[Closed] Shall I get my coat?

Time for a sharp exit?
Time for a cool sharp harp 🙂

[i]It is important to note that these discussions are not meant to be performance appraisals or job interviews,....We then anticipate that retention agreements where appropriate will be issued."[/i]

but there's no connection between the two!!!

Not done this myself but this has got 'who are we going to keep?' written all over it.

I'd be writing a list of all that I've done and preparing to big myself up if I were you.

...which will be managed by HR

That means the whole thing will be doomed to fail.

I have experience of large Japanese organisations.... LEAVE!

All employees are being asked to participate in a talent assessment and review process.

Just dazzle em with your bestest wheelies and bunnyhops & skillz - how much talent can they handle???

Are you any good, if so don't worry.

An Employee Retention Agreement is a legal contract entered into by an employer and a key employee whose services the company desires to retain. When employees know that their company might be acquired, they understand that their employment security may be in danger. In these situations, companies who want to ensure these employees' continuing loyalty and commitment sometimes feel that it is in the best interests of the company and its stockholders to provide the employee with an incentive to continue his or her employment and to motivate the employee to maximize the value of the company upon a possible change of control.

Go in.

Draw a big cock on the wall.

Walk out.

They will be too scared to fire you.

>We then anticipate that retention agreements where appropriate will be issued

Redundo time!

Join a union.

It's got nothing to do with hoofing people, well not yet anyway.

Typically top sales people, directors and so forth get these to keep them on board it's essentially golden handcuffs.

is to better understand the broad capabilities and experience that currently exist within the company. It is important to note that these discussions are not meant to be performance appraisals or job interviews, but rather opportunities to gain further insight into the talent that resides. We then anticipate that retention agreements where appropriate will be issued."

Translates as: "It's black, but it's not black, it's white".

Bunch of lying corporate doublespeak b*llshite.

An Employee Retention Agreement is a legal contract

I'm always amused by this tautology, but that's what passes for humour among lawyers, I guess.

Why state "legal" contract, when a contract is a (legally) binding agreement? Odd.

it's essentially golden handcuffs

Correct. But, you see, if your employment conditions are changing to your detriment, then you need some upside to accept this situation. You sign you the agreement (subject to review by an emplyment lawyer of your choosing with the bill paid by your employer) and they send some dollar your way.

Oh, and HR in every employer of mine have been a bunch of cretinous, useless f***tards. Watch them carefully.

I know a chap who is at a business aquired by Microsoft. He went through exactly this process, was identified as "top talent" and given a very large wodge of cash and shares to hang around for 18 months, he and his entire team were held onto and are doing very well so it's not always bad. You'll just need to really spout the company line and be Mr positive for a while.

Twitch a lot,constantly mutter about conspiracy,blatantly bivvy under the desk,If anybody mentions it tell them you live in a storage unit, wear a balacava to commute, make sure that there always copies of "Guns 'n Ammo" visibly scattered all over your desk. Go into the meeting and mast**bate like a chimpanzee.