Hi guys, following on from this thread:
http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/moving-on-after-5-years-relationship-content
My now ex partner is digging her heels in over the remaining 5 months we are tied to our tenancy agreement on our flat. I want to move out as I can't live with her for obvious reasons; she doesn't but doesn't want to get someone else to take over my side of the agreement.
I would stay and have someone move in with me if I have to but I think she thinks that was my plan from day one. She's suggested that I should move out and continue to pay for a flat i'm not living in because i was the one who called full time on the relationship, which I am not going to do - i'd rather continue living here with her than lose out financially.
The land lady, understandably, isn't willing to release us from the contract early.
sooooo....
...anyone been in a similar situation?
...anyone looking for a flat in central manchester (greenquarter) £725pm 2 bed 2 bath (1 En suite) and secure parking? 😉
...any advice?
thanks
Not done the break up but what's the problem with her leaving and you sharing it?
If you walk out your LL has a duty to re-let and minimise her losses - what is the market like?
I think you should move on and help the ex out with the rent.
It's probably too hard for her to deal with you living there too, which is why she wants you to move out.
I know it's sh1tty but if you need to move on - you need to help out with the consquences too.
Be reasonable. Try to negotiate with the LL. If all else fails do the right thing. In the years to come you'll sleep better. Honest.
As I said I've not been through it but I don't see why she should get the place to herself at your expense.
Al- She probably doesnt want the place to herself. She thought they are doing this together etc etc. If they both bail from the contract they signed then the LL sues them both. Jointly and severally responsbile etc. That's a different pile of dung best avoided.
Edit - I'm coming from this as a long time back I landed in your boat. It was a mess, probably worse than yours (just read your mountaineering post). She doesnt want to split. You do.
Was there a thread recently about what makes a man?
Hate to say it, but in the situation you've described...
A man moves out and helps his ex out with the rent, or helps her find someone else to pay the rent for the remaining period of the contract.
Its shite, but like couldashoulda' says... it'll absolve your conscience for the future.
All sensible sensitive replies.
You need to set a timescale so that one of you can move out the minimum financial loss or cost to the other. This would necessitate your ex being reasonable and not awkward and bitter.
Realistically.............. find an expedition that leaves next month !
What kind of sexist bullshit is that TSY?
Women can stand on their own you know, even those that don't want to.
Al- there's nothing sexist about it. They sign a contract together expecting it to be long term. One party wants to bail. Morally the bailer helps the other out.
If it was a business contract they'd signed - I would give exactly the same answer. If it was 2 blokes etc
There are 2 bedrooms, whats the problem?
So if she binned it you'd all be shouting for him to get paid out?
I think not.
But if he's offered to stay and have someone else move into the spare room effectively releasing her from the contract then I can't see there's any complaint.
Paying for a flat you can't live in when you've offered solutions makes you a mug not a man.
What kind of sexist bullshit is that TSY?
Does it make it easier for you if we compare man to boy?
Or (if the shoe was on the other foot)
A lady to a bitch?
Hopefully that satisfies your PC credentials.
They signed a contract together. They took a chance. It didnt work.
If either one bails - they should do the right thing.
Should. Right thing. Real difficult concepts for a lot of folk 😉
How you act depends on whether you are liable to want to go back to her when you've had a break.
Spk to the Land Lady again. Ask if you/she can look for new tenants and you'll only move out when she's found some.
I can't see why she wouldn't agree to that and it should happen in less than 5mths.
Zulus - I've met you once and got the impression you're mad about your SO. And a decent bloke. Apart from being fitter than me - which makes you a bas***d 😉
So - if you decided to go off on a complete tangent career or woman wise (considering your history together), what would you do? Honestly.
Edit - This is probably the one post I'll get on my high horse over. Simply as I relate to the OP from experience.
Seeing as I'm being asked directly I would do whatever I could to avoid ****ing her over any more than I already had done.
Where did we meet & who are you?
Whatever decision you reach, make sure that your guilt does not equate to suffering financially.
Hell hath no fury like a person scorned ...
Break-ups are horrible, no matter how hard you try to be 'reasonable', the hurt party can only display bitterness due to rejection.
Zulus - I'm Ron. We met on a STW TBC ride. Near Sainsbury's etc.
Of course. I remember now. Beer is making for a hazy brain.
HighClimber - was splitting up the best option? She not willing to go along with your mountaineering ambitions?
No worries - Ive only met you once and I dont remember exactly what we chatted about but I remember thinking - he's mad about his "physio".
LOL at "man" "boy" and "should" but not "bitch".
Some proper Neanderthals on here.
LOL at "man" "boy" and "should" but not "bitch".
I'm lost - in English would help - or are normal folks too slow - probably?.
Well I'm a caring sharing sort of guy but there is no way I would be paying rent for a place I wasn't living in. You can give notice even during the 6 month of the tenancy I thought - or just sacrifice your share of the deposit as there is damn all the landlord can do anyway beyond keep the deposit.
TJ she could sue.
CWS never heard of LOL?
Could al but realistically would she? She can only sue for losses and she gets the deposit plus the months notice so the losses are only 3 months assuming she does not get new tenants - which shwe has to attempt to do so..
Not worth while suing I would have thought
Plenty people on here sue for less.
£2K and no defence? No brainer.
Al- I've heard of this sense of humour thing 😉
Thing is when you're in the middle of this splitting process it's probably feels the same as something like being being raped. It's truly awful.
And separation is one place where humour dont exist!
And random word combos add fuel to the fire.
Teh loses would not be 2 k - they would be nil. She can find new tenents in the month that the deposit pays -
the landlord can only sue for loses incured and has to take steps to mitigate the loses.
TJ + 1 damn him.
IME it is best to get out fast in these situations - do you really really want to live with each other under these circumstances for a minute longer than you have to ?
Give notice. If she genuinely wants to keep the flat she can take it over in her own name and get a flatmate, so no loss to the landlord. If she drags her heels on this maybe help her out given your past reneging, but if lease in her name she will be liable, and less likely to drag her heels.
Sort out the legal stuff and go from there - any other way is just delaying and she may be quietly thinking you won't really go. Cruel to be kind and all that.
P.S Couldawoulda - you almost deserve a spell in men's prison for that rape comment
You've just dumped a girl after 5 years when she thought there was nothing wrong, and now you're refusing to cover your share of the flat that she took on in good faith.
Genuinely, you should be ashamed of yourself, unless you really can't afford to pay. Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions.
Oh, and TJ, nice of you to advocate sticking it to the lardlord. As someone who's just been screwed over by amoral tenants I can assure you it's not pleasant being dragged into someone else's personal mess.
nickf. As I pointed out - the landlord won't have any significant loses if you give a months notice[i] and[/i] forfeit your deposit. That gives the landlord a month to find new tenants which should be no issue. I have a flat I let and I had exactly this done to me - I had a new tenant within 10 days.
I am a landlord too - I would rather tenants were honest about the situation and covered any costs of reletting the flat than the hassle of chasing up unpaid rent.
I'm still not sure if I need to get my club blunted for Al or not?
TandemJeremy - Member
Teh loses would not be 2 k - they would be nil. She can find new tenents in the month that the deposit pays -
You know the market where the OP lives? May not be that easy. Plenty properties for let just now.
TJ, I refer you to the point where you stated
She can only sue for losses and she gets the deposit plus the months notice so the losses are only 3 months assuming she does not get new tenants - which shwe has to attempt to do so..Not worth while suing I would have thought
Losses of [i]only[/i] 3 months....sure, the owner can get a new tenant in, but the point is that the tenants have a contract for 6 months. They signed up in good faith, [b]as did the landlord[/b]. There's no break clause in a standard 6 month tenancy, to protect [b]all[/b] parties.
Put it the other way; would you be happy, as a tenant, if I decided arbitrarily to end your 6 month lease? Thought not.
You've just dumped a girl after 5 years when she thought there was nothing wrong, and now you're refusing to cover your share of the flat that she took on in good faith.
i'm not refusing to do anything. i have given her the option of me continuing to pay the rent inc bills until at least jan thus giving her time to find someone else. I think they call that compromise, do they not?
the decision to split up wasn't as sudden or one sided as you make out. I have my ambitions, she has her flaws, I have mine. we just weren't compatible in my eyes. so I pulled the plug before it got to another 5 years down the line.
I have no intention of screwing anyone over, least of all her or the landlady. TBH I expected the LL to be a little more understanding of the situation but instead she said she was being put in a difficult situation given the timing. The deposit was put up by my ex's dad and I would not want for him to lose out as I am very greatful for everything her family have done.
i'm not a nasty person, I just want whats fair and I feel compromise on the issue is the only fair way - either one of us moves out and gets someone else or we both move out and find new tenants.
it is tough whatever you do but the last option I would go for would be paying her to live there ..she needs to compromise as well and whilst you are a heartless insensitive uncaring shyster 😉 you are being reasonable here ...no wonder she loves you 8)
nick - its only 3 months losses if the landlady cannot relet it in 5 months FFS taken the route I suggest. one months notice and forgo the deposit. So that is 2 months to find a tenant before any loses build up ( bar a few quid in admin perhaps)
If you can't find a tenet in 2 months the flat is overpriced.
I had almost exactly this done to me - the tenant decided they wanted to go 3.5 months into a 6 month let. I let them go as I knew I would have no loses knowing I can let the flat again.
As a landlord I am with TJ here, despite not wanting my tenants to do this.
In reality it goes like this, they give a months notice and LL start's advertising. The outgoing tenants are nice as pie about the landlord and the property to an prospective tenants, potentially there could be no harm done here. I say end it but with full communications and upfrontedness to the landlord, then be prepared to pay any shortfall and if the landlord gets all tossy about it after then they can prove they have done the decent thing. Shit happens, peoples lives change, and judges happen to be pretty smart people and are aware of all this and will only award losses and not compensation.
i'm not refusing to do anything. i have given her the option of me continuing to pay the rent inc bills until at least jan thus giving her time to find someone else. I think they call that compromise, do they not?
Sorry, if I missed that from on an earlier post. Assuming you're moving out within this month I think you're being entirely honourable.
I would love for a solution this month but I think that's beyond possible now. the best I could hope for is a resolution by the new year, I will ring LL again once we have reached a decision. thanks for your help.
TandemJeremy - Member
nick - its only 3 months losses if the landlady cannot relet it in 5 months FFS taken the route I suggest. one months notice and forgo the deposit. So that is 2 months to find a tenant before any loses build up ( bar a few quid in admin perhaps)If you can't find a tenet in 2 months the flat is overpriced.
Irrelevant - tenants are still due to pay LL's losses as they signed up to the lease.
See enforcement of "Keep-open" clauses, recent COS case-law, for a simila scenario.
Al - the landlord has to attempt to mitigate the losses by getting new tenant. Yes the tenants have to make good any losses so you would be gambling but its a gamble that has good odds as you are giving the landlord 2 months to find new tenants
It would be unlikely there would be any significant losses
The landlord cannot just sit back an sue for the remainder of the tenancy, he has to endeavour to get a new tenant and prove he has tried.
TJIt would be unlikely there would be any significant losses
That may be the case (neither of us know the local market), but nquite different to my point and a bit of a change from your original position?
Indeed toys - but LL doesn't have to lower rent immediately to get a tenant in either.
Al - its exactly what I have said right from the beginning.
Who said the landlord has to lower rents?
Try to actually read and think about what is being said rather than finding imaginary picky points to attack on.
Who said the landlord has to lower rents?
If the rent is too high (your postulation) then she would be under a duty to lower it to mitigate her loss, then claim the difference, rather than sue for the full rent.
Al - its exactly what I have said right from the beginning.
Earlier...
TandemJeremy - Member
Teh loses would not be 2 k - they would be nil.
Al - please stop finding pedantic picky points to attack me.
Its clear what I have said and its consistent. You seem to find it necessary to continually attack me. I don't know why. Do you find me that threatening? Does it make you feel better?
Yawn..
The point is made, by the optimisits among us, that the OP could give notice, be as clear and upfront as poss, and help the LL to find new tenants and possibly not lose any or much dosh.
Pessimists would say she will not be able to find any tenants and you will end up paying the rent to cover most of the remaining tenancy..
You decide.
TJ in the past you have argued over much less and there are loads of threads where I could argue with you but don't.
If you engage with me then respond in this manner when I make perfectly valid points, well, up to you.