MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
recently found out someone I'd been seeing since April was having a fling with a married man.
I'd had been harbouring suspicions for 6-8 weeks and convinced myself I was an utter fruit loop, but the signals kept coming back time and time again.
Anyway, checked her phone, found the evidence and after she said she'd call it off with him we kind of had a good period of two weeks where she was remorseful and seemed to be genuine.
I then got cold feet and decided I didn't want to be a mug and got rid. The only thing that stopped me so far is he has children.
She then has been pestering me to get back together, but reading between the lines I think she's seeing him again. She only admitted she loves us both, for different reasons (yup!!)
The question is, shall I blow him in to his missus?
When I found out I sent him some messages and he's replied with full apology ( it just happened blah blah blah) and it would make any denial by him impossible. His wife is friends on Facebook with my now ex and she'd been confiding to her about how their marriage wasn't in a good place. So I feel sorry that this woman has been shafted by her shitty fella, as well as her 'mate'...
My original intention was to let sleeping dogs lie, but underneath I'm feeling a sense of duty to this poor woman who's having the piss taken out of her. It won't be a surprise to her I doubt, they\ve spent the last two years riding together waaaayyy too much and there's been rumours, so she may not be surprised at all.
If I do this, am I serving a purpose or just causing family havoc?
bird? you started off well.
She then has been pestering me to get back together, but reading between the lines I think she's seeing him again. She only admitted she loves us both, for different reasons (yup!!)
Stay well clear.
If she can't remain faithful for seven months at the start of a relationship then she's not exactly a keeper.
The question is, shall I blow him in to his missus?
Ask yourself what your motivation is here?
Is it really selfless honesty or just vengeance? A chance to hurt the guy who hurt you?
Personally I'd stay well clear and move on.
bird? you started off well.
most respectful term I can think of atm
The question is, shall I blow him in to his missus?
Nope. MYOB, nothing good can come out of it for you. Find another feathered or non feathered friend and forget all about it.
Speaking from experience as "the wife" in this situation, then I say grass him up.
Walk away and stay away and NO don't blow the whistle as all that will happen is that all concerned will hate you it's a no win situation so like I said walk away and stay well out of it
Tell him that if he doesn't tell his wife, then you will.
He probably won't do it and there's no compelling reason for you to make good on your threat either, but it'll make the ****er sweat for a few days.
Is the 'wife' hot? Might she need consoling if it were to come out about her husbands affair? 🙄
Blow the whistle and walk away leaving a trail of desctruction behind you with a clear conscience that you have done nothing wrong.
your bird
The 70's are calling. 😐
walk away from all if it, not worth the hassle.
Is the 'wife' hot? Might she need consoling if it were to come out about her husbands affair?
not bad actually, that thought had crossed my mind!
Sorry, who are you thinking of blowing?
Grass them and walk away as it all explodes.
The question is, shall I blow him in to his missus?
And thrice, nope.
She only admitted she loves us both, for different reasons (yup!!)
You've done the right thing, consider yourself single - happy days! Absolute radio silence, number block on the mobile, and Facebook block is the way to go.
The more time that goes on, the happier you will be that you took this route. Ignoring her is far more powerful than anything else, it just shows you're confident in your decision.
Get on POF and live it up! Plenty of birds out there!
Being vindictive is never a good idea.
It'll just come back on you one day.
I'd be ****ing it right off. Plus you've only been with her for 6 months or so so better to get out now than further down the road.
Sorry, you'd be a mug to consider any further contact with either . Go biking and enjoy yourself instead.
Trust your gut feeling, our intuition picks up on things our conscious mind doesn't - little body language cues etc. I've been seeing a lady recently who I had jitters about from day one - and the more I learn about the mess her life is in the more I realise I'm best off running away (not walking, running!)
Walk away - your feelings about how other people are being treated are irrelevant and various players in the situation may well not thank you or even really hate you from making your feelings known.
If you walk away now you can keep your head held high and be the bigger man in all of this...grass him up and the situation may become a bit rubbish for you and you could loose some of the moral ground, which may well pee you off even more...I'd leave it.
You've only been seeing her since April. Had you explicitly agreed to go exclusive? If not she may just have been on a different page and been surprised that you were expecting her to not date others?
[quote=Cougar ]Tell him that if he doesn't tell his wife, then you will.
He probably won't do it and there's no compelling reason for you to make good on your threat either, but it'll make the ****er sweat for a few days.
Like it!
on and on - Member
Sorry, you'd be a mug to consider any further contact with either . Go biking and enjoy yourself instead.
I very rarely comment on threads like this, but this quote is one of the best I've seen.
Tell his wife and get yourself tested for STD and anything else.
I am being serioues when i say get yourself tested, you do not know who the other chap has been sleeping with as well as the lady in question, so do yourself and any future partners a favour and do it soon.
Good luck
It's amazing how vindictive people want to be sometimes.
I married my wife within 6 months of meeting her. This caused TWO ex flings (can't even call them girlfriends) to get directly in touch with my wife through Facebook to try and dob me in to something. I'm not friends with either of FB, for good reasons, so they must have actively gone and stalked me and seen my change of relationship status! They then assumed that because of when we got married that I must have been with them when I was with my wife.
They were short flings for a reason. Zero contact afterwards for a reason. Really are some nutters out there, and sorry girls, most of them are you!
edit
get yourself tested
Good advice - deffo time for an MOT.
on and on - Member
Sorry, you'd be a mug to consider any further contact with either . Go biking and enjoy yourself instead.
This is probably the best advice yet. Please, please heed it.
Leave well alone....ditch your "bird" for a reliable one who likes riding (bikes??!!)
At the end of the day...other peoples business is...well...other peoples business!
Is she fit ? Any photos ? 😉
"shall I blow him in to his missus?" Good grief man, pull yourself together! NO
Get rid of HER, why on earth do you feel the need to protect her, GET A GRIP!!
Do not involve yourself in the shitstorm that's about to engulf the married dude!
I can only assume you're blinded by love/lust and not normally this stoopid.
Geez Louise!
What Cougar said, and add in a bit of advice about getting himself checked for STDs.
That'll really make him sweat.
Is she fit ? Any photos ?
Fair point.
Why is it 'vindictive' to tell the chaps wife? If i had a partner who was cheating on me, i would want to know. Not for the drama of having a row (if he's cheating he's not worth getting upset about) it would be for my health.
I don't want heptitas, aids, gonorrhea or anything else and if that person is cheating i doubt they would have my health and welfare at the forefront of their mind.
There is nothing tough or masculine about keeping silent and there is nothing b*tchy about speaking up. The reason why STD's are on the increase is becuase people put there heads in the sand.
The question is, shall I blow him in to his missus?
Honesty, do you even have to ask?
[quote=mrsfry ]The reason why STD's are on the increase is becuase people put there heads in the sand.Is that ex-vaginal sand?
If you pump the burd who is married to the bloke who is pumping your burd then the square is complete and it all cancels out.
And you have an opening gambit.
The reason not to get involved is because some people are psycho, and the damage they can cause can be big and the truth doesn't matter a jot!
Run, run for the hills and don't look back.
for clarification purposes.... I HAVE got rid of her, in the relationship sense, but there's still the odd text now and then.
I have been tested for STD's and clear
My reason for considering this, is not because I'm vindictive etc, it's I feel sorry for his wife. She's friends with my ex (on FB) and she thinks the sun shines out of my ex's backside. But, she knows that her fella has spent the last 2 years riding (bikes) 3 times a week with her and I think its a case of keeping your friends close and enemies closer.
I feel a duty to tell her and put her out of her misery.
My take is if the marriage is going downhill anyway it will come to an end at some point, so maybe I won't be the marriage breaker, but for now still absorbing all the comments...
Their marriage is not your problem.
So were you the indoor boyfriend or the outdoor one?
Your sense of duty is misplaced. Seriously not your business.
I'll just leave this here.
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Like you did, she may have suspicions anyway. I'd tell her I think.
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OP, it doesn't matter how many times you tell us you've dumped her, we'll still keep telling you to "Run for the Hills..." 🙂
Personally, I don't think you should tell his wife - their marriage is not really your business and you have no idea how he's react to that - he's sorry now, but if you tell her, then he might feel the gloves are off etc and might turn dangerous. But as said earlier, there's nothing to stop you having a bit of fun with him...not THAT kind of fun.
I think its a case of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer
It's a case of keeping them very far away!
I feel a duty
It's honestly very noble, but with this woman there's a chance that she'll go on the attack to taint your credibility. You don't want to imagine what things could be said and put out there. I've seen it and it's not pretty. Run away. Seriously.
No texts, no Facebook, no nothing.
This is how fast you need to be running
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Does the failing marriage contain kids?
Or pets?
For pity's sake man, there maybe kittens involved. Can you not think of the little pussies?
I'd be tempted to wade in headfirst, tell the wife and take whatever flak came my way. She needs to know, and even if you did it discreetly you would still be the prime suspect in the eyes of the husband so you might as well be blatant about it.
Can you not think of the little pussies?
It's just that sort of talk that got him into this mess in the first place.
Walk away, do not chuck the hand grenade at the marriage.
My 2p worth.
You know that phrase, "don't shoot the messenger"? Well, some people don't.
See Usain's shirt up there ^^^^
.
.
Do that
Has someone mentioned running away yet? 😉
Has anyone mentioned any of the following as yet?
Bombers
Back doors
Flash grenades
Slat/hoof interface
Child's face
Baby robin
If not, I may compose a more meaningful response.
Especially if shooting the messenger looks like, for arguments sake, you being tagged as :
"stalking, controlling and abusive ex boyfriend who can't let go, and throws around threats and allegations to manipulate people"
Run away. If your compelled to tell then you have to but don't expect any thanks and maybe question whether or not you could beat the husband in a pushy shovey conflict.
Not really a question anyone can answer but you. I appreciate that is not help at all really.
You don't know anything about this blokes marriage, there may be something or nothing going on internally that is hidden from the rest of the world... But if you start sticking your oar in then it could end up with divorce papers and either man or wife trying to name you as a party to it. So as many have said, do like iron maiden suggest "run for the hills"
Imagine yourself at the other end of your life, in your seventies or eighties, contentedly looking back and reviewing all of your accomplishments and achievements and feeling proud of the fact that you decisions you took made you a better person. Now imagine that future self looking back and reviewing your current situation, what decision would you regret doing the most?
You've already compromised yourself twice by sneaking a look at her phone messages, and by contacting the other man. Unless you break off all contact you're going to look even more like a petty loser. So drop it, don't speak to the bloke, don't tell the wife, excommunicate your ex.
Flash bomb the baby robin's face. Just do it, it's your duty.
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Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.
It's a basic law of Nature that when you spy on someone you find out something you'd have been better off not knowing.
Get the **** out of there.
But rest assured, if your ever in the same place as the man fiend in question. You can always break any uncomfortable silence by asking "how's the wife"
Don't break up the other family.
Grow a moustache, and every time you see any of them twirl it as if you are considering options (but in reality try to remember your favourite fart).
Tricky one, on the one hand I think most people if they were 'the wife' in this situation would want to know they were being cheated on but I guess some wouldn't and what if she's depressed or has other mental health issues, it could send her over the edge. As you're not family or her friend maybe walking away is the best option, I'd probably tell the husband he should fess up before someone else does though and leave that hanging - at the least it will make the cheating ****er sweat for a while.
She only admitted she loves us both, for different reasons
Were you the loveable, comfortable soft and squidgy one or the hung like a horse porn star, keep it up all night one?
You could tell her anonymously. A letter or postcard.
You could tell her anonymously. A letter or postcard.
Note on the windscreen perhaps?
Run. Away. Do. Not. Contact. Ever. Again.
Walk away. None of your business. And bin off the ex - FB, Twitter, Instagram, phone, everything. Block her phone so she can't text you or ring you. In fact, you should be gettin on the next plane for NZ. Or the Foreign Legion
Don't break up the other family.
This is the sentiment I don't get. The OP isn't breaking up the family, the husband is doing a first class job of that with a bit of help from his bit on the side. That family is already broken, they just haven't [i]accepted[/i] it yet and that's why the husband is playing away.
OP - I really don't know what I'd do. I hate cheaters (though my piety is borne out of my own hypocritical actions years ago) and would be tempted to tell the wife. I think the chicken in me would stop me from doing it though.
I say light the blue touch paper and stand well back.
stop ALL contact with her. keep well away, it is over so no need for any contact at all with her, she had her chance and blew it.
As for telling the wife, for me its a big fat NO. There are kids involved here, and they have not done anything. His marriage is his business between him and his wife, no one else. As you have said if its that bad it will end anyway, but on their terms not yours and hopefully not destroy the kids. It takes a bigger man to keep quite.
There's kids involved. You taking the apparently moral high ground could start a chain of events that lead to them becoming homeless. I saw this happen with someone not long ago. Horrible situation and suddenly, speaking out was very obviously not the right thing to do.
It's not for you to decide the family's fate. Walk away, count yourself lucky you weren't further in. Meet someone new and never be tempted into going back, vengeance, reprisals or "justice". It won't end well for anyone, least of all the kids who are wholly innocent.
Can you swim ?
His marriage is his business between him and his wife, no one else.
except we all know something she does not know and he has decided to play away so it is and it is not just between him and his wife as there is a big fat secret that will break the marriage
No idea what I would do re this but Graham seemed to get it as to whether your motives are noble or vengeance if the former possibly if the later no. I hate those who cheat dishonesty in a marriage is always a no go [ unless it relates to the cost of bike parts* ]
As for the "bird" stay away as she cannot be faithful and she is happy to sleep with married men...unless this is your perfect recipe for a "bird" in which case marry her.
* even that is wrong and she knows what I spend
Its interesting that people can pass judgement on a cheat and most have decided its wrong, but most think its OK to keep quite when you know someone is cheating.
So can you have a standard to judge others but not act on it ?
Walk away.
It's in everyone's best interest that you do no more than you have already.
If you do more it will be because you want revenge, not because it's the right thing. If you think his wife knows then she probably does and is either ignoring it or dealing with it in her own way - you bringing it into the open isn't going to help her.
😆 @ junkyard