MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
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A mate's getting married in a bit, and he wants to have his stag night in Las Vegas, which is likely to cost around £1-2k by my reckoning.
To put things very bluntly, that's totally unaffordable for me. He, and most of his friends, work at investment banks, and so it isn't a big deal to them. Is a stag do something you can get out of, or it a complete friendship ender?
I'm not the best man, and I've no desire to go along and cadge off people or constantly be putting a damper on things by having no cash.
Hmmmm. Tricky one. On the one hand, you could talk to him about it, or you could talk to a bunch of strangers on the internet.
Hmmmm.
Not been to a few myself - be honest and say you can't afford it
Unfair to force you to go; there should always be two stag parties - the lavish one for the fortunate ones, and the pissup down the Red Lion IMO.
A mate's getting married in a bit, and he wants to have his stag night in Las Vegas, which is likely to cost around £1-2k by my reckoning.
Unreasonable of him to expect everyone to be able to afford that imo. Stag do should be about the people there not having a fancy holiday and splashing the cash.
Yes. Completely unreasonable to expect people to fork out for that kind of stag. In my experience, as each one of my mates got married, each subsequent stag do had to out do the last one. The first one was a working mens club with a stripper. The next was Edinburgh. Then Newcastle. Then London. Then Barcelona. Then Ibiza. etc etc.
It's not obligatory to attend a stag do, just tell him you're not going.
I agree - be honest. That is expensive even by stag do standards (I reckon). In my experience the quality of the stag do is inversly proportional to the funds spent... best ones are the ones with a good group and a local pub...
Can you make the wedding? My mate is having both the stag do and wedding abroad (Barcelona and Cape Town). No shiny bike parts for me for a while!
My mate is cool about it though, knowing it's a lot to ask of people.
He told everyone early on so it's going to be my holiday for next year, already starte looking for mtb opportunities in SA 🙂
I have a good mate who only went to Magaloof (sp?!) for five days. I honestly couldn't think of anything worse - not that I'm a boring old fart or anything 😳 But they had those lycra gimp-suit things and everything.
I just said absolutely no fekkin way right from the get-go, and told him why.
Very glad I didn't go when I saw the pics / heard the tales - 24 hour drinking / lapdance clubs / real and proper nasty abuse of Eastern European females (not by my mates, but by the guys who run the clubs).
The whole thing just made me want to go for a ride then open a nice ale later and read my book whilst patting my dog. He didn't take it personally (I don't think...) but he has started riding his road bike more than his proper bike.
I just stumped up for the cost of my stag do to avoid this situation (admittedly not quite that cost). I didn't want any of my mates to feel excluded because they couldn't afford to join in.
Tell him you can't afford it and then let him prioritise whether having his friends there is more important than what he chooses to do for the weekend.
People get really selfish and unreasonable when they're getting married, but if he's really a mate I'm sure he'll understand.
i missed out on a good mates stag do in munich, because there was no way i could afford it
similar thing - i was a poorly scientist, my mates bourgois IT types
still sad i didnt go but in the grand scheme of things im over it
(it did spell doom for one of my mates who got a blowjob off a lapdancer and another 'mate' let it slip while me my missus my mate and his missus were on holiday- made for a very uncomfortable week till they could go home and split up properly- my point is maybe its a good thing you cant go)
I've already spoken to him on the subject. I don't think he twigs how much cash it is...
Just be honest. A friend of mine is having her wedding in the West Indies. Apparently just under half of their invites have come back saying no. She's now refusing to talk to those people (myself included). Hey ho.
If he's a mate, he'll understand and as said up there ^ nout wrong with having a good piss up in the local for those that can't make it.
Oh, and my stagger was in Kinloch Rannoch with an open invite and a nice rented holiday house which slept nearly 20! No strippers to bother me out there 🙂 B'stads did try and chuck me in the loch at one point though...
Been to lots of stag-do's, some messy, some more low-key, and £1k+ in Vegas is over the top. i've had a real run of them in recent years and even uk-based ones are expensive. Amsterdam last year was £600-700 mimimum and I think that's a lot of money in anyone's book.
say you can't make it and why, and if he's a decent pal he'll be ok with it, and catch up with him for a normal night on the lash before the big day.
As a confirmed grumpy old git I think it's totally out of order for people to expect their mates to pay so much for hen and stag dos. They're totally putting you on the spot.
Just tell him you can't afford it.
Frankly, I'd be more worried that any friend of mine would think that going to Vegas for a stag do was a good thing....
Be honest. Tell him that it's too much for you and that you hope he has a great time.
tell him it's too much but offer to arrange a local more traditional stag do. I know you're not the best man, but the sentiment counts.
If it doesnt count, then only go to the wedding in order to pull a bridesmaid / the bride to teach him a lesson in manners
one of my best mates is having his stag do in london, which is where he lives. i live in manchester, and being between jobs at the moment i can't really afford to go to london and stay over twice in the space of a few weeks, so i told him i couldn't make it due to the cost.
he's not a dick, so he's absolutely fine with this.
like pretty much everyone else has said... If he's a mate he won't mind, it is unreasonable to expect you to spend that much! As if 1K+ is an amount of money that doesn't actually register as money... oh to be a banker.
my stag do was in the Man and Scythe pub in Bolton.
Now that's class
cost about 20 quid. Everyone had a great time, got pissed and jumped up and down to a punk covers band
Bail - have you not seen movies about Stag do's in Vegas - they ALWAYS end in disaster!
i was a best man for my mate and when arranging the stag do I figured budget was very important. Ended up with a wet weekend in wales, which was just as fun as vegas (but I can equally understand why someone would want to 'go out in style' like that). Even if he's loaded, just explain its a load of money, and you can't afford it. About 50% of the folks my mate invited came along in the end, so I'd say its no deal ender, especially in the circumstances..
maybe put it to him in terms of your rent, monthly salery, annual holiday cost, or something?
"Sorry mate, that's a bit high dollar for me. If you're arranging some beers locally before the do, I won't miss it."
is all you have to say.
A stag do in Vegas at that kind of money is bloody ridiculous IMO.
I had to turn down my best friends stag do the other year. At the time I was (only just got my head above wate tbh) struggling to make ends meet as I was finishing my PhD after 3 years self funded. Really wish they had arranged something affordable but that reflects on the others who organised it.
Had to turn down a wedding this year too as it was out in Serbia. Not the cheapest place to get to and the other half had exams 2 days after the wedding date.
Anybody else noticed how their "friends" on high incomes tend to drift into social circles exclusively consisting of other people on high incomes in their late 20's and early 30's?
Seriously though, nearly couldn't make a very good mates wedding, though he and some other friends did help to make it as cheap as possible for me. They let me know the moment flights were available so I booked a return to Pisa from Bristol for £90, booked cheaper accommodation (£100 for the week) for some of us a bit less well off, and made sure I got lifts to and from the airport for free which was helpful. Still an expensive wedding mind, spent about £300 all told for the week (inclusive of flights and accommodation) which wasn't bad, but I've been to cheaper!
Hid stag do on the other hand... 2 nights in a 5 star hotel, a day at Ascot races, and expensive restaurants for food... I asked how much he reckoned it would cost and he said "I reckon you'll be ok with 250 quid for the weekend, I'm taking more though"... Told him flatly at that point, not a chance! He wasnt upset, he understood why...
He, and most of his friends, work at investment banks
Sounds like it'll be a shit crack anyway.
Very glad I didn't go when I saw the pics / heard the tales - 24 hour drinking / lapdance clubs / real and proper nasty abuse of Eastern European females
Where do I sign up.? 😈
The whole thing just made me want to go for a ride then open a nice ale later and read my book whilst patting my dog.
Brilliant! 😆
Anybody else noticed how their "friends" on high incomes tend to drift into social circles exclusively consisting of other people on high incomes in their late 20's and early 30's
No not at all.
I went to a mates stag do in the peaks, (no riding) it was just drinking and go karting cost around £500 in total which I though was a lot for a stag do. I said I thought it was a lot of cash but would come anyway.
Two months later my stag do, £25 in the kitty from everyone and it covered all the drinks and a buffet meal. (it was a bike ride round 4 pubs and around 4 miles) Above stag was short of cash and had a cold so didn't think it was best to come out on a bike. It was a class day and everyone enjoyed it.
So i think be honest to him and sort out a piss up at the local. If its cheap and not built up to anything it you'll all have a great time.
Sadly due to reasons i won't go in to on this forum i have missed out on 3 stag do's and weddings recently, i think they have understood why
Only a totally unreasonable person wouldn't realise that not everyone would a) afford and b) want to go to a stag in Las Vegas.
I understand that people want to have a blast and a last holiday with their mates etc. But still...
Also: I thought half the point of having a destination wedding was so that not everybody came? How would anyone get upset when they got rejections? People flake out on weddings even when it's at the church down the road, let alone on the other side of the world.
Had to turn down a wedding this year too as it was out in Serbia.
I would want to go to a wedding in Serbia a thousand million times more than a stag in Las Vegas.
one lunchtime, one of my employees asked if should could be half an hour late back from lunch, when asked why shes said cos were getting married down the town hall.. 10 minutes later another came and asked if she could be late back so she could be the witness.
all planned to deliberatley avoid presents stags do's parents aunties mates you really dont care about.. still married 12 years later..
I turned down a wedding last year on there grounds, would have been about a grand. Quite a few mutual friends did the same. Still good pals with the couple.
My best man has express details to mak[lis[*]t]e it affordable for my mates. It's all about me seeing them after all, regardless of location.
(wet weekend in Wales has been asked for)
Me and my Mrs weren't going to bother with stag/hen nights as living in West Yorkshire, but getting married in Inverness, and having friends spread all around the country, we felt it would be too much to ask people to travel twice - and we really wanted them at the wedding. We also had at the time a few friends who had kids, yet we would want them both to be at stag and hen nights, giving them all sorts of problems with childcare.
In the end it was made clear that we [i]had[/i] to have a do each. Hers was a day of laser paintball thingie and some sort of pottery thing, followed by a night out a mile from the house (where everybody stayed), mine was a soggy weekend in a little wooden hut near Dalby with riding and beers!
We really tried to make sure it was as cheap as possible, and told people we would rather they came to the wedding if they could only make one trip. (More people made the wedding)!
A few years previously we had gone to a friends wedding at a time when we were really hard up, and had only been able to afford one night away. I agreed to help them transport a load of sound/lighting gear (venue didn't supply and I had a van at the time) which meant staying the night before aswell. When the brides mother found out we had bought the tent with us she insisted on paying for a hotel room for us for the evening - was much appreciated!
They'll get divorced soon, most likely. Just tell him you'll go to his next wedding and do.
my stag do was in the Man and Scythe pub in Bolton.
😯
Actually, is the cider still as good as it used to be?
Very glad I didn't go when I saw the pics / heard the tales - 24 hour drinking / lapdance clubs / real and proper nasty abuse of Eastern European females
Where do I sign up.?
Send me your headshot and bikini shots and I'll put you in touch with someone who can organise a dancer job for you.
£1-2k on a stag do is ridiculous. Hasn't he already said to his mates that he understands if they can't go? Also he can't be expecting many to go either..
I've had this - turned down a stag to Miami. It would have been expensive, but I didn't fancy a week of getting pissed every night and going to hideous nightclubs, so I just told the room that it really wasn't my sort of thing, but that I hoped they'd have fun.
The obligatory pictures of lapdancers etc appeared some weeks later, which reconfirmed my view that it was something I'd done well to avoid.
Its a big ask, be honest.
I went to Hamburg with a few mates for mine (by the sounds of it a lot of people on here would have hated it 🙂 )
For those that couldn't afford it / couldn't make it we had another one back here in the UK which involved a day at the races, meal then club.
Something for everyone, simples:)
When did stag doo's start becoming so lavish??,mines nearly 20 years ago
was a piss up in Edinburgh (i lived there at the time) a tour round the three stripper bars off the Grassmarket i believe known as the pubic triangle a club possibly a kebaaab on the way home job done everyone had a great i had a horrendeos hangover
Im sure as posted above any decent friend will understand if you choose not to go
i told him i couldn't make it due to the cost.
he's not a dick, so he's absolutely fine with this.
^^^this^^^ +1
I'd just say no, sorry, not my thing and I can't afford it anyway.
You can buy a bike for that!! 😉
For my Stag do we went for a weekends riding in The Lakes. Brilliant!
If he can afford it and wants to go to Vegas - let him, its his stag do not any of yours!
Perhaps he just doesn't like you...?
Man up, men are men and mates are mates, if he can't deal with you not coming then that is surely his problem.
i didn't go to a mates stag this summer cos it was £150 for a box at the football. i just don't have that sorta cash. no bother
I love the folks on where whose default position is to have a go.
I just wanted to know if not going on a stag do is a total faux pas or not much of a problem...
Nah - just tell him you would love to go but you just can't afford that sort of money. Ask him if he wants to go out for a few beers separately sometime before the wedding.
To be fair you should really have given us an indication of your pal's response when you told him you couldn't afford it.
People will jump to conclusions if you don't give them all the relevant information.
I have this for my Brothers stag, there was talk of going to Vegas but they decided not to because our other brother would be too young to drink. Now apparently they are thinking about going to Poland to watch Aston Villa play wendyball. Now I don't see my brother as much as I would like to because he lives in Leeds and I live in Birmingham but even if money were no object I don't think I would want to go abroad for a stag do. His circle of friends are very like this and just a couple of weeks ago went to Amsterdam for a 'lads weekend' I'm only a couple of years older but have 2 children and am already married so am well passed the binge drink for a week stage.
I do feel an obligation to go because he is my brother and have told him I don't want to go abroad but am happy to go for a weekend somewhere in the UK.
If he is actually your mate, he'll understand your reasons for not going. Two years ago I was faced with two stag do's in the space of a month and had to turn one down. I was the best man for one, and a close friend of the other. Didn't turn out to be a problem. £1-2k on a stag is crazy money, for me anyway.
It is absolutely fine to not attend a mates stag do- I've had quite a few over the last year or two and there is always somebody who cannot attend one or the other for various reasons- it's never been an issue.
Stag do's are definitely not an unconditional attendance type thing, I honestly wouldn't worry.
I'm sure your mate will appreciate honesty and you being up-front- i.e 'Sorry mate I know I won't be able to afford that but we'll have a night out down town soon to celebrate' or whatever. Better to do that than be the person who keeps saying they'll go, gets included in all the planning and then bails at the last minute causing chaos, because they haven't actually saved any cash or organised anything.
As a rough rule of thumb, the less I've spent on stag do's the more fun I've had - the social aspect comes to the fore when you don't feel compelled to get your money's worth.
I couldn't make a stag do in Biarritz although we had plenty of notice. I didn't really fancy the trip to Paplona and getting gored by a bull, plus the flights were getting mucho pricey by the time I started looking. Was a good friend from school so I felt a bit guilty about not going but he understood. I took it upon myself to organise a mini stag do at his place with some old schoolfriends to make up for it. That was much appreciated and we had a good time.
Seriously its a non-issue, just tell him the truth. I had my Stag in Krakow and a few of my mates couldn't make either due to cost or other commitments.
I didn't hold it against them
OP normally I'd say its an honour to be invited however ANY friend would understand that upto 2k is a big ask.
Plus Las Vegas? **** that. I'd do Blackpool for a good mate I'd grin and bear it but around the world at that cost?
And for me, it less about the money and more about the need to take holidays from work - its not like we all get that many, and certainly once you've kids there aren't enough days just for the basics.
Same as most others, it's not compulsory by any stretch and gets even less so as the cost goes up. just tell him the truth.
Anybody else noticed how their "friends" on high incomes tend to drift into social circles exclusively consisting of other people on high incomes in their late 20's and early 30's
Not particularly, although it's to be expected that high income earning friends would socialise a bit with work colleagues etc on similar salaries, maybe that friendship was naturally going to dissolve anyway. One of my pals is high up in BP, £1M house in Beckenham, mixes in wealthy circles. He'll turn up at my little Terrace house in Yorkshire and sleep on the floor.
Be honest. Thats what mates are about. Having had a couple of these myself......... Its about people and not places.
First was in the days before they became events. Pub with mates and they're still with me even though she isn't.
The second was eight years ago and I was so scared that they and other mates would do I organised it myself. Told them what to bring and that everything else was covered. Passport and £100. We went to Boulogne to collect beer. Stayed in crap hotel and had a meal that cost more than everything else put together. People still talk about it including me drinking champagne from another custumers shoe. Tasted brilliant!
My best man wasn't there! He was 16 at the time. We went to the pub and he (my son) carried me home.
All these have been great and its because of who was with me. If anybody can't be there, if you value them, you will do something to include them one way or another.
Had some rich friends who got married last summer. £100k wedding!!!! Various things organised from Portugal and New York to the local pub. Nobody was made to feel poor or out of place cause they hadn't been to one bit and not another. I was out of work at the time.