[Closed] Slight moral dilemma

...only £325

I've decided to suck it up. On reflection overnight I've decided that shit happens and I can get an OK replacement for £175 which is fine.

It's the price of it that's causing all the dilemma isn't it? I mean if it was £20 you'd have no problem asking her, and she's have no problem paying it.

You have to decide weather you want her to make a serious contribution, and perhaps have her resent you, or weather a part payment is enough to "heal" the situation, and then you have to shrug and say "shit happens, and I may very well have dropped it, or broken it myself"

Very honourable, I think you've done the right thing.

I think you've done the right thing.

And maybe consider dropping your insurance accidental damage excess to a level where you can actually afford to use that part of your cover?

Yes you have done the right thing.

We were at friends for dinner some years ago, our son was 5 years old and sitting on the floor colouring in. The couple don't have kids so the house reflects that. They had a white linen sofa. Anyway when we came home the female phoned and said, 'could you tell me what the ink is in your sons pens as there's a mark on our sofa', eh there just normal pens. He didn't have a pen near the sofa but it must have come off his hands.
Anyway we offered to pay to get it dry cleaned, they accepted, we gave them £65, I've never considered them as friends since.

Had it been me I wouldn't even have mentioned it and just got the thing cleaned.

You can get some of these stickers to put on your hifi rack to prevent any future occurrence 😀

[img] [/img]

how does someone who spends £500 on a pickup get to use it then?

I once broke a friends lawnmower something got stuck in it and popped the motor, I bought him a new one without a murmur and still regard him as a friend. It's funny how we all have a different view on personal responsibility.

As for the cost of a cartridge, in the context of my record collection and the system it's in I get a lot of usage and pleasure out of it so that justifies the expense although lesson learned here TBH.

Anyway we offered to pay to get it dry cleaned, they accepted, we gave them £65, I've never considered them as friends since.

Why would you make someone an offer where acceptance offends? Was it that hard to be honest and say that the actions of your child aren't your responsibility?

I've lent stuff out in the past and it's been returned damaged, albeit accidentally. I'd hope for an apology and an offer of assistance to rectify the situation, because that's what I'd do. The circumstances would dictate if I accepted the offer or not.

Can it really not be repaired? I find it hard to believe that such an expensive piece of kit can be so badly damaged, causally, that it cannot be repaired. What actually happened? Did she stand on it?

tried tying a knot in it with her tongue as an erotic party trick is my guess.

In terms of repair usually under 500 and they are just replaced. MM types have replaceable styli but MC ones like this one dont.
Cost of replacing a cantilever and stylus is usually a few hundred anyway!

OP you've done the right thing but it doesn't make it any less painful I guess. You've definitely earned lots of Karma though so who knows, maybe something good will come your way now?

CM, a moving coil cartridge is a delicate piece of precision made equipment. Still worth looking at a repair though.

Why would you make someone an offer where acceptance offends?

I wondered that myself. "My son damaged their furniture, I offered to sort it out, and they accepted. The bastards."

It's been an interesting thread, this. Funny how people's relationships with friends differ. If I were in the OP's position I'm not sure what I'd do, but I can say with cast-iron certainty that it wouldn't cost me a friendship.

Have you considered how she must be feeling?

Is she fit?

Maybe some other way she could make you feel better about ignoring the whole thing like you should have done in the first place.

It's old stuff - it broke, build a bridge..

Late edit sorry dude, just noticed you decided to suck it up, good call..

Er is she fit? Did you? 😉

My cartridge cost a more modest £130 (!); I broke it when I caught the stylus on the edge of a duster when I was cleaning. I now use a stylus guard whenever the deck isn't in use.

On the other side of this my wife saw her this morning (they are our neighbours)and she is adamant that she wants to pay toward the cost of replacement, apparently she will feel insulted if I refuse.

Happily the manufacturers have offered an exchange so the actual cost is only likely to be around £120 although I wont have quite as good a replacement so it looks like an agreement can be reached even if I just accept a token to make her feel better..

joolsburger - Member
On the other side of this my wife saw her this morning (they are our neighbours)and she is adamant that she wants to pay toward the cost of replacement, apparently she will feel insulted if I refuse.

Happily the manufacturers have offered an exchange so the actual cost is only likely to be around £120 although I wont have quite as good a replacement so it looks like an agreement can be reached even if I just accept a token to make her feel better..

[i]Why would you make someone an offer where acceptance offends? Was it that hard to be honest and say that the actions of your child aren't your responsibility?[/i]

Accepting responsibility and paying is fine, I have absolutely no issue with that. Where did I say I didn't accept responsibility?

It was the phone call just as we arrived home that wasn't a very nice thing to do. We didn't know it had happened until they called, unlike the situation with the op, there was no need to call us it's not like they're hard up or anything.

Had that happened to me I'd just have dealt with it and realised that accidents happen.

Glad it's sorted! How about suggesting she buys you a bottle of brandy or Scotch then at least that way she will feel a little better?

Gary M - it reads to me like she just wanted to know what kind of stain she was dealing with initially. That is, she perhaps wanted to know if she could attack it with water and soap, or whether it was going to need ammonia or professional cleaning...

[i]it reads to me like she just wanted to know what kind of stain she was dealing with initially. [/i]

It wasn't though, it was just her only way of letting us know it happened. It was just yer standards kids pen.

Despite my actions and choices on this one if I or my kids broke something at someones place I'd pay for it without hesitation. It seems to me to be the right thing to do. Personal responsibilty and all that.

Personally I would not buy a £500 stylus because of the risk that it would get damaged. If I did had one I would keep it under the cover at all times, or keep a cheaper one on!

Its your decision to have such a ridiculously expensive item somewhere where it can get broken and if I were you I would not take any money of the neighbour.

[i]Personal responsibilty and all that.[/i]

Maybe you didn't read my post right. I was happy to take responsibility but there was really no need to alert us of the issue as soon as we got home, if at all.

there was no need to call us it's not like they're hard up or anything.

Ah, that's different then. "My kid damaged their sofa, but they're loaded so balls to them."

I was happy to take responsibility but there was really no need to alert us of the issue as soon as we got home, if at all.

Not sure how you can take responsibility without them telling you what happened?

Stains are best treated immediately, before it has time to fix, so finding out what it was ASAP would have been pretty important. Maybe you're just not explaining things that well here, but I'm struggling to see why you feel so aggrieved about something that was, frankly, your own negligence in not supervising your kids properly.

Maybe she wanted to get rid of the stain before it became too permanent?

Jools; I can totally understand and relate to your dilemma here, but I think you're doing the right thing by just taking it on the chin. Unless your friends are very wealthy, I really think a bill for five hundred pounds is the kind of thing which could damage a friendship, so you're doing the far better thing.

Of course, the lady may need to feel she's made amends, so maybe a happy compromise would be to say 'well actually it will cost £x if you insist on paying', but obviously not tell her the real amount. £X can be an amount you feel she would accept as suitable recompense.

I broke my friends sun glasses, £150 worth ish. I said I would replace them, he said it was an accident and not to worry. In the end we split the bill and ended up paying about £75 each. This seemed like a reasonable compromise and one that I would happily do again. By the same token, if he had said "thanks, they were £150" I would also have paid this, I broke it so I expect the cost of fixing it.

Re. the kid drawing on the sofa, the sofa was fine before your kid got anywhere near it so why would they not want some help to fix it? Your kid, your problem.

Re. the kid drawing on the sofa, the sofa was fine before your kid got anywhere near it so why would they not want some help to fix it? Your kid, your problem.

It all comes down to what's more valuable to you - your precious little posessions, or peoples friendship/relationship ...

cinnamon_girl - Member

Hmmm, difficult one. How much do you value their friendship?

Or indeed, how much does she value your friendship?

Personally, I wouldn't want a friend that wouldn't put right something they broke - accidentally or not.

I once witnessed a lady customer in a HiFi shop get a right bollocking from a sales assistant; "STOP, NOOOOO, DON'T TOUCH IT!!!!!" as she reached for the record player.

Needless to say the shop emptied pretty quickly thereafter!

£500 is a lot of money, I'd be your friend for £350.

Waddya say?

I think you made the right decision. But £500 for a needle ... can you really say that you notice the difference of it and the a £175 one? really ?

This must send a chill up your spine then:

I can get an OK replacement for £175 which is fine

How about suggesting she buys you a bottle of brandy or Scotch then at least that way she will feel a little better?

Or at least not be able to notice the difference!

I don't get it. You can afford to spend £500 on a stylus, but then your too tight to pay for insurance that adequately covers you. Ie you went for a high excess to lower your premium.

That's just rubbish.
If his expensive stereo is anything like my expensive bike he blew every penny he could afford on the best kit he could get. I spent 6 months wages on the bike plus bits of overdraft, for all we know the OP did the same. Now nothing left for insurance/repairs.
Sometimes those with the really nice kit have the least cash, just a really nice piece of kit and different priorities.
Doesn't answer the question mind...

Glad that it's worked out OK for the OP.

For what it's worth I think it is best to suck it up in these situations. £500 is a lot of money in anyone's book but on balance, over the course of a lifetime, is it worth more than a friendship? Patently not.

Actually, come to think of it, we've all been trolled because if you spend 500 pounds on a cartridge then you don't have friends, at least not ones that don't know about hi-fi, and especially not ladies. (Unless you're a superstar Dee-Jay?)