[Closed] Non-swearing insults

Berk
Poltroon
Cretin

You muthering chumraa!

Gimp
muppet
spanner
you plum

Melon

Idiot
Muppet
Spanner
Joey (as in Deacon)
Tool
Pillock
Wally

tool - as in spanner

toilet - full of sh**

Wassock
Dolt

Oaf
Dimwit
Ninkumpoop
Cad
Rotter.
Stop me before I go all Terry Thomas

You are one load your mother should have swallowed.

penis?
dense
tube steak. (willy)
melon
reject
joey

and for some reason Norman?

Spoon monkey is popular here at work at the moment, though I much prefer idiot or fool.

Mouth breather

Nimrod

baffoon

It's "buffoon"

singlespeeder

Numnuts

I called hora a 'whey face poltroon' just last week. Then again, I blew it yesterday by describing someone else as a 'spu*k stain on the duvet of life' Sometimes, a good swear is the only answer 😕

My current fav is 'you're a gutter sniffing shoe licker'. Or borrowed from Ren and Stimpy, a 'bloated sack of protoplasm'. 'Oxygen thief' comes in a close third.

spacker
A po-faced jellyfish
If you were any thicker they'd water you twice a day.

sooner

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries

You Terry

freaking elf

I fart in your general direction....

Moose, which is what one calls the ladies.

poop face

Ludite
Swamp Donkey
Bell end
spaz
Oxygen thief

i find calling someone a dummy can achieve fairly explosive results if repeated enough 🙂

Chump
Buffoon
I heard this in passing on the Simpsons the other day...to an American

"Shatner stealing Mexico touchers"

A little bit of wee came out.

Gordon Bennett!

drongo?

Gimlet and Nimrod are not only two of my personal favouries, but would also make a great name for a pub.

I never forget a face. But for you I'll make an exception.

Dipstick.

ah my fave and most of the british armys: MONG

chump and pleb

A Flod

Its a cross between a flid and a spod

Nerf Herder

window licker

Ya radge!
Ya spoon!
Ya fudd!
Ya tube! (pronounced Tchoob! BTW)
Ya spangle!

dime bar
weapon
chief (helps if you've read "White Teeth" for this one)

Berk

= Slang abbreviation for "Berkshire Hunt" = C n u t. 🙂

trolley mong and
Bulb end are my favs at the min

You Spawny Eyed Parrot Faced Cretin

has always been a personal favourite

Numpty
Nerk

if your brains were made of rubber, you wouldn't have enough to make a flip flop for a one legged budgie!

nob-splat!

CHUNT!

-H

dweeb

+1 for chunt 😀

"I'm building an idiot. Can I borrow your brain?"

"I cant believe the sperm that created you beat 100000 others"
Not my insult BTW, but its a cracker 🙂

Gland!

Blouse

thick as a whale omlette

Moron

whopper

I could see "woppit" being adopted by some on here as the ultimate insult. 🙂

And forgive me if I'm wrong Mr W but I think he'd be dead proud.

Twannock

You inbred

Buffon or baboon

avdave2 - Member

I could see "woppit" being adopted by some on here as the ultimate insult.

And forgive me if I'm wrong Mr W but I think he'd be dead proud.

Fame at last.

At least the receiver of the "insult" would know that the user is a complete dangleberry...

... "whinnet" or "tagnut"...

DogSnot.

I don't know why but I find 'muppet' far more insulting than full on swearing.

Someone can call me a f***ing **** and I'll shrug and probably even agree! But call me a muppet and I'm incandescent with rage!?

Damn just exposed a week spot!*awaits a barrage of MUPPET being thrown this way!* 😉

A bradawl is a tool that bores holes..

You Bradawl = you boring tool! 😆

"You still-born son of a thrice-poxed whore" is another personal favourite of mine 🙂

Knob jockey
retard
mong
spaz

are my personal faves

"hope yer next craps a pineapple"

bawbagian

mazda! because of the w@nker (****el) engine

You are the barsteward child of Fred and TandemJeremy.

Ok, I'm really sorry for that. That was too far. I shall commit Seppuku.

Classy insults:

I wave my private parts at-a your aunties, you cheesy lot of-a second hand dwarven donkey-bottom biters.

and

No chance, you pervy hobbit fancying bed-wetting poofters-a! I burst-a my pimples at you and-a call your door-opening request a silly thing, you limp-wristed son of a foetid donkey's bottom!

[b]Skunk pussy[/b]

[img] [/img]

hatstand
tugger (Aus)
dag (Aus, NZ)
full of hidden shallows
blowhard
player of the pink oboe
worm
clingon

Shoe gazer

you will be blind when your balls drop..

Schmuck
schmoo
putz
How can a mammal be so slow and still have respiratory functions
(my favourite)

+1 for nincompoop (though I have no idea how to spell it - does that make me one?)

Also a fan of dunderhead.
Can never go wrong with numpty.
So many to choose, so little time...

bearded clam
cheeseboy
gimp
plonker
plus many of those above.

Another vote here for Gimlet (a small boring tool) and my favourite with intimidating glare 'Little boy'!

Chopper.