[Closed] If your bird was having a fling.......

I think its a case of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer

It's a case of keeping them very far away!

I feel a duty

It's honestly very noble, but with this woman there's a chance that she'll go on the attack to taint your credibility. You don't want to imagine what things could be said and put out there. I've seen it and it's not pretty. Run away. Seriously.

No texts, no Facebook, no nothing.

This is how fast you need to be running

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Does the failing marriage contain kids?

Or pets?

For pity's sake man, there maybe kittens involved. Can you not think of the little pussies?

I'd be tempted to wade in headfirst, tell the wife and take whatever flak came my way. She needs to know, and even if you did it discreetly you would still be the prime suspect in the eyes of the husband so you might as well be blatant about it.

Can you not think of the little pussies?

It's just that sort of talk that got him into this mess in the first place.

Walk away, do not chuck the hand grenade at the marriage.

My 2p worth.

You know that phrase, "don't shoot the messenger"? Well, some people don't.

See Usain's shirt up there ^^^^
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Do that

Has someone mentioned running away yet? 😉

Has anyone mentioned any of the following as yet?
Bombers
Back doors
Flash grenades
Slat/hoof interface
Child's face
Baby robin

If not, I may compose a more meaningful response.

Especially if shooting the messenger looks like, for arguments sake, you being tagged as :

"stalking, controlling and abusive ex boyfriend who can't let go, and throws around threats and allegations to manipulate people"

Run away. If your compelled to tell then you have to but don't expect any thanks and maybe question whether or not you could beat the husband in a pushy shovey conflict.
Not really a question anyone can answer but you. I appreciate that is not help at all really.

You don't know anything about this blokes marriage, there may be something or nothing going on internally that is hidden from the rest of the world... But if you start sticking your oar in then it could end up with divorce papers and either man or wife trying to name you as a party to it. So as many have said, do like iron maiden suggest "run for the hills"

Imagine yourself at the other end of your life, in your seventies or eighties, contentedly looking back and reviewing all of your accomplishments and achievements and feeling proud of the fact that you decisions you took made you a better person. Now imagine that future self looking back and reviewing your current situation, what decision would you regret doing the most?

You've already compromised yourself twice by sneaking a look at her phone messages, and by contacting the other man. Unless you break off all contact you're going to look even more like a petty loser. So drop it, don't speak to the bloke, don't tell the wife, excommunicate your ex.

Flash bomb the baby robin's face. Just do it, it's your duty.

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Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.

It's a basic law of Nature that when you spy on someone you find out something you'd have been better off not knowing.

Get the **** out of there.

But rest assured, if your ever in the same place as the man fiend in question. You can always break any uncomfortable silence by asking "how's the wife"

Don't break up the other family.

Grow a moustache, and every time you see any of them twirl it as if you are considering options (but in reality try to remember your favourite fart).

Tricky one, on the one hand I think most people if they were 'the wife' in this situation would want to know they were being cheated on but I guess some wouldn't and what if she's depressed or has other mental health issues, it could send her over the edge. As you're not family or her friend maybe walking away is the best option, I'd probably tell the husband he should fess up before someone else does though and leave that hanging - at the least it will make the cheating ****er sweat for a while.

She only admitted she loves us both, for different reasons

Were you the loveable, comfortable soft and squidgy one or the hung like a horse porn star, keep it up all night one?

You could tell her anonymously. A letter or postcard.

You could tell her anonymously. A letter or postcard.

Note on the windscreen perhaps?

Run. Away. Do. Not. Contact. Ever. Again.

Walk away. None of your business. And bin off the ex - FB, Twitter, Instagram, phone, everything. Block her phone so she can't text you or ring you. In fact, you should be gettin on the next plane for NZ. Or the Foreign Legion

Don't break up the other family.

This is the sentiment I don't get. The OP isn't breaking up the family, the husband is doing a first class job of that with a bit of help from his bit on the side. That family is already broken, they just haven't [i]accepted[/i] it yet and that's why the husband is playing away.

OP - I really don't know what I'd do. I hate cheaters (though my piety is borne out of my own hypocritical actions years ago) and would be tempted to tell the wife. I think the chicken in me would stop me from doing it though.

I say light the blue touch paper and stand well back.

stop ALL contact with her. keep well away, it is over so no need for any contact at all with her, she had her chance and blew it.

As for telling the wife, for me its a big fat NO. There are kids involved here, and they have not done anything. His marriage is his business between him and his wife, no one else. As you have said if its that bad it will end anyway, but on their terms not yours and hopefully not destroy the kids. It takes a bigger man to keep quite.

There's kids involved. You taking the apparently moral high ground could start a chain of events that lead to them becoming homeless. I saw this happen with someone not long ago. Horrible situation and suddenly, speaking out was very obviously not the right thing to do.

It's not for you to decide the family's fate. Walk away, count yourself lucky you weren't further in. Meet someone new and never be tempted into going back, vengeance, reprisals or "justice". It won't end well for anyone, least of all the kids who are wholly innocent.

Can you swim ?

His marriage is his business between him and his wife, no one else.

No idea what I would do re this but Graham seemed to get it as to whether your motives are noble or vengeance if the former possibly if the later no. I hate those who cheat dishonesty in a marriage is always a no go [ unless it relates to the cost of bike parts* ]

As for the "bird" stay away as she cannot be faithful and she is happy to sleep with married men...unless this is your perfect recipe for a "bird" in which case marry her.

* even that is wrong and she knows what I spend

Its interesting that people can pass judgement on a cheat and most have decided its wrong, but most think its OK to keep quite when you know someone is cheating.

So can you have a standard to judge others but not act on it ?

Walk away.

It's in everyone's best interest that you do no more than you have already.

If you do more it will be because you want revenge, not because it's the right thing. If you think his wife knows then she probably does and is either ignoring it or dealing with it in her own way - you bringing it into the open isn't going to help her.

😆 @ junkyard

Drop her, move on with your life, don't look back.

So can you have a standard to judge others but not act on it ?

Least worst choice

Trimix - Member
Its interesting that people can pass judgement on a cheat and most have decided its wrong, but most think its OK to keep quite when you know someone is cheating.

So can you have a standard to judge others but not act on it ?

Exactly this. Telling the wife is the honest thing to do. Whether it breaks their marriage up or not is upto them. Depends how much they love each other I guess (sounds like not alot). All you're doing is prolonging the inevitable.

Why make someone else unhappy?

Walk away.

She already is unhappy and who wants to live a lie?

Note on the windscreen perhaps?

Having been there I'd say have zero contact with the ex at all, ever, not even a text. What is the point? What possible good can it do you except drag the pain on for longer.

I'd have beat the s"it out of the husband. Let him explain that to his wife. However, you texted him when you found out so I suggest that makes us different people. I'm sure that his wife already knows or suspects, but isn't ready to confront him. Leave her be and save yourself any hassle.

Do whatever makes you feel better though. I pawned the rings and spent our joint account on booze and hookers. Was great, in a self-destruct kind of way.

Least worst choice

This.

By a massive margin.

Seems like they've got no respect for each other. They're not going to respect you for letting them know that.

theres a good chance the wife knows about it already and has decided, for whatever reason, to.live with it.

Friends of ours had a daughter who was having an affair with a married man who was also her boss. Drove her dad nuts. Dad exposed the man to the wife but to no avail.

The wife called out her husband, he cried and said it would stop. It didn't stop. He blamed the daughter saying she wouldn't leave him alone (which may actually have been true too). A month later repeat the whole process and again, and again. Eventually the daughter moved away and as far as I know the man and wife are still man and wife.