MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
...Or does everyone else get thoroughly hacked off with pushy toilet attendants in bars trying to squirt soap at your hands while you're washing them and then expecting a tip???
This scurge has spread like wildfire through my local home town, you can bearly get near the sink because these clowns have stacked up every conceivable brand of aftershave, lotions, potions and Chuppa Chups... FFS! CHUPPA CHUPS!!!!! Like, yeah... How p*ssed do you think I am that I'd pay a funking QUID for a funking 3 PENCE LOLLY that's been sitting in a MENS' TOILET for funk knows how long???????
And what am I, like 7 years old or something? LOLLYPOPS??? Ferchrisakes!!! Do I look like Kojak?
I might have had a few drinks, but I'm perfectly capable or TURNING A TAP ON, and heck, I might even be able to manage a squirty bottle of Carex. And I don't need some minimum wage beggar, yes, BEGGAR!!!, to press the funking button ON A HAND DRYER!!! God almighty!
I go to bars to have a good time, chat with friends, enjoy a few drinks, some music. P*ssing is the rather tiresome side effect, I don't need this chore making any worse by a) having to pay, and b) being harrased by some piss-soaked bog monkey who's been employed solely so that chavs have someone to look down on.
Phew.
Good use of uppercase, however not random enough.
Lots of question/exclamation marks.
Rant rating - 7/10
Wee in their shoes.
Probably already has when they tried to hold his tadger when he was pissing.
You obviously choose a higher class drinking establishment than I do.
So why go to gay clubs then.
Yep, it's just you.
Try hanging out in less posh bars.
It's not just the posh bars, went to watch the Fratellis at 53 Degrees (Preston Student Union bar) and they had one in there! It's a disease I tell thee, A DISEASE!!!
it's normally shite bars trying to be better that have these attendants
really pisses me off too - so much so that I don't want to wash my hands and have to deny this guy a pound
is this the worst job in the world? I wonder whether they're keeping an eye out for drugs being dealt/taken, or even if they're pedalling them.
I haven't seen one of these dudes in years. They were normally Nigerian in London, but they don't tend to have them in child friendly real ale pubs 😀
"No spray...no lay"
"No splash... no gash"
Just a couple of the "phrases" used to try attract me.
Hmmm... Not seen this phenomenon in the pubs I drink in. Maybe you should drink in less pretentious establishments.
Mainly get it in clubs. Not seen any in pubs before!
I've seen them in some really dodgy metal bars of all places. I approve of this thread.....it's bloody annoying.
it's nothing to do with pretentious/ upmarket bars - it's normally in shady city bars and clubs
Yep, definitely a city centre thing, and they are, for some reason, almost always black fellows. I've heard the old 'No splash no gash' routine as well - at Preston Uni, funnily enough, while braying southern rich boys with floppy hair fell over themselves to throw him a quid and assertions such as "Yo man, you is a ledge, fo shizzle... Just a touch of Issey Miyake bruv.".
Funnily enough, the only time I've seen any non-black bog attendants is in a city centre bar owned by black gangstas. They employ Chinese there. Perhaps there's a 'pecking order'.
I can fully understand Cheryl Tweedy wanting to lamp one of them. Calling her a 'bog wog' was a little beyond the pail, but I can fully sympathise why she'd want to sock her in the eye.
Freshen up, freshen up, freshen up for the punani
ARrrrrggggh!!!!
I've heard the old 'No splash no gash
I had to think about this for a minute.....my brain was going off on a few disturbing tangents. I've never actually encountered one who could speak english.
Excellent rant, chapeau to you sir.
I especially enjoyed the way the ranting wrote exactly as you were thinking it.
once stole all the lollies from the stand as there was no attendant, then got caught and almost kicked out the astoria, luckily the security guard who the attendant shopped us to thought less of them than i did!! was pretty scard of getting kicked out befoe the band though!
they piss me off a right treat; although the one's in southampton have a much better attitude than other cities i've lived in.
Thank you techsmechs, it was rather therapeutic...
I avoid getting dirty hands from pissing in bars, the attendants hold my dick and wash it after and then they pay ME.
Winner
Yeah its spreading everywhere. I tend to just shoulderbarge them out of the way if they're pushy. But I suppose I should worry about their low pay and tip them, so say some...
I'm with you on this one Coffeeking, we make all make our own career-choice bed, and as such, we should all lie in it.
just ask them to carry you back to your table, you are under no obligation to pay them.