Forum menu
Opening a bag of pasta expecting it to open cleanly but instead it rips down the entire length and spills the pasta everywhere, just design a **** bag that opens you utter dicks
Same goes for a bag of mixed nuts 😡
Weed smokers. Everywhere these days.
Absolutely stinks. Really makes me feel sick.
I remember when dope used to smell really nice.
Smell it so much, everywhere now. Rank.
Not to mention everyone driving about stoned with acrid weed smoke billowing out of their cars. 😐
The designers that think it’s ok to make headlight bulb changes only possible by removing the whole **** unit🤯 along with a front wheel, arch liner etc etc guess what I was doing yesterday???
I've posted this before I'm sure. I once got a phone call from the car park by a colleague who'd just got out of Halfords with a new headlight bulb for his Astra van. "Can you pop down and have a look, I can't work it out." I was like FFS, it's a bulb you cretin, it'll be a plug and a clip.
Got downstairs and... you know, I can't work this out either.
We came back up, hit the Internet. "Step 1: remove radiator."
My parents and my sister failing to call my son on his 10th birthday. I’m f*^#ing furious.
If it's any consolation, he probably doesn't care so long as there's video games or Lego.
My parents and my sister failing to call my son on his 10th birthday. I’m f*^#ing furious.
My Dad did this. Then sent an email two days late wishing the wrong son a happy birthday.
We don’t really celebrate birthdays so thought it was quite funny… but I can see where you are coming from.
How about another nomination:
Coming back from six weeks secondment to find the person that backfilled me kind of did some of the stuff they felt like doing but not the stuff they didn’t like, leaving me a twisted mess to untangle and apologise for.
Haha aye the gym bros hogging machines is definitely one of mine too. They seem to be in groups of 3-4 in my gym. Recently, a group of the absolute whoppers were on the cable lat pull-down machine while I completed my entire workout. * * wits.
Does your gym not have the arch nemesis of the gym bros to keep them in check? The wire-y old man on a mission. The sort that looks about 54kg but is bizarrely strong and they all know could kill them. They have absolutely no compunction about reclaiming machines, usually by offering to work in while dripping in sweat wearing thread-bare gym kit from the 80s.
Same gym bros will come and hassle you 2 mins after you get on a machine and ask you how many sets you've got left.
'Dunno, I'm finished when I'm finished' normally pops their tiny brains 🤣
Opening a bag of pasta expecting it to open cleanly but instead it rips down the entire length and spills the pasta everywhere, just design a **** bag that opens you utter dicks
Same goes for a bag of mixed nuts
And then there's rice! Especially with a disabled wife who refuses to open such bags by simply using scissors, when her teeth and her one hand "are fine". Rip! "Can you fetch me the hoover?"
Students people that decide to have a group meeting/chat moment at the bottom (or top) of stairwells.
How big are his chicken strips?
Utterly non-existent.
The bike gets utterly thrashed beyond the point of stupidity. He also has a problem with alcohol and a death wish.
It's ~2 years old, and i'll be quite honest, the engine *really* doesn't sound well anymore.
He will kill someone eventually, but until the police catch him in the act (most of the neighbours have called them at some point) they won't do anything.
The likelihood is that he'll kill himself though. Mostly rides on empty Swedish roads.
https://twitter.com/MrJackLowe/status/1696432901737337057
Actually, piss-boiling seems pretty proportionate, on reflection. Carry on.
I know a guy that used to do that circa 15 years ago. Free into festival said it was incredible what you'd find in tents, electronics, drugs booze, sex toys, shit but tens of thousands of pounds worth of stuff.
Actually, piss-boiling seems pretty proportionate, on reflection. Carry on
Insert every festival here.
Although people do seem to leap to defend Glasto. But it is the middle class luvvies paradise.
My brother went to Glasto this year (I didn’t get a ticket but I’m not bitter 😖 ). He brought all his stuff back + a really nice tent upgrade (Decathlon Airbeam blackout), toilet tent and a few accessories.
I really think they should allow the general public to go onsite to get whatever they want (perhaps with a deal that they can’t leave unless they have their booty plus a bin bag full of litter).
Probably justifiably cross, but I was held up at the post office today because some karen didn't know the PIN number for her card for whatever transaction she was trying to do.
Despite the queue steadily filling up the entire office and out of the door she stood at the counter whilst she phoned someone (presumably her down trodden husband) to get the PIN.
Justice was served though as she did the walk of shame past the queue and got a classic british death stare from about 20 people.
Stuff that makes me cross?
People that say PIN number
😹😹😘
Insert every festival here.
Really not. Greenbelt last weekend but I suspect that there are a lot of smaller festivals that are similar
Stuff that makes me cross?
People that say PIN number
😹😹😘
See also
CAT Tourniquet
Main MSR
Cheese not being cut perpendicular to the sides.
My wife now does it on purpose
Stuff that makes me cross?
People that say PIN number
😹😹😘
Grammar Nazis 😉
And people who don't understand what a colloquialism is. 😀
Cheese not being cut perpendicular to the sides.
My wife now does it on purpose
Just now:
Asked me to clean something.
Played hidey-tidy with all the cleaning products.
Had a strop when I finally managed to dig them all out, "I've just cleaned that bit!"
So... 🤷♂️ what, you expect me to lick the shower door clean?
Probably should be cross-posted to the menopause thread.
Mattyfez ...
Bastard! but it does suggest it is about to be eaten
The use of oh instead of zero when telling you a phone number
The use of oh instead of zero when telling you a phone number
"Oh? Oh is the noise you make when having sex!"
Platoon Sgt on pay parade circa 1995.
Sticking plasters that are impossibly fiddly to get out of their packaging when blood is gushing out of your finger, without lots of swearing.
I now just go for electrical tape unless it's really serious.
Sticking plasters that are impossibly fiddly to get out of their packaging when blood is gushing out of your finger, without lots of swearing.
Or those shitty plastic ones that you don't realise you bought by mistake instead of the fabric ones. You usually only find out when bleeding everywhere and the bloody things refuse to stick.
So… 🤷♂️ what, you expect me to lick the shower door clean?
Cleaning as a dangerous/extreme activity.
OK here's a good one.. trying to spell something out over the phone...
You can tell they are struggling so you switch to the standard A for alpha, T for tango etc. phonetic alphabet.
Then they get even more confused.
M for mother? yes M for Mike..
What?
etc.
People who stab into the margarine. You go from one side to the other, not try to get lumps out the middle.
And never, NEVER, should the knife go from the toast to the butter with crumbs on it. Crumbs have no place in or on the butter when its still in the tub.
When my wife handed my sister in law a present for my niece and was immediately handed it back saying "she wouldn't like that".
OK here’s a good one.. trying to spell something out over the phone…
You can tell they are struggling so you switch to the standard A for alpha, T for tango etc. phonetic alphabet.
Then they get even more confused.
M for mother? yes M for Mike..
What?
etc.
**** yes. Boils my piss.
Up there with the poster an the 'oh' instead of zero and people who can't use or understand the 24hr clock.
phonetic alphabet.
I used to know a bloke who'd use words like "psychiatrist/pneumonia" , "know", etc wherever he could - but he was a bit weird all-round
People who stab into the margarine.
People who buy marg... WTF is up with that? You may as well use Castrol GTX.
I get very angry with the religious fundamentalists objecting to reproductive rights or dignity in dying with their bogus made up objections. At least be honest and say your objection is religious. don't make up scare stories!
I like the older UK phonetic alphabets
one started Ack, Beer, Cheese IIRC
I get very angry with the religious fundamentalists objecting to reproductive rights or dignity in dying with their bogus made up objections. At least be honest and say your objection is religious. don’t make up scare stories!
This is a really good one... classic modern american paradox... can't have an abortion, but if its born you can blow it to bits with a shotgun.
Get of my grass!
People who stab into the margarine. You go from one side to the other, not try to get lumps out the middle.
And never, NEVER, should the knife go from the toast to the butter with crumbs on it. Crumbs have no place in or on the butter when its still in the tub.
Coffee granules in the sugar bowl.
My mum had carers visiting for a brief while. How is this a difficult concept? Bits of sugar in the coffee is a non-event, bits of coffee in the sugar ****s up the sugar.
See also, people who stuff condiment bottles directly into their food. Ketchup bottles in cafés with bits of egg hanging off the neck, what, was there a concern that you might miss?
People who stab into the margarine.
People who buy marg… WTF is up with that?
Margarine hasn't existed in the UK for some time. We sacked off hydrogenated oil years ago.
I can't belive it's not butter!
Gross stuff. Proper butter or nothing is my philosophy.
I don't often use butter, but when I do it's actualy butter.
It's butter-adjacent.
Various takes on "spread" is a thing. Marg not so much.
Phillidephia cheese is not cheese, it's very light mayonaise.
https://www.philadelphia.co.uk/
Proove me wrong.
BBC R6 music whenever there's a festival. Yes I get there was/is a festival and you have free tickets and probably a backstage pass and nice accommodation and are actually being paid to be there but do stop banging on about how banging it was.
"Oh I'm so tired as I've just about recovered from glasto 2021" chuff off!!! and actually play some music.
Yes, disproportionately cross.
The concept of generations having arbitrary names and dates. Using such dates and names as insults.
Also the word "Karen" .... unless preceded by Space.