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"If you keep doing that you'll go blind."
"shut up or you'll get a smack"
worked a treat
How come aunties always know so much about anal sex? Every Christmas she would say "Better to give than receive".
When someone talks a load of bull - like consultants
All fart and no shit!!
Quotes from my parent's I'll never forget?
"I should have put you in a home." has lingered somewhat.
From my Grandad:
"the best way to keep your tool clean, is to use it"
We were in the garden at the time, so it was apt. But as advice given to a 15yr old lad just getting aquainted with the opposite sex it took on a whole different meaning.
Mum: "If you break both your legs - don't come running to me!"
when the ice cream van plays music thats to tell you theyve sold out
mean bastards
when the ice cream van plays music thats to tell you theyve sold out
Mine was similar - they only come round in colder weather to collect money for charity.
"your mouth will get you into trouble"
My Mum:
About a girlfriend ages back:
Every time I see those cows, I think of <girlfriend>.
About my now wife:
She [wife] always looks healthy, like a second world war land girl or a member of the Hitler Youth.
Joe
"We still love you, we just don't love each other" 😀
Oh
😥
From my mum when I was in my early 20's
"If you can't be good, be good at it"
Probably will only pass that on when our little one is also in her early 20's
They don't put pockets in shrouds
"Your nothing but a f*cking whore" was my personal favourite....
"hold you hard"
Roughly translated means to think before you act. So so true.
A friend of mine bought his kids ice creams but poured salt on them so they wouldnt ask again...horrible man.
this thread is loosing its humour i feel! 😯
"stop crying or ill give you something to cry about" wasnt a great/logical one from my mum
my granny used the word bugger in relashion to loads of innocent stuff ie funny bugger, you silly bugger, cheeky bugger, oh bugger ive missed the busetc etc. i grew up thinking it was atotally innocent word to use all the time...till i found out i also refered to another thing...
my mates dad would say "queer bird the fish". very random one that but it can really be applied to any situation when lost for words.. 😆
Another one from my dad...
My brother was teasing him saying he wouldn't dare throw a bucket of dirty car washing water over him. So, without a moment's hesitation, he drenched him in it then said...
'Never dare a fool...'
🙂
"Don't hang around with him too much, he's a bad influence"
"He's one of those people who's not afraid of dying"
The first quote was my dad and the second quote my mum. Both said about me to one of my best mates when he drove me home with 4 teeth missing, numerous cracked ribs and 2 broken bones in my right hand after crashing at a BMX race. Luckily he didn't take their advice and I was one of his best men at his wedding 5 years ago.
"Sometimes it's easier to say 'sorry' than to ask for permission"
or anothere one of his
" there is no such thing as strangers, they are people you are yet to upset and annoy"
funny thing is he was a bank manager
He did put a big hole in my life the day he died 😥
He did put a big hole in my life the day he died
Agreed - I miss my dad like mad every day and wish he was here to see our twins 🙁
This thread has taken a sad turn, but it makes me realise how lucky I am that my parents are both still with me and that they were nice to me when I was growing up.
Think I'll ring them tonight.
Do it please
My dad : You've got two ears and one mouth, therefore you should listen twice as much as what you speak.
Mates Mum before we departed for nights out when we were 18: Hope you've got your little hats for your little fellas!
Other Half's dad has some crackin' ones: Don't p1ss down my back and tell me its raining! (when some one is trying to pull the wool over his eyes) 😆
At 13 I had just woke up in hospital with seven stiches in each bollock having had one twist 360, whe my mum had a quiet word in my ear. "Thats what happens when you play with it" she said. I was traumatised for about two years 😯
I was traumatised for about two years
Indeed going by your username it would appear that you are still 'traumatised'
........... time to let go I reckon.
seven stiches in each bollock having had one twist 360
Well I'm not sure what you were trying to do, but I'm fairly sure you were doing it wrong!
A variation on the “hung for a sheep” one that my mum used to say was “If your going to get hung for a sheep you might as well sh*g it”.
Another favourite is “you can only p1ss with the c0ck you’ve got”
Not one of my parents, but I do like it
You can't polish a turd
"don't watch your mother eating a banana..."
"a wise man pi55e5 when he can - a fool pi55e5 when he needs to"
It wont hurt when the pain goes away
This thread has taken a sad turn, but it makes me realise how lucky I am that my parents are both still with me and that they were nice to me when I was growing up.Think I'll ring them tonight.
Snap, I'm going home at the weekend - I'll try to do something fun with them.
Not one of my parents but seems to be very good advice
Don’t do anything you are not prepared to explain to a paramedic.
My Gran when I offered her a drink of water once........
"Och no, I only drink water with Whisky in it"!
"Yummles", used by my mum to describe every alcoholic drink placed in front of her. Apart from the positively hallucinogenic absinthe I procured for her 50th. Sorry mum 🙂
See also "Is that my beer?" No mum, the one with the least in it is ALWAYS yours...
My dad says if he sees someone scruffy that "they look like the wreck of the hesparus"
"A verbal agreement isnt worth the paper its written on"
of the student house I lived in,
"It's like a shithouse struck by lightning"
My Ma; "Always roll your clothes"..... not very profound but practical when packing a suitcase.
Find a job that you love?
and you will never work a day in your life.
Has stood me in good steed
A couple of quotes from my old man (god rest his soul,he would of been a brilliant grandad for my son :cry:)
Take a coat when it's fine,please tha'self when it's raining.
And this one has stood me well upto now:
"Two of the most important things in life are respect and manners.Have both of them and you'll do alright."
Was having an argument with my mum when I was in my late teens and my Grandad (mums dad)was present. He just quietly said to me "walk away lad, she can't argue with herself"
Mum then turned on him. Without saying a word he turned on his heels and walked away.(he went out for half an hour). Mum was purple with rage!
I love his wisdom. He is more of a man than I will ever be.
My Dads: It takes time - pause - and money.
Haven't really been in contact with him as much as I should have recently, think I will give him a ring.