[Closed] moving forward......

Are you just running this idea up the flagpole to see who salutes it?

Well it is the Apprentice tonight.

You need to start considering the big picture here and think outside the box.

Blue sky thinking is really the only way to move forward.

first with the ringfencing this time:[img] [/img]

We had big picture, blue sky thinking and move forward all within about 10 minutes yesterday 😥

Just so long as "lessons have been learned"

lets
[img] [/img]
that

You're not by any chance posting from the DMBinS conference?

I hear "going forward" a lot here, in relation to what we're going to do next. As opposed to what, fixing something in the past? Did time start flowing in multiple directions when I wasn't looking? Are you The Doctor?

I'm happy you needed to touch base with us all to ensure we were all singing from the same hymn sheet.

These very words were used by an planning officer from Orkney on the phone this morning.

It's better than moving backwards, isn't it?

As opposed to what

To be fair, often it is a polite way of saying 'stop fannying around and get to the next item so we can get out of this meeting' and as such is quite useful.

I had this gem in an email the other day.

This is an exciting development as I think it finally gives us cross division visibility of all in flight initiatives; provides a vehicle for us to review improvement suggestions from the team and demonstrate our progress throughout the year.

I replied asking when we'd bought an airline. Ever the diplomat, me.

Synergise.

Annoyingly we have a reporting system that is based around a program called Synergy. It leads to much grinding of teeth...

^^^ that Unicorn has a swastika arm band... What's with that?

To be fair, often it is a polite way of saying 'stop fannying around and get to the next item so we can get out of this meeting' and as such is quite useful.

To be fair! To be fair, to be fair, to be fair.

To Be Fair.

Ngggggrrrhhhhh!

I think it may just be me - but I always think, what? was I being unfair. No I wasn't!

To be fair, progressing this by moving forward into blue sky thinking is water off a duck's back by comparison.

was at some informal staff jobby the other week where we had to introduce ourselves and say what we did. One guy actually said he was 'a creative'.

also he had a face like a cartoon character.

It is even worse when preceded with "We are where we are. Now we have to concentrate on ........"

No f**cking sh*t Sherlock.

It is then usually followed by some mumbo jumbo about transparency. Obviously so we don't end up being where we are again.

Don't forget to pick the low hanging fruit first.....!

It's a rainbow fire breathing mythical beast... Of course it's a nazi, who else would invent such a thing? hmmmmmmm? the Hare-Krishna?

You can't move forward without a strategy.

You can't strategise without recognising the need to move forward. Ad nauseam. 🙄

Cougar - Moderator
I had this gem in an email the other day.

This is an exciting development as I think it finally gives us cross division visibility of all in flight initiatives; provides a vehicle for us to review improvement suggestions from the team and demonstrate our progress throughout the year.
I replied asking when we'd bought an airline. Ever the diplomat, me.

That's good!

The one that currently irritates me is the infectious spread of the word "outcome".

"I'll reach out to him"

errgh

'Going forward' = I have no idea how to fix the problems and issues we are currently experiencing, so lets ignore them for a while and fantasize about an impossible, bright new future.

Always liked 'eat your own dog food' - heard it years ago before the management speak paradigm shift had been fully embraced by the early adopters.

Upon being given a task by our higher management, my immediate boss actually said, 'well we've been given this monkey, let's cage it and get it to the zoo'. I almost laughed my tea up through my nose.

Oh, and 'socialising' information, idiots.

pedroball - Member
"I'll reach out to him"

errgh

read as i'll give him a reach round.

Can we keep going forward please?

And i agree with To be fair - i ****ing hate that phrase, it annoys me, along with "do you know what im saying?" and innit.

well we've been given this monkey, let's cage it and get it to the zoo

i'm going to use that.

I work within and Arts organisation and so am mercifuly free from corporate bullshit bingo. My GF works for a very large NGO and oh my god, I have no idea what goes on there, all of her meetings sound excrutiating.

Annoyingly we have a reporting system that is based around a program called Synergy. It leads to much grinding of teeth...

Seadog, I take it you work for S club?

[img] [/img]

Upon being given a task by our higher management, my immediate boss actually said, 'well we've been given this monkey, let's cage it and get it to the zoo'.

I once heard a hot-shot new senior sales manager come out in a meeting with, "just to chuck another **** on the woodpile..." which went down exceptionally well with the predominantly Asian company owners and management board who were all present. Fastest career suicide ever.

agreed!

There's 2 versions of "going forward". One is basically a pause in the sentence, just a slightly more wordy way of going "durrrrrr". But it's not as bad as the other one, which means "I will now ignore everything that you just said".

I have just been taken out of a ringfence 😆 the only thing our management excell at is talking bobbins.

While we were in the ringfence an e mail came round saying we should not use certain words and phrases one of which was ringfence 🙄

Dusty in here.... Grrr!

Does this talk to the granularity?

Could be worse, you could be in the education world.

T.L.A. everywhere.

🙄

You do know that T.L.A. isn't a T.L.A?

ke?

Moving forward we need to concentrate on the easy wins and park the major issues until a full root cause analysis has been conducted.
This will give us a throughway to the completion of our KPI's.

Said to me last week...... 😐

[quote=matt_outandabout ]ke?
T.L.A. - Three Letter Acronym.
T.L.A. isn't an acronym.

T.L.A. - Three Letter Acronym.
T.L.A. isn't an acronym.

W.G.A.S?

😉

Most TLAs aren't acronyms they are abbreviations.

You lot get too worked up too easily. Relax, we just have to wait until the tide goes out and see what pokes it's head out of the water.

Most TLAs aren't acronyms they are abbreviations.

This is true, but then I work in an industry that thinks GIRFEC is acceptable as a shortening...

I like GERFEC but in my world we have FLUCEMOLS and I think they are better 🙂

If you think some of the stuff that UK corporate men and women come out with is dreadful, imagine what German Swiss can do with it when they have to report everything in English. On one occasion I politely pointed out that a sentence meant exactly the opposite of what a manager wanted to say, he insisted his use was right and stuck with it. I knew there was no point insisting as it was beyond the point any sane human (you have to be mad to be a proof reader) would have read.

Could be worse, you could be in the education world.

T.L.A. everywhere.

My foray into HE was a endless journey in the land of the acronym. After the first few days, someone took pity as the bemused look on my face took hold once more and emailed me a list of the most 'common' ones. It ran to four pages.

I remember feeling very proud during a two day spell at a client when first I was awarded the role of 'guardian of the idea pool' (take the notes) and then accredited with 'taking thought leadership on the issue' (saying something not totally stupid). Still I did work for a large management consultancy firm at the time.

It might get dusty in here

god i hate that phrase.

senor j - Member

Moving forward we need to concentrate on the easy wins and park the major issues until a full root cause analysis has been conducted.
This will give us a throughway to the completion of our KPI's.

You don't work for a large US Agri company do you? Get about 3 or 4 like that every week in our firm, though the word "metrics" was missing from yours

Town hall meetings - where did that come from? WTF does it mean apart from, likely to be shite meeting with claptrap spouted by Dilberrt.

"It is what it is"

Arggghhhh!!

[img] [/img]

"Well, we are were we are"

= ****ed, but can't be arsed to fix any of it.

You don't work for a large US company do you?

Yes. 🙁

Re town hall meetings....what about the "comms cell"?
Aaaagh.

 

All these people who talk in corporate bull poo business speak - don't they realise that they are being ridiculed by the rest of the world?

We've got "war games" coming up at work next month..... What the heck are they?

All these people who talk in corporate bull poo business speak - don't they realise that they are being ridiculed by the rest of the world?

What is far more fun is to try and wheedle the odd made up neologism in to work conversations. Get enough people to use it, sounding all authoritative and correct, and before you know it, others will start to use it!

Was a real joy for me to have engineered it so that a particularly odious American colleague used "interfrastically" in a speech to a sizable conference. There were a number of British delegates, self included, who had to stifle their s****s!

'Solutionising' - I work in an IT department (thus conforming to the STW norm). WTF does that have to do with heat treating aluminium.
The English language has plenty of adequate words already, without making things up.
Properly boils my piss! That and the incorrect use of there/their/they're. 👿

[img] [/img]

This has just reminded me of:

Star chamber
Hot house
Deep dive

Bastards...

I'm pretty relaxed about corporate bullshit for two broad reasons:

1. Jargon is inevitable in every industry and organisation. There's nothing wrong with speaking in "shorthand".

2. If you speak the same "language" as senior management, you can continue to fool yourself that you're part of the in-crowd and primed for promotion to ever dizzier heights of mediocrity.

So, let's really shift the dial on that and continue at our disruptive best.

Not enough of you are taking a helicopter view of this issue, you'll never shift paradigms or fully engage your stakeholders if you don't.

vickypea - Member

We've got "war games" coming up at work next month..... What the heck are they?

[img] [/img]

The worst thing with acronyms, is the use of them, followed by what they stand for. Really boils my gears.

Why not just say the thing, or just say the acronym and let people find out what it means for themselves?

It happens a lot on the news in relation to N.I.C.E (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, in case you didn't know...) 😉

What is the point in using acronyms if you then must follow with the the long version?
🙄

Star chamber

Next time someone uses that, direct them to the Wikipedia page on the subject:
"Over time, the Star Chamber evolved into a political weapon, a symbol of the misuse and abuse of power by the English monarchy and its courts."

Town hall meetings - where did that come from? WTF does it mean apart from, likely to be shite meeting with claptrap spouted by Dilberrt.

That's a 'good catch' and a good example of 'questioning attitude'. I don't know the answer but can certainly 'car park' it and get back to you with one and hopefully be able to provide some 'OPEX' on its correct use. I think you should be due some 'recognition' for you contribution.

Every training session:

[img] [/img]

I'm hearing it again here.... 😐

I agree with the OP. His management need to forwardise their thinking.

Would you like " Moving Forward" removed across the entire PIECE ?

PIECE, WTF ?

I don't think most business speak actually is shorthand, sometimes it's more long-winded than plain English!