Aaah, @timmys hindsight (and planning) is a wonderful thing. I did look enviously at smaller boats but the idea (if you’d ploughed through the epic non paragraphs you’d have understood) was for another four people to join us. At least on the big boats sewage goes in a tank and you don’t have to do the daily Elsan empty!
I did copy and paste the story into ChatGPT, asking it to make a six panel comic strip, but it said I had to make an account before it would draw pictures
Good idea. I tried it with Gemini:
Canal Calamities: A Comic Strip
Panel 1: Wife, beaming, holds a brochure. Husband looks apprehensive. Caption: "Canal Cruise! It'll be relaxing!"Panel 2: Husband struggles with a giant pole, wife steers wildly. Boat is at a sharp angle against the bank. Caption: "Mooring Practice (Attempt 1)."
Panel 3: Husband, covered in mud, pulls frantically on a rope attached to the boat. Wife looks on in dismay. Caption: "Stuck Fast (Again)."
Panel 4: Husband wrestles with the tiller, sweat dripping. Trees loom on either side of the narrow canal. Caption: "Relaxing Scenery? I'm too busy not crashing!"
Panel 5: Husband, triumphant, raises a fist. Wife claps. Caption: "Turning Around! I'm a boating genius!"
Panel 6: Husband and wife, back on dry land, look exhausted but slightly amused. Caption: "Two Weeks on the Lancaster Canal. We're still married!"
Ok. I expected pictures. Asked it for pictures: can't create images of people without a paid account.
Fine, told it to use anthropomorphic otters instead for the same strip.
Result:
*confused*
The drama in the OP is actually exactly why some people like a canal boat holiday. Compared to sitting on a beach catching skin cancer I’d find it rather relaxing! Undoubtedly better with a decent handover (I am sure we were sent YouTube links to watch before lle went and that was about 10 yrs ago!)
We had the fuel line come off in the Harecastle Tunnel and had to leg it out.
I really enjoyed that opening post
I want to do a narrow boat holiday to see how we do.
I’ve done a week sailing on the Norfolk Broads. That had its challenges. We were ok parking. But you have to the mast down to go under bridges.
Our Flotilla holiday in the Med was great. Lots more space than a canal. But the parking is really tough. Your expected to reverse in dropping the anchor as you go to hold the bow, then to tie the stern to the harbour wall.
My brother in law does the training for a rental company on the Llangollen Canal. I’m sure he does a good job. He lives in a narrow boat
I think they are the best holidays. I've been doing boating holidays since childhood and now with my family.
We all love but like everything, each to their own.
Well I enjoyed the story also!
Did you spot Ratboy on your travels?
We've a few canal boaters in our family. My uncle in law's one is the worst. It's like a cross between a 1950s caravan and a 1950s motorbike workshop. But it floats (mainly) All mucky curtains, dust, bits of engine lying around and greasy rags.
His (sort of) girlfriend's one is really really nice!
Mrs el_boufador's best friend from school had a big wide one (Dutch barge I think it's called?) which was also good. Lived on it in London in the Lee valley, but I think all the extra chores got very old, especially when they had kids, so moved onland.
But either way, yeah, I dont think I want a holiday in one. It does look hard work, cramped, and a bit terrifying at times
Mrs el_boufador's best friend from school had a big wide one
Yeah, a few at our school too.
Great post op. Very much a stream of consciousness and a cut above the norm. I did find it slightly weird at first but once I went with the flow I enjoyed it.
But you have to the mast down to go under bridges.
One steps a mast. Hand back your skipper card.
Well I enjoyed it. Also confirmed my suspicions… thank you 🙂
Thank you for the post. Taking your wife up the canal can be a truly delightful experience, but it’s one that requires a lot of preparation and patience. I had always imagined a peaceful afternoon drifting along the water, the quiet serenity of nature, and perhaps a little conversation. However, the reality of taking your wife up the canal can be a bit more stressful than expected. Between figuring out how to properly navigate the boat, managing the locks, and dealing with the unpredictability of the weather, I quickly learned that a casual cruise isn’t as easy as it seems.
At first, taking your wife up the canal might seem like a simple affair. You just grab a boat, get on the water, and enjoy the journey, right? Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. The boat can be trickier to handle than you anticipate, especially if you’re not accustomed to steering. As I tried to guide our boat along the winding path, I could feel my tension building, realizing that taking your wife up the canal means being in control, or at least trying to give off that impression. You don't want to look like you're struggling while she watches you sweat over every turn and bump against the banks.
Then there are the locks. Oh, the locks. Taking your wife up the canal meant that we would inevitably face these frequent obstacles. The first lock was a disaster – the boat barely fit, and I fumbled with the ropes, trying to keep everything in place while the water rose around us. Taking your wife up the canal also meant dealing with the never-ending task of opening and closing these gates, which I swear multiplied as the day went on. Each lock seemed to throw a wrench into our plans, making the journey much longer and more frustrating than we had imagined. I could tell my wife wasn’t enjoying the delays, and that made everything worse.
Of course, I can’t forget the weather. One moment, taking your wife up the canal feels like a dream on a perfect spring day, and the next, the skies turn gray and the wind picks up. Trying to maintain control of the boat while fighting against strong gusts, I started to question my judgment. It’s hard to enjoy a relaxing cruise when you’re both being tossed about by the elements. I could see the frustration growing in my wife’s face as we struggled to stay on course. Clearly, taking your wife up the canal in stormy weather is not ideal.
When the day finally came to a close, we docked in the harbor, exhausted and ready for some respite. Looking back, though, there were moments of laughter amidst the chaos. Taking your wife up the canal had its stressful moments, but we also shared some great memories – the way the sunlight hit the water as we passed under bridges, the calm after a particularly nerve-wracking lock, and of course, the comfort of knowing we had tackled it together. So, while taking your wife up the canal might have been stressful, it also made for a memorable adventure, one that I’d be happy to try again—though maybe next time, with a little more planning!
@whatgoesup just sprayed my laptop with coffee! Thanks a bunch! 🤣
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Friends of mine own a narrowboat, she’s moored at a marina not too far away from where they live over in Cambridgeshire, and when they’re taking her out they can bring her along to a section of navigable river at the end of their road and just carry stuff backwards and forwards from their house.
The year before last they did a four month tour of the canal network all around Peterborough, Nottingham and almost as far as Manchester. I was following the journey on the Canal & Rivers Trust map, so I could see the lock systems as they were travelling, and keep in touch using the socials. It was great fun seeing the photos they posted as they went along, so I could relate to what the map showed.
I must remember to ask Kim if they’re doing anything this year, they were talking about taking the Grand Union into London, then picking up the Kennet and Avon across to Bristol, which would mean I can meet up with them at various points as they travel through Wiltshire and Somerset - there’s a number of great pubs all the way along from Hungerford through Devizes and on to Bath.
From Bristol, if the weather’s good, they could pick up a pilot to guide them up the Severn to the Sharpness Canal then up to Birmingham, then across to Cambridgeshire where they live near March. Quite an epic trip, but their boat is more than capable.
Despite the high number of posters here xlearly having severe ADHD, unable to concentrate enough to read more that 7 words, I found that well written, entertaining, and insightful.
I look forward to the next installment, when you take a boat out on the Leeds Liverpool to do an end to end (L2L as they might say in the narrow boating fraternity).
Well done for not calling it a barge - they get in a froth about that.
It also confirmed the correctness of our decision to go to Madiera for our 25th anniversary, not Garstang.
Despite the high number of posters here xlearly having severe ADHD, unable to concentrate enough to read more that 7 words, I found that well written, entertaining, and insightful.
I look forward to the next installment, when you take a boat out on the Leeds Liverpool to do an end to end (L2L as they might say in the narrow boating fraternity).
Well done for not calling it a barge - they get in a froth about that.
It also confirmed the correctness of our decision to go to Madiera for our 25th anniversary, not Garstang.
My dad was performing a 3 point turn- reversed into the bank his hand / tiller was thrown and he pushed my mum in 🤣
My dad was performing a 3 point turn- reversed into the bank his hand / tiller was thrown and he pushed my mum in 🤣
- @ctk that was another problem, there wasn’t much room on the stern for one let alone two people and if the tiller needed a big correction (a regular occurrence) it was very easy to almost knock myself off backwards or my wife. With the engine noise it was difficult to converse anyway so we took it in turns, one on the bow and one on the stern.
- @ctk that was another problem, there wasn’t much room on the stern for one let alone two people and if the tiller needed a big correction (a regular occurrence) it was very easy to almost knock myself off backwards or my wife. With the engine noise it was difficult to converse anyway so we took it in turns, one on the bow and one on the stern.
@el_boufador we saw many, many boats like the one you described, the chaos had spread out along the banks, some were extremely run down and some, well, weird!
I hope it wasn’t my lack of paragraphs that’s messed the forum up!
We hired what must have been a 1/2 or 2/3rds length narrowboat a good few years ago. I think we went from Braunston on the Oxford Canal to Foxton Locks and back. We got a decent show over/test drive so learned to stop the boat completely using the engine before stepping off, where to expect shallow areas at the sides, and how to get off the bank/piling without cheesegrating the hull along the sides for 100 metres.
We did Braunston Tunnel which was a mile long, wet, cold and dark, along with some other shorter tunnels, and the staircase locks at Watford and Foxton.
Generally it was a great trip (and the boat wasn't liveried up with anything but the boats name so was a bit more discreet than the hire boats) but I think the prop/rudder was bent as it would turn one way fairly happily, but on bends the other way it would need the tiller pushing hard over, plenty of revs and cross your fingers the bow would come round! And the tiller would shake quite a bit whenever cruising.
We couldn't lock the boat from inside so when we slept overnight we felt we needed to be quite careful picking our spots.
After a few days we found the boat started bogging down on turns, which was a problem seeing as you often need to power up on sharper bends. We stopped the engine on 2 or 3 occasions to properly check the prop through the weed hatch but it wasn't fouled. Finally it just stopped and that meant we had to moor alongside with no reverse, so we just had to let the boat coast for a few hundred metres. In hindsight this was a good thing as we ended up very close to a marina, but typically just after they'd closed! We quickly realised we'd run out of fuel, and for the last day, when we turned, the boat was tilting slightly and pulling air into the fuel line!
After finding the fuel cap was only hand tight, we realised the fuel had been stolen a few evenings ago when we'd moored near some other boats whilst we went to the pub for dinner! And this introduced us to the confusion of diesel fuel split as we were asked when filling up! Percentage you will use for propulsion (full duty) and what will be used for domestic (reduced duty).
As the boat was a bit of a handful to turn I ended up doing most of the driving, and my wife did all the locks. So at times there was a bit of boredom for the time spent steering the boat, plus I ended up with a bad shoulder! Both could be solved by doing shorter distances per day 🙂
@whatgoesup
good work
reads like just a minute script you are Paul Merton and ICMFP
The attraction of boats is that they look easy to operate.
The problem with boats is they also require a lot of skill, hence simple trips by newbies tend to be adventures. It's not fun at the time, but in the telling is in retrospect.
I enjoyed the monoparagraph tale. It captures the Jerome K Jerome "Three Men in a Boat" tyro feel of being in a boat with a mind of its own.
It's ironic that beside this post is a STW advert 
?w=258&h=258&crop=1
Full disclosure in case anyone didn't twig - my random ramblings above were just asking chatgpt to produce a 500 word story for an internet forum about narrow boat holidays, specifically telling it to mention the obvious phrase at least once per paragraph.
Well, I finally found the time to read about your amazing experience, made me chuckle, well written but might have put me off bargelife in the future 🙂
One year on… it’s still very raw and my shoulder is still awaiting further attention from the NHS!
did you go straight to rude, grumpy old man?
No, I went from interested to having a migraine.
It was, genuinely, unreadable.
