It's only 10:29.
I panicked.
I always tell them "Sorry, someone claiming to be Christ already came this morning and told me not to listen to you guys."
Least they left me with some cheery reading material.
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[img][url= https://c1.staticflickr.com/4/3869/32530802424_682d756849_z.jp g" target="_blank">https://c1.staticflickr.com/4/3869/32530802424_682d756849_z.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/RyCScS ]Nailed it[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/126516346@N08/ ]Phillip Dalton[/url], on Flickr[/img]
5 pages once the uber-atheists join in.
I just say no thank you and close the door. Not hard and no need to be rude.
I just say no thank you and close the door. Not hard and no need to be rude.
Oh I was polite, always am, but after a minute of talking about teen suicide I made my excuses and left.
Just picked a pretty shitty one. She even wished me a nice lunch.
Just picked a pretty shitty one.
Not to anyone who has tried one of Jamie Oliver's 15 minute recipes.
I'm an intelligent atheist who enjoys nothing better than spending half an hour on a Saturday morning, stood at the door debating and debunking a "believer". It really sets me up for the weekend.
I also enjoy "stringing along" telephone marketeers & cold callers.
My old boss once told me an amusing tale, although I have no idea whether it's true or not. He was house sitting for a neighbor who lived two doors down. Jehovah's Witnesses called and he politely told them he wasn't interested.
He then legged it around the back of the houses to his own. They knocked on his door and allegedly looked utterly shocked to see him. He said "what did I just say? " then shut the door.
I've always really hoped it was a true story.
I have a couple who visit quite regularly - every 2 months or so. They're very nice people and I just don't have the heart to say I'm not interested and please don't come back.
They usually stop by on a Saturday so now I'm wary if the doorbell rings and I won't answer if I suspect it's them 😉
I'm looking forward to your next exciting adventure.
They always pick the most vulnerable people in society to try and turn don't they? The "no-hopers". I almost imagine i'll fall off my bike one day and be lying on the ground and someone'll come up and say "Have you thought about believing in God?"...
Just tell them you've been disfellowshiped.
I once met a small group of Mormon missionaries in the town centre on a Saturday evening, poor souls looked so out of place amidst the drunks.
Had a fairly long chat/discussion/argument with them, my premise being that Christianity in general was descended from older religions & that the Mormon faith was based in the American desire to be at the centre of everything even a 2000yr old Middle Eastern faith.
In the end they said they would look up the histories of the older faiths & gave me their book - its an odd belief system & I found it extremely self-congratulatory in the idea of Americans* being a 'chosen people'.
*Mormon Americans of course.
They all seemed very nice, very earnest middle class Yanks, like sheep surrounded by wolves in Rochdale on a Saturday night of course!
'No thanks, we're Satanists'.
beaker - Member
Just tell them you've been disfellowshiped.
This or saying you're an apostate will make JWs go away pretty fast if they're persistent.
Least they left me with some cheery reading material.
That's your first mistake. Accept their pamphlets and they think they're 'in', they'll be back every other week for months.
The last one I had woke me up one Sunday. I had a stinking hangover and woke up with a dead leg. I fell down three times hobbling to the door and almost went full length down the stairs. Opened the the door to be met with two besatchelled JWs and some kid. "Tell me sir," they said, "what do you think is the cause of the problems in the world today?" I managed, "lack of sleep on a Sunday morning" before shutting the door.
I've not had one in years now. I expect they don't get a high degree of conversion in a largely Muslim area.
'No thanks, we're Satanists'.
Then you're definitely in need of salvation. (-:
Mate of mine years ago answered to the door to the JWs. He had a Megadeth tee-shirt on and some death metal blasting out. They took one look at him, went "er, sorry, wrong house" and scarpered.
They always pick the most vulnerable people in society to try and turn don't they? The "no-hopers".
It okay you can say fat bike owners
saying you're an apostate will make JWs go away pretty fast if they're persistent.
Yep. Their mortal enemy is the Royal Mail 😉
I had a stuck tensioner bolt on an alternator.
2 Mormons stopped on the drive way to ask if my.mate and I needed the help if Jesus or Christ something along those lines
For reasons they could not fully explain they didn't think it was appropriate that God helped us with the stuck bolt.
If ever there was a moment where they could have swung our belief it was then.
We eventually gave up and took it to Geoff in the town who sorted it out
At least you won't be hungry when you burn in hell...
Edit. Turns out I agree with them on one thing...
Jehovah's Witnesses believe death is a state of non-existence with no consciousness. There is no Hell of fiery torment;
JW's appear every couple of weeks around here, one said to me last Summer "you really look after that car don't you"
It hadn't been cleaned for a few weeks.
for those that haven't seen it
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They always pick the most vulnerable people in society to try and turn don't they? The "no-hopers".
Bit harsh on Jamie. 🙂
Or were you referring to STWers in general?
Interestingly the Jw who stand around Munich in the pedestrian zone have similar pamphlets about teen depression.
Last summer one young girl fainted outside the bakery.
Years ago, my mate Alex's older brother answered the door...
"Have you seen the light?"
He turns round, flicks the light switch and says "100 watts", smiled and closed the door. Had us in stitches.
Years ago, my mate Alex's older brother answered the door...
"Have you seen the light?"
He turns round, flicks the light switch and says "100 watts", smiled and closed the door. Had us in stitches.
Reefer madness....
I had a visit from those two nice young men up there. They had a rucksack with a projector in it and offered to show me some films!
Love the story about the guy nipping between houses. I too have a JW story and you lucky people are going to get to read it, hold onto your hats!
Years ago I crashed at a mate's flat after a Friday night on the beers. He was working overtime on the Saturday morning so with a "shut the door on your way out" he left me lying on the sofa watching telly. Little while later a there's a knock on the door, lad and Dad JW's, keen as mustard the pair of them. Quickly tried to think of an excuse to get rid of them and had a flash of inspiration and told them "look, it's my flatmate. His life is spiralling out of control, he has a problems with drinking and gambling. All his friends and family have tried talking to him about it but he's in denial".
Their eyes were lighting up with delight hearing this.
"He needs some direction in life and I think people like yourselves have the best chance of getting through to him and helping him turn his life around. The thing is you'll need to be persistent, like I said he's in denial. He's in tomorrow morning but he's going out early so you'll need to call around half seven, is that OK?"
Of course they were almost hopping with joy at the prospect. The added bonus was that my mate had been seeing a girl for a few weeks and Saturday night was the first time she was staying over at his.
The next morning at about quarter to eight my phone rang - "you UTTER, UTTER ****!". When he'd finished swearing and I'd finished laughing he told me that one of them even put his foot in the door and he had to shut it on him quite hard to force the door closed. He also had some explaining to do to the new GF who was lying in bed listening to them imploring him to accept help for his problems. What a fun wheeze eh? Mega chortz!
Interestingly the Jw who stand around Munich in the pedestrian zone have similar pamphlets about teen depression.Last summer one young girl fainted outside the bakery.
The EU in a nutshell, the sooner we take back control the better.
I was always fairly polite with door knockers, until a bunch turned up a few weeks after the Asian tsunami saying that was a sign that the world was about to end and it was time to get on their bus.
Making a disaster like that a selling point was a bit dispicable.
Mind, I used to work with a real christian. He came into the office beaming one day saying "Christ has risen".
One of the old lags said "It's half past one; is he on nights?" and it was never mentioned again.
I've not had one in years now. I
Witness Protection Programme?
just had microsoft support on getting me to type in enentvwr....dragged it out for a good while before hanging up
The new part was the guy at least rang me back to tell me to suck his .... for wasting his time
nearly let out a little wee laughing
alpin - Member
Interestingly the Jw who stand around Munich in the pedestrian zone have similar pamphlets about teen depression.
They have the same magazines worldwide, local printing operations in many countries, and a big HQ in Brooklyn. They also recently switched focus to street preaching like that after decades of not many people being at home during the day.
I was raised as a JW, and exited sharply after reading a load of Kurt Vonnegut in my teens. I have absolutely no time for their beliefs, some of which are deeply harmful to people. Here's the funniest thing the happened to me while knocking on doors though:
One guy I used to drop the magazines with was a little odd, but always very enthusiastic. This one time he was a bit jumpy, wearing a grubby t-shirt and jorts. He opened with a suspicious "Hello? Who is it?" from the other side of the door, and when he realised it was me "Sorry, it's just your friend looks like a policeman". As the conversation went on I noticed his flies were low and bulging a bit. He then stops us mid sentence with "just so you know, when you knocked on the door, I wasn't doing anything untoward".
We eventually gave up and took it to Geoff in the town who sorted it out
Geoff Vader?
Reefer madness....
I lolled
A mate of mine opened the door to lads who introduced themselves as Jehovas witnesses , his response,
" I didn't even know he had an accident"
From the Jehovah's Witness...
The Bible commands us to avoid sexual immorality. This includes not only intercourse but also other unclean acts between unmarried people, such as fondling the genitals of another person or engaging in oral or anal sex.
...I'm out.
I think that a persons religeous beliefs are a very personal thing and not something that should be sold door to door like double glazing . That said I have always told Jehovas Witnesses that I am a blood donor which usually gets them gone .
It's not a religious belief though, it's a business model, like selling knock off dysons.
I feel left out, I've never had the crazies knock on my door.
If there is a God I bet he hates these mithering,exponents of weird bellendry
Quirrel - MemberI had a stuck tensioner bolt on an alternator.
2 Mormons stopped on the drive way to ask if my.mate and I needed the help if Jesus or Christ something along those lines
Weirdly I had exactly the same thing with a stuck bolt on a wheel bearing.Had the blowtorch on it and the impact out, they asked if I'd ever thought about what Jesus could do to help me in my life, I said could he send me a well aimed lightning bolt? To their eternal (possibly) credit they said no, that's not really a Jesus sort of thing, Jesus is more about pamphlets.
Jesus is more about pamphlets.
I thought that was Om.
I can retell my JW story at last!
I had to visit a property in a nearby suburb. Drove past it to park up just as some JWs marched up the drive.
Once I'd grabbed my papers and got to the house, the two JWs came rushing back out the house looking flustered.
The lady of the house had assumed that the people on her doorstep with clipboards and a briefcase must be the man from the council she was expecting, and had ushered them in and through to her front room. Which had been cleared of all furniture and fitted out as a pole dancing studio, with said pole taking pride of place in the centre of the room. Not quite what the JWs were expecting - or me for that matter.
I reckon the tenant could have converted at least one of the JWs!
There's only 144000 places in JW heaven.
Bearing in mind there are currently 8 million or so of them, I don't fancy anybody's odds of getting in if they convert now...
Bearing in mind there are currently 8 million or so of them, I don't fancy anybody's odds of getting in if they convert now...
Well the rest live for eternity on earth of course.
Whilst being handed a pamphlet on the sin of homosexuality and how to can be cured, I suggested that I wasn't interested, but my partner might be, they looked enthused until John came to the door!
There's only 144000 places in JW heaven.
That's what I like about religion. Arbitrary numbers.
I hope you gave each other a big sloppy kiss right in front of them.
I didn't know the JWs were anti-homosexuality. Though it comes as no great shock, as far as I can tell their entire philosophy seems to be to seek out things they disagree with.
Geoff Vader?
Geoff the God of biscuits
No, that's Jacob.
I didn't know the JWs were anti-homosexuality.
God is - termed it an aberration and said put them to death
More than one mention of this as well in the Book of love
Jacob?
That's crackers.
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Cougar - Moderator
as far as I can tell their entire philosophy seems to be to seek out things they disagree with.
Not far off. They take a lot of the bible very literally, except for a few things like not eating pork, or mixing linen and cotton, or the account of creation in Genesis. The standards they preach as moral necessities meant that low self esteem was pretty endemic in all the groups I knew as a kid.
Not big fans of black pudding either. Weirdos.
A couple of times here a pair of JWs have called round, one is a hardened veteran woman in her '60s trying to catch me out with clever questioning, the other is a hot tall young blonde wearing a slightly slutty mini skirt & tight fitting top who never speaks. This is clearly a tactic designed to get men to engage in conversation with them, as I am reminded of my early '20s when the local JW family's daughter would sleep with anyone for a drink. I wonder if they are all like that?
I was raised as a witness, I remember being taught that being homosexual was the same as being a murderer, along with other wierd shit.
I was once asked, by an elder, how i felt about masturbation, because god hates masturbation etc.
I told him i did it at least once a day and twice on Tuesday. He didn't ask me again.
I was 15 years old.
I didn't dare tell my dad, he would have battered this guy up and down the street, but i did tell my mum, i assume she warned him off, as he never bothered me again.
It took me a long time to get over the trauma of constantly being told the world was going to end tomorrow, this is not the sort of thing a five yr old should be taught imo.
perchypanther - Member
I've not had one in years now. I
Witness Protection Programme?
Well done that man!
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[/img]I think that a persons religeous beliefs are a very personal thing and not something that should be sold door to door like double glazing.
This. If you have to believe in something, it's up to each individual to discover for themselves, and not see religion or faith as a commodity to be sold at the door or in the street.
I was walking into town the other day and there were a couple of JW's accosting a young mother with a pram, and one of them tried to hand me his bloody business card!
as far as I can tell their entire philosophy seems to be to seek out things they disagree with.
More the Westboro Baptist Church business model - find something to hate, like gays, war Vets, abortion clinics, turn up en mass with offensive banners and heckle people to really wind them up until someone kicks off, then sue them for a substantial sum in damages or whatever.
As every member of the church is a lawyer this proves to be quite an effective business model in itself.
The fact that it's morally corrupt doesn't matter a damn to them, though.
Sadly nuking them from orbit isn't really an option, the collateral damage wouldn't be acceptable, plus there's the cost of the urban renewal to factor in...
A mate of mine was getting ready for work when the JW's knocked on the door.
'sorry but I have to leave for work now' he says, 'come in though and speak to my wife as I'm sure that she'll be interested' he says showing them into the front room. Mate exits front door laughing his head off.
I have a friend who is a Mormon and to be fair rarley ever raise it (probably worked out in am a lost cause to the Anglican church let alone the Mormons) his eldest has just come out as openly homosexual and you would think he had murdered someone. Anyway he will be getting shipped to Mormon re-education...
Very very sad
that's not really a Jesus sort of thing, Jesus
So what is? It's not stopping wars or fammon, it's not stopping Katie Perry releasing anymore songs, so what is Jesus sort of thing?
Surely he should start small and loosen a few nuts
If you have to believe in something, it's up to each individual to discover for themselves, and not see religion or faith as a commodity to be sold at the door or in the street.
But some people's religious beliefs are precisely the opposite of that. That it is their role to win people over
HANG ON !!
mctd is a council pole-dancing inspector ?
sort of milf and safety ?
Surely he should start small and loosen a few nuts
I thought we'd established earlier that god doesn't approve of you doing that?
That it is their role to win people over
For any entity to survive it has to have a means of reproducing. In religion's case we have "spreading the good word." We have actual reproduction of course, the best way of creating new believers is to have babies that you can get indoctrinated nice and early, hence Catholicism's "every sperm is sacred / condoms are the work of the devil / no gaying" mantras. If it's ok to slip off for a quick J Arthur now and again, or you like yourself a bit of botty, then you're less likely to become the father of eight faithful children.
I suppose then that the canvassing is just an extension of this. They probably see it as doing good work, helping people in need of salvation. I can't help but wonder how effective it is though; I wonder what their door-to-conversion rate is? They're not going to convert anyone who's already religious, or many atheists for that matter, so really their target audience must be the not-sures and the vulnerable. "Thinking of killing yourself? Why not find god instead!" I'm not sure how I feel about that; I mean, it's pretty insidious to prey on the weak, but then, if they save a life in the process surely that's a good thing? Hmm.
@Cougar, your theory means "The religious shall inherit the earth", as they out-populate the non-believers, who self-pollute and sodomize themselves to demographic destitution.
This is clearly a tactic designed to get men to engage in conversation with them, as I am reminded of my early '20s when the local JW family's daughter would sleep with anyone for a drink. I wonder if they are all like that?
Yes, the Mormons also use it, in my case I had two pretty young American girls knock on my door last month.
I told them they shouldn't really be knocking on people's doors and going into their houses as they never know who they might be dealing with.
Haven't seen much of the JW's where I am now.
Where I used to live, they always had a really attractive girl with them. Years ago I worked with one and she was really fit as well!
the non-believers, who self-pollute and sodomize themselves to demographic destitution.
I think I'd be up for a bit of that, TBH. Sounds more fun than sitting in church every week.
They had a rucksack with a projector in it and offered to show me some films!
We used to have a bloke come round like that, but I don't think he was a JW.
A memorable day when he brought the 'wrong' rucksack in, 'George is here!' shout went out and the family assembled to choose the selection of pirate videos for the week only to be confronted by some 'alternative' selections.
I still wonder what 'Laleham Ladies' was like.
At school we had a very eccentric RE teacher for a while, a relatively young chap. He looked like a Rabbi, though he wasn't religious himself, his interest in religion was purely academic. And extensive. He took enormous pleasure in meeting these people.
Them: "Hello, would you like to talk about God ?"
Him: "YES !! In Hebrew or in Latin ?"
He'd then lead them a merry dance arguing in great depth whichever point of view he felt like taking that day.
Yes, the Mormons also use it, in my case I had two pretty young American girls knock on my door last month.
The official name for it is 'flirty fishing'.
The official name for it is 'flirty fishing
MIssionary?
The official name for it is 'flirty fishing'.
Gives new meaning to the phrase, I will make you fishers of men.
They should try to bring a big friendly dog with them to encourage people to talk to them......
Cougar - Moderator
They probably see it as doing good work, helping people in need of salvation. I can't help but wonder how effective it is though; I wonder what their door-to-conversion rate is?
Absolutely. In JW's case, they believe there will (soon! always very soon!) be some kind of actual armageddon in which the unbelievers and unrighteous all die, and that their door to door work is saving people from that. Their conversion rate was extremely low when I was a kid - an established congregation of 100 - 120 people might expect to convert a couple of new people a year.
Quite often those are vulnerable people who have someone knock on their door and basically ask "Would you like to live forever in paradise on Earth?". It's not untypical for some of them to bounce from belief system to belief system, carrying the same problems and vulnerabilities to each.
Like Nach I was brought up in this godforsaken religion in my early years. And, weirdly, I too found myself reading Kurt, though I think the early alcoholism helped me shun their 'truth'.
Nowadays I will happily engage them in discussion but like to question the sanity of their beliefs. The 144,000, for example - who decides which of them are chosen for that position. There was at least two in the congregation I was forced to attend, one being a right spiteful git that would stab his son with a pin should his attention falter at anytime during the meeting. Sadistic shitbag makes it into the kingdom of heaven - says it all. They've been around for some time - surely all the spaces have been filled by now.
So many more things to rip to bits about theirs and many other religions but I respect their right to believe whatever they want just as long as it isn't brought to my door. And that's how I generally close - I know where to find you should the need arise, stop forcing yourself on folk.
I always offer a hot beverage, too... 🙂
My dad and I once met Hank Marvin at a Twickenham assembly. My dad tapped him on the shoulder and before he could say a word Hank says "Not now, brother." thinking we wanted an autograph. My dad said "Nah, I just want a programme, please. Brother."
I laughed. Probably out loud, much to his chagrin.
@martymac - thanks for sharing that. We keep forgetting that some people have to live through this not through their own choice. There is another massive thread there somewhere
When I was a child we went to Norwich with the caravan.
Every other family on the site that week was booked into a JW convention. Mum (who having grown up in NI has a bit of a dim view of organised religion) spent the week baiting them,