[Closed] The advantages of atheism

Ha you are in central Lancaster too then? I hate those bloody bells. I wonder if I claimed it was part of religion to play loud dance music with my windows open all hours of the day it would be allowed?

Ha you are in central Lancaster too then?

yes 🙁

Campanologists should stick to what they know best - tents! And not be messing around with bells and stuff like that.

When I was a wee ****er at school, we had to go and do the Angelus (not very complicated - one bell - 3 rings, pause, three rings, pause, three rings, pause, nine rings) every few weeks when the parish clerk was on holidays or ill. It was me and my best mate Ricky. Bloody nightmare it used to be...the two of us getting pulled up into the bell tower on the end of the rope. The whole parish would hear any cock up and we'd get a belt from the teacher if we messed it up. And I'm also remembering the psycho jack russell that would tear down the avenue to the church to start nipping at our arses while we were doing it too. Happy days.

2. You don't have to go to Christenings.

I don't think I've had a more boring two hours of my adult life than the last one I went to.

3. You don't have to go to church.

4. You never have to mumble along to obscure hymns that you don't know the words of.

you can live a life full of debauchery and not give a care..... or is that catholicism? just pop into confession and come out and be a complete bastard again because your sins have been forgiven.

4. You don't have to eat fish on Fridays

just pop into confession and come out and be a complete bastard again

Hilarious :o)

5. You [u]can[/u] take the lords name in vain.

6. Weddings dont have to last several hours with hymns n stuff

7. Sunday mornings are for sh@gging and hangovers, not dressing up and singing.

you're mentally unencumbered. you're a free man.....

Do atheists not believe in some right old bollocks too?

7b) you treat this life as if it's the only one you're going to get.

8. You don't have to give any money to religious institutions. Although you still subsidise them indirectly. 🙂

yes

I wouldn't mind if they played a nice tune or something.

I have a friend who is going out with someone who used to be a Jehovah's witness - his whole family have now disowned him because he no longer believes. Very christian. 😡

7. Sunday mornings are for sh@gging and hangovers, not dressing up and singing

Oi! Keep your alcohol propaganda for your own thread! Anyway, my Sunday mornings are taken up dragging my reluctant carcase into the wide cathedral of Nature on my bike...

just pop into confession and come out and be a complete bastard again because your sins have been forgiven

Aha, you're not entirely familiar with how confession works are you? Unless you're sorry for the sins and are truly not intending (really...because Jesus knows) to commit them again, then sorry, no forgiveness.

Jeez, which reminds me of all the bunkum which was indoctrinated into us before our [i]First Holy Communion[/i]. We were shitting ourselves going in for our first confession..."bless me father for i have sinned...then you'd go through the list...I'm sorry for being disobedient at home, I'm sorry for stealing the last biscuit out of the tin, I'm sorry for not wiping my arse after a particularly messy shit". The the priest would give you a lecture about what a despicable little sod you'd been, tell you to say two Hail Marys, an Our Father and a Glory Be. I still remember the feeling of complete relief when you'd come out of the confessional though. Certainly took a load off...

EDIT: Bear in mind that we were 6 or 7 years old when we were being told what evil little ****ers we were for the first time. And all though the years I never once confessed to a bit of hand shandying. I know one fellow who claimed he did and he got nearly a whole rosary to say from the priest. He was in the church all night on his knees.

7b) you treat this life as if it's the only one you're going to get.

good point. You get the wonder of life, and what do you want ? More and better. I call that greedy 🙁

9) Stoner will take your ability to reason and make decisions seriously

🙂

I'm sorry for being disobedient at home

yeah, I used to feel guilty for having such unimaginative sins...

11) You don't get fettled by the priest.

I wouldn't mind if they played a nice tune or something.

can that be done with bells ?

12) You're automatically distanced from idiots like Young Earth Creationists, Muslim fundamentalists and anyone else who might take your beliefs as an endorsement of their own twisted worldview.

Oi! Keep your alcohol propaganda for your own thread!

will do, didn't see you arguing on the sh@gging point though 😉

9. there [b]is[/b] no nine (apparently)

13) Theres a fighting chance you'll retain your foreskin

yeah, I used to feel guilty for having such unimaginative sins...

That was the thing...you'd go in with the usual list, but then you'd try and spice it up with something juicy towards the end...just different, like a bit of petty underwear thievery from the spinster's washing line next door...but not serious prayer time stuff like shoplifting or taking the Lord's name in vain or anything like that...

11) You don't have to sh@g a priest.

Some of the priests in my parish were rather handsome!

didn't see you arguing on the sh@gging point though

I may be almost tee-total but stupid I ent (though ernie disagrees)

11) slight doubt, as you've been wrong on stuff before and eternity is a very long time (glup).

sh1t I'm slow

12. You can knock one out without going to hell.

13.) Fossil collecting and radiometric dating won't cause any existential angst.

You can knock one out without going to hell

Unless you confess it and intend not to do it again.

14) You can take comfort in the fact that whatever happens to you, it has a rational explanation, rather than being the work of an all-powerful supernatural being with a very sick sense of humour.

15) You can shout "oh God, I'm coming", without anyone thinking you're about to die.

eternity is a very long time

and there's no time off for good behaviour in Heaven 🙁

[i]EDIT: Bear in mind that we were 6 or 7 years old when we were being told what evil little ****ers we were for the first time[/i]

Nice, there's a reason enough really.

Im with Calvin & Hobbes on this.

Why would anyone want to spend eternity with billions of do-gooder christians in heaven, when everyone knows all the slutty girls are in hell.

16. You don't have to clutter you house up with crappy little statues and Goddy pics.

I am partial to little country churches (and several hymns). But I enjoy them much in the way that I enjoy visiting National Trust properties.

Here Barnes ........ do you ever get "taking the piss of other people's beliefs" fatigue ?

.

No, I didn't think so.

I am partial to little country churches

That's what Weatherspoons and O'Neils were started for, to make use of "unwanted" churches.

do you ever get "taking the piss of other people's beliefs" fatigue ?

I just like to take the piss. Belief is as good a substrate as any...

Sunday mornings are for sh@gging and hangovers, not dressing up and singing

They're not mutually exclusive.
Although I try not to mix 'hangover' with 'singing'.

Though I'll not be looking to happy myself, should there be a judgement day SFB's face will be a picture.

You don't have to wear a purple cloak and take a chicken to slaughter every week.
(satanism's a religion too you know!)

Although if you are an aethiest,when you die is it a case of "All dressed up with no place to go?"
And should you be on a terminally malfunctioning plane heading into Manchester.....vertically,at warp speed, what do you do whilst everyone else is kissing their arse goodbye and praying?

... and I still do the ridiculous Sunday dressing up part:
[img] [/img]
(courtesy [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/jumpyjames/ ]Jumpy James[/url])

And should you be on a terminally malfunctioning plane heading into Manchester.....vertically,at warp speed, what do you do whilst everyone else is kissing their arse goodbye and praying?

Wrestle the controls from the pilot and aim at Stockport?

I just like to take the piss.

Yeah I'd noticed that. The question was do you ever get "taking the piss of other people's beliefs" fatigue ?

Belief is as good a substrate as any...

How about other substrata, like the way some people dress ? Surely the way Asian and African people dress is worth taking the piss out of ?

Personally, I think men who walk around in all weather in shorts look like right ****s. What do you reckon ?

should you be on a terminally malfunctioning plane heading into Manchester.....vertically,at warp speed, what do you do whilst everyone else is kissing their arse goodbye and praying?

Seize the controls and try and score a direct hit on Morrissey, Alex Ferguson or Terry Christian? 🙂

Edit: Higgo is way quicker off the mark than me...

what do you do whilst everyone else is kissing their arse goodbye and praying?

take photos out of the window :o)

should there be a judgement day SFB's face will be a picture.

I shall be taking the gods to task 🙂 Eternal argument anyone ?

17. If you have difficulty ignoring things that erode your self-esteem for no good reason, you'll only have workplace bullies and advertising left to contend with.

The question was do you ever get "taking the piss of other people's beliefs" fatigue ?

you answer my unanswered questions on the Aplha thread and I'll reciprocate.

Surely the way Asian and African people dress is worth taking the piss out of ?

why pick on them in particular ? The way [b]everyone[/b] dresses is funny 🙂

Personally, I think men who walk around in all weather in shorts look like right ****. What do you reckon ?

doubtless you're right, but it amuses me :o)

Looking at your pic SFB I can understand why you think there's no god!
If god created man in his own image..........well............why would you bother replicating something that looks that bad?! 😆 😉

Wrestle the controls from the pilot and aim at Stockport?

no, my mum lives there!

why would you bother replicating something that looks that bad?!

he didn't get my good side!

[url] http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=the+advantages+of+christianity [/url]

There's some brilliant unintentionally (I assume) funny stuff out there 🙂

You don't have to worry about whether you are worshipping the right god.

You don't have to worry about whether you are worshipping the right god.

does [b]anyone[/b] actually do that ? Aren't they too busy decrying the heretics ?

simonfbarnes - Member

The question was do you ever get "taking the piss of other people's beliefs" fatigue ?

you answer my unanswered questions on the Aplha thread and I'll reciprocate.

You miss the Alpha thread Barnsie - doncha ? ......19 pages of endless and meaningless waffle. It must have been heaven for you.

I don't remember the question. Ask it again and perhaps we could bring it back to life.

............ and on the 3rd day it was resurrected.........and Simon Barnes ascended into heaven 8)

18 - you can argue for hours with believers and walk away with your opinion unchanged by "but thats why it's called faith" arguments.

The noise may just be the folk ringing the bells up so they are ready to go into action, ie. perched with the bell facing up. This is always a right old clatter.

19 pages of endless and meaningless waffle.

you shouldn't be so self critical!

It must have been heaven for you.

but mercifully curtailed 🙂

I don't remember the question

that's your homework that is...

you can argue for hours with believers and walk away with your opinion unchanged

of course I don't argue the atheist line myself, as I find it too dogmatic. I'm prepared to believe that we're all god or God/s.

I go on holiday and you bastards have a full on "religion" thread without me.

Not very christian of you. 🙁

This is always a right old clatter.

no it was more of a ding-er-dong-er-er-dang etc lack of synchronisation but not syncopation (which would have been a good trick)

Very droll, Stoner.
Too many Muslims on this site, that's what I think. And Hindoos.

barnes vs ernie FIGHT AGAIN!

barnes vs ernie FIGHT AGAIN!

I wouldn't so characterise it. Ernie seems to find me very irritating for reasons which aren't obvious to me, or perhaps he's just pretending for comedy effect ?

II have a question. Who wrote the bible?

Hey Moses, leave the Muslims alone - they haven't been invented yet in your reality!

I go on holiday and you bastards have a full on "religion" thread without me.

Not very christian of you.

It was quite civilised stoner as a rampant atheist I could barely raise any interest.
It was typified by its ability to capture SFB's interest for more than the occaisional post and he almost landed Ernie 😉
I think it lacked a key ingredient, begins with rude and ends with boy!

simonfbarnes - Member

"19 pages of endless and meaningless waffle."

you shouldn't be so self critical!

.

But you've got to admit Barnsie, I did apologise :

.

ernie_lynch - Member

"where Ernie admits he's been talking the p1ss"

WTF ???? Isn't this whole thread about 'taking the piss' ??!! 😯

How the **** did I misread that ? 😕

Sorry 😐

Posted 5 days ago #

But you've got to admit Barnsie, I did apologise :

quite an admission given what had gone before!

19. I can covet my neighbour's wife as much as my conscience will allow.

quite an admission given what had gone before!

Yep, indeed it was. I had frankly no idea that it was a serious thread.

I don't know why ...... but I had assumed that you were spouting bollox because you were taking the piss.

I couldn't have guessed, that it was simply because you just spout bollox 24/7 😐

He was in the church all night on his knees.

I bet the priest loved that 😉

Religious holidays.

Free day off work!

I'm an athiest btw. I await the witch burning.

I couldn't have guessed, that it was simply because you just spout bollox 24/7

well, I try to hold true to my own arbitary beliefs while taking the rise out of people, and it doesn't seems like bollox to me 🙂

Always makes me s****...

20 - Cos atheists will die out as they don't like having babies as much as people who get god. What does Dawkins say about that?