[Closed] Leaving a 10 month old with in-laws for a week

I've been away for a week two or three times, but my wife couldn't do it, even though our daughter is two now.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I understand you can easily arrange childcare in ski resorts. Would this be an option?

10 months old is too young unless they see grandparents weekly and are totally use to them, we just spent 9 days in the states after 4 days we missed our 4 & 16 year old. Since the first child every holiday has been planned around our child which is just one of many choices you make when you become a parent. We also use to have a winter holiday every year but Olivia not to happy in the snow so missing this year. Why don’t you just rent a chalet and bring a child minder along which is usually the solution most parents end up doing. I just find it puzzling that you would want to leave a baby for 1 week just for a jolly with your mates.

Says the non parent.

It's true though! This place is turning into Mumsnet ffs!

[i]'I'm a better parent than you'

'No, I'm better'

'No I am'[/i]

Etc.

That's the thing with our Western society; people have time to worry about things that people elsewhere don't. Fret and fuss about the tiniest details, which in reality don't make the blindest bit of difference. And engage in a war of parental one-upmanship, in the same way they do with their houses, their cars,their clothes, etc. Using their children as weapons in the War of Status.

I've got a friend who's a 'clingy' mum. Her kid's 5 now, she sits at home worrying abou the little cherub all day now he's at school. The poor kid has anxiety issues. Apparently he can't poo unless mummy's there... 🙄

we just spent 9 days in the states after 4 days we missed our 4 & 16 year old

I don't doubt for a second that we'd miss her terribly.
But it's only a week and (for us) that isn't a reason not to do it.

... just one of many choices you make when you become a parent.

Yes, several people have said this and I think the implied criticism is that we're not taking our responsibilities seriously as parents.

Having watched my own parents slowly drift apart as I grew up, I realise that our own happiness will also have a great impact on her life. So no I don't personally think making time for ourselves is quite the selfish sin that some regard it as.

I am quite prepared to make sacrifices for my little 'un. I'd happily throw myself onto a sword to protect her. No question. But I won't give up everything (else) that I enjoy and make my life miserable in the misguided notion that I'll be a better father for it, because I don't think I would be.

A balance is required.

Sorry mate - no it's not a personal preference. One's better, one's worse. That's all there is to it.

Sorry mate - no it's not a personal preference. One's better, one's worse. That's all there is to it.

In isolation, maybe, but there are many other aspects than just the nutritional value of the food to consider also, like the stress on the mother, the need for the kid to be in a creche, the potential benefit for the father to feed the baby etc etc . It ain't simple ...

Better to force feed on the breast and baby take less

Boobs soon get up to producing what the baby takes. That's why mixing bf and bottle is a recipe for failure quite often (but not always), because baby never takes enough from the breast to get it going properly.

Just giving the facts.

We only ever fed our firstborn asps milk from birth which has led to him developing some extraordinary super-powers..

so ner ner na ner ner..

Boobs soon get up to producing what the baby takes

generally speaking

molgrips: apart from physical capabilities I think it can also depend a LOT on how much breastfeeding support is available in the area.

We were very lucky because the NHS Breastfeeding class we went to at Hexham was excellent. It was realistic about how hard it can be and what the downsides are without being overly negative, which was exactly what we needed. Plus there was a "Breast Buddies" group where old mums support new mums.

Bu then we were also pretty lucky because our little one was on boob literally within seconds of meeting mum for the first time. 🙂

Boobs soon get up to producing what the baby takes

generally speaking

Sometimes they can go into overdrive.

About a week after our second child was born Mrs Ho hum developed what her midwife described as the "most rip-roaring case of mastitis" she had ever seen.

Mrs Ho hum was not well and had to go on anti-biotics and my son went on the bottle.

Jnr Grips went on straight away but her latch was all wrong, which caused murder for Mrs Grips. Her mouth was too small we think.

Ho hum - that just goes to show the inconsistency in information given out. I was told it was dangerous (to mother not baby)to stop breastfeeding if you had mastitis

uluru - Member
Ho hum - that just goes to show the inconsistency in information given out. I was told it was dangerous (to mother not baby)to stop breastfeeding if you had mastitis

Inconsistent indeed.

I can quite clearly remember what happened. The midwife phoned up our GP to have a script written out and sent me down to Tesco to buy some bottles.

Although the symptoms of mastitis may discourage breastfeeding, it is important to try to continue. Regular breastfeeding will help to:

* remove any blocked breast milk from the breast
* resolve the symptoms of mastitis more quickly
* prevent mastitis from becoming more serious

-- http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/mastitis/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Ho hum, sounds familiar to our experience. My better half ended up having minor surgery and unable to carry baby for a few days.

I was not very happy as more than one midwife had told her she would be alright and not to moan so much, prior to her boob literally spliting open!

I think that Mrs Ho hum was well past the point of trying to carry on and had started to feel quite flu-like.

Her boobs were massive and solid.

She really was not very well.

I wouldn't do it, I miss my little boy even for one night! Damn i'm a soppy old man.

Enjoy the break!

We did exactly the same with our first. After 10 months of unbroken sleep deprivation, we hired a cottage in Port Isaac for a week. I think we slept 10 hours a night and returned better refreshed for another five years of sleep deprivation.

Hmm, perhaps your 5yo doesn't sleep at night because he thinks his parents are going to f off again... 😉

10 months old is too young unless they see grandparents weekly and are totally use to them

Nonsense. My sister has spent two months in hospital and her 10 month old has been at the in-laws since the operation and won't be back for at least a few more whilst she recovers. The older three children are now back at home after a very mixed up school holiday. But children are far more adaptable than you might think.

Hmm, perhaps your 5yo doesn't sleep at night

I'm afraid he's a well-adjusted teenager now 8). Curiously, Son2 slept 8+ hours a night from three weeks old, and we never needed the respite care in the same way.

molgrips - Member
Boobs soon get up to producing what the baby takes.
Just giving the facts.

Unfortunatly wrong - some mothers never produce enough milk. Its fairly common and the "breast is best" view causes anxiety and sometime malnourished children. I know mothers this has happened to.

Molgrips - you still have an incredibly idealised view of children and childcare. remember others experiences may differ and just because you have children does not mean you know it all

Others on here have far more pragmatic views.

To the OP - I would go if and only if you are certain the grandparents will cope well.

Unfortunatly wrong - some mothers never produce enough milk.

Yep, that's what happened to friend's of ours. They were keen on breastfeeding, but the little scrap didn't do too well. Midwives stepped in and said he wasn't getting enough from the boob and they had to go onto formula.

My mate says "Never mind, the world will always need plumbers" 😆

To the OP - I would go if and only if you are certain the grandparents will cope well.

They'd be fine. But we're still weighing our options: we're currently polling the rest of the group to see how they'd feel about us bringing her.

I wouldn't have done it with the first until over a year, but the second is so laid back with everyone, she wouldn't notice for a week, so long as she was fed watered and allowed to sleep when she wants...! Planning a long weekend in a couple of months when my youngest will be about 9 months, oldest 3.5yrs. Grandparents are in-line with our thinking by the second one as well so know what/not to do. It might be good for us all to have a break from time to time...!

Have to agree with TJ - having twins quickly taught me there is no right or wrong or parents giving up too soon - from about 12 weeks Izzi would barely touch breast so (due to a very low birth weight) we had to quickly find something that worked. Sometimes it was expressed, other times it was formula. However, Evie had breast almost exclusively till 6 months. Both were treated the same, same encouragement, same routines, same everything.

Fortunately most health visitors now encourage what works best for mum and baby, not on preaching 'breast is best'.

This is one of those questions where almost no one is qualified to answer the question for you, even those of us that have kids.

So I will help you reach an answer by asking you a question in return (and this is not meant as emotional blackmail or a judgement, just a reality check for you):

You're away having a great time when you get a call from your inlaws/parents saying that something really terrible has happened and while your daughter is OK, she is in hospital and really needs you. But you're not there and then you find you can't get back until the end of the week.

If you're OK with how you might feel in that situation, and your inlaws are also OK with it (and in practical terms, that's a big ask for them, especially if they're older) then go and have fun.

OK that's probably a bit harsh and like I said not meant as emotional blackmail (I don't think you'd be a bad person if you went, just very human), but it's a test of how you really feel about leaving her.

I'm not going away for a week. I'm only at work every day but thats made me feel guilty about leaving my 5 month old daughter.

I just find it puzzling that you would want to leave a baby for 1 week just for a jolly with your mates.

What's puzzling about that? You make it sound like the OP's talking about leaving the baby on her own in the house to fend for herself! After 10 months I reckon you will have earned a break, and having a life outside of childcare sounds like a recipe for a much happier marriage, too.

Mrs. mogrim and I go away without the kids at least once a year, they stay with their grandmother and off we go. They're no worse for it, and we're a lot better for it.

molgrips - Member
Boobs soon get up to producing what the baby takes.
Just giving the facts.

Except I've yet to see one as that is just fallacy.

Unfortunatly wrong - some mothers never produce enough milk. Its fairly common and the "breast is best" view causes anxiety and sometime malnourished children. I know mothers this has happened to.

+1, the damage insensitive breastfeeding zealots can do at a time when many mothers are vulnerable beggars belief.

Molgrips, there are times that men have to just shut up. Evangelising about breastfeeding is most definitely one of these times.

I had an opinion re breastfeeding, Mrs NickF had a different one; having expressed my opinion, I then shut up. It's her body, she who gave birth to the kids. Absolutely her right to decide how long she breastfeeds the kids, or if she does so at all.

Molgrips, there are times that men have to just shut up. Evangelising about breastfeeding is most definitely one of these times.

Just giving the facts.

Personally, I'm involved in family decisions relating to the upbring of our kid, and I appreciate that. I can't do the feeding, but I can offer help and support as best I can.

Except I've yet to see one as that is just fallacy.

Is it? Do tell. Always interested in more and better facts.

Molgrips - you still have an incredibly idealised view of children and childcare. remember others experiences may differ and just because you have children does not mean you know it al

For f*cking hell's sake! Do you really think I am saying every single mother and child could perfectly breast feed? For christ's sake stop being so f*cking stupid!

What I am saying is that breast milk is better for your kid - we all know that. Why on earth would anyone think that because of that I am recommending that everyone do nothign else and kill themselves and their kids based on christ knows what.

You people are thick as f*cking pigsh*t sometimes 🙁

The other thing I am saying is that production is based on how much is drunk. So there's a catch 22 - you give your baby formula, she drinks less boob, so less is produced, so you give more formula. A lot of people I've talked to don't realise this. You don't feed your baby, she feeds from you. That's meant to be a useful piece of advice, not f*cking evangelism.

molgrips - Member

Better to force feed on the breast and baby take less

Boobs soon get up to producing what the baby takes. That's why mixing bf and bottle is a recipe for failure quite often (but not always), because baby never takes enough from the breast to get it going properly.

Just giving the facts.

Unfortunatly your "facts" are wrong

This mechanism fails fairly often. A lot of mothers have to top up with bottle feeding because they don't produce enough milk.

What you say here and what you claim you said in your last post are two very different things.

Why on earth would anyone think that because of that I am recommending that everyone do nothign else and kill themselves and their kids based on christ knows what.

Based on your exact words Molgrips.

We were given similar advice to molgrips (though without the swearing and ranting 🙂 )

I can vividly remember the morning, about a week into breastfeeding, when my wife woke me in amazement at her suddenly enormous chest. 😀

Our experience so far is that it takes her boobs about three days to catch up with increased demand during growth spurts etc.

The NHS class we did encouraged "flutter feeding" even when the boobs were dry as it apparently stimulates more production. They also stressed that if we couldn't feed from boob for any reason (i.e. Infection) then she should keep expressing anyway to keep up demand.

But yes, we also know a mum that just couldn't produce enough milk regardless what they tried.

You people are thick as f*cking pigsh*t sometimes

Is pigshit particularly thick? I mean, surely it's dependant on the diet of the pig? What if it's a suckling piglet not yet on solids?

And isn't it all relative? I mean, if you're suggesting someone is dense, isn't a truly solid material, like granite or lead a better choice for comparison? Because compared to granite or lead, maybe pigshit isn't all that thick after all?

Or are you comparing it to yoghurt?

Unfortunatly wrong - some mothers never produce enough milk.

True

Its fairly common

I thought the figure was somewhere around 4% which to my mind is not fairly common.

It's not that I'm bothered about the choices people make, different choices suit different people and different circumstances. But women should be able to make that decision on the basis of informed knowledge.

Sadly in this country even medical professionals aren't as informed as they should be.

Edit: i have boobs so feel qualified to comment 😉

My kids have thrived without breast feeding, my wife struggled as it was twins. They have more developed speech than their peers and I've not noticed any higher propencity to get illness.

Molgrips, you do sound a bit evangelical

A lot of mothers have to top up with bottle feeding because they don't produce enough milk.

A lot of mothers top up with bottle feeding because they're told normal feeding cues and growth spurts are signs that they are not producing enough milk by people who should know better. Mixed feeding before breastfeeding is established often results in failure.

Our and the mainly the wife's decision as yes it's her body decision was based on advice from several midwives and obstetric gynaecologists consultants. Who all gave us similar answers yes breast is little better but only a little and not always the best for many mothers for various reasons not just the ability to produce milk. We went for the bottles based on this.

For f*cking hell's sake! Do you really think I am saying every single mother and child could perfectly breast feed? For christ's sake stop being so f*cking stupid!

It's the way your post came across, Mr Angry.

My kids have thrived without breast feeding, my wife struggled as it was twins. They have more developed speech than their peers and I've not noticed any higher propencity to get illness.

Exactly same here in fact my kids are rarely ill or ever have been. Except for the twins bit and the peers bit.

You'd voluntarily be parted from your baby for a whole week? 😯

Re breastfeeding and without reading the entire post, 6 months is long enough.

[URL= http://www.jonsmith.net/pp_the_blokes_guide_to_babies.aspx ]The Bloke's Guide To Babies[/URL] had sound advice regarding breastfeeding.

It basically said something like [I]"as a bloke it is your job to give your wife 100% support for breastfeeding... and if she cannot or needs to stop then it is your job to give her 100% support with that too"[/I]

You'd voluntarily be parted from your baby for a whole week?

Yes.

I think we've established that I am an awful, selfish parent who doesn't take his responsibility seriously. 🙄

You'd voluntarily be parted from your baby for a whole week?

Yeah why not? It's a week not a life time.

I think you need to decide whether you and your wife will be able to really relax and enjoy yourself whilst on holiday without the baby and possibly do a weekend test run before making a decision.

Some can enjoy themselves whilst away some can't, some imagine they can but only find out they can't when they get there.

I've known a couple of friends who really didn't enjoy much looked forward to weekends away because of their anxiety - baby was fine!

Each to their own I guess.

Nothing to do with selfishness or responsibility tbh. When my wife was pregnant I read endless posts on STW about how I wouldn't have time to ride my bike, wouldn't have time for this or that etc etc...it actually never occurred to me that I might choose NOT to ride my bike and spend time with my baby instead 😆

If you can be parted for a week then I'd say go for it

If you can get her off breast feeding long before you go away then I guess she'll miss you less than you, and especially the Mrs, will miss her. My last baby hung on for 16months, wouldn't wean! He hadn't read the baby book! Good luck 😉