Ex Military, so some proper nicknames, but here are some of the tamer ones.
Various- someone asked him if he had any nicknames and said yeah, various.
Huggy - the guy had a really really hairy chest.
Trout- he liked dodgy women.
Baldrick - was as dim as the original.
RLF - (Really long face) because he had a really long face.
Gimlet - he was a small boring tool.
We had a supply teacher Mrs Lingard. If you said it quickly you could get away with Mrs Shinguard.
And Mr Heddle was always Miss Treddle.
I heard a good one on the rest is football podcast. Apparently Gazza used to call Justin Edinburgh, Dalmahoy, because it’s just in Edinburgh
1990, university halls of residence, the payphone rings and I answer it. Remember those days? One payphone for the whole floor, all 26 people, you;d have to wait to make your call home then wait for parents to call back so they were paying instead of you using your phone card - and woe betide any random who happened to phone while you were waiting for a call back, as they may have found themselves unexpectedly disconnected. But I digress. The phone rang, no one was waiting for a cll, so I answered it.
"Can I speak to Steven please?"
"errr, we don't have anyone called Steven on our floor"
"<sigh>. Can I speak to Chip please"
"Oh right I'll just get him"
... some time later...
"Why did that person call you Steven?"
"Well that's my name"
Turns out his surname was Minton, so at some point in his school life Steve Minton was rechristened Chippy Minton after the carpenter in Trumpton and the nickname "Chip" stuck to the extent that's how he introduced himself
Sometime later in Uni, I was given the nickname "Judge" on moving into my fourth year house
The residents, in no particular order were:
"Judge" Jules after a popular DJ of the time
"Jonah" - granted in first year when they failed to get to several events he'd suggested due to weather, traffic, police shutting down raves and general bad luck
"Bean" - cos he had a head shaped like bean, a head shaped like a bean (often sung to him, can't recall what the tune is called offhand but it's heard on the football terraces)
"Shev" - as he bore a passing resemblance to Eduard Shevardnadze
"Hedley" becuase in contrast to Bean, his head seemd like someone had painted a caricature head and he was wearing it as a caricature mask
One of my road riding mates can’t ride at a constant pace (massive crime in a road group) always off the back or surging off the front.
Hence known at Sergio.
Ha, we have a yo-yo in our club for the same reason.
couple of childhood friends.
One called Keith, nickname Beef - no idea why.
Another called Jaime and his nickname was duggen. That came from... Jaime - Jimmy - Hacksaw Jim Duggen - Duggen.
Thought of a few more!
Apple Head - Because he had an indentation in his head that made it look like an apple. Even his mum called him it.
Mad Eye Massey - A gentleman with the surname of Massey and a lazy eye.
Zippy - a guy with a bald head and big scar on it that looked like a zip.
we call our (male) dog Amy cos he's a 'whine-arse'
When I was in the uni hockey team you had a nickname assigned in the pub after your first training session, and it was derived via word association from your surname.
One that sticks out was a pair of twins who's surname was Sortwell - Sortwell -> sorted, and as they were twins, say hello to E's and Whizz. Never did know which one was which.
There was also a fella who's nickname came out as Semtex, followed by a hurried discussion/concern as to it's appropriateness given he was from Belfast. He was asked whether he minded and was very happy with it
The best was the rugby team who, being the sophisticates that university rugby teams are known to be, had given a player the nickname C**tbutter. When another guy joined a couple of years later who had a remarkable resemblance to Mr Butter, he was brilliantly given the nickname I Can't Believe It's Not C**tbutter
A work colleague got a workmate a deal on some DIY materials. It was discovered that while it was a good price he had also taken a small cut for himself. He was known forever after as the weasel.
Others were the mantis and slime. I never knew them before they already had these names and no idea how they got them.
Loads at work, it was almost compulsory to have a nickname. Mine was Badger, after PC Badger from the Noddy stories
Tulip was our Inspector. It stood for "Totally Useless Little Irish Person"
Crutch was so called after someone saw him in the shower and reported that he was hung like a draught-excluder
Squirrel was always busy
Tiddles was nicknamed after the station cat (never goes out)
Nigel the Nightcrawler gave all the women on the team the creeps, and was eventually sacked for sexual misconduct
Bungalow Bill was n't the sharpest knife in the drawer....(nothing going on upstairs)
Exocet wasn't very popular. Excocet because you could see him coming and there wasn't much you could do about it.
Fatal Phil . I thought it was because he went to fatal accidents, but apparently it was because after five minutes in his company you'd start to contemplate suicide.
We had a Semtex, but I can't remember why
Dibble, after the cop in TopCat
Postman Pat. A resolute bachelor whose sole aim in life was to empty his sack
Terry ****. Real name was Terry, named after the Viz Character
the list is endless
As we've drifted into non-spurious nicknames; I used to play football with a lad who was apparently not too selective in the nightclub (a bit like Postman Pat above, there was one aim and he was remarkably efficient at achieving it)
Nicknamed Gravy, because gravy goes with almost anything.
Ewen McGregors brother is an RAF pilot and his call sign is Obi 2
Small riding group with a Mint theme.
One of the riders used to turn up late (not on purpose, I might add).
We called her After8.
One of the grumpy riders is called Humbug.
I’ve had a couple spurious (well to me at least) nicknames.
Main one was TT (or Mr TT). My weight used to yo-yo a bit and on the way up a mate commented (at the gym) on my developing belly “**** me <my surname>, you’ll need two towels to dry that!’ and so that was it. Oh, for about a decade.
After falling off a climbing wall (and breaking my arm badly) I was called Cliff (or sometimes, Cliff the fall guy)…
And CP. as in short for Car Park as I fell off my bike in a motel car park in Utah and dislocated a finger. And for years if I ever started to talk about mountain biking I’d get interrupted and asked “did you make it out the car park this time CP?).
Friends, who needs em, eh?
All Daves seem to have prefixes.
I have three near neighbours all called Dave.
They are CatManDave (cos he owns about 6 cats), Dog Dave (to distinguish him from CatMan) and Drummer Dave for the mundane but logical reason that he's a drummer.
My wife's family call me Pants because in my mid 20s I went round for dinner to one of my wife's brothers wearing shorts on a hot day in the middle of summer.
Yer
as above
know a crazy dan
in his college years was in fairly known local band... now it appears he makes a living by doing freeride jetski... so i guess the name is still appropriate
I have a good friend called ‘Crazy Emma’.
Isn't "Emma" the forerunner to what is now Louise on the forum? I've only known one and it was commonplace to hear her name and "box of frogs" in the same sentence.
As he has a habbit of talking with 200% confidence on subjects he clearly has zero % understanding of.
I used to work with one of those. He worked his way into a very senior position and was widely regarded as the oracle on everything, simply by lying with extreme confidence.
Gimlet – he was a small boring tool.
That's phenomenal. 😀
Heard my son referring to his pal as VAR earlier today while playing his Xbox. Asked him why - apparently his pal has such a square head that they’ve named him thus - after the sign the football refs do for a VAR decision. It’s equally genius/cruel - kids eh!
I Can’t Believe It’s Not C**tbutter
I've just laughed far too loud in a public place.
Daves seem fair game. Was in a riding group with a Dave C and a Dave B. Then Dave H joined, but someone misheard his name and kept calling him Bob. 20 years later he is still DaveBob.
In the early days of our cycle club a local legend was so hungry at the cafe stop he had two cakes. I suspect his club membership card still has his name as Gordon Two Cakes.
We had a badger at work, or just badge for short. He changed jobs and the cruel ex employees phoned him up at the new place, asked to speak to badge, sorry xxxx. It's followed him around ever since.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not C**tbutter
It's not spurious, but I have a bald rotund friend who earned the nickname "I can't believe he's not Buddha."
I've definitely mentioned these on here before, but...
I used to work with a regrettable lady, who was nicknamed Vimto by her colleagues, "Coz naebody likes Vimto".
My dad used to be a draughtsman back in the days of the pre-CAD drawing office, which featured big, angled drawing boards that came up to chest-height. One famously workshy colleague used to arrive late every day, but attempt to throw everyone off the scent by taking his jacket off before entering the office and pretending he'd been in all along. He'd casually saunter in, trailing his jacket along the floor behind him, banking on the aforementioned drawing boards to hide it from view.
They called him The Matador.
The best was the rugby team who, being the sophisticates that university rugby teams are known to be, had given a player the nickname C**tbutter. When another guy joined a couple of years later who had a remarkable resemblance to Mr Butter, he was brilliantly given the nickname I Can’t Believe It’s Not C**tbutter
Where you at sheffield Uni in the 90s IHN? I have a vague memory of being introduced to someone with that unfortunate nickname in the broomhill tavern....
I used to do a lot of Dragonboat racing and invariably with a large team some names develop, some arrive with them when they join. There was Moo, which was a derivative of Amanda. yes really - as a kid she sometimes called Mandy or Mandy Moo and the Moo bit stuck. One guy was so far out there I started calling him Cosmic and that stuck to the point where some folk only knew him as that.
My sister has a friend called Kade. Not his real name, apparently at university he was hopeless at cooking so was called Kitchen Disaster which got abbreviate to KD. If you say K D as one word you get Kade.
And I have a friend called Fishy or Mr Fish - He was one on many Pauls and we had to differentiate so he got that as he kept Koi carp.
And many years ago in the scouts we had Porky - so called as he could stutter a bit and end up with a bit of a screwed up red face as he tried to get the words out - we thought he looked like Porky Pig from the cartoons. Probably not the done thing these days!
I’m still introduced by cycling friends to some people as Biketart which was my original Singletrack forum name (before the big hacking crash)
A friend's mum started work in a factory. She worked alongside a lad named Warren.
Months later she had cause to email him, but couldn't find him in the staff directory. So she went to see him. "My name's not Warren" he explained," it's Paul."
"So why do they call you Warren, then?" she asked.
"It's short for 'warren ugly bastard'"
At school we had a science teacher named Keith Burton. Being 11-15 years olds we simply transposed the first letter of his first and last names.
And at work - we had a guy who was known as "The Hula Hoop Thief". He had 6 fingers - or rather, an additional thumb on his thumb. At a Christmas event someone was handing around a bowl of said crisps, he rummaged around in the bowl and emerged with one too many.
Oh,
I christened an unpleasant woman I worked with "Slinky" and it stuck. She quite liked it, she thought it was because she slinked about in her heavy make-up and fluttery eyelashes and pencil miniskirts. Truth was, I thought it'd be fun to push her down the stairs.
Must be about 10 years ago now, we got a new full-time driver. Early 60's, last job before retirement. Short, half-blind, and a bit "special" shall we say...
Within a few days the warehouse manager, who's office he shared started calling him Thrush. Within a couple of weeks, everyone in the company was calling him that. By 3 months his email addy had become thrush@ and for the next 5 of so years, that what he was known as across our bit of the industry. "Oh - you sending Thrush round to collect? What time?"
Fats forward to his retirement do. Staff churn had meant a lot of colleagues never even knew him as anything else. We're all stood around in the boardroom with glasses of cheap bubbly, speeches made, presents presented. Finally after thanking us all for the great time he had, he asks "just one last thing - I'd really like to know why you started calling me Thrush...?"
The warehouse manager sits there with a big sh!teating grin on his face.
"cuz you're an irritating c**t..."
One of the contract painters at work was called banksy, he asked if it was a reflection of his work to be told 'no it's because I have never seen you painting anything'
I'm Tom. I acquired Wombat at school when it was discovered that Dante Gabriel Rossetti had a pet wombat called Tom.
Don't get used much apart from here
A couple from school
Our assistant head and one of the science teachers was called Nipper. Yep you guessed it, he was very small. Quite weird being a second year at secondary and towering over your teacher.
English teacher was called Monty, partly I think related to the military, he was head of the CCF cadets. I was friends with his son (both his sons attended that school) after I left school.
My house teacher was Cholor- had to be said in a sort of loud and forced way, his name was Mr Batchelor.
German teacher was Penfold, he had a slight resemblance to said character from Danger Mouse.
I vaguely remember we made the noise of a cracking whip about one teacher, perhaps insinuating he was into bondage, never enquired further on that.
In fact noises were used more than nick names at that school I think.
I may have posted this before but the funniest one I heard from my brother in law in the last few years was a person at his work place is known as Just eat , let's just say he likes his food I believe and is called Justin. I shouldn't find it funny as I'm not slim myself but I couldn't help but laugh quite loudly . Nick names can be bloody cruel sometimes.
We also had Trip Hazard for the shortest one of the team.
I've a mate called Pat who's a fireman. I call him Postman Sam.
And there was Byron Byron Byron (said fast).
On the first day of school a teacher asked his name and he said Byron. Teacher said but what's your first name and he said Byron. She said Byron Byron? It wasn't, but we decided it would be all of his names.
Many from school would get me a ban if used on here now different times ! But 2 spring to mind .batpig old male French teacher always wore academic gown and had small upturned nose. Gnasher..a classmate with larger than average teeth . Concord classmate with larger than average nose could go on but they get really bad
kids can be nasty bastards
Surprised nobody's told the Bob the Bridgebuilder joke yet.
I sing in a professional ensemble. We sing a pretty eclectic mix of music from sublime harmony stuff to arrangements of classics, but one of the tenors can’t stand still. I can’t normally see him when we’re on stage, but was watching a video of one of our shows and realised he was actually doing actions and more or less dancing to various numbers. I’ve started calling him “Bez”
We still trying to out do each other with made up names? Noice.
My English teacher Mr Richardson was called Peanuts
We had a geography teacher, Mr. Clark, called Clank. This became "Clank the ****" as he tended to walk around with one hand thrust suspiciously deeply into his trouser pocket.
