[Closed] Scared of death...

Being dead is nothing to be afraid of - the process of dying though is another matter.

Occasionally. But then I think, better to spend the time I'm not dead doing something constructive rather than fretting over things I can't change.

Sorry if that sounds cold, I don't really mean it to be; just that if it's a concern, then use it as a kick up the arse to capitalise on what you have whilst you can.

It's the effect on the kids and the lack of me being there that scares me, not the illness per se..

Not death so much but dying in a hospital with tubes coming out of me doesn't appeal. I'd like to leave a big red smear.

Remember the old no fear t-shirt?

Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse.

Death doesn't scare me because if it happens, I know it's all over. I really don't like the idea of being maimed or nearly dead though. That's scary.

Do you think that somehow you're not being there will completely **** up everybody's life? Lots of people lose parents young. They get over things. They get on with life. You become a mere blip on the face of existence.

Scared of death...I don't think I'd think the same way if it wasn't for the kids.

TopTip 💡

Can't you get them adopted ?

And then, hey presto......no more being scared of dying.

You will die one day, that is inevitable. If it's something that's in your mind then turn it on it's head and use it as a focus and motivation. Live your life, don't hold back and enjoy every moment with your kids.
No illnesses in my family but any one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow!

Lots of people lose parents young.

Like the OP, for instance.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tact

Your children dying before you is worse isn't it? You could worry about that instead.

I'm living my life and it isn't something that weighs me down on a daily basis, but sometimes I do get pretty freaked out by it. I guess when you lose nearly all your family growing up it's going to leave a mark...

You become a mere blip on the face of existence.

Oh well that's nice.........now you're suggesting that loddrik is a mere blip in his kids existence.

So now not only is he scared of dying, but he's probably depressed at the thought that he doesn't mean much to his kids 😐

No, I didn't quite say that ernie.

I think my Dad knew he wasn't going to live long (heart problems) and thus he did the most he could to be s good father in the relatively short time that he ended up having. If your health is fine then there's nothing to worry about but no reason not to live life to the full instead of letting it drift by.

i have asthma, and once in a while i'll have an attack that's frankly horrific.

the last one, several years ago now, came on during a really nasty dose of 'flu.

i lay in bed, fighting for breath*. i honestly thought i was on the way out, and i didn't mind.

I was uncomfortably close to death at one period. And I had the same thing. There comes a point where it's not a big deal.

Now that I didn't like.

I'm scared of being paralysed. Don't know why because I know lots of folk in that position with smiles on their faces.

However, I am scared of wasting a day - I have no doubt that I'll won't live for very long so I go insane when I waste a day.

Scariest thing (also selfish): my wife or someone I love dying while I'm alive. No thanks.

Live your life quick and enjoy as much as you can!

As 5thelefant said my only real fear is outliving my children.

OP: I think when you have kids that's quite normal.

5thElefant - Member
Not death so much but dying in a hospital with tubes coming out of me doesn't appeal. I'd like to leave a big red smear.

I ride motorbikes so that's always a possibility :-/

Its normal, completely normal to think like that. I'm quite suprised when people say things of this ilk about death etc. I have read that we have to think about death to actually live! Death is one of lifes great taboos. If you mention anything like this to a lot of people it can freak them out. As long as you are like you say and don't give it too much thought I don't see any harm in it. As said above take each day as it comes. Worry about todays problems as jesus said.

aka_Gilo - Member
OP: I think when you have kids that's quite normal.

5thElefant - Member
Not death so much but dying in a hospital with tubes coming out of me doesn't appeal. I'd like to leave a big red smear.

I ride motorbikes so that's always a possibility :-/

Agreed,
When I was young and carefree it didn't bother me. In your 20's you feel invincible. As you get older and have a family & more responsibilities it plays on your mind a lot more. Inevitably, as you get older, you'll see more friends and loved ones pass away and that brings your own mortality home to you. I'm not religious, but "there but for the grace of god go I...." is a fairly apt saying I reckon.

I've come close a couple of times, nothing to be scared of you pussy.

Probably more proof that STW is only a place to ask a serious question if it is about a bike. 🙄

I'm answer to the OP, yes, I've got young kids and it does go through my mind. Again, partly because I lost my own father relatively young. I don't have the same sort of regular and deep pangs of worry about it that I do about them dying though. I think it is all part of the rich mix of parenthood.

No not at all. I find it hard to shed a tear when someone dies, even the closest of familly. Though that's probably not normal.
With me it could have been due to loosing family and freinds at an early age, pre teen, so every days a bonus.

Probably more proof that STW is only a place to ask a serious question if it is about a bike.

It's a reasonable thought. There's only so much you can do to reduce your risks of a 'premature' death. Enjoy being alive. And just acknowledge that life comes with a guarantee of death. Lock up your morbid thoughts. Instead of catastrophizing about the future think about what you've done and what you can do now.

Yes OP. I had a bit of a scare when my daughter was only one year old and it caused me to be very anxious for the next few years.

I seem to have come out of it though.

Boo!

[img] [/img]

loddrik - I share your concerns, I too have two young kids, a 7 year old and 3 year. I lost my Dad when I was 5 and I've got a totally irrational fear that history will repeat itself, when my first son past 5 it was such a relief. I guess it's an middle age thing, let's all try to relax and enjoy life.

I was walking to work the other day listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon, I was walking across the Millennium Bridge towards St Pauls on a beautiful sunny spring morning when Great Gig in the Sky came on, the man answers the question about dying:

"And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I
Don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime."
"I never said I was frightened of dying."

I was totally overwhelmed.

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid for my family. Very moving piece of music.

Just make sure you've got enough cover to leave a healthy payout when you do snuff it and they'll be delighted! Only kidding but all you can do is make sure you leave them financially sorted when you go and you can't do much else.

I don't have kids but to me there are plenty of other things more worthwhile to worry about.

When I think of the prospect of listening to Pink Floyd - I find the possibility of death quite attractive.

Not scared of death, but being in a few situations where I thought I was going to die does make you want to live.

I've come close a couple of times, nothing to be scared of you pussy.

He said scared of death, not scared of being close to it!

Dying? Doesn't bother me at all, so long as its quick. I've not done anything I regret, and I've had fun with life so far. Turn me off now if you like, and I reckon I'd die happy.

Serious debilitating illness or mental/physical disability - now that puts the willies up me in no uncertain terms. I'd be looking for a quick way out if that happened, but might not be in a position to be able to make that decision. That scares me.

I'm dreading death, even if I'm 100 when it happens. You don't get to see what happens any more.

Personally I hope to be so damn old that I just don't give a crap any more.

No not at all. I find it hard to shed a tear when someone dies, even the closest of familly. Though that's probably not normal.

I suspect it's more normal than you think. For me, the death of people (although very fortunately no-one very close yet) is a slow burning thing. At first I just think 'oh' then as the months or years roll by I think about them, their nearby family and so on.. becomes part of the mental landscape.

Good thread btw.

Re being close to death, I reckon we are all on first name terms every time we pin it along some wooded singletrack, tackle an alpine descent, try and beat 50mph on a road in Wales, or ragging our car along a country B road. It's just your skill, equippment and/or a slice of luck between you and the skinny lawnmower guy.

Kinda glad many think it's not far from normal. Thoughts like that do pass through my mind from time to time. I have two young children and assumed it was all part of parenthood.

Never used to think of it at all, till I hit the age of 39 - and for a short time it consumed my thoughts (think it was approach of 40 just a year and a bit away). Now coming up for 41 and am able to push the thoughts of it away much more easily.

Lol @ Drac's piccy

Watching my father in the last few months has been illuminating on this one. He has terminal lung cancer. I think I would have always put him in the not afraid of the future camp, but it appears to not be so.

He is afraid of dying - he knows what the futures holds for him has some pretty horrible times ahead. I don't think lung cancer is a particularly nice way to go. He is afraid of loosing control of his own destiny, relying on others etc and to some extend he is already there. On more than one occasion he has talked about taking control of the situation whilst he can and ending it at a time and place of his choosing rather than eking out a last few unpleasant months.

He is more afraid of death. He is afraid he won't get to see his first grandchild, due in October but more importantly he is afraid that his death will leave my mother destitute as the vast majority of their income is tied up in his pension and she will only receive half of that when he is gone.

I don't have dependant children myself but for those at the other end of the life's tramulator to my father but with young dependants I can see how it is something to ponder/worry about. It's something you grow into - were we not all fearless at one point in our lives - as you learn the downsides of responsibility.

When I think of the prospect of listening to Pink Floyd - I find the possibility of death quite attractive.

Email me your address and I'll send you a copy.

Death by email. Cool.

Mark Twain: "I was dead for billions of years before I was alive, and it inconvenienced me not in the slightest". 😀

Mark Twain is an idiot, you can't be dead before you have been alive.

Oh dear. "Mark Twain is an idiot". Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

I have kids and worry greatly about what kind of world they are going to live in when they are grown up. That scares me.

But then I think there is no point worrying about things you cannot control, and focus on having fun and doing the best I can for them while I can. Nothing else matters at the end of the day.

Mark Twain is an idiot, you can't be dead before you have been alive.

I bet you can't tell the difference anyway.

It was the "is" that made me despair...

I almost lost the will to live. 😆

If you're not alive you are clearly dead.

Clearly this isn't true at all.

pypdjl - Member

I've come close a couple of times, nothing to be scared of you pussy.

He said scared of death, not scared of being close to it!

Clearly this isn't true at all.

Probably more proof that STW is only a place to ask a serious question if it is about a bike.

Re mark twain Clearly there is a qualia to being alive that will be lost when dead - tautolgy but cant think of a better way of describing it. Dieing is different from never having existed. Imagine me stealling your bike there was time when you did not have it and were happy so why so sad now when nothing really has changed apparently. You wont notice being dead i assume is Twains point which is correct

Twain was being clever. The statement is interesting precisely because his use of the word "dead" is not the way it's used normally. 99.9% of people would say that, as a matter of semantics, being alive is a necessary step before you start being dead. The practical difference between being pre-alive and being post-alive is, he contends, nil. But that doesn't mean "dead" is the right [i]word[/i] for the pre-alive bit. 🙂

Is there a word for pre-alive?

I know where the OP is coming from, having a condition that statistically has a 5 year expectancy, and I'm 2 years into it - but then I'm not a person to follow the statistical curve I hope!

Got a 10 year old son and want to see him into adulthood, his future is mostly provided for now, I'd just like the enjoyment of seeing him enjoy his life growing up.

Having a long term, ultimately fatal condition means each day is taken individually, and enjoyed. Any day that has lacked a purpose or enjoyment for me is usually a day where I've let situations or other people influence me too greatly. But I don't live everyday like it is my last, I'd be in a bloody asylum by now if I did.

well I use the word Zombie for the living dead but i have no word for the pre-alive

"unborn", perhaps?

As in "to make the world a better place for one's unborn children".

In Twain's construction, I'd sort-of prefer just "wasn't" instead of "dead" if I wanted to avoid the controversy. 😉

I was just reading the deaths column in the newspaper and thinking it's wonderful how people die in alphabetical order...........

Dieing is different from never having existed.

Exactly, there are an infinite number of people that have never existed, and only a finite number of dead people.

You wont notice being dead i assume is Twains point which is correct

Presumably. Strictly speaking no-one actually knows this for certain.

I was just reading the deaths column in the newspaper and thinking it's wonderful how people die in alphabetical order...........

I was just reading the deaths column in the newspaper and thinking it's wonderful how people die in alphabetical order...........

Not so wonderful if you are Mr. Aardvark...

Frankly i'm shit scared of it.

Just cant get my mind around the concept of nothingness - not even silence or blackness or mental state like sleep. Just nothing...i am typing these words just now but trying not to think about it because if i start to think about too much it i get a total head**** that will last for hours!

The good news is when you get close to the abyss it looks quite welcoming.

Some brave comments on here from covert and missingfrontallobe. Personally, I'm quite frightened of dying and death; for my loved-ones and for myself. Most acutely for my parter, who has cancer. It's really not clear if she will survive it at this point, nor the extent of the ordeal. And that's quite terrifying for us both.

buzz-lightyear - Member
Some brave comments on here from covert and missingfrontallobe. Personally, I'm quite frightened of dying and death; for my loved-ones and for myself. Most acutely for my parter, who has cancer. It's really not clear if she will survive it at this point, nor the extent of the ordeal. And that's quite terrifying for us both.

Buzz, having heard my wife talk at a conference on wednesday about my condition then it is often the carer who bears the brunt of the worry and fears, especially when there were widows of brain tumour sufferers in the audience and who in effect represent her future. Scary, but having nearly died back on the day of diagnosis I've sort of come to terms with the fact that death happens, and it will be much harder for those left behind to deal with.