[Closed] I just told the Jehovah's Witnesses I was cooking my lunch...

There's only 144000 places in JW heaven.

Bearing in mind there are currently 8 million or so of them, I don't fancy anybody's odds of getting in if they convert now...

Bearing in mind there are currently 8 million or so of them, I don't fancy anybody's odds of getting in if they convert now...

Well the rest live for eternity on earth of course.

Whilst being handed a pamphlet on the sin of homosexuality and how to can be cured, I suggested that I wasn't interested, but my partner might be, they looked enthused until John came to the door!

There's only 144000 places in JW heaven.

That's what I like about religion. Arbitrary numbers.

I hope you gave each other a big sloppy kiss right in front of them.

I didn't know the JWs were anti-homosexuality. Though it comes as no great shock, as far as I can tell their entire philosophy seems to be to seek out things they disagree with.

Geoff Vader?

Geoff the God of biscuits

No, that's Jacob.

I didn't know the JWs were anti-homosexuality.

More than one mention of this as well in the Book of love

Jacob?

That's crackers.

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Cougar - Moderator
as far as I can tell their entire philosophy seems to be to seek out things they disagree with.

Not far off. They take a lot of the bible very literally, except for a few things like not eating pork, or mixing linen and cotton, or the account of creation in Genesis. The standards they preach as moral necessities meant that low self esteem was pretty endemic in all the groups I knew as a kid.

Not big fans of black pudding either. Weirdos.

A couple of times here a pair of JWs have called round, one is a hardened veteran woman in her '60s trying to catch me out with clever questioning, the other is a hot tall young blonde wearing a slightly slutty mini skirt & tight fitting top who never speaks. This is clearly a tactic designed to get men to engage in conversation with them, as I am reminded of my early '20s when the local JW family's daughter would sleep with anyone for a drink. I wonder if they are all like that?

I was raised as a witness, I remember being taught that being homosexual was the same as being a murderer, along with other wierd shit.
I was once asked, by an elder, how i felt about masturbation, because god hates masturbation etc.
I told him i did it at least once a day and twice on Tuesday. He didn't ask me again.
I was 15 years old.
I didn't dare tell my dad, he would have battered this guy up and down the street, but i did tell my mum, i assume she warned him off, as he never bothered me again.
It took me a long time to get over the trauma of constantly being told the world was going to end tomorrow, this is not the sort of thing a five yr old should be taught imo.

perchypanther - Member
I've not had one in years now. I
Witness Protection Programme?

I think that a persons religeous beliefs are a very personal thing and not something that should be sold door to door like double glazing.

as far as I can tell their entire philosophy seems to be to seek out things they disagree with.

A mate of mine was getting ready for work when the JW's knocked on the door.
'sorry but I have to leave for work now' he says, 'come in though and speak to my wife as I'm sure that she'll be interested' he says showing them into the front room. Mate exits front door laughing his head off.

I have a friend who is a Mormon and to be fair rarley ever raise it (probably worked out in am a lost cause to the Anglican church let alone the Mormons) his eldest has just come out as openly homosexual and you would think he had murdered someone. Anyway he will be getting shipped to Mormon re-education...

Very very sad

that's not really a Jesus sort of thing, Jesus

So what is? It's not stopping wars or fammon, it's not stopping Katie Perry releasing anymore songs, so what is Jesus sort of thing?

Surely he should start small and loosen a few nuts

If you have to believe in something, it's up to each individual to discover for themselves, and not see religion or faith as a commodity to be sold at the door or in the street.

But some people's religious beliefs are precisely the opposite of that. That it is their role to win people over

HANG ON !!

mctd is a council pole-dancing inspector ?

sort of milf and safety ?

Surely he should start small and loosen a few nuts

I thought we'd established earlier that god doesn't approve of you doing that?

That it is their role to win people over

For any entity to survive it has to have a means of reproducing. In religion's case we have "spreading the good word." We have actual reproduction of course, the best way of creating new believers is to have babies that you can get indoctrinated nice and early, hence Catholicism's "every sperm is sacred / condoms are the work of the devil / no gaying" mantras. If it's ok to slip off for a quick J Arthur now and again, or you like yourself a bit of botty, then you're less likely to become the father of eight faithful children.

I suppose then that the canvassing is just an extension of this. They probably see it as doing good work, helping people in need of salvation. I can't help but wonder how effective it is though; I wonder what their door-to-conversion rate is? They're not going to convert anyone who's already religious, or many atheists for that matter, so really their target audience must be the not-sures and the vulnerable. "Thinking of killing yourself? Why not find god instead!" I'm not sure how I feel about that; I mean, it's pretty insidious to prey on the weak, but then, if they save a life in the process surely that's a good thing? Hmm.

@Cougar, your theory means "The religious shall inherit the earth", as they out-populate the non-believers, who self-pollute and sodomize themselves to demographic destitution.

This is clearly a tactic designed to get men to engage in conversation with them, as I am reminded of my early '20s when the local JW family's daughter would sleep with anyone for a drink. I wonder if they are all like that?

Yes, the Mormons also use it, in my case I had two pretty young American girls knock on my door last month.
I told them they shouldn't really be knocking on people's doors and going into their houses as they never know who they might be dealing with.

Haven't seen much of the JW's where I am now.

Where I used to live, they always had a really attractive girl with them. Years ago I worked with one and she was really fit as well!

the non-believers, who self-pollute and sodomize themselves to demographic destitution.

I think I'd be up for a bit of that, TBH. Sounds more fun than sitting in church every week.

They had a rucksack with a projector in it and offered to show me some films!

We used to have a bloke come round like that, but I don't think he was a JW.

A memorable day when he brought the 'wrong' rucksack in, 'George is here!' shout went out and the family assembled to choose the selection of pirate videos for the week only to be confronted by some 'alternative' selections.

I still wonder what 'Laleham Ladies' was like.

At school we had a very eccentric RE teacher for a while, a relatively young chap. He looked like a Rabbi, though he wasn't religious himself, his interest in religion was purely academic. And extensive. He took enormous pleasure in meeting these people.

Them: "Hello, would you like to talk about God ?"

Him: "YES !! In Hebrew or in Latin ?"

He'd then lead them a merry dance arguing in great depth whichever point of view he felt like taking that day.

Yes, the Mormons also use it, in my case I had two pretty young American girls knock on my door last month.

The official name for it is 'flirty fishing'.

The official name for it is 'flirty fishing

MIssionary?

The official name for it is 'flirty fishing'.

Gives new meaning to the phrase, I will make you fishers of men.

They should try to bring a big friendly dog with them to encourage people to talk to them......

Cougar - Moderator
They probably see it as doing good work, helping people in need of salvation. I can't help but wonder how effective it is though; I wonder what their door-to-conversion rate is?

Absolutely. In JW's case, they believe there will (soon! always very soon!) be some kind of actual armageddon in which the unbelievers and unrighteous all die, and that their door to door work is saving people from that. Their conversion rate was extremely low when I was a kid - an established congregation of 100 - 120 people might expect to convert a couple of new people a year.

Quite often those are vulnerable people who have someone knock on their door and basically ask "Would you like to live forever in paradise on Earth?". It's not untypical for some of them to bounce from belief system to belief system, carrying the same problems and vulnerabilities to each.

Like Nach I was brought up in this godforsaken religion in my early years. And, weirdly, I too found myself reading Kurt, though I think the early alcoholism helped me shun their 'truth'.

Nowadays I will happily engage them in discussion but like to question the sanity of their beliefs. The 144,000, for example - who decides which of them are chosen for that position. There was at least two in the congregation I was forced to attend, one being a right spiteful git that would stab his son with a pin should his attention falter at anytime during the meeting. Sadistic shitbag makes it into the kingdom of heaven - says it all. They've been around for some time - surely all the spaces have been filled by now.

So many more things to rip to bits about theirs and many other religions but I respect their right to believe whatever they want just as long as it isn't brought to my door. And that's how I generally close - I know where to find you should the need arise, stop forcing yourself on folk.

I always offer a hot beverage, too... 🙂

My dad and I once met Hank Marvin at a Twickenham assembly. My dad tapped him on the shoulder and before he could say a word Hank says "Not now, brother." thinking we wanted an autograph. My dad said "Nah, I just want a programme, please. Brother."

I laughed. Probably out loud, much to his chagrin.

@martymac - thanks for sharing that. We keep forgetting that some people have to live through this not through their own choice. There is another massive thread there somewhere

When I was a child we went to Norwich with the caravan.

Every other family on the site that week was booked into a JW convention. Mum (who having grown up in NI has a bit of a dim view of organised religion) spent the week baiting them,

It can be bloody amusing getting them to attempt an explanation for all the times the prediction of Armageddon went unfulfilled. Unreliable prophets are never a good thing for PR. I hope they were disfellowshipped for that.

We keep forgetting that some people have to live through this not through their own choice.

Destroyed my family and my school life. I wasn't allowed to sit in on assembly in the mornings because they recognised the wrong version of god, I guess. Got me kicked to shit on an almost daily basis. That and being ginger, of course. Didn't stand a chance... 🙂

Another gutting story was a young girl, probably around 18/19, happened to become attracted to a young guy probably about 5 years older. From what I could work out they had a little night of passion that somehow came to light and the guy was disfellowshipped, and when an elder explained it to the congregation he was accused of raping the girl, probably because she was an elder's daughter. Her father stepped down as an elder after that and I always felt he was a broken man, such was their wrath and judgment.

Just typing that has made me slightly angry; using words like elder and disfellowship - the bloody arrogance of these ****s. The way they told my mum that only men could wear trousers. The way the son of the elder would look down his ****ing nose at me. It's little wonder I thumped that prick and scragged a few others before I too was asked to no longer attend.

Probably best to step away from the thread, eh...

Their attitudes to sex are so massively ****ed up there could be books on that alone. There were occasional shotgun weddings. We had an elder who'd often grope women (because of their interpretation of Matthew 18:15-17, JWs require two witnesses to any kind of sexual assault, so many instances go unreported or unpunished). Eventually a woman cheated on her husband with the sleazy elder. She got disfellowshipped*, he got a slap on the wrist and was back in a position of authority within six months.

( * Most JWs won't even say hello to ex-believers, and heavily discourage any kind of socialising outside of the religion - once you're gone, so are your friendships along with any kind of support network you had).

teasel, martymac, I hope you're both doing okay. I did pretty well at unpicking it in the five years or so after I left. I didn't have to endure the kind of secondary school bullying you did, but being a JW drove me into extreme social phobia for a while. Sixteen years on it all feels very distant, but still affects some of the ex-JWs I know quite badly 🙁

From the JW that I went to Uni with, i got the impression that the door knocking was more about occupying otherwise spare time than genuinely hoping to convert anyone. Having heard her stories about being verbally abused and having dogs set on her etc i swore i'd always try to be nice.
Unfortunately, a big crowd of them turned up on my doorstep once and rang our too-loud doorbell just as I'd got jr down for his afternoon nap and was about to set off on the bike. I'm a bit ashamed that I carried on shouting until the front gate closed. I'm also annoyed that they probably took some perverse strength and pleasure from my over-reaction.

My gay co-worker tells me that declaring a fondness for "sucking tail" gets them off the doorstep fairly rapidly!

I told them they shouldn't really be knocking on people's doors and going into their houses as they never know who they might be dealing with

The next morning?

They should try to bring a big friendly dog with them to encourage people to talk to them......

I'm really glad that they don't do this. I'd get converted on a weekly basis if they did. Who's a big friendly boy, yes you are, yes you are

There is a really rough housing estate near me, the kind were Jeremy Kyle sends his team to look for guests.

I was teaching a young lad on there who really shouldn't have lived on that estate as he worked and didn't have a neck or face tattoo.

JW's were knocking on doors on the estate. At 9 am on a Saturday......

We left before the action kicked off.

They should try to bring a big friendly dog with them to encourage people to talk to them......
I'm really glad that they don't do this. I'd get converted on a weekly basis if they did. Who's a big friendly boy, yes you are, yes you are

So, you prefer doggy style to straight missionary?

I had a mate who was a normal biker, long hair, why wash your jeans they are only going to get oily again, same for his hands. He wasn't around for a while and one night leaving a pub some one tells me there is a bloke who looks like Bob standing
on the other side of the road. But the bloke is wearing a suit and has short hair! We all go over and it is Bob and he's with a rather hot girl, so we take the piss out of the suit and have a bit of laugh, he turned down a smoke and I thought he had got all lovey with the bird, it was only later someone told me he was now a Joey and he had been out door to door. We didn't see him again.

I can only think of one time they knocked on our door. We just happened to have a born again cousin staying, she dragged them in and gave them a lecture about the bible. I felt sorry for them.

So, you prefer doggy style to straight missionary?

😆

teasel, martymac, I hope you're both doing okay.

Yeah, I'm fine these days, thanks. It has to be noted that this was all a very long time ago - started in '74 when I was 6 years old and I only did a stint of around a decade. I think they've changed quite a few views since then so maybe they're not all bad. I met some genuinely nice people in my time with them, it's just a shame they get tarred with the same brush as the tossers of their sect.

Also, I remembered - the 'elder' that stuck pins in his son's leg went by the name of Brother Duck.

heh