, and empathise. and although i've barely ridden a bike at all this past year, if anyone's around (or going to be around) rivi/north manchester over the next couple of weeks, i'll do my best to either show you around or set up a sociable ride in the grim west pennine hills! i'll even make cakes...
Interesting link Jamie might have a look at that book/
Thank you very much for the offer Neil but its ok I need to get used to it anyway. I havent spent more than 24 hours apart from them all year so just seems strange. Maybe I will actually ride that bike I built in the same year I built it!
xherbivorex - I think we can all feel like that, my family are very much the "oh you`re depressed are you? ... well, then cheer up" type so I know it can be hard but you just have to deal with things the way you need to and try not to worry as much about other peoples perceptions of you
There’s some good resources here, depending on where people are at etc
https://psychologytools.com/download-therapy-worksheets.html
xherbivorex - I felt like my version of depression was always somehow inferior to everyone else's, I think that's something to do with having low self esteem and the (typical) resolve to keep everything bottled up so I never really faced how I actually felt and never shared it. It was only after a fair bit of counselling that I felt able to actually let myself face the reality of how I felt, and that was pretty overwhelming.
I guess what I'm saying is if you're with people who don't understand you, try to find some people who do. MIND have local support groups which I found really useful, and for a meeting of depressed people there was a surprising amount of laughter, as well as a few tears.
Hmm, gig is cancelled, just dropped my phone off the roof (was up there fixing the TV aerial), failing to find the motivation and/or time to get out and do any exercise and already fed up with being in the house with kids' mum rather than having somewhere to go out (I'd identified a while ago that spending time in the house with her in the evenings made me unhappy, so tend to go out most evenings if I can). I'm wobbling a bit here...
Less of a black dog problem, but I really don't get on with shortness of the days this time of year.
However, taking more note of the Winter Solstice this year does seem to have cheered me up a bit.
Mornings will soon be earlier & evenings lighter - I can't fing wait!
Stay away from negative people.
You can swear at me and I don’t give a shoot.
My old man tells me to piss off for no reason and I get upset/depressed.
Weird and I guess it is the emotional attachment but I don’t care anymore of the causes.
So I stay away from him. Took him out on my birthday though and he was an asshole. So dropped him off and had more fun with my friends and missus.
I don’t miss him. Yes I wish he was a great Dad but I’m kidding myself if that’s going to happen.
Hope it gets better for you Houns and everybody else.
I’m happy I’m away from my awful family except my missus.
Stay positive.
How’s everyone been today?
I’ve had a couple of crappy moments today and I’ve no idea why. I just wanted to shout, scream and run away. I thought about driving somewhere last night when I got home, not to do any harm to myself just to escape.
Had a couple of hours to myself this afternoon which helped a wee bit, went into town, bought some Christmas presents, wrapped them when I got home, went upstairs with cuppa and ended falling asleep watching final score on my phone.
Currently watching the punisher and having a bottle of waggle dance.
just got back from a night out with 2 of my sisters
all went well until 10.30 when my eldest sister was so pissed that every thing anyone said to here was misconstrued into something that was NOT said.
i made a excuse that i was in pain and needed to get home for some relief.
i am now annoyed with myself for doing this and not sorting her out, but i didnt want to do this in beer. so tomorrow i shall remedy this and pull her to one side and have a word.
sometimes other people **** you off, and it is not your fault, even tho you think it is.
i am now annoyed with myself for doing this and not sorting her out, but i didnt want to do this in beer. so tomorrow i shall remedy this and pull her to one side and have a word.
Best thing you could have done.
Kudos.
Been in some dark places in the past but (hopefully) I recognise the thought pattern that can drag me back there, so stay positive these days. Still the odd wobbly moment though.
Not enough time on my own does me.
Need to get out on the bike but had a bad chest since late Nov. Can only manage a few miles.
Think I’ve flu now, today totally wiped out. Night Nurse is about to kick in so signing off. Take care all.
Had quite a damaging upbringing from a parent who themselves had an upbringing far more damaging.
Got a girlfriend pregnant when I was 17 and found out it wasn’t mine when I was 20, I lost ‘my’ son and the woman I thought loved me in an instant and my life turn to siht, I ended up with nothing living in a tiny flat in a rough area and unemployed.
My depression was that bad a times I actually felt physical pain, I hated myself, I hated everybody.
Didn’t seek help, I just withdrew into a dark place and my way of coping with this for the next ten years was drink drugs and violence.
14 years ago I got into a fight on the way home from a Christmas night out, i spent a week in hospital with head injuries and lost the sight in one eye.
Id had enough, I started to think about ending my miserable life.
And then WHAM.......... I met somebody beautiful in every way , in an instant life was wonderful again.
It took years to get off and stay off the drugs but I’ve been clean for 6 years,,,, haven’t even touched a cig for 3 ,,,,, but I know I drink far to much (that’s my next challenge)
I’ve had several different councillors over the years and now have the tools to DIY my moments of depression although it does get the better of me from time to time but that’s the rollercoaster called life, i tell myself the ups and downs may be long or short but they do follow each other eventually
At the moment I have a job I don’t like , nice little house with my beautiful partner who has given me an amazing funny energetic 2 year old son. we don’t have much and it’s a bit of a struggle to pay the bills etc but we keep things simple and although I’m the happiest I’ve been for a long time, I’m prepared for the next time life takes a turn for the worst.
feeling pretty emotionally fragile today, to be honest.
i just really don't want to be doing christmas, it feels like its too much for me to cope with. i mean, i'm all set for it- presents for kids and close family all bought but i just don't want to be here. i'm terrified of the potential for drama, the chaos, noise, over-indulgence that i'll inevitably have to be present for but that's the problem- family is all into that kind of thing. whereas i'm totally not. there's going to have to be compromise somewhere, and that will no doubt be me just sucking it up because nobody gives a shit about how i'm feeling (until it gets to breaking point, as it has done many times previously but lessons are never learned.
i'd love to be able to just not care what anyone thinks about me, but that's unlikely to happen- instead i just have to sit there, try to smile, bite my tongue and hope that i don't expire somehow.
i appreciate that many people would love to have what i have too, though. it's difficult, as i said in my previous post i feel like a total fraud because at least i have family/friends and, for the most part, they're nice folk and a joy to be around. it's nothing personal, it's all down to me- i just don't feel comfortable in very many social situations, but at this time of year there's so much pressure to be involved, everyone expecting me to be someone i'm not. it wears me out.
As above, avoid the company of vexatious people, if possible.
Aside from one negative friend, who I felt I had to see for a few hours out of duty, I've kept my xmas diary to a minimum this year.
You think, maybe this year they will act differently, but they never do.
There are givers and takers in this world.
And then WHAM.......... I met somebody beautiful in every way , in an instant life was wonderful again.
Does she have a sister? 8)
oreetmon that made me well up. Good on you!
I’ll read the other replies and respond throughout today.
Sadly with parents this Christmas, miserable moaning, negative people, bickering already, sat here like a surly teenager locked away in bedroom with ear phones in so I can’t hear them. My Nan who is a legend and lightens up family christmases isn’t feeling great and is doubtful for tomorrow, think I’ll just spend the day with her and have my meal microwaved later on
I had every intention of getting out on bike today and escaping, bike and kit ready, lights charged.... but I’ve been awake most of the night with gut ache (think it’s stress) and feel like I’m going to throw up any minute. Bah!
I’ve been awake most of the night with gut ache (think it’s stress) and feel like I’m going to throw up any minute. Bah!
Power through. Worse thing that happens is you chunder. Which just makes more room for mince pies.
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Oreetmon-you are inspiring .
Op ,force yourself to go for the ride.
Keep on keeping on people.
Herbivore (or anyone else), I'm having a Christmas Day ride up rivington tomorrow late morning, anyone welcome to join.
Ok, I am going to try and give this thread a little lift.
Last week I was sitting in the living room with both our boys (Twins, 10 years old.) and Alex said to me “Dad aren’t you glad we can have great times together”. I agreed and my other son James said “You know, your our dad and you tell us what to do - but you are also like a friend we have fun with.” I was as you can imagine, understandably chuffed and responded. “Well one day when you are older and you are both probably taller and stronger than me I will turn to you and say - Do you remember when” and Alex, before I can carry on jumps in with “You didn’t only have white pubes”. I was more than a little blindsided, by: -
1). My son mentioning pubes, which is a little uncommon**
2). The fact he’s talking about my pubic hair*, which he’s not been in close proximity to
3). His cheek
4). His most excellent timing
I failed totally at being a responsible parent and laughed a lot. His mum as it turned out, not so much...
*Despite my age of 43 - I have no whites or greys. None anywhere I can see that is...
**After watching Wayne’s World, maybe 18 months ago, he asked my wife in the supermarket what pubes were. He doesn’t have a quiet or ‘indoor’ voice...
Anyway, I thought it might make you smile despite theirs sometimes being an incredibly hard time of the year. Also, I am taking bookings for Alex for best man speeches, stag/hen night comedy stand up and working men’s club circuit gigs.
Herbivore (or anyone else), I'm having a Christmas Day ride up rivington tomorrow late morning, anyone welcome to join
i'll have to see how the morning pans out, gonna be over at the gf's from first thing for the boys to open their presents but i can't stay in their house for too long due to allergies (which is another thing contributing to my shaky mental health i think, i'm not handling not being able to live in the same house as them particularly well) but the other downside to that is that it screws my respiratory system up for hours too, also contributing to my lack of riding this past couple of years. there's no easy solution to the situation, it's so ****ing tough. very kind offer though, i genuinely appreciate it (although i'd slow you down to snail's pace!)
OK so I really wanted to post this on facebook because this time of year is very hard, but decided against it because I'm not "out" about all this yet.
I stumbled across this podcast series on spotify and it's pretty much changed/saved my life. It's on a variety of podcast sources not just spotify. I recommend starting from the beginning rather than from the most recent. Some are more entertaining than others and some you will relate to more than others. One of them in particular could basically be me, it was uncanny. You'll laugh and you'll cry but you'll realise you are not alone. It's a series of talks with other comedians about depression, ocd, anxiety etc. I think it's utterly fantastic. I think there is a real link between depression and humour/comedy in several ways and there's no better way to talk about the subject.
https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/
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I’ll give that a go definitely. Cheers for the heads up.
I think it was from episode 2 where it really grabbed me. I saw Maria Bamford live a few years ago and wish I'd spoken to her after having heard her talk on this now. Episode 3 just blew me apart as it was like listening to myself gone just that bit further over the edge. Completely terrifying and the most immense relief at the same time.
I've had flu, a couple of colds and put my back out in recent weeks, plus I'll have a hangover. So I'm not gonna be setting any records on tomorrow's ride.
Any time though, just drop me a line.
🙂
Don't know if its a lift or not but getting it off my chest will help
2015 - split up with the Missus after 26 years together
2016 - started to get my mojo back then managed to pop my shoulder that bad that I spent 7 months off the bike slowly descending into myself
2017 - April got the all clear on my shoulder started going out starting to feel fit, June my Mother got taken into hospital and dead 5 days later, which knocked us all sideways. To date dealing with a bewildered 81yr old father, trying to cope with major crap in work, sorting out the financial mess my mother left, having him move in with me (otherwise he'd go lala on his own)
I don't know how I have managed to even get out of bed in the mornings all I can do is look forward to the New Year and I am trying to create a plan to get me out, get me thin and get me quick again. First step is always the hardest but I am trying to make myself excited about it.
Heck even admitting it all is a good step.
^^It’s only when we write things down that it becomes obvious how much we cope with. You have managed to handle a hell of a lot of knock backs in the last couple of years.
I don’t know where the start, been feeling low for a while, normally snap out of it, but this time it’s sticking, can’t explain it just feel lonely, generally fed up of everything.
Morning all...
Giving you all a virtual hug today. Shout up if you hit a low, shout up if you hit a high. We’re here for you
Struggling here too. Currently trying to muster up the energy to get out of bed and go and join my family in Scotland but I’m not sure if I can do it.
Wiggles ygm.
Merry Christmas all.
Good post Houns. My email addy is in my profile if any one needs to chat or just off load.
I’ve been doing a bit better yesterday and today so far.
Grum, I know how you feel, I’ve been like that too. Don’t worry if you can’t make it up, you could always give them a phone a call or something.
Hope you guys are doing OK, I've been there a fair few times over the festive period. Make the time to do the things you've put off, treat yourself.
I've spent some of the last year reading this [url= https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 ]Book[/url] I'm not really one for stuff like this but it's basically the foundations of CBT, i thought I'd learn it myself rather than paying / waiting for expensive counseling etc.
I also found this helpful, I'd listen to it before going to bed and practice some of the techniques in the morning [url=
Brandon [/url]
The thing is/was, when you feel low the last thing I found I wanted to do was try new things to get myself out of it as it just felt like I was to far gone/it wouldn't work/did'nt have the energy, I managed to find these links before I got to far earlier this year, luckily they've kept me from going any further and helped me stay away from those thoughts
grum - Member
Struggling here too. Currently trying to muster up the energy to get out of bed and go and join my family in Scotland but I’m not sure if I can do it.
Hope you make it. Merry Christmas Grum.
Another one feeling like a fraud here, but my anxiety levels have been through the roof, and some bad thoughts started creeping in!
After the high of managing to escape the country for 3 days last Christmas, thereby steering completely clear of everyone else's forced merriment and family expectations, this year has been a massive crash back down to earth sadly!
Sadly in April, I split from my GF of almost 5 years, she was the only one who understood (or at least entertained) my total disdain for Christmas and the expectations my poor excuse for a father attempts to put on me every single year. Just under 3 months ago I met a wonderful new woman (now my current GF) who quite frankly I don't feel like I deserve, she's so nice and would do anything for me, but... She does not understand my anxiety here! At 38 she's one of those insufferable people who still loves Christmas, doesn't understand why anybody else doesn't, and has attempted to force her cheer on me! Fortunately, or so I thought, she left on the 23rd to go and be with her parents (2hrs away) for the next few days.
Well after a thoroughly depressing time on the bike yesterday (thumb still causing me all sorts of problems after coming off about 6 weeks ago, and my feet giving me severe gip as it feels like arches are collapsing) where I could hardly hold on to the bars and had to go home after just 9 miles, I've woken up today to a load of overly enthusiastic messages from the GF asking "if Santa had been?"
I feel like a right arse, but at the same time I wished she respected my views. She's left a load of small presents under my bed and inside the cupboard for me! I've really struggled with my emotions on this, I know she is only trying to be nice and she obviously really likes me, but I do really struggle with people not respecting my wishes when they are close to me. Anyway...
Far worse than that is my Dad has been trying to give me the guilt trip to get me to go over to his for the day... The whole of the rest of his new family will be there (most of them seem ok to be fair, though I've not yet the youngest of his step-children yet) as will my sister. But my Dad likes to ram his forced merriment down my throat too, and then have a go at me for not having fun. He's also, as I came to realise earlier this year, the most negative influence on my life by some margin ([url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/dealing-with-impossible-parents-a-problem-shared-is-a-problem-halved ]this thread explains it[/url]) so the idea of ending up in a fight with my Dad around a load of people I don't really know fills me with absolute dread!
ARGHHHHH!!!
Messaged the GF, thanked for for the presents (I'm not totally tactless!) though did also say she was a wally for not listening (she has a good sense of humour at least) but said how much I was struggling with anxiety today.
She immediately rang me back! This girl is a cracker fortunately... Anyway, once she'd heard me literally struggling to form sentences down the phone and almost bursting into tears, she apologised for not having realised just how much I struggled with Christmas etc. She even said "next year I'm not leaving you on your own" and I think she may even think about tempering her Christmas enthusiasm! 😆
She did tell me to give my best mate a call though, who I don't like to bother at Christmas cos I know how hard he has it with his very demanding parents to deal with, and his in-laws too, and 2 young kids that are a proper handful. Anyway, gave me 10mins on the phone and calmed me down a bit and helped me see sense...
The upside is now I decided to do the sensible thing, and stay here on my own. I'm not letting my father's guilt affect me, which has lifted my mood no end! There's plenty of TV to watch for once, I've actually got food in the fridge for once, and I've got 4 bottles of Gin, a bottle of Jim Beam, a bottle of Port, a nice red wine and loads of cider in too, so I am pretty confident I will be ok until midnight at least! 😉
Only another 6hr45m to go and then it's all over for another year! Seriously though... I'm doing Christmas abroad again next year, even if it's on my own and my GF is unhappy about it! It is quite simply the best coping mechanism I have found for dealing with Christmas, and at the end of the day, that's mostly what life is about isn't it... Finding coping mechanisms!
Now... To go down A&E now and try to get my feet looked at (I can barely walk right now, even just standing up is quite painful!) or get pissed and wait til Wednesday when the doctor's surgery will be open again and get an emergency appointment?
Great to hear many others positive stories by the way! Well done chaps.
Just reading this during the post lunch slump and am truly impressed with how everyone on here is able to be honest about things and also how much some of you have been through and have remained able to discuss it and have returned or are returning from what must have been a really dark place.
I wouldn't say that i have ever had anything on the scale of what has been described here but this thread is truly a tribute to what stw and the real strength of people.
It's over for another year! Woohoo!
I'm still alive, I didn't kill anyone, all is good once again... 😀
