[Closed] my Father has died

Andy longshot but binners is riding rivi/darwen tomrrow as well if your solo? I'm doing the jacobs loop with the hayfield descent included tomorrow if you have more available time. 11am start at barber booth. Btw all of my family have always been there for me. All sides. Its just me who has avoided and sidestepped all of them. Why they were patient and always offered their time gawd knows. Last year I avoided my second cousins wedding. Wasted her money on the place/seat that she had offered me. Gawd I'm an idiot. A bloody nice family.

Gawd I'm an idiot.

True, but that's why we love you. 🙂

You can at least recognise yer own faults, and accept you can change. That takes courage.

Have one on me, Hora. Binners'll pay.

Cheers Mark, not solo and don't have much time tomorrow (wife & xmas duties). Heading up with a neighbour so will leave it this time. If you fancy ride over the festive period let me know and I'll do my best to get out.

Andy

Commiserations. If you have the strength, you might want to consider how the rest of the family is dealing with this too and see if they need support. Doing so can help you. As already said above, don't dismiss grievance counselling - I'm currently considering it myself.

Sorry to hear of your loss.Chin up.

Strange the emotions we still feel even when someone dies that we dont actually like.
Sorry for your loss Hora .

Condolences Hora. Was in a similar situation a couple of years back.
Hadn't been in touch with my old man for 20 years, for various and complicated reasons. Despite the anger I sometimes felt, it was sadness and pity that came through more in the end as he missed ever seeing my sister's beautiful kids come in to the world or later on my gorgeous (me, biased?? never!) daughter's arrival. Being a Dad now makes you realise the impact and responsibility parents have and it's a minefield trying not to screw up. It's sad to say but my dad was a role model in the sense that I don't want to be like him in so many ways. It's a tough, confusing time. Ideally, we'd all like to have perfect parents, siblings etc but that's not really how it tends to pan out for most of us. Take care of yourself.

Sorry to hear man, your dad's still your dad I guess

All the best

sorry to hear of you're loss ...

1- Sounds like the world is a better place without him in it

2- Sounds you are better off now he is gone

3- Sounds like its time for your Dad to finally make a positive contribution to you - try [url] http://www.contest-a-will.co.uk/ [/url]

Really sorry for you Mark.

Chin up mate.

jesus fotorat!

Sorry to hear about your loss, however much, or little bearing it has on your life.

kaesae - Member
Sorry to hear that Hora, my sperm doner left when I was 4, don't really have much use for him now.

If you decided to live without him in your life, perhaps it was for the best.

Time is great for helping us learn how to deal with all sorts of internal turmoil, ridefree!

My sperm donor also left when I was 4.

I traced my grandparents when I was 21 and through them got in contact with my old man in Hong Kong. We met and got on fantastically, travelling out to see him in HK and he's been over here a few times.

I have 2 sisters that I would have never even known about had I not got in touch and my life is richer for it. Your situation may be entirely different Kaesae, but don't write off ever meeting him again unless you have good reason.

fotorat - that is a particularly insensitive reply.

Sorry for your feeling of loss hora. My old man left when I was 9. He shows up xmas day each year with pressies for my children. He's a stranger to them else. They dont know him, and usually hide. Annoys me. He avoids me, as the eldest of four. Probably because I remember best what we went through as young children because of his boozing. He was a selfish bar-steward, short & simple. Thinking of what we went through makes me very angry.

A blast on the bike will help you start to put stuff in place.

sorry to hear that.

Hora feel for you, enjoy your ride tomorrow and don't beat yourself up. Carry on being there for your lad, and maybe say thanks to MrsHora for being that rock.

Sorry to hear that Hora. At least you can try to be the best dad ever to your little one.[i]

Have one on me, Hora. Binners'll pay.

Hora, you're a bigger man at times then most of us here. Be such again and make sure you don't suffer alone. Get Mrs Hora to have a pint with you, make sure little Hora-sprog knows your love, be yourself.
RIP Hora Senior, however mean/nasty/careless you might've been.

hora - Member

MrOvershoot I bet you are very proud :). I have spent most of my life feeling embarrased(?) Infront of my family.

So I say you are going to be better than your dad.

Condolences hora

Elfin's right about counselling too. If there's stuff in your head you can sort out, that will only be a good thing for you and your boy.

Sorry to hear that Mark, I hope you can find a way of making sense of stuff.

Sorry for your loss regardless of what went on... Not seen mine since my mum finally kicked him out when I was 11 (36 now)
After seeing him get pissed every day, treat my mum like crap, never let me have friends round, beat my big sis up... understandably I don't see him now. He briefly popped round one day after they'd split and he broke into our gas meter while my mum as work 🙁
I can also recall him robbing a load of cash I'd collected as a schoolkid to give to a cancer charity. Needless to say, he's never seen my kids and I don't even know if I'd go to his funeral but still, you've lost your father and it's still a lot to take on... 😉
Ditto comments above, be the best dad to your kids and have a good drink. Despite what folk say, getting hammered does sort a lot of crap out in your head if you're with someone that cares... Chin up bro...

🙁

Bummer fella 🙁

Hate knowing that I'll hear that news one day - I love my Dad

Growing up I always assumed that all parents are like mine. Life has shown me that isn't true 🙁
I am very lucky to have a fantastic dad and so are your offspring 🙂

Mark its really sad that you have lost your Father in these circumstances.
You can't beat yourself up for something that happened a long time ago.

You have your own family now, put all your energy, effort and love into them.

Hold your head high Hora, I wish you the very best.

I fear I have the same thing coming, 20 years since last contact and no real hope of reconciliation. I feel sorry for my Dad and wish he had a forum like this to show him what's important in life before it's too late. It's been mentioned before and it is so very true: when you've seen how not to do it, you know how to be a great Dad.

Sorry for your bad news Hora.

Stay positive for your Family.

Deepest sympathies. Don't the the if only thing whats done is done, another chapter in life and now to continue writing new ones.

Sorry to hear your news.

My dad died 12 weeks ago, & we were very close, the pain & sense of loss subsides slightly day by day.

good post baldspot. you've articulated what I've been meaning to say.

Condolences Hora (and to you too Druidh, Gary_C and anyone else who's grieving at the moment).

Talking to your mates is fine, but sometimes talking to strangers is better - Elf and Druidh's comments about counselling are spot on.

Take care.

Yep, pretty much what everyone else says Mark/Hora, know you get a bit of stick on here but hope you know that people are thinking about you and your family.

take it easy mate.

Find your own way Hora.
One of my brothers sat talking to our dad for over two hours at the end of his funeral. Just telling him how he had made him feel, how hard he'd wanted to make him happy and how he was going to have a good life despite his upbringing.
That made him happy and gave him closure.
I spat on his grave and got myself the hell back to my family in New Zealand.
That made me happy and I was never open enough to need closure.
Everybody is different.

I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn't it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.

In prescence or absence it's an important relationship. My relationship with my father isn't as open as he probably believes or I wish and he is very old and will be gone soon. That will be tough - as I'm sure this must be for you Hora and you have my sympathy.
It might be the thing that I'm most proud of to say that my almost fifteen-year-old son is my best friend but it would definitely be the proudest thing to hear him say the same.

Sorry to hear the bad news. You come accross as the oppositie of how he was. Time to focus on family and be everything he was not to you. Take care.

Condolences hora. I'm not sure if reading about other people's similar disasters is any help, but if it helps you, for what it's worth...

Mine went in '91. My mum went in '55 when I was four. In '57, my stupid, weak and bullying father married a complete bitch who immediately found herself in a power struggle with my older sister who had helped look after me during the gap.

My Dad punched sister in the face one evening in '58 in a furious row and my last memory of her is of her sitting on her bed, mopping a bloody broken nose when I had been told to tell her that "dinner was ready", as if nothing had happened.

On his death, he left everything to the bitch, who left it all to my step-cousins when she died, and it wasn't tuppence-halfpenny.

Parents. For many of us, the best we can hope for is to not be like them.

Chin up.

Monksie I want to have a drink one day. Baldy, yep. Whereas I always knew not all men couldn't be as bad a parent as mine. I will just be a big brother to my son and take it from there. Right....... Time to ride 😀

Sorry to hear about your lose hora, sometimes the people that let us down the most inspire us to be become the people we are today.

My parents divorced when I was just over a year old and my last contact with him was when I was about 18months. I will be 33 in january.

My sister (2years older) recently made contact with him and says that he is very keen to meet me and to be involved in my life however I feel that I have never known him, he has never been a part of my life and if it hadnt bee for my sister finding him it would be 31 years and counting (or not as the case maybe).

I dont know what I would think or feel were your news to be mine.

It must be incredibley difficult for you to have such conflicted emotions now that yours has passed away however you will find hope, strength and comfort from those dearest to you.

Have a good ride 8)

Ive only started seeing my father after nearly 18 years. He was an habitual adulterer, alcoholic and used to beat my mother in front of me and my brother from the age of 5. He also used to steal from us. When we were 14 we escaped our home with my mother taking absolutely nothing bar a few clothes, leaving my father and the house behind.

Whilst all these things were terrible I have learnt to be positive from them. My children who are now 8 and 5 are beautiful whom I love beyond words. At times I find it so hard to reflect on my childhood and wonder why my father reacted so badly in front of us. Sometimes I mentally place myself in my fathers shoes and wonder how could he have behaved this way as my kids are now roughly the same age as I experienced it. It's just unimaginable to comprehend. However, I always have to deal with this as it is always there. It never leaves me. But one thing is always at the fore, it has shown me what a crap dad he was and how not to raise my children or be a husband.

I now see him and he realises what mistakes he has made. There is no turning back the clock but I forgive him and we have moved on. I just felt that the anger I had for him was wasteful and we all need a second chance. He never saw me get married, celebrate the birth of his grandchildren or other events in my life. So in some repects he has paid the price.

What I am trying to say is that life moves on. If I were you I would concentrate on the here and now and put every ounce of love and care in to your own children. Thats all that really matters now.

As you know, this life is short and bittersweet, so squeeze every drop out of it Hora.

Sorry for your loss Mark.
Estranged or not, you should still allow yourself to grieve.

Hora

I will just be a big brother to my son and take it from there.

sorry to hear, hope your head stays sorted.

Sorry to hear of your loss and I hope you come to terms with it all.

You sound as if you have a very understanding family who knew exactly what your father was like and perhaps tried to make up for it. Try to look at this as an opportunity to accept any reaching out they may instigate. You'll never know how lovely they may be unless you accept their offers. More than anything they may be able to give you a sense of perspective about your past and possibly information you may only have guessed at. Family know alot and it's often only when you ask, they tell.

Deepest sympathy Hora, grieve in the way that you feel is right, and take the time that you feel it needs.