[Closed] Leaving a 10 month old with in-laws for a week

Based on your exact words Molgrips.

What, I recommended that people starve their kids? Not sure about that one.

Right, sorry for getting extremely wound up, but really some people were assuming the most ridiculous possible interpretation of what I'd said.

Just to clarify:

If I say that bf works this or that way, that doesn't mean every single human combination is definitely going to behave the exact same way. If I say humans have two legs, this is an acceptable statement is it not, despite the fact that many don't.

I do not advocate the starving of kids

I do not advocate plunging mothers into cycles of depression and feelings of inadequacy.

I would have thought the above was blatantly obvious, but I guess not to everyone!

Leaving baby whilst you go away?
Adults determined to play
At what cost to the child
This week to be wild?
I wonder what allah would say.

Sincerely,
D Belstein

Whilst breast feeding isn't for everyone, and doesn't always work, some of the health benefits of breastfeeding are really quite shocking - for example it reduces the likelihood of cot death, making the risk 66% of the risk to a bottle fed baby, and also protects against gastro interinal diseases, another big cause of infant sickness and death, reducing the risk to be somewhere between 15 and 33% of the risk that a bottle fed baby is up against (both in the first six months).

Load of research into this eg:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9363419

Essentially the short of it is: your baby is significantly more likely to die if you don't breastfeed.
The good news however is that general infant death rates are low, so we're still talking low death rates even when you multiply them by somewhere between 2 and 6 for the bottle fed babies, but breastfeeding isn't a minor difference, and it is stupid to argue otherwise.

On the other hand, it is clearly wrong to demonize people who don't breastfeed, as clearly there are all manner of reasons why some people don't manage it, but we still shouldn't do that by trying to hide the massive health benefits as some people seem to.

Joe

Is pigshit particularly thick? I mean, surely it's dependant on the diet of the pig? What if it's a suckling piglet not yet on solids?
And isn't it all relative? I mean, if you're suggesting someone is dense, isn't a truly solid material, like granite or lead a better choice for comparison? Because compared to granite or lead, maybe pigshit isn't all that thick after all?
Or are you comparing it to yoghurt?

Anyway, who cares how a baby feeds - just be sure to use disposable nappies. 😉

Our little boy had terrible acid reflux. After every feed he cried lot then threw up everywhere. Took two weeks to get it diagnosed and we had to mix baby Gaviscon then feed it to him via a syringe before every single feed. But Mrs Matt was totally determined to carry on. Bottle feeding would have been easier as you can mix in anti reflux stuff. Anyway really glad she persisted. The reflux went at six months once he weaned as he is very healthy.

Well worth sticking to bf if at all possible IMO.

Mrs Ho hum did it for about a week with each of our children, but could not keep it up because things became too painful and she had had a c section for each birth (2 emergencies and 1 planned), so I guess she was also well knackered.

We were told that before the milk comes in fully that colostrum is produced and this is full of antibodies which really helps to boost baby's immune system.

My wife had wanted to breastfeed for as long as possible but it just did not work out and at least when she went onto the bottle I could help out a bit more allowing her to recover from the surgery she had gone through.

Look at other cultures; babies left with other family members with no ill effects on the children whatsoever.

The in-laws do live a fair distance away from us. They currently get to see her roughly every five weeks

My Granny use to always say "They nah thu arn" and she was right they do.

For you southern Jessies that "They know their own, what what what!"

I'm curious, Drac, are you also a southern Jessie? It seems peculiar that you feel the need to phoneticise your granny's speech if it sounds normal to you.

God no.

It seems peculiar that you feel the need to phoneticise your granny's speech if it sounds normal to you.

That makes no sense does it.

Leaving baby whilst you go away?
Adults determined to play
At what cost to the child
This week to be wild?
I wonder what allah would say.

Sincerely,
D Belstein

😆

Oy vey...

That makes no sense does it.

Why would you not want to include your daughter in your life going forward?

We were big travellers before kids, now we do a bit less (funds you know) but what we do is centred on experience for the kids. Farm stays, beach holidays and the likes.
As they get older we'll get more adventurous I'm sure.
But no, I don't treat my kids like snowflakes, we just have two children who we are great friends with as well as being our kids - I enjoy their company.

Oh, and without reading all the threads above that digressed into breastfeeding. Some people can, some can't, some choose not to. That's a personal choice I'd say, and has nowt to do with the original post - unless mum is planning on storing a few litres before she goes, but that's another thread as well I think!

Why would you not want to include your daughter in your life going forward?

Eh?

We're not planning to exclude her from the rest of our lives. We just thought a nice stay with Granny and Grandad might give us the chance for some alone time, a break and some time with our friends.

🙄

.. what we do is centred on experience for the kids. Farm stays, beach holidays and the likes

She's four months old and has already been to the beach twice and been round a kiddies petting farm. 🙂
Funnily enough she wasn't hugely impressed by either. Preferring mainly to sleep, gurgle, feed and defecate.
I doubt she will be quite ready to fully appreciate their subtlety at ten months either.

She's four months old and has already been to the beach twice and been round a kiddies petting farm.
Funnily enough she wasn't hugely impressed by either. Preferring mainly to sleep, gurgle, feed and defecate.

I doubt she will be quite ready to fully appreciate their subtlety at ten months either.

You asked for an opinion, you got it - I'd be looking to spend the same cash on a holiday that included my kids, that's all.
I stand by what I said though, why wouldn't you want to include them in your life and travels, even now. I know I do with mine (at that age and now).
As for time with the Grandparents, let them tell you what they want, perhaps a sleep over or two may be more appropriate.
But then (take this as a climb down or whatever) your family isn't the same as mine and so what works for won't for me etc. Do as you see fit!

She's four months old and has already been to the beach twice and been round a kiddies petting farm.
Funnily enough she wasn't hugely impressed by either. Preferring mainly to sleep, gurgle, feed and defecate.
I doubt she will be quite ready to fully appreciate their subtlety at ten months either.

How's she getting on with the foreign language tapes, Graham?

I stand by what I said though, why wouldn't you want to include them in your life and travels, even now. I know I do with mine (at that age and now).

You seem to be confusing the concepts of "week" and "life" - a short holiday as a couple away from the kids is perfectly healthy. You could even spend part of it making more kids, without the risk of one of them crying or opening the door while you're at it 🙂

She's four months old and has already been to the beach twice and been round a kiddies petting farm.
Funnily enough she wasn't hugely impressed by either.

I remember the first visit to the Zoo with my eldest, she must have been about two - loads of giraffes, elephants, etc. etc., but what was the animal that most impressed her? A chicken walking around in the petting area. Bah.

I think aracer has issues he was obviously abandoned for 2 minutes in Essex Walter Wilson as a 10 month old child. With no breast feeding and not being included in his parents life activities has had long term effects on him. He's taking a dislike to any people from Yorkshire it seems as all he recall from his supressed memories is the tower of aunt bessies Yorkshire puddings.

He's taking a dislike to any people from Yorkshire

I'm not sure that can really be considered an "issue", tbh.

How's she getting on with the foreign language tapes, Graham?

ROFL! 😀 she does a good bit of Baby Klingon if that counts?

We were going to the beach and petting farm anyway. We brought her along cos, y'know, she's "part of our life going forward" (and in several other directions too) 🙂

That's a very good point molgrim.

Anyway kid free day today ours are at school and gran is picking them up. So I'm moving forward to the toon might have a look in the apple shop and have some nice grub somewhere with the mrs.

Hope our kids don't have anxiety issues it'll be 10 hours since they seen us when we get back.

It basically said something like "as a bloke it is your job to give your wife 100% support for breastfeeding... and if she cannot or needs to stop then it is your job to give her 100% support with that too"

True that. We had 100% breastfed, one around 80%, and the last has moved onto 100% bottle as it's the only way to settle/satisfy him - all before weaning at 6 months, though no 3 may go a few weeks early as he keeps trying to steal my toast. Think he's ready.

That's the thing with our Western society; people have time to worry about things that people elsewhere don't. Fret and fuss about the tiniest details, which in reality don't make the blindest bit of difference. And engage in a war of parental one-upmanship, in the same way they do with their houses, their cars,their clothes, etc. Using their children as weapons in the War of Status.

I think [b]you[/b] need to get out more, never mind me 🙂 I'd need a couple of million to even register in the 'Status War' round here, and I'm in no way badly off.

Before I had children, I couldn't give a toss about them, and did whatever I felt like. Now, I'm a soppy old bugger who will often pass up the opportunity for 3 hours of racing to tow a trailer of kids to a nice hill to run up and down. They change your outlook on life t'is all. Sorry if thats a bit Mumsnet for your radical lifestyle dude. If they have 'What Tyres?' threads over there I'll delete my sign on here.

What tyres for breastfeeding then?

Agreed - it may not sound "cool" but playing with/helping/laughing with your kid(s) is bloody brilliant fun.

Agreed - it may not sound "cool" but playing with/helping/laughing with your kid(s) is bloody brilliant fun.

+1
For me being a parent is about that friendship and shared fun as well as teaching etc.

Just got back from a week off with the kids, and given I work (don't we all) that week was extra precious. We had an ace time.
Granted eldest is three and a half now so a bit different, we gave her an old digital camera to take some pics, some of them aren't half bad.

I had my girls for the day yesterday (grandparents normally have them but they are on holiday).

A whole day of just me and them was great fun.
[img] [/img]

Not wishing to drag the topic back to this sorry subject too much but:

We were told that before the milk comes in fully that colostrum is produced and this is full of antibodies which really helps to boost baby's immune system

It's always full of antibodies. It's very very good for you the whole time, although it becomes somewhat less creamy and nutritious after 6mo or so. The colostrum is extremely full of them however.

Agreed - it may not sound "cool" but playing with/helping/laughing with your kid(s) is bloody brilliant fun.

Yup nothing beats it, be it a tickle, acting the goat or taking a hump in the road a little fast than normal so there tummies go into their chest. The giggles make me smile and of giggle too.

It's always full of antibodies. It's very very good for you the whole time, although it becomes somewhat less creamy and nutritious after 6mo or so. The colostrum is extremely full of them however.

It is but there's also evidence to suggest that many of the anti-bodies have been already carried across by the placenta, hence why bottle fed kids in reality tend not to get any sicker.

Still do as you will and that's all there is, if the midwife asks tell her what she wants to hear. "Oh yes I still breast feed, oh no we haven't dared try solids yet!"

hence why bottle fed kids in reality tend not to get any sicker.

That's not what I read! Or joemarshall apparently.

You need to read more or actually work with kids. 😉

No way. But then I value time with my family, which, as I've chosen to have kids, involves them.

You need to read more or actually work with kids.

Work with kids or do large scale studies on them,?

I meant half heartedly, I could get angry now about you taking things seriously but I won't. 😆

Too seriously or not enough?

lol

No way. But then I value time with my family, which, as I've chosen to have kids, involves them.

[size=5]Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!![/size]

Let me be absolutely, perfectly clear about this:

I love my little girl with all my heart. My wife loves her. We both love her! A lot!!
My life changed for the better the very second I met her.
She has us completely under her spell. We love and value spending time with her.

I realise that some of you maybe don't feel quite as strongly about your children. You worry that you don't really feel the love for them that everyone talks about, so you make a big show of giving up everything else in your lives, and spending it with them to the exclusion of all others, desperately hoping that this facade of self-sacrifice and martyrdom will convince everyone that you must love them really.

😉

In short: can everyone [u]please[/u] stop suggesting that just because we'd even consider a week away must mean we don't love our baby 🙄

Graham S

Dont ask advice from a public forum If you are getting angry because you dont hear the answer you want.

I never had the opportunity to go away for a week with my wife child-free with any of our 3 children.

My wife would not have done it anyway.

However, I needed that me time at times to bring myself back into balance and have a break. Some may call it selfish, maybe it was, but I really needed the child-free time.

So, my wife used to take number one child up to the in-laws for a week and then when we moved up to Scotland and had another child she would take both of them to the in-laws for a long weekend every so often.

Go on holiday with your wife and friends Graham and enjoy yourself and come back refreshed and happy!

When number 2 arrives things may be different 😉

Hehe.. Graham last time I asked for advice on STW I got similarly angry.

I'm still thinking don't leave him with the in-laws tho.

EDIT: or is it her?

I'm not. I'm very happy to hear the range of opinions, thats exactly why I posted.

But I'm not very impressed with all the snide digs and implied slights along the lines of "welI I wouldn't do that because [i]I love[/I] my children" or "no but then [i]we like[/I] spending time with [i]our[/I] kids".

(PS I've now been awake for just over 40 hours straight, so I may possibly be slightly overly sensitive and grumpy)

If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. Simple really.

I realise that some of you maybe don't feel quite as strongly about your children. You worry that you don't really feel the love for them that everyone talks about, so you make a big show of giving up everything else in your lives, and spending it with them to the exclusion of all others, desperately hoping that this facade of self-sacrifice and martyrdom will convince everyone that you must love them really.

Bit of a c*nt for saying that aren't you - and I don't use that lightly.
But feel free to offend so you can justify leaving your kid behind and go off and get drunk for a week. Glad you've got your priorities right.

If you really think that's why parents on here say spend time with your kids then good luck with your life, glad I don't know you from adam on the street.

Oh. and here's the obligitory smiley face so that although I really do think you're a w@anker for saying that I can hide behind the facade of 'humour'
😕

and if you're trolling, well done. Win.

Graham - I think you hit the nail on the head with

Let me be absolutely, perfectly clear.........

The amount of middle-class angst and oneupmanship displayed on here is very amusing. Its a form of snobbery