[Closed] No kids & Having the snip

and a little arrogant for people on the other hand to think they're special in not wanting kids.

I'm not aware of anyone who thinks this or has expressed and opinion anything like this.

We didn't want kids, together over 20 years, then she hit 40.
OMFG that timebomb went off big style, I couldn't escape!!
Now got 6 month old twins at 44........

'fishin.
Sorry what I meant to say was it was naive of people to think that they alone didn't want kids [b][u]and would continue to do so. [/u][/b]There's stacks of people who went through the same thought process of "I DON'T WANT KIDS AND NEVER WILL" and then a few years later changed their minds and had them. Some people will stick with the opinion, and all credit to them, but they are in the minority.

Just to be clear, I couldn't think of many things worse than hav

Oh it doesn't matter, come back in 15 years time and lets have the conversation then.

hora - Member

My partners desire to have kids was zip, negative, narda [b]until she hit 80[/b] then it was I WANT KIDS.

😯

If you think you're not cut out for it, or even worse would make a shit job of it, then you and any unsuspecting progeny would be far better off without the risk of it happening. Hope it all goes smoothly.

Oh it doesn't matter, come back in 15 years time and lets have the conversation then.

Is really the best you can come up with? Quite why you think having this conversation when I'm 55 is in any way relevant is beyond me.

I can understand not wanting kids.

But grandkids are the best thing ever.

Or is it EVVA?

As mentioned earlier I had similar experiences with mates going through my 20's/30's and now 40's having children and all it's done is made there lives a lot harder and more expensive and less time for other friends and family. It seems a constant monologue of " I don't have enough time/money/effort " etc. and mates groups have split because of it, then years later when their kids have grown up and moved away or are teenagers it seems mates then get back in touch and say " hey, how are you it's been a while, fancy a ride ? " my attitude is , nah bugger off, when I wanted to go riding and called on you many many times you slammed the door in my face with an exasperated look of Kid hell despair.

Your choice to have kids, don't blame anyone else for continuing with their lives if they choose not to have them.

As for partners wanting kids, and you don't, well there's only two outcomes IMO, No and if you persist then bugger off and find someone else or accept that I don't want them. MrsBouy and I went through all the normal " should we, shouldn't we " scenarios, most of it coming from her if I'm honest, I always stood my ground, no was a consistent reply. It came to a head a few years ago and I got so fed up with the constant whining I moved back home to the coast. We hadn't quite split up but it wasn't far off. Clearly now we are back together yet on occasion the topic rears it's head when in family or groups of mates etc. yet it was always her choice to be with me and mine to be with her.

This choice is no social experiment, it's not the way of the world to have kids, proving humans can still produce humans is not a human constraint nor is it an indicator that we are superior to animals in that we seem to be able to choose to either have or have no kids. I expect once we learn to speak Ant they will say similar words to us, some want kids, some don't.

Whilst I'm on, IVF is a very very blunt instrument enabler (or not) I've seen first hand two mates go through hell and financial ruin and eventual split only to meet someone else and carry on either with or without having kids ( one went on to have one kid, the other still has no kids )

Stoic comments about " but what if ? " and pinning those comments down to what ever may happen in the future are totally irrelevant in circumstances where choice not have kids is involved. We choose not to have them because we choose not to have them, end of.

I think I've made my points clear, no amount of internet arguments will change that and I feel that trying to persuade someone whose clearly chosen not to have kids and is asking about the snip, whether good or bad, is an option steers so far from the original question that maybe some people don't understand the viewpoint of the OP.

I think the OP has always been nothing less than very clear about his opinions of children. Why anybody would want to change his mind by posting on this thread is frankly ridiculous.

34, kid free, missus is 43.

She wanted them I didn't, a big deal but we got through it. Now we are happy without for a lot of reasons that I won't go into here. Short version is it's not for everyone and generally the breaders don't get it. The reasons I haven't gone for the op is I don't want unnecessary surgery and I certainly don't want it there,

generally the breaders don't get it.

Generally people who wish to make themselves feel better by denigrating the choices of others don't get it, whicever "side" they inhabit.

Can't you just wrap your present? I've no interest in having kids but the snip is pretty extreme.

DD I quite understand people desire to procreate and have little things to dote on, it's just in modern society deciding not to bread is seen as failure either as you are broken medically or mentally.

Some people on this thread are hammering on how the OP might change his mind and he should wait and see, just in case but some of us just don't want to.

Yes mike, and some people make patronising comments, like, say...

have little things to dote on

Why not make your choice, be happy with it and not worry about what "everyone" else thinks.

Without going in to details I've been through a couple of scares in the past whilst using contraceptives. Another reason why I want this done

This thread has taken a sinister turn ...

Has it?

I think so, some are getting quite het up. I'm oot.

Has it?

Yup. I'm hiding under your bed.

Looking for Wordsworth?

you could always "take" your "business" "elsewhere"*

nudge nudge
wink wink

*crafty butcher

^^^not read all that^^^

A friend's wife has a heart condition which meant any unplanned pregnancy would be fatal, and even a planned one would require surgery first, and still be very risky. They discussed it and decided it wasn't worth the risk. He got referred for a vasectomy after explaining his reasoning; I think he would have been 30 or so at the time.

What is a "breader"?

What is a "breader"?

Posted 37 seconds ago #

Ah! Thought it was someone who slings dough around 😉

At 25 I was pretty sure I didn't want kids and I had considered having the snip - didn't have a hankering for someone taking a knife to my tackle but contraception is a pita. 38 now and 2 kids later I'm considering the snip again 🙂

I'd say consider it carefully but I can fully understand the "no kids for me thanks" sentiment.

Interesting thread, this. I'm both disappointed and reassured by some of the comments here.

I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids, and at 42 and counting I'm confident that this isn't going to change. People bring their kids into work sometimes; the (largely female) half of the office grinds to a cooing halt, my reaction is "take that bloody thing away from me" and I'll go and find somewhere else to be. I simply don't have the parental gene, there is no child-shaped hole in my life and the ever-so-predictable bleating of "but WWHHHHYYYYYY?!" isn't going to change that.

It's a similar reaction to the one I get sometimes when people find out I'm vegetarian. I've been veggie for over half my life, and in hindsight I never really wanted to eat meat even before I knew what a vegetarian was. So to suggest that I'm somehow in a massive ball of denial because I saw a dead cow when I was six or some other hokey logic, and that I might wake up tomorrow with a sudden craving for a Big Mac with extra bacon, is frankly condescending.

A couple of points:

1) Just because I'm veggie, or childless, does not mean that I expect you to be. You don't need to get defensive and you don't need to justify doing something different from me. You don't need to tell me how you couldn't possibly be vegetarian as you love chicken too much, triumphantly point at my leather shoes and tell me I'm doing it wrong, or try to persuade me that removing crayon from the carpet and baby sick from car upholstery is your favouritest thing in the whole world. I didn't ask you to do any of those things; you want 2.4 children you can take to a steakhouse, knock yourself out, I don't care.

2) Similarly, I do not have to justify my lifestyle choices to you. The answer to "why" is "because I want to." Do you honestly think that in the four decades I've been on this planet I've given less thought about my own life decisions than the 30 seconds you've just given it? Bog off and leave me alone.

I do take the point of course that any irreversible decision needs to be thought about very carefully. Having a foot high back tattoo of Walter White from Breaking Bad might seem like a fantastic idea when you're 18, but it's going to look like Michael Jackson's sat too close to the fire by the time you're 80. So comments along the lines of "I never wanted kids, but I changed my mind" are helpful. But you need to understand and respect that for some people "not wanting children" actually really is an absolute stance.

But you need to understand and respect that for some people "not wanting children" actually really is an absolute stance.

Sure, but the poster has asked for advice, so I'm assuming his stance isn't absolute and so the question is open.

Sure, but the poster has asked for advice, so I'm assuming his stance isn't absolute and so the question is open.

Did you actually read anything that he's written in the thread before presuming that?

Badnewz I was asking if anyone faced any issues with having their GP refer them. The question is certainly not open

Tsk,people that don't read the original post ,tsk

[b]Anyone had the snip without having children? Any problems getting your GP to refer you?[/b]

To all the people saying you shouldn't have this procedure done in your 20's and 30's but wait 'cos you might change your mind in your 40's.

You could apply the same argument to having children!

I've got no beef for those with kids, in life you do what makes you happy. If kids tick that box go for it.

I just couldn't think of anything worse, don't have enough hours in the day as it is. When someone unexpectedly tells me their having a kid it's just not something that even raises my eyebrow, my overall reaction is usually "meh"

Tell me you've got a new bike then I'm interested lol

I got a new bike for my kids to ride...

I'm in the no kids camp as well. 34, wife is 29 and a teacher and between the 2 of us there is not a single parental desire. I do quite like spending time with my niece but am very grateful when she departs. If I could have the snip without surgery I would but I'd rather keep the surgeons knife away from that area thank you.

No probs getting the referral from the GP here. Referred to another GP in town who does them under local, in the clinic rather than hospital job. Maybe three days of manageable pain with no bike for a week, no riding for two. 😉

Opted for mine after my third child, felt the family was complete. If I'd felt it was complete before the first, I'd have happily gone for it in my twenties.

No probs getting the referral from the GP here.

Having 3 kids puts a different spin on it - The OP is questioning the GPs attitude to him and his situation & choice, and I can see he might have a slight issue as the GP has a duty of care to explain it is considered non reversible. I think age has a large bearing too.

Of course the obvious question is why aren't you just asking your GP?

Got snipped in my thirties, now late forties and absolutely no regrets. I'm in a different relationship now to the one then, which at the time seemed to be a permamant relationship. But still no regrets. No difficulties with health professionals; they asked questions, accepted the answers.
Procedure done at hospital under general, had some bleeding and swelling after so must have been a bit rushed. Otherwise fine, then one morning my 9kg cat decide to jump onto my lap as I woke and sat up in the mnorning. He landed right on the critical zone. I wasn't impressed.

You could apply the same argument to having children!

No experience to add. Just noting that it isn't my business but I can understand how you'd feel that way. I'm your age.

Again just to note, in my OP I state I have my GP appt. In 2 weeks where I'll be asking my GP, just wanted to know about any potential questions/hoops I'll have to jump through with the Dr.

I've already had an op down there under local so doesn't bother me. Smarted a bit when the surgeon started cutting and the anaesthetic hadn't fully kicked in!

Can they refuse?

If they do I'll have to look at going private

I was just bemused that you think you might be refused. I had a look at the NHS website and it says:

Can I have the operation if I am single?

[i]Yes, but if you are under 30 you will find many surgeons are reluctant to do it in case your circumstances change and you regret it later.[/i]

I also noted that:

[i]Long-term testicular pain affects around one in 10 men after vasectomy. The pain is usually the result of a pinched nerve or scarring that occurred during the operation. You may be advised to undergo further surgery to repair the damage and to help minimise further pain.[/i]

But really it does sound like you go see your GP and a few weeks later it's all cut and dried… 😉

Ha!

To all the people saying you shouldn't have this procedure done in your 20's and 30's but wait 'cos you might change your mind in your 40's.

You could apply the same argument to having children!

erm, changing your mind is physically very easy, vasectomies OTOH are pretty tricky to reverse

Not as tricky as getting rid of the kids you had in your 20s or 30s then decided you didn't want in your 40s.

If they do I'll have to look at going private

Going private for your privates, eh?

*walks off whistling*

soobalias
eventual stumbling block was the wife - no idea why, but shes dead against it? bought shares in durex instead which is my pension plan.

you can get condoms free from your GP or family planning clinic.

just seen this.
i have to say that i entirely agree with houns's stance on the matter, and have just been lazy/busy/worried so not spoken to my GP about it yet. i am 10 years older, but have never wanted kids and i know i never will. i think i'll give the doc a call tomorrow...

I'm 50, always knew I didn't want kids. Started asking for the snip at 21, no joy in Liverpool. Moved to Scotland at 30 and straight in no worries. Some of my mates have kids and some of them are wee shites, some are great and one or two I love. But Ive never regretted my decision for a heartbeat.

When you're being repeatedly punched in the face by your "carer" in a old people's home, because you've shat your pants again, then you'll regret not having kids.

Won't the pain be worse for knowing your uncaring kids put you there?

I'm a GP. I'd check you were sure, make sure you knew the risks, then refer you... Same as if you had had kids actually...

Why would anyone wait till your contraception had failed to allow you to have the snip?

rureadyboots - Member
When you're being repeatedly punched in the face by your "carer" in a old people's home, because you've shat your pants again, then you'll regret not having kids.

I say plough your own furrow mate, if you feel this way then it is your choice, and possibly your right.

I would ask you in the spirit of conversation/discussion to rise to my challenge, can you answer/rebuff/comment on these statements/questions? (I'm sure you can, but it would be nice to know..)

1) None of us really wanted them, not really...
2) What happens if you fall in love (which is not the same as "progressing a relationship") and she wants kids. I would do anything for my wife.
3)The best things that happen to you are often initally percieved, and prejudged, as the worst things. Do you want your life to be that predictable?
4) I think it's going to be lonely when you are older.

from my perspective
1) some of us actually mean it
2) doing something you don't want for somebody else sounds great but it should be a joint decision, been there had the conversation and we moved on with out lives, happy now with the decision
3) should we all go round running into walls, jumping in front of cars and doing an entire "Bottom" episode just in case it turns out to be amazing
4) why would you be lonely? on a planet with so many people you will always find people to get along with

and to quote Cougar

So comments along the lines of "I never wanted kids, but I changed my mind" are helpful. But you need to understand and respect that for some people "not wanting children" actually really is an absolute stance.

those who get drunk and forget about contraception.

Yes, that covers just about all people with children that never wanted kids but changed their minds.

Apologies, I should have made it clear my post was aimed at the OP, Mr Houns.

Phew that's gone a bit ... Houns, just crack on, you'll be right the GP up there ^^^ says so. And weirdly I think I am Cougar, word for word 😯

make a couple of deposits in a bank before you get the snip

make a couple of deposits in a bank before you get the snip

Now that is an excellent idea.

Mrs. C and I made the decision not long after we met that kids weren't for us, we like the freedom, flexibility and lack of pressure in our life that children can have a massive influence upon. Some 10 years later it's still the right decision as we are happy and have our dogs as our dependents which suits us. Having just turned 40 and Mrs C being 46 it's unlikely to change so very interested in this thread and to see how Houns gets on as it's been on my mind.
+1 for Cougars post.

+1 for Cougar's post from me too.

As a 32 year old female, I can't get a tubal litigation. So speaking from experience as a childfree woman, yes, it is difficult. But the "aww, but you'll change your mind" bingo gets chucked at women probably more than it does men, because we are seen as being more emotionally volatile and subject to the whims of our biology. My GP was shocked when I talked to her about sterilisation and I hadn't had any children. I was tempted to ask her which rock she'd been living under the past 20 years, and did she know how many people were choosing not to have children these days?

However, fortunately for me, I can take pills/shots/have an implant to have control over my own fertility (or, preferably, lack of it). Men can be subjected to "the oops" and therefore, for a childfree man who wishes to remain so and have an active sex life, whether inside a committed relationship or casually, or whatever floats your boat, the only way to make damn sure of it is to have the snip. There are women out there who will use a guy as a sperm donor and then sting them for child support 9 months later, and there are women who change their minds and either engage on a long and tiresome project to bring their reluctant partner around to the idea of having a child, or just go for the "oops" option and assume that "he'll love it when it gets here".

If you've had the snip, then you won't get the long and tiresome "babies are great" project because you don't have the capability. Therefore, she will go away and find someone else to produce a baby with. If a one night stand turns up 9 months later with a baby, well, the joke's on her and she needs to go on Jezza Kyle for a DNA test. And the oops option, unless for some unlikely reason the snip didn't work, or grows back together, is also not going to happen.

So yes, I absolutely understand why the OP would want to have the snip done.

Just seen this thread pop up again. I'll have a read through the latest posts and respond later, but for now just wanted to thank LMP above for your thoughts

Best of luck Houns.

I do understand what some people are saying about it not being reversible, but having a kid is not reversible either and I think people forget that sometimes. Once you are a parent, you are responsible for that child. I know some walk away, but they might still get an angry adult on their doorstep one day, and more than likely, the CSA will tap your bank account every month whether you wanted anything to do with that child or not. Despite all the precautions I take, I could get pregnant tomorrow. I still have the choice about not going through with it. A man does not have that choice.

In the end, the kids suffer from having a parent who doesn't really want to be a parent, and they are the innocent ones. My mum was an oops baby, conceived to try and save a failing marriage/reign in a straying husband, and it didn't work. The emotional scars left from that situation are many.

Houns, let me make myself clear, I support you to have the right to choose. I only asked those questions because I am interested in the answers from a learning/discssion point of view.

My choice to have kids, is mine only. As is yours, so I cannot cast any aspersions on your choice.

But I would like to know what you think of my points.

In the end, the kids suffer from having a parent who doesn't really want to be a parent, and they are the innocent ones

LMP this is an excellent point and has been related to the declining crime rate in the USA. Since the introduction of Roe Vs Wade, more unwanted preganancies are teminated and less kids are brought up as unwanted, unloved, unfed no hopes, so less of them are driven to crime.

[url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legalized_abortion_and_crime_effect ]wiki link[/url]

In the end, the kids suffer from having a parent who doesn't really want to be a parent, and they are the innocent ones

And let's be clear, that happens to plenty of kids that were "wanted" as well.

Unfortunately, it does darcy.

Have the snip as you have made up your mind. Your body so do as you wish. No regret.

No need to increase the gene pool because one less will not affect the world population.

I think there should be compulsory snip for certain people for their own good and the society.

🙂

I think the ironometer in the basement just clicked into life. I must go and check it.

I think there should be compulsory snip for certain people for their own good and the society.

I can't think of anyone better to make this point.

cynic-al - Member

I think there should be compulsory snip for certain people for their own good and the society.

I can't think of anyone better to make this point.

Yes, but let me populate the gene pool instead. 😆

Well, saw GP today, he was fine, just made me aware that there's no return once done (on the NHS), asked if I'd considered other options then just made me aware of the risk (general operation risks).

Just a case of sitting by the letter box waiting for the appointment to come through

I would ask you in the spirit of conversation/discussion to rise to my challenge, can you answer/rebuff/comment on these statements/questions? (I'm sure you can, but it would be nice to know..)

1) None of us really wanted them, not really... [b]never have, never will want them. Numerous reasons why[/b]
2) What happens if you fall in love (which is not the same as "progressing a relationship") and she wants kids. I would do anything for my wife. [b]i have ended relationships in the past due to the fact that the other person wanted children. The subject comes up in early stages of dating so easy to go our own ways[/b]
3)The best things that happen to you are often initally percieved, and prejudged, as the worst things. Do you want your life to be that predictable? [b]one of the worst things for me would be to get someone pregnant, so yes I'd like it to be predictable[/b]
4) I think it's going to be lonely when you are older. [b]be rather selfish of me to want children so I have company when I'm older. Not a great reason to have children really is it?[/b]

5) You might change you mind. [b]I know I'm never going to change my mind[/b].

And a local saying, "il n'y a que les imbéciles qui ne changent pas d'avis.

Snip finally done this morning. Sat here with an ice pack on my nuts and no pain (yet)

All went well bar some pain when the anaesthetic for the right testicle didn't go off, just felt like someone was flicking it.

Was done about 5 hours ago and no pain or owt yet, I am expecting it but so far seems to have gone a lot better than anticipated

I'm not near Houns, but if anyone is, can they kick him in the balls, please.

The ice pack is in the way 😡

It has to melt sometime.

*puts on winklepickers*