[Closed] Stupid Job titles

Political science is a social science which deals with systems of government, and the analysis of political activities, political thoughts and political behaviour.[1] It deals extensively with the theory and practice of politics which is commonly thought of as determining of the distribution of power and resources. Political scientists "see themselves engaged in revealing the relationships underlying political events and conditions, and from these revelations they attempt to construct general principles about the way the world of politics works."[2]

errr... thats a science

errr yeah

I once sat next to a "change agent" and was none the wiser after he had kindly spent 20 minutes explaining what one was

http://study.com/academy/lesson/change-agent-definition-role-quiz.html
This web site might help a few people 😉

and was none the wiser after he had kindly spent 20 minutes explaining what one was

We got an all staff email the other day telling us we've got a new 'Head of platforms'

I didn't read any further, so I'm not sure if it meant head of platform boots or head of platforms you perform on or what.

I once sat next to a "change agent" and was none the wiser after he had kindly spent 20 minutes explaining what one was

Put simply - If you gave him a fiver he'd give you three pound coins, two 50ps three 20ps, and twenty 2ps for the coin-pusher machine (which lets face it is everyones favourite).

Basically he's the guy who sits in the kiosk in a seaside arcade.

We got an all staff email the other day telling us we've got a new 'Head of platforms'

I didn't read any further, so I'm not sure if it meant head of platform boots or head of platforms you perform on or what.

in my world head of platforms would be the boss above the individual platform bosses/team leaders. where a platform is basically an operating system.. mobile, or windows, or mac os x.. but, it could also apply to differing social media platforms like facebook, twitter etc..

I'm a Programme Manager, the amount of times I get asked "do you make TV programs then"

I think it's a silly title.

We have two admin guitarists at work.

I work in an industry where you still have a 'Best Boy'.

My job title is ACCESS CONTROL FACILITATION TECHNICIAN,i fit doors and gates etc.

Im also Bike Blogger, someone who writes and films articles for social media about bikes and routes.Got told that the other day, till then i just thought i was a bit nerdy.

We have "Senior Client Directors" here.

Aka, "Salesmen."

Had an email from a "Journey Consultant" the other day.

No, you are a "Travel Agent" at best. More likely you are a "Sales Advisor".

Who ever came up with the job title is, without doubt, a "Pretentious Bellend"

"My client describes himself as a compulsory property transferrance executive, m'lud".

in my world head of platforms would be the boss above the individual platform bosses/team leaders. where a platform is basically an operating system.. mobile, or windows, or mac os x.. but, it could also apply to differing social media platforms like facebook, twitter etc..

Or deputy station-master.

And wtf does "fat controller" mean? A dietician, a sewer cleaner, or Donald Trump? Really!

I'm in education liaison. Nobody who isn't in EL knows what that means. We do very little liaising with education anyway. So I always say "degree salesman". But in this enduro age it does seem appropriate that the liaison is the boring unpleasant bit between the good bits.

(also, pro tip- don't put "liaison" in your email address because everyone misses out the second i)

Aren't binmen now 'Environmental Engineers'?

everyone misses out the second i

Especially pirates.... .and cyclops

Solution Architect

Merely because it makes a mockery of how much dedication, time and commitment it takes to become an Architect in the traditional sense.

change agent

Which word was it that you didn't understand?

perchypanther - Member

Especially pirates.... .and cyclops

Though, not rastafarians or Neil Diamond

GSK have 'Execution Managers'.

I guess with all the shenanigans they (allegedly) get up to, that the occasional 'offing' of one of their own is to be expected.

Cheif of platforms

[img] [/img]

Jetpac!

Awesome!

"Growth Hacker" is pretty common amongst startups and I bloody hate it. Such a ****y term up there with anything with guru / ninja / rockstar in.

My job title is Technologist. What's wrong with Metallurgist or Materials Engineer?

Maybe metallurgist is considered plasticist in these post-metal days. Perhaps you are a materialist.

AT my current contract location, every bugger seems to be Head Of Blahblah or Divisional Director of Somethingorother.

For instance, there's the Head Of Cyber Security. Sounds impressive until you realise that he is the firm's entire cyber security workforce.

Solution Architect

Merely because it makes a mockery of how much dedication, time and commitment it takes to become an Architect in the traditional sense.

Yeah, but the daily rate for a contract Solution Architect is enough to assuage any guilt they may have 🙂

Solution Architect

Merely because it makes a mockery of how much dedication, time and commitment it takes to become an Architect in the traditional sense.

I'm a project manger - working in Engineering.

As soon as you mention the 'E' word, people assume you either work in Kwik-Fit or do a job which involves driving a van with ladders on the roof.

change agent

Which word was it that you didn't understand?

Har har, very funny. Must be another B-Ark occupant.

(also, pro tip- don't put "liaison" in your email address because everyone misses out the second i)

I am officially a "Tower Lead"

Nope, not a clue either

My best ever job title was printed on my pay slip when I was at University and doing a year in industry. Printed in bold, right under my name was : [b]CASUAL STUD[/b]

I guess they ran out of space for Casual Student or maybe they just knew me better than I thought...

My job title is Technologist

I used to be one of those, now I'm a technology associate.

A few favourites I've collected over the years (not by having them myself, I hasten to add), all real:

Internet Adventurer
Internet Executive
Spokesperson for the Potato Council
Director of Creation
App Dreamer
National Bowel QA Facilitator (With Public Health England)
Digital Prophet
Innovation Executive

and a fake one someone I know put on business cards for a conference:
Vice President of Synergies and Paradigms

fake one - I had Conceptual Engineer on printed business cards before Admin noticed

When I was a Delivery Driver I used to joke I was a " field logistics manager " quite a few young ladies fell for it.

Now I'm a Driving Instructor, I don't go round telling people what I do if I meet them away from work. I just tell them I do driving risk assessments for fleet based corporate clients.

It's not a lie, I'm qualified to do it, it's just its a lot easier teaching learners.

If I say I'm a driving instructor I can't get away from people, " how much are lessons now " , " oh I remember when I took my test ........" , " I'd never pass now, what should I do when I come upto them new roundabouts, you know those......."

How much are driving lessons now?

oh I remember when I took my test

Can you tell me anything about contesting a ticket for driving in a bus lane?

Jon Taylor - Member

change agent

Which word was it that you didn't understand?

Har har, very funny. Must be another B-Ark occupant.

Me thinks some people are objecting for effect again.

Dynamic Positioning Operator, Senior in my case.

Go look it up.

"Growth Hacker" is pretty common amongst startups and I bloody hate it. Such a ****y term up there with anything with guru / ninja / rockstar in.

Dynamic Positioning Operator, Senior in my case.

Can we have a vessel move, 10 cm to starboard?

I get emails from Wordpress from time to time. At the bottom of each email is a sign-off from one of their "Happiness Engineer"s. What the actual...?

@Jon Taylor, excellent deployment of the B-Ark. 😉

@tenacious - it's not the "growth" bit that bothers me, it's the "hacker" part. Too cool for school and all that shite. It's basically a ****y way of saying "we've got no money so do the cheap stuff first", which is what any decent marketer does anyway.

As work has grown they have shoe-horned new levels of seniority into the company, which essentially has meant I have an even higher gleaming tower in front of me to climb. Most of them seemed to be roles that previously existed, but then had a 'Senior' placed in front, creating a whole new level of job-ness. This went from your basic grunt right up to the Exec VPs.

change agent

Seriously it's explains itself

I'm not being [i]deliberately[/i] stupid, just asking for a clarification ins a stupid, flippant way.

The thing is, [b]change [/b]is a word people understand. [b]Agent[/b] is a word that people understand. But a [b]change agent[/b]? They're a catalyst? A chemical compound? or a business consultant? the nasty people a company gets in when they need to lay off a swathe of people, costing as much as the company has saved by laying them off? Does one improve the current systems and processes?

Many people, myself included, don't have enough experience in all the walks of business talk to imagine the endless possibilities of how such a title is self-explanatory or could be interpreted in several different ways. I'll go an read the link from earlier on now and edjucate myself!

edit for the lazy

A change agent is a person from inside or outside the organization who helps an organization transform itself by focusing on such matters as organizational effectiveness, improvement, and development. A change agent usually focuses his efforts on the effect of changing technologies, structures, and tasks on interpersonal and group relationships in the organization. The focus is on the people in the organization and their interactions.

[img] [/img]

"Principal Growth manager"

Fluffer?

Until recently I was a 'Business Support Officer', which is a long way of saying Admin.

I was left to fill out my own bsuiness card order once 20ish years ago and ended up with 'Justified Online Ancient of Mu'

Still have a couple of the cards for old time's sake. They remind of a time when I didn't have a mortgage to pay and I could tell 'the man' to chuffing ram-it whenever I fancied.

"Happiness Engineer"s. What the ...?

Chinese whispers. It should be "a penis engineer".

I was left to fill out my own bsuiness card order once 20ish years ago and ended up with 'Justified Online Ancient of Mu'

Several times throughout my career I've been offered the chance to create my own job title. On seeing my choices, not once has that offer been upheld.

Chinese whispers.

I was a 'Senior Technician Engineer' for about a year, FIIK why. Then I moved, and went back to being a techie.

And I know what seadog does.

Thanks Jon Taylor. I wasn't pretending to misunderstand what a change agent is either. Of course I know what "change" and "agent" mean but that obviously doesn't mean that I know what a change agent is!

methinks mikewsmith is a change agent. He's very defensive of them 😀

Agile Delivery Manager, ffs.
Nothing to do with postmen vaulting fences pursued by dogs.

Seen elsewhere:

[url= http://www.stanleyparkhigh.org.uk/13/our-team ]http://www.stanleyparkhigh.org.uk/13/our-team[/url]

Or how about 'Scrum Master'?
Is it any coincidence that many if not most [pretentious] titles above relate to IT roles?

midlifecrashes - Member
Seen elsewhere:

http://www.stanleyparkhigh.org.uk/13/our-team

*s*****

"Head of Aqua" means swimming teacher I guess? 🙂

But if you have business processes called Agile and Scrum, what do you want to call the people who lead them?

CharlieMungus - Member

But if you have business processes called Agile and Scrum, what do you want to call the people who lead them?

Project manager...

i recently met a [i]Director of Customer Success[/i]

Working for myself, any title whatsoever is within my remit to occupy.

Last conference I signed up with 'barely believable, often misinformed idiot' and they only went and rejected it. So I went with Rocket Scientist instead which was fine.

I've met Heads of Ideation, Curators of Human Capital and Customer Experience Advocates. And while they grate a bit, the - now somewhat outdated protocol - cramming of every certificate from Bronze Swimming' upward onto a business card in tiny type was properly irritating.

I used to take the card and read it back, qualifications and all. That was fun 🙂

Project manager...

Sure, but you could also call them 'manager' or 'worker' why is your level of specificity appropriate but that of others, not?

My job title was once "European Sales Manager". I asked for "Bloody Rep" on my card, but the idea was rejected.

Sure, but you could also call them 'manager' or 'worker' why is your level of specificity appropriate but that of others, not?

Because running a project via Agile is different to Scrum (or Prince 2, or plain old APM methodology).

The transferable skills might be the same (just general project management), but the specifics are different.

A bit like calling someone a BMW sales rep, Audi sale rep, Ford sales rep, etc.

Talking of IT,

I've mentioned this before, but a friend of a friend is in middle management in a trendy IT startup. His job title is possibly the greatest I've ever heard: "End of Level Boss."

Very few people that call themselves PMs, are 🙂

Anyhow, my contribution is 'User Researcher'.

Edit: Ooh, and 'Business Analyst'. Means naff all!

Ohh and pedantry, job titles are always lower case unless referring to someone.

The king of a country can abdicate to the prince.

The King abdicated to the Prince.

The Manager (a person) is looking for a new secretary (a job title).

My boss is apparently 'Scotland Director'. I wonder what Mrs Sturgeon thinks of that.....

Because running a project via Agile is different to Scrum (or Prince 2, or plain old APM methodology).

The transferable skills might be the same (just general project management), but the specifics are different.

Right and so when being specific about a job title, it makes sense to reflect that, no?