MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Seems to lots of tension on here recently, more slagging and bickering than usual...
Anyhow tell me some jokes cos I am bored.
Should I have done 2 seperate threads?
Tiger and his wife have signed a new prenuptual agreement. According to the new contract, the next time Tiger plays a round, she will hand him his balls.
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
2.... 1 to change the bulb and the other to hold his cock... er ladder!
What do you call a Brazilian with a rubber toe?
Roberto?
good so far. will thats just my sort of humour..
What does a frenchman wear on his feet in summer?
Phelipe Phalops..
What does a man with 2 left feet wear in summer?
Flip flips..
What do you call a fairy who hasn't had a bath for a week?
Stinkerbelle!
I was helping the local police sweep up after a ram raid on a shop near me
Well you could say i had a brush with the law
a rabbit walks into a bar and asks for a pint of bitter and a cheese toastie.
The barman gives him the drink and food and the little rabbit goes off to a booth round the corner to have them.
15 minutes later he comes back and asks for the same "I'll have a pint of bitter and a cheese toastie please"
Barman sorts him out once more and off he goes to his booth
15 minutes later he's back again, slighly tipsy
"I'll have a pint of bitter and a cheese toastie please"
After warning him to slow down a bit, the barman sorts him out and watches as he goes off round the corner again.
15 minutes pass and the now quite drunk rabbit comes back
"I'll have a pintsh ofs bitter and a cheess toashtie pleesh" he says
The barman, being a caring chap says, "ok, but this is your last one, and it'll have to be a ham toastie as we've run out of cheese"
The rabbit seems happy and stumbles off back to his corner sloshing his pint.
Anyway, come closing, the rabbit hasn't been back and the barman is sweeping up. He gets to the booth where the rabbit had been to see the little fella on his back, legs up in the air shivering and whimpering
"What did I tell you?" he says, "I knew you were drinking too much"
To which the rabbit drunkenly replies
"It's not the drink.... it's mixing me toasties"
😀
Two birds on a perch, one says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"
Two goldfish in tank, one says "You drive, I'll shoot"
nickc - Member
Two birds on a perch, one says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"
Two goldfish in tank, one says "You drive, I'll shoot"
Probably my 2 favourite jokes ever 😆
Two snowmen in a field
"Is it just me, or can you smell carrot?"
How many council workers to change a lightbulb?
Dunno - its not been changed yet.
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it and nine to say that Neil Peart would have done it better.
A man walks into his doctors with the rim of a steering wheel poking out the top of his trousers...
Doctor sees this and says "bloody hell I can see what's wrong with you, how did that get there?"
Man replies "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
"Mummy, mummy, why is daddy zigzagging?"
"Shut up and reload!"
"Mummy, mummy, can I come out of the kitchen now?"
"No, the fire will spread to the rest of the house"
"Mummy, mummy, can I lick the bowl?"
"No, flush the chain like everyone else"
doctor doctor, I think I have a small leaf proturding from my bum hole.
"Brace yourself thats just the tip of the iceberg"
What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot, you f***ing racist.
Speech Therapist: " Well sir, what seems to be the problem"
Patient: " I can't pronounce words which contain sounds such as 'F' or 'Th' "
Speech Therapist: "Well you cant say fairer than that"
man walks in to a doctors in obvious discomfort.
"What seems to be the problem" asks the doctor.
" I don't know how to tell you, so I'll have to show you" says the man and then then drops his trousers and bends over to reveal a massively gaping bum hole.
"**** me, how the hell did that happen?" inquires the doctor.
"well I was on safari, and strayed from the tour group to have a poo in the bushes, the next thing I know a bull elephant runs up behind me and has his way with my rear passage!"
"but an elephants penis, even though it has a fair girth, wouldn't cause that sort of damage" says the doctor
"yeh the f*cker fingered me first"
How many social workers to change a lightbulb?
Just one so long as the lightbulb really wants to change
A doctor eats an apple thus creating a paradox.
What do you do if an elephant comes through the window? Swim for the door.
Why is semen white and urine yellow? So the know whether they're coming or going.
insert favourite minority group here
for samuri: Mummy, mummy, how much further to Australia? Shut up son, and keep digging
How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, it's a hardware problem.
What's the smelliest thing in the world?
An anchovy's cvnt.