[Closed] I need some advice (serious thread)

Just be there for starters but I'm sure others here will know far more.

Hope it gets better man.

Have a look at the suicide thread, lots of good info,and help availablr there.

Hopefully your mum will survive with the support from you and her freinds,just be there and listen,oh and have the kettle on and plenty of milk and tea bags.

As per zaskar i feel all you can do is to make sure that your mum knows you are there for her.

Good luck

Hugs, they are the best thing at this time. And make sure there are tissues near to hand.

That's pretty much what I though. Cheers.

Although it would appear that some people's will to live is amazing.

Lots of people get scared about saying the wrong thing, about even talking normally in these situations, and it makes the atmosphere and communication difficult and stilted. Be normal, be natural, be respectful, but don't hold back and pretend that things will be fine, don't ignore the situation and speak about things how they actually are.

Don't use euphemisims, if death is about to happen, then use words like death and dying and dead.

Above all, touch is important, and don't be afraid to cry.

Hope you're ok.

Tell her you love her.

Flip - i've been there and all you can do is hold each other up through these times. be supportive and understanding is all you can do. wishing you and yours all the best

Talk. Be there lots. Talk. Tea and cake. Do the chores, hold their hands, talk to the priest if they are so inclined, talk some more, more tea. Nothing special, just being around means a lot at these times. Be peaceful there and rant about your shit over here when you need. All the best.

All good advice above. I have nothing really to add apart from don't forget touch - from a hand on the shoulder to a hug

The only thing I'd add to the above is.....If your mum has been worrying about her sister for a long time, then once it happens, for all the sorrow and grieving - that worry has gone. Certain things sometimes can be easier to handle than uncertain things.

You may see a marked change in your mums outlook and mood when her sister dies,sometimes relief and sometimes anger and shock.

I suffered both when mum and dad died,also if you where never touchy feely towards your mum before be careful as to how you do it now,as it may upset her.

You just have to be there for her, sometimes telling her the obvious things such as you'll help etc.

Crikey has it spot on.

There can be a lot of awkward silences and such like, however, sometimes plain speaking and honesty about the situation makes for the awkwardness to go away and conversation to open up.

Very much a take it as it comes thing.

Dont know the background to it all, but Last word of advice / warning in such scenarios ... people can flip and change states of emotion VERY quickly and say and blurt things which at the time may seem odd/hurtful/whatever ... just let folk say their piece and move on. Or if you do have to challenge it, dont rise to getting into a full blown arguement, but soak it up and politely say you're bit and move on.

Its one of life's experiences, try not to stress too much about it all, and once fate has dealt its hand, take stock do what needs done , and move on.

Go round, help to do some normal stuff - cleaning, cooking, washing, (and maybe arranging funeral), whatever. Means you're there & available and being useful & allows time for your mum to talk to you when she's ready.

Allow much more time than you need - hopefully it'll be used by your mum

Mum has probably already accepted that the inevitable may happen.

All you can do is assure her that you love her, tell her you'll always be there as her son .... and don't be shy with hugs.

Look at some of the support networks that are out there for bereaved families and things like that, I have heard some people say they are fantastic (never had personal dealings though).

Well it looks like I'm just about to find out if the above advice works.... I'm sure it will.

Well she seems to be holding up pretty well. Pity that the wife has just been told that her mother has cancer. Unfortunately, I have experience to call on for helping her out with that one.

Remember that to support your wife and mother you need to look after yourelf a little,time out when appropriate can be esssential to helping those you love,enabling you to maintain a little perspective.Sounds a bit selfish,but I've had to help and support a lot of people in your position,and they usually tell me afterwards that's the best advice I gave.
Ian

I've made that mistake before, dont intend to make it again.