Because he was kneading a jobbie!.
David the doorbel, thats why I'm knocking.....
'And you know it's amazing the strength you get when you bite your ane willy'
Madam those are your breasts, and if you keep turning those screws you're going to have a beard.
Only next time no feathers, we'll use the whole chicken.
Oh,you don't see many of those about.
[i]( Has to be said with lips in a tight O )[/i]
I've got to have somewhere to park my bike
(Billy Connolly joke)
Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.
you shouldve seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in
"Jihanjir Bandin"
or
"You're the guy who shat in my tuba!"
Doctor Who?
Pretentious? Moi?
"He vanished with a puff"
"They put the willies up each other"
"Haaayyy..."
And my personal favourite
"What daughter?"
It was a shit zoo
you shouldve seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in
Jeez, that takes me back a few years. I was about 8 last time I heard that.
And buggerit, I got through 3 pages, ready to post... and saw that.It was a shit zoo
"No, but I've told a pig to **** off"
"I don't know, but his face rings a bell"
followed by
"I don't know, but he's a dead ringer his brother"
Ni Hi was in the Van by the cafe that day as he wasn't feeling very well.
if 10 doesn't get rid of the taste, nothing will.
.....says thanks for the new ears.
No, but I've been swung by the tits once or twice
"oh, it still eats everything it can get it hands on, but ever since the incident with the pool ball it's learnt to measure it first."
or
"I know, it's magnificent isn't it!"
or
"that's alright for you, I couldn't even get onto the ****ing bed"
- Aye lad, but your mother's been spoilt
"... because Hans that do dishes be as soft as Jervais with my green hairy-lip squid"
AND
"... my God , co-pilot, that was a short runway - but have you seen how ****ing wide it is?"
The coffin stopped.
'And chucked out the Mexican!'
Brian Glover, sadly missed...
Indeed.
My Mom.
In a regular show style ....
[url=
Would that be Falkirk High or Falkirk Grahamston ?
I left my balls in Vietnam.
No, just come in your pants
A stick
Watch pr0n and eat wotsits
DIE HERETIC!!!
"No, it's just frost on my moustache"
"I think it's the cobbles dear."
"I get bonus notches"
One tomato said to the other "ketchup!"
Well keep your eye on the referee because someone is beating the crap out of me
"There's no need to rush love - he's got to have a s**t first"
"I'm not a real welder"
"Right lads ! Tea breaks over - back on yer eads"
Some c..t from Wrexham
Miss, My Dad said it'll take that contageous
Gone ! But not for Cotton
It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson.
Absinthe makes the farts go Honda
Huts, oh naval huts
Cavalry take em and they cover em in chocolate
.....they put the left leg in, and that's when the trouble started.
Oh, sorry, I thought you said "goats".
"Hang on I'll just go and check" ...... BANG!!!!
"Tzar chasm is the Maoist form of wit"
"All the best ones Argon"
There's 20 of them!
A dead epileptic.
(two of my favourites)
Then a cyclops comes round the corner and hits her.
and that's the last time I show my cock to a priest
I am a country member
Bob.
"like a one eyed mouse ... weeping"
Not everyone has been up the Eiffel Tower.
Your Mrs will always blow your bonus.
But you do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.
"But I shall be sober in the morning."
Of Course both of them, what's the point of ****ing one.
That's ok I had to answer the phone anyway.
Thanks, I can get the brakes fixed on the van now.
You can't eat a pig like that all at once.
"Snake"
Fsh
Only for a chocolate bun
It's a knick-knack Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
The A-Team.
[i]Apologies to anyone who knows that particular joke. It shouldn't be funny. It really shouldn't. But it is.[/i]
phunkmaster - Member
"'Rectum', miss? More like killed 'em"
Ooh I think you'll find that one is
"'Rectum', miss? No, blew them to bits".
The Aristocrats
When the schoolgirls dress like prostitutes and the prostitutes dress like schoolgirls.
"I am an Orthopaedic Surgeon. I work with my hands"
I can't, it's eating my popcorn.
He redecorated the whole house through the letterbox.
Get back up there and give him a piece of your mind, and I will hold your monkey.
You shag one sheep!
It's great fun trying to remember the set ups in this thread.
And the Pope says 'and loads of f***ing chips!'
They found his head and shoulders on the beach
But I'm alright nowwwwww!
The hans that do dishes are as soft as Eu Vasse, For lime-green hairy-lipped squid.
I just was about to post that one but I remembered it as
Hans that does dishes can be as soft as Gervais with a mild green, hairy lipped squid.
One of my favourite jokes.
Yes. Death by bunga-malunga.
And the Irishman replied "Goethe wrote Faust and Joyce wrote Ulysses"
"Alright, give me Hamm on five, hold the Mayo"
Get thee to a nonery
(I can't actually remember the joke to that one, anyone here know it?)
.
Doctor Who?
.
That's odd, you normally get tulip[s from hamster-jam.
Some great old gems there - Haven't heard the "No tomatoes" joke from anyone apart from my old flatmate (circa 1989).
Can I add...:
You only get four fingers in a KitKat
Can you smell fish?
A carrot
"OK" said the Kiwi, as he turned round and stuck his head through the railings
"Aye, and it'll grue some more if you keep your hand there".