MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
I was talking to my sister today about life lessons to pass down to her kids. I'm thinking things that people don't write down in books. Only age and wisdom can teach you certain things.
So far ive come up with
1. Always smell your milk before you pour it into your tea/coffee/cereal
2. Don't drink anything green
3. Don't buy cheap bin bags
Any more I can add from the stw fountain of knowledge?
Never fart in an empty lift - you never know when someone will get in.
Never show your bare arse to a gritter
Don't get a girl/lady pregnant unless you're double sure you will stay together*
*super hard i know from experience
Never put your fingers where you wouldn't put your c*ck.
Never stick it in crazy
Never miss an opportunity to use the loo.
Never where tracksuit bottoms if masturbating just before yodel-delivery-time.
Never go to the dentists whilst stoned.
Don't drink in a pub with a flat roof.
Don't pee into the wind.
Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.
A day in the hills/riding a bike/paddling a canoe/walk in the woods etc is Never a waste of time.
Never eat Yellow Snow.
Never spend too long explaining to the BT guy whos testing the sockets in yer bedroom (not a euphemism) that your muscle massage stick behind the bedside cabinet is not in fact a sex toy.
https://www.thestick.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=DC-2475
other sex toy/massage sticks are available..
Don't be a tw*t.
* Insert vowel of choice.
Kryton 😳
Never go in a pub with no windows
The apex is always further round than you first thought.
Never refuse a cup of tea/coffee, might be the last one you have.
MoreCashThanDash - Member
Kryton
You're my postman? 😳
Wasn't me, just an anecdote I'd heard.
Don't waste days hung over.
Warm up before exercising.
Before you jump the fence make damn sure the grass is greener as there's usually no way back.
From my grandfather.
Eat and sleep when you can.
+1 Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.
Dunno where it comes from thou...
My pieces of wisdom are:
1) However bad it is now it does get better.
2) Make your own luck.
3) Sht Happens.
4) Any Holes a goal.
Never trust a dog with orange eyebrows.
Life isn't fair, get over it.
try everything in life once.....if you dare.
keep on keeping on, no matter how dark the cloud.
Better the right hand than the wrong woman.
Iron everything inside out. Apart from cotton shirts.
Learn to bare the burden of blame alone.
Be kind to whoever you meet on the way up; You never know who you'll need on the way back down.
Give them enough rope to hang themselves with.
I'm only 27, plenty time to forget all that....
it's better to have loved and lost than spent your life a w*nker.
never take an idiot with you, there'll be one when you get there
Don't get stoned then get pissed unless you want a major throw up session
Regret the things you've done, not the things you haven't done.
Be nice, not evil.
Speak to people as you wish to be spoken to.
Work smarter, not harder
it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are an idiot than open it and remove all doubt.
Don't worry what other people think about you. Everyone else is too worried about what other people think about them to give a toss about you.
Also, Wheaton's Law: don't be a dick.
Never get involved in a land war in Asia
Admit Nothing. Deny Everything. Make Counter-Accusations.
People hold ideologies and adhere to mass movements to escape individual responsibility.
The two attitudes don't really mix that well unless you admit responsibility only to yourself, at the end of the day you are the only person you have to answer to on your deathbed.
one that i read on here ~ 2years ago and has served me well so far.
never drink in a pub with a flat roof
You're my postman?
I had wondered why you were so pleased with the parcel.............
If you're going to take a s**t, do it at work and get paid for it.
Never talk about your woman. No matter how far away she is she will hear you. May take time, but she WILL hear you.
The only constant in life is change itself.
Listen to people when they say "I'd not ride that if I were you".
If you're going to take a s**t, do it at work and get paid for it.
In a similar vein, it's always better to be hungover on somebody else's time
It gets better
If there's only one of them and it looks like it's just muscle with legs and horns, it probably isn't a cow.
Bulls can move faster than you might think
Vaulting electric fences is best avoided
Simple one - "Life is what you make it. Don't become a victim, as it will eat you alive"
It does amaze me how you can spot life's victims. But I haven't yet worked out if they are like that because of what life has done to them, or life has been bad to them because they have that outlook on life. Does puzzle me.
Why don't you ask them?
Rule 32: Enjoy the little things.
Never pass up an opportunity to tell those you love that you love them - you might not get another chance.
Nobody lies on their deathbed wishing they'd spent more time at work.
Buy cheap buy twice.
Buy cheap tools buy more 1st Aid supplies.
Opinions are like a***holes. Everyone has them and they all stink from time to time.
Any fool can be uncomfortable.
Si
Do no harm.
Go for a pee before putting your drysuit on.
Make sure your shoelaces are tied before going on stage
There is no circumstance in which not dancing is better than dancing.
Rusty - I thought it would be a bit unfair, and might get a slightly negative response. Doesn't cover all situations but some do seem to give the impression the world is against them and have given up.
Entirely understandable but it just makes me wonder.
One from billy connolly that has always seemed accurate.
"Never trust a person that when left in a room with a tea cosy doesn't try it on as a hat"
I'm confused. Why is this thread still running ?Never show your bare arse to a gritter
there is no question that STW can't answer
There is no circumstance in which not dancing is better than dancing.
Oh I don't know... apart from every single possible conceivable circumstance.
Anyway, I don't think life lessons can be taught, they have to be learned.
Measure thrise cut once.
Never put your fingers where you wouldn't put your knob.
Accept everything for free bar blows to the head.
Don't cook bacon naked!
Learn from other peoples mistakes
Ignore advice from older people cause what do they know man
Accept that looking back your parents were right, the current fashion is stupid
If Duck Tape* doesn't fix it, you haven't used enough Duck Tape.
(*other brands are available)
Spend more time listening than you spend speaking.
Stop and appreciate life once in a while.
If you love people - tell them.
Always apologise when you are in the wrong.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Always check that there's paper before sitting down.
Port is an excellent energy drink
People know the price of everything but the value of nothing.
Learn to forgive people who have wronged you
Hate is a corrosive emotion and will eat you from inside
Everything is always more complicated than it looks.
Just when you think things can't get any worse, they usually do.
Dance like nobody's watching, and f*** like you're being filmed.
An improvement in the rights of others does not diminish your own.
Don't spend your life working.
Have a bit of perspective, we all have a lot to be happy for and there is always somebody worse off than us.
Don't take yourself too seriously.
Two eyes, two ears, one mouth.
Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood of course.
Other than that, this pretty much covers it all.
Never drink at the closest pub to the train station, it is always rough.
Dress for the job you want not the job you have.
Employ the rule of thirds when in conversation, talk for 1/3, listen for 2/3’s
If you're way under target at work and take a mid week sickie, everyone will assume you’re interviewing elsewhere.
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
Measure thrise cut once.
You can always cut a bit more off, you can't cut a bit back on again.
Learnt by me just the other week
You know when you are eating your lunch time baguette and it's so crusty on the top, it scratches the roof of your mouth.
Turn that baby over and eat it upside down !!
Now the crusty part is on your tongue and does no harm.
After cutting chillis, wash your hands really, really, REALLY well before going for a wee.
Always allow 4.5hrs for that 'five minute job' on your bike.
This too shall pass.
I learnt that mtbing in spain, packed lunch everyday, lovely fresh [b][i]crusty[/i][/b] bread, roof of mouth in tatters by day 3 🙁Turn that baby over and eat it upside down !!
Flip it over et voila.
Never put off 'till tomorrow what you can do today.
You might enjoy it so much you'll want to do it again tomorrow.
Never get involved in a land war in Asia
A classic blunder!
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
2. Don't drink anything green
WHAT!!?? But then you'll miss out on absinthe 
Makes the heart grow fonder, I hear.
As an addendum to this; the best revenge is to live well.RaveyDavey - Member
Learn to forgive people who have wronged you
Hate is a corrosive emotion and will eat you from inside