[Closed] Solution to... Wind.

A kite?

Permanent - death.
Temporary - dunno.

Change diet!

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a plug (of the kitchen/bathroom variety)

Cumin and turmeric are good. It would help to know what [s]your[/s] your friend's staples are as too much gas could mean an imbalance or the need for different preparation, like soaking/rinsing lentils before cooking, for example.

Try a low FODMAP diet.

Why do you need a solution? Farting is something to be enjoyed. By the farter, at the very least, but if used wisely or cunningly, by others too.

forget the cork. Its the weekend, time to blow off some steam

Why do you need a solution?

My friend is meeting an old school fried for Dinner in a posh restaurant. It turns out the old school friend is a woman, and has grown up to be rather hot. So he feels that he needs to be in control at the meal / post meal drinks despite this not being a date as such, but a couple of singelton years has led him to deleberately under develop his control mechanism - mentally or physically.

Enjoy it.

If it reaches the stage where you're making yourself gag, then you know it's time to visit the GP.

Indigestion tablets? Pro-biotic drinks?

Its sounds obvious but it is definitely diet related. I`ve been getting windier of lately and its related to milk in my diet. Could be something as simple as that.

On looking it Up --
"Which makes you wonder why, if lactose is such an obvious cause of bloating and flatulence and it happens so quickly, why are milk products and other sources of lactose still so popular? Why haven’t we worked out on a larger scale that milk makes you fart?"

Three or four days after my recent hernia op I let out some blistering farts that lasted around 8 seconds.

Time it. I thought I was gonna ruin myself...

[url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b080pxsm ]Woman's Hour[/url] did a piece on "flatulence" recently. Apparently, it's not just diet, but also caused by swallowing air whilst eating or talking.

I recently woke up thinking someone was slowly opening my sleeping bag.

Took the full length of the "zip" to realise i was under a duvet.

If I remember the sequence of events correctly.... Stoner (of this parish) started a thread about being afraid to fart. Then shortly afterwards posted a thread about chopping his finger off. He has seemingly not been worried about farting since.

Its sounds obvious but it is definitely diet related. I`ve been getting windier of lately and its related to milk in my diet.

I gave up dairy 7 or 8 years ago - windypops are still very much a thing.

My friend is meeting an old school fried for Dinner in a posh restaurant. It turns out the old school friend is a woman, and has grown up to be rather hot. So he feels that he needs to be in control at the meal / post meal drinks despite this not being a date as such, but a couple of singelton years has led him to deleberately under develop his control mechanism - mentally or physically.

To copy a classic STW thread of the past,

get the pull my finger gag in early

It's wheat and grains, innit? More so than dairy, unless you are lactose intolerant.

'Friend'?

Could be a health issue... I suffer from inflammatory bowel disease and if I'm experiencing a flare up then LOOK OUT world..

It's become a bit of a spectator sport in our family and I'm pretty sure that I've broken some records

I managed a complete rendition of Jimi Hendrix's version of star spangled banner the other night in my sleep 😯

I may have been sharing a pavement with your friend today - I had to cross the road to avoid his effluvium. Now there was a man who truly deserved the title President Trump!

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I'm rather pleased to hear the "old school friend" is rather hot, because if not he need not go eh...

Eh?