Do no harm.
Go for a pee before putting your drysuit on.
Make sure your shoelaces are tied before going on stage
There is no circumstance in which not dancing is better than dancing.
Rusty - I thought it would be a bit unfair, and might get a slightly negative response. Doesn't cover all situations but some do seem to give the impression the world is against them and have given up.
Entirely understandable but it just makes me wonder.
One from billy connolly that has always seemed accurate.
"Never trust a person that when left in a room with a tea cosy doesn't try it on as a hat"
I'm confused. Why is this thread still running ?Never show your bare arse to a gritter
there is no question that STW can't answer
There is no circumstance in which not dancing is better than dancing.
Oh I don't know... apart from every single possible conceivable circumstance.
Anyway, I don't think life lessons can be taught, they have to be learned.
Measure thrise cut once.
Never put your fingers where you wouldn't put your knob.
Accept everything for free bar blows to the head.
Don't cook bacon naked!
Learn from other peoples mistakes
Ignore advice from older people cause what do they know man
Accept that looking back your parents were right, the current fashion is stupid
If Duck Tape* doesn't fix it, you haven't used enough Duck Tape.
(*other brands are available)
Spend more time listening than you spend speaking.
Stop and appreciate life once in a while.
If you love people - tell them.
Always apologise when you are in the wrong.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Always check that there's paper before sitting down.
Port is an excellent energy drink
People know the price of everything but the value of nothing.
Learn to forgive people who have wronged you
Hate is a corrosive emotion and will eat you from inside
Everything is always more complicated than it looks.
Just when you think things can't get any worse, they usually do.
Dance like nobody's watching, and f*** like you're being filmed.
An improvement in the rights of others does not diminish your own.
Don't spend your life working.
Have a bit of perspective, we all have a lot to be happy for and there is always somebody worse off than us.
Don't take yourself too seriously.
Two eyes, two ears, one mouth.
Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood of course.
Other than that, this pretty much covers it all.
Never drink at the closest pub to the train station, it is always rough.
Dress for the job you want not the job you have.
Employ the rule of thirds when in conversation, talk for 1/3, listen for 2/3’s
If you're way under target at work and take a mid week sickie, everyone will assume you’re interviewing elsewhere.
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
Measure thrise cut once.
You can always cut a bit more off, you can't cut a bit back on again.
Learnt by me just the other week
You know when you are eating your lunch time baguette and it's so crusty on the top, it scratches the roof of your mouth.
Turn that baby over and eat it upside down !!
Now the crusty part is on your tongue and does no harm.
After cutting chillis, wash your hands really, really, REALLY well before going for a wee.
Always allow 4.5hrs for that 'five minute job' on your bike.
This too shall pass.
I learnt that mtbing in spain, packed lunch everyday, lovely fresh [b][i]crusty[/i][/b] bread, roof of mouth in tatters by day 3 🙁Turn that baby over and eat it upside down !!
Flip it over et voila.
Never put off 'till tomorrow what you can do today.
You might enjoy it so much you'll want to do it again tomorrow.
Never get involved in a land war in Asia
A classic blunder!
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
2. Don't drink anything green
WHAT!!?? But then you'll miss out on absinthe 
Makes the heart grow fonder, I hear.
As an addendum to this; the best revenge is to live well.RaveyDavey - Member
Learn to forgive people who have wronged you
Hate is a corrosive emotion and will eat you from inside
Never take any notice of what anybody types on internet forums.
If you get a Toblerone for Christmas don't eat it halfway through a long snowy walk.
It will have chilled into a pyramid-shaped mouth slicer.
Two things in life are dead certs....Death and Nurses
...and sunscreen. Trust me on the sunscreen.
Opinions are cheap, facts are expensive.
You will NOT be the one person on the planet that looks good with a comb over.
Cut it off.
keep your mouth shut if you get arrested.
Never show your bare arse to a gritter
Still laughing a this!
This thread reminded me of this, which I once saw behind a hotel reception
[b]Desiderata[/b]
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
There's no such thing as a bad crocodile wrestler
