Screen time limiter for a teenager

Two options:

1) Let him crack on. Why does it need restricting?

2) Take the device away. Who's the adult in this scenario?

Any technological solution will be bypassed, he's smarter than you are. ParentTFU or leave him to it, anything else will give you a false sense of satisfaction. You can no more install an app to restrict 'screen time' of a determined teenager than Canute could tell the tides to go away.

he’s had the soft approach to cutting down on games and videos on his phone but it hasn’t worked and he’s struggling.

or are you struggling with what he does?

just go with option 1 above

And sincerely, if it is really a genuine problem rather than some hand-wavey perceived issue, the way to address this is to give him something else to occupy his time instead. Do you spend quality time with the lad? Do you have a football? (Horror of horrors) bikes? Go camping? Join in with him on the Playstation / Xbox, taking an interest in his interests? Or do you stand there telling him what he can't do all day?

(not that I'm personally bitter and angry and resentful and damaged or anything...)

Tell him a set time when he can't use the phone/games. If he breaks that rule, take the phone away. If he sticks to it, reward him with something.

Just take the phone away. You're in charge.

And sincerely, if it is really a genuine problem rather than some hand-wavey perceived issue, the way to address this is to give him something else to occupy his time instead.

Like a bloody good hiding.

NB: That was a joke. But on writing it down I now realise I have no idea what 'a hiding' is/was? It's one of those things that was uttered so frequently to us as children of the 80's that it became meaningless. I mean, i know it meant physical violence, but what is a hiding?

Not the answer I wanted but maybe the answer I needed.

It's given me something to think about, anyway,

Hiding - Does it have something to do with treating animal skins?

Similar issue, but a bit younger - Issue isn't the making the rules but managing the fall out of the phone/device locking at fixed times.
Anyway, that's a different issue.

Google Family Link is what works well on Android for us. If the phone/device is 'theirs' and linked to a google account then it's easy to set times on every specific app and times to lock down the device etc.

Thing is, we now have a generation of young adults many of whom choose screen time over any other possible activity. Even traditional activities like shagging seem to be out of fashion. They then wonder why they are depressed and their relationships fail. I really don't see any solution to the problem except to get them addicted to the serotonin release you get from doing activities with your mates.

NB: That was a joke. But on writing it down I now realise I have no idea what ‘a hiding’ is/was?

Possibly related to whips made from animal hide.

I haven’t got a google account so Family link won’t work.

What's preventing you getting a Google account? Just use it for Family Link.

the way to address this is to give him something else to occupy his time instead.

Speaking as a parent - hahaha.

Some kids, like mine, find gaming and youtube so utterly enthralling that they don't want to do anything else. And when their screen time runs out they just mope about waiting for tomorrow so they can get more.

Lockdown was a huge issue here as we had little choice but to let them play as we had bugger all else to do. To be honest, I didn't think they would get this addicted to screen time. I mean I was doing all sorts of creative learning stuff when I was a kid on my computer, but screen time is completely different these days.

Anyone know of a system to limit usage across both Windows and Android?

Speaking as a parent – hahaha.

Some kids, like mine, find gaming and youtube so utterly enthralling that they don’t want to do anything else. And when their screen time runs out they just mope about waiting for tomorrow so they can get more.

Lockdown was a huge issue here as we had little choice but to let them play as we had bugger all else to do. To be honest, I didn’t think they would get this addicted to screen time. I mean I was doing all sorts of creative learning stuff when I was a kid on my computer, but screen time is completely different these days.

For our 9 year old, we've just taken the tablet away. The fallout when asked to come off was horrendous. Like you say I think lockdown hadn't helped the issue. She's a creative and imaginitive child however when she's got the tablet, it's a whole different story. Saturday morning greetings literally started with "can I go on my tablet" not "good morning, how are you?". everything revolved around getting back onto it as soon as we came home.

Now it's gone, she's ploughing her way through books, drawing every night and is out on her bike more. Oh and no arguments.

Work of the devil for kids, I tell thee.

(speaking from the position of being an avid gamer since i was a nipper, and playing online games like Everquest, WOW, Eve Online etc. so I know how the addiction can be)

Edit: To add, if you've got heavy screen time yourself try and limit it.

Anyone know of a system to limit usage across both Windows and Android

I don't think there is anything that combines the two. We limit time on the boys time on tablet and Microsoft. The latter is shared across his PC and Xbox. Still haven't figured out a way to block bloody Minecraft videos on YouTube though.

Thing is, we now have a generation of young adults many of whom choose screen time over any other possible activity.

I've heard this loads of times and I still think it's bollocks. At least when I look at my daughters and their friends. Yes, they spend a lot of time on the phone. But they also go out and meet up and get drunk and do all the other things we used to do.

Won't help for games, but I have my broadband router set to auto sleep/powersave at 11pm. Useful for avoiding that 'oh just one more' boxset binge. If he's playing online games this may help though as most nippers won't have unlimited data.

Screentime is becoming a real issue for an awful lot of people, easier to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

I feel for you OP, and I wish it was as simple as ParentTFU. Children are complex creatures and even (especially?) as young teenagers they are still learning how to deal with life, we as parents are still learning how to help them.

My boys are 11 and 12. We started out with screen time and limits on Xbox and phones, limiting this led to some fairly horrific behaviour which led to confiscation which led to an unhealthy relationship. We are currently at the point where we have set our expectations (eg homework done, must exercise X hours per week, off devices 1 hour before bed, bed at a reasonable time, etc etc etc) and given them the responsibility of managing their own time.

We've told them that if they repeatedly miss our expectations, without some form of negotiation and agreement up front, then they lose privileges. On the whole it's working really well, and even our youngest has gone from being an argumentative and overly emotional little sod to a fairly balanced young man whose company I enjoy far more these days.

Cougar is right that they will always find ways round whatever limits you put on them, and will always push back on any form of perceived control. Work with them instead of against them would be my advice. Good luck!

We've had more issues with my son as a young adult with 'screen time' - resorted to smart wall sockets in his room a year ago to turn off power, although he was still on his phone - lead to him being up late, not getting up for work etc - lost job. That seems to have changed slowly, new job etc etc, but he would always find ways round it. He's al least going out to visit mates, not drinking, but they are into car modding, so go round each other's houses or sit in a car park. Mid week he's usually back by midnight. We still have to kick him out of bed in the morning for work.

My daughter has always self regulated, and come off at a reasonable time - we're up early for work, so having two young adults gaming at night isn't on - son would always argue he's an adult (21) but we say we pay for the house, and are required to be in work, so your behaviors are impacting our ability to work. He's slowly got better, but is still acting like a fool.

My advice as a parent of 14 and 16 year old lads is pick your battles.

And get them to agree on restrictions.

Encourage other activities especially family ones - board games have been a winner with us. My lads loved kicking my arse at chess.

You need them to buy in to the regime otherwise....let the battles begin.

Distraction so they don't realise they being restricted.

Get them to do homework, chores before any screen time.

Don't forget what it's like being a teenager. I just thank God my kids don't get up to the sort of stuff I was at their age.

I could right a book on how to parent based on everything I did (and still do) wrong. Theory is so much easier than practice.

What version of Android? v12 has Digital Wellbeing and Parental Controls which will probably do what you want.

My android phone has a "set up parental controls" page, containing the words, "Add restrictions and set limits". Just saying.

I was thinking about this debate (briefly) yesterday when there was a news article with 2 girls saying Tiktok had given them eating disorders. I walked away from the telly going "ooh help me I can't control what I look at!" in a whiney voice. I live alone, so it was pretty weird.
But does seem there are other boomers, like myself, who think similarly.

Cougar
Full Member

And sincerely, if it is really a genuine problem rather than some hand-wavey perceived issue, the way to address this is to give him something else to occupy his time instead. Do you spend quality time with the lad? Do you have a football? (Horror of horrors) bikes? Go camping? Join in with him on the Playstation / Xbox, taking an interest in his interests? Or do you stand there telling him what he can’t do all day?

(not that I’m personally bitter and angry and resentful and damaged or anything…)

I would have agreed with this a few years back. I'm a coder now and my parents were constantly trying to get me off the computer when I was a kid.

However, the likes of TikTok, Instagram/FB reels etc are carefully designed to be the digital equivalent of crack cocaine.

I've banned it in my house because it genuinely was turning my kids into zombies, constant swipe swipe swipe, not even really enjoying it, just like a compulsion.

That said I don't blame any parent for wanting the device to do a bit of the work, having the same argument over and again with kids is so effing soul destroying.

I am with you Multi21

I could write paragraphs on the above subject and our journey so far. Some good advice here.

The thing is,

It was ever thus. This isn't new. People are prone to addiction and kids doubly so. And I'm sorry but it's true, adults do so like to vilify the young. Today it's "screen time," when I was a kid I was going to "get square eyes" from watching TV, in my parents' days the demon was rock & roll. A good friend of mine has had to restrict "book time" because his middle child was becoming withdrawn and insular as she was doing nothing else.

The fact is that any pastime to the exclusion of all others isn't healthy. When I said 'give him something else to occupy his time' I didn't mean buy a football and then berate him for not using it, I meant buy a football and go to the park with him. You all had kids because you wanted to spend some quality time with your kids, yes? Not just to have something to shout at for a decade and a half until they finally piss off to University?

Christ, was this really five years ago?

singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/digital-addiction/page/2#post-8064699

Qustodio seems to be the best option, does anyone have any experience, recommendations or opinions on such things?

Works well, good and effective piece of software.

Works well, good and effective piece of software.

Does it prevent them from rooting the phone, wiping it and installing a custom ROM?

Absolutely no idea.... my lad wouldn't even consider that, so we've never had cause to look into that.

And I’m sorry but it’s true, adults do so like to vilify the young

That's not what's happening here, at least not from me. I'm concerned about creating a positive environment for my kids, which as far as I can tell is what you're suggesting.

I didn’t mean buy a football and then berate him for not using it, I meant buy a football and go to the park with him.

And when they refuse?

Seriously, this is a lot more complex and difficult in practice than in theory.

Does it prevent them from rooting the phone, wiping it and installing a custom ROM?

This is a different issue. Setting screen time limits is a way to work with kids who get so utterly absorbed in games that they exclude all else. Having kids who will actively try everything they can to deceive you, that's a trust and respect problem.

Also, I get a daily report from Microsoft - rooted phone = no report = busted.

Not just to have something to shout at for a decade and a half until they finally piss off to University?

That's a pretty hefty judgement you've just made on a lot of family relationships...

We are just starting down this road with our 11 year old. Big changes coming up, moving up to high school so we want to sort it before then.

He is only on it most of the time due to lazy thinking.

He has recently experienced two seperate 24 hrs bans for the first time due to minor lies. Even he had to admit that he was a different kid and had really enjoyed being digital free...

Our approach has been to involve him in the decision making process regarding time limits, etc. I have also suggested that he might want to think about banking some time in case his mates are still playing. Extra time will be allowed over weekends and holidays and the whole thing will have a degree of flexibility.

One of our problems has been that he isn't interested in team sports and its only recently that I have managed to make a breakthrough with biking. He does go to parkour though one night a week.

But on the plus side, he loves reading and still enjoys lego and has never been prone to tantrums ( I like to think that that is because of the measured way we deal with him but could be kidding myself).

I did try an xbox time limit via Microsoft but later found out that he was just going on as me and giving himself extra time. So, I agree, better to encourage self regulation than rely on technology.

with you Mugboo

11 year old twins, one into plying football and one a rugby/mtb star.

All of the above. I can see both switching off to their sports and defaulting to online dribble. Its all tik-tok and YT crap I have the issue with.

Son number 2 had been going to Hillingdon on Saturdays, first mtbing, and now recently track and was doing so well. After a bit of chat he decided to give the cycling a miss, but my concern is its not because he doesnt like it or no good, its because he has to leave the house early and leave his screens. I am gutted tbf.

we play football, throw frisbee's/rugby balls, walk the dog almost every day. I never once did this with my old man! We go to BPW, Surrey Hills etc. But the second we need to work or do a chore they default to the dribble named above and I can see its not making them happy.

I am going to give self regulation mentioned above a go and bin Tik-Tok and YT

And when they refuse?

Remind them of that next time they want something?

Seriously, this is a lot more complex and difficult in practice than in theory.

I don't doubt it. It's why I never went down this road, I'm not cut out for it. But reading the various parenting threads on here often makes me wonder who's actually in charge. I didn't have an app foisted upon me to control Lego Time, I had adults who told me to do as I was bloody told.

Remind them of that next time they want something?

So you want to force them to come out to the park and have fun with you on pain of withholding pudding (or similar)?

Have you ever tried to force a kid to play football with you when they don't want to?

I had adults who told me to do as I was bloody told.

You know how they say no battle plan survives the first contact with the enemy? Or everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face? It's like that.

When a battle of wills becomes brutal protracted psychological warfare, no-one wins, even if you do get them to do what you want them to. I'm not prepared to reduce our family life to that level. Your childhood may have been different - mine was - but that's because my kids aren't the same as me.

Pretty sure I got dragged to plenty of places I didn't want to go to.

As a kid there's nothing I'd have liked better than my dad to take me to kick a ball about. And I hate football. My dad's biggest parenting failure was ignoring me for 40+ years.

As a kid there’s nothing I’d have liked better than my dad to take me to kick a ball about.

As a parent there's nothing I'd like more than to go for a kick about (or a bike ride) with my kids.

You know how they say...

Not really, TBH.

But you're the adult, no? It'll be all sweetness and light when they want a new iPhone, or Playstation, or Mars bar.

I don’t doubt it. It’s why I never went down this road, I’m not cut out for it.

That's very very apparent

Pretty sure I got dragged to plenty of places I didn’t want to go to.

Maybe that says a lot about your personality now.

The comments have been really helpful and contain some sound advice. It's also good to know that I'm not the only one.

bruneep asked if it was really me who was struggling - yes I am struggling but he is too, and admits that his schoolwork is suffering.

Like tonyd said, he's learning to be an adult and I'm learning to be a dad.

We were camping last weekend, he's got a very nice dialled alpine and goes to scouts and kung fu (the last two at his request). Not much football in this house but we do watch every England game during the Euros and World Cup. So he's not without other influences.

Thanks, everyone.

But you’re the adult, no? It’ll be all sweetness and light when they want a new iPhone, or Playstation, or Mars bar.

My kids don't really ask for stuff. Honestly mate things have changed quite a bit in 40 years.

It was my day off today so after school we ignored the forecast and went for a ride, this almost always involves a rope swing or tree climbing. It also involves me trying to impart a bit of skill training along the way, plus presenting little challenges that are out of his comfort zone but within his skillset. I never insist but today he rode some steep and sketchy sections (for him). The look on his face after he'd survived was priceless 🙂
It must have been fun because he let me have a pint on the way home!

After tea we went and explored an abandoned building which he will definitely explore without me one day so it gave me chance to show how to do it safely.

Its definitely labour intensive but he'll have an hour of digital today at the most and he said thank you for today 🙂

Good luck folks, it ain't easy but endless YouTube is not making them happy.

Right I have done it. Tic-tok is banned, removed and blocked from all devices. YT via their Google accounts are now restricted to 13+ setting. We have had a discussion on the subject of only using their full access YT accounts (running off my Google account) that they only use for creating video's, when on their PC's.

I will block Tic-tok via hosts file on their pc's as sopos can only block on categories.

I will set a plan in motion for cutting the hours, but giving more days for gaming and chat on-line with mates.

I will chill when they are doing something else... I am sure this is going to take a while, but I have to do something.

Twin son #1 went nuts for almost 24 hours - he is ADHD/ODD, ASD, Tourette's and Dyspraxia, so I was ready for this. #2 son took it well and agreed.

Lets see what happens

I'm late to the party here but if you're still looking for a screentime controller for Android - Google family link is the best I've found

Tried qustidio and a few others but they struggled to get round some of androids security - family link works well