[Closed] Have we upset our mates?

Its not offensive as such but it was a private conversation and now it is in the public domain.

I have to say I sympathise with your friends on this one. Not enough to fall out but I dont think it is appropriate IMO.

Well the [i]"We're doing what's best for baby"[/i] tone does rather have an unsaid flipside of [i]"They didn't do what's best for their baby because they are rubbish parents"[/i]

Might have been a bit more politic to say that everyone has different approaches, but you are doing what you feel is best for your baby in your circumstances.

[i]I've recently completed my breastfeeding Peer Support training[/i]

I'd like to get involved in that, where do I put my name down.

You seem a failry intense bunch to be honest so not surprised by any over sensitivity. Do you all have beards?

I've recently completed my breastfeeding Peer Support training

This can often be mistaken for the "breastfeeding nazis" and can make people who choose differently pretty sensitive about their choice. My wife nearly threw the NHS health visitor out because of their "breast is best" fanaticism irrespective of what we were choosing to do.

I hope I never become a parent. I couldn't handle the preciousness of it.

All my friends that have had kids have turned into complete and utter tossers overnight.

You should hear what they say about you 😉

Its not offensive as such but it was a private conversation and now it is in the public domain.

except the people in question are not named

why. why the **** would you want to tell all and sundry about your life?

it amazes me that 'celebrities' do it. i guess the've perhaps more time than most and feel they need to justify it somehow. it amazes me all the more that some sod wants to read about it.

why does your misses feel she needs to write publicly about it (and who's reading it??!!)?

N.B.
now, i see the irony with me writing this on a public forum.

our baby stopped breast feeding by herself aged 16 months. wife went through very difficult time trying to get her to breast feed and cracked it with help of breast feed councillor. i think some mums have to give up, for whatever reason, and from the time they give up, they struggle with feelings of guilt. nothing to feel guilty about though, either way is fine i think. but your friends wife/girlfriend is obviously not settled about her decision. you're doing nothing wrong...tell your wife to stick with it and get some less defensive friends!

'You're not still feeding him yourself are you?'

I suggest you tell your mate that it's rare for 10 month olds to know the difference between a soup and dessert spoon and, until he's taught himself these clearly vital life skills, he'll have to make to with your wife's breastmilk.

Oh, and tell your friends to get a grip - if they feel they can make a comment like that, then they shouldn't be surprised if it isn't well received.

The great 'breast feeding' debate.

Firstly it probably shouldn't have gone up on a blog - the conversation that is; but you weren't to know. FWIW from personal experience my first wife breast fed both of ours for a year each, my second wife tried so very hard and simply could not manage it; to the point of our first child going hungry! Dreadful bloody time, all the pro-feeding lobby telling her how easy it was, assistance etc etc did no good (The videos were worth a watch...!) The result was a very unhappy Mrs.T. I guess, and that's all it is, that like us, your friends are being bombarded with the old 'earth mother ship' 'bay of plenty stuff' and may feel upset by it/unable to do it! We've had to go over to formula on both occasions and to be frank its broken my wife's heart - there's a lot of pressure to breast feed these days.

That's my guess anyway - if I'm right it may be worth a quick face-2-face to sort out

cheers

If your friends found that blog then they might find what you have written here 😉

BTW - We fed our first for a year and the second for 2 months. I think 'its horses for courses' or whatever the mother and baby feel comfortable with.

tried so very hard and simply could not manage it; to the point of our first child going hungry! Dreadful bloody time, all the pro-feeding lobby telling her how easy it was, assistance etc etc did no good (The videos were worth a watch...!) The result was a very unhappy Mrs.T. I guess, and that's all it is, that like us, your friends are being bombarded with the old 'earth mother ship' 'bay of plenty stuff' and may feel upset by it/unable to do it! We've had to go over to formula on both occasions and to be frank its broken my wife's heart - there's a lot of pressure to breast feed these days.

We had a very similar experience, all OK now several years down the line but very very difficult and emotional at the time. Each to their own I say but with support (NOT preaching/bullying) available should it be required

All my friends that have had kids have turned into complete and utter tossers overnight.

Being a tosser already, I have no fear.

Read the jist of it - sounds pretty pathetic on both sides (not you, your wife). Just go round and sort it out. Posting on bike forums probably wont help.

full stop......... .

Surprisingly, not a beard in the house

Shakey

That did occur to me......after I'd posted!

tankslapper

My wife tried for months to happily breastfeed, she went through a lot of pain and heartache, but was determined, and after about 12 weeks, managed to get reasonably comfortable with it. She is, justifiably I feel, proud of herself, but I don't think she comes across as evangelical about it. We have no problem with people who don't/can't breastfeed, and all of our friends breastfed their babies quite a while, so certainly wasn't any intended criticism of our friends!!

I'd like to point out we did talk about other things, having not seen each other for a while, breastfeeding probably took up 5 minutes of a 3 hour chat and drinking session! We're not sad you know..........?

Cheers for all your comments!

Since we are all grown-ups and entitled to our own opinions - it would seem reasonable to assume the offense was caused by the publishing of the blog and not about the merits of mammary milk.

In which case this thread can only cause more offense.

MRanger156

Yeah, aware of that, it's just some live in Guildford, and I'm in Cornwall, so not reasonable I'm afraid. I will be talking to them on the phone later, cos I figure it's non-verbal conversation that's the problem, no one's getting the right gist of what we meant.

Being a tosser already, I have no fear.

I hear you are also water soluble, you big stay-indoors jessie.

TooTall - Member

Being a tosser already, I have no fear.

I hear you are also water soluble, you big stay-indoors jessie.

He he, I went swimming.

BTW thanks for the call re the website, very much appreciated.

Firstly try calling him your baby not your babe. I feel moderately bilious at such a sickly twee reference.
Secondly,

But the opportunity to go out hasn't happened very often, and I have issues leaving him. I feel lost without him. I feel like I'm missing something when he's not with me,

Pfft - so much so that you didn't come out and be a little bit rad in the filth. Pro racer prima donna to the last!

Oh, and tell your friends to get a grip - if they feel they can make a comment like that, then they shouldn't be surprised if it isn't well received.

+1

On the face of it yours pals should be saying, "We'd rather you said it to our faces, rather than on a blog, but sorry, no offence intended".

....IMO....unless more to it than what's above.

TooTall, I haven't met you yet but on the basis of your abuse of KingT, it sounds like you fit right in 🙂 Looking forward to seeing you out on the trails 🙂

Bitty ?

> Bitty ?

In the context of the discussion that could be considered borderline inappropriate....

..... but I have just spat tea at the screeen and am being looked at strangely for laughing at my computer - chapeau.

Middleclass dilemma #252

My wife tried for months to happily breastfeed, she went through a lot of pain and heartache, but was determined, and after about 12 weeks, managed to get reasonably comfortable with it. She is, justifiably I feel, proud of herself, but I don't think she comes across as evangelical about it. We have no problem with people who don't/can't breastfeed, and all of our friends breastfed their babies quite a while, so certainly wasn't any intended criticism of our friends!!

eddie - I think you've just illustrated the sensitivity surrounding the subject. Of course there was no criticism intended, that's pretty obvious, but I know from my own experience it can be a bit difficult given other peoples personal circumstances. No offence intended my friend.

They're being a tad sensitive IMO.
Tell them to MTFU.
Seriously though, call them.

In the context of the discussion that could be considered borderline inappropriate...

you mean overinflated sensitivity ?

the chattering classes poring over the minutiae of their lives because they have nothing better to do whilest being obsessed with practical cars, their children's first proper toilet pooh/ first words/pathetic 'creative' daubings and what other middle class people think of them.
this thread needs a james blunt/coldplay soundtrack to be totally complete.

Firstly try calling him your baby not your babe. I feel moderately bilious at such a sickly twee reference.

^^^ This

Gotta say that the OP line of "issues with leaving him" says it all to me, Me an her indoors can't wait to get away from ours! well maybe not, although i'll be riding at delamere tonight while the wife is at work (inlaws babysit BTW) Both ours were breast fed and went onto formula after about 4 months, never felt guilty as life is too short and there is so much more to be getting on with.

I think your friends should grow a thicker skin, I expect they are inwardly feeling guilty for not breast feeding for longer like so many lazy arsed mothers these days..we all know breast is best, nowt wrong with a bit of bitty 😆 I admire your wife for sticking with it and doing what IMO all mothers should do. I mean to get offened by a blog when you did not mention them by name either so only your friends know who they are. I think you should make it up with your friends by buying them a breast pump each and say you didnt mean to offend, lets hope theur little Tarquins and Emillias get a better start in life next time around. Happy days!

Have they texted you about this yet?

Threaten them with a restraining order unless they leave you alone in future, they sound like nutters.

the chattering classes poring over the minutiae of their lives because they have nothing better to do whilest being obsessed with practical cars, their children's first proper toilet pooh/ first words/pathetic 'creative' daubings and what other middle class people think of them.

While I'm inclined to wonder why anyone would post such waffle on their "blog", I'm also inclined to wonder why the friends care.

But what's more baffling to me is this response ^^^ - should we all be sorry we're not battling through poverty and working all the hours god sends just to put food on the table? Is the only sort of conversation allowed that of the thoroughbred working class hero, fighting with the holes in his roof and the gnawing lack of sleep from tinitus caused by the sound of the rock crusher down the mine shaft? What bizarre inverse-snobbery.

nothing makes people more angry or upset than being inadvertantly told what they should do.

thats what your missus did, she didnt even have the courage to tell them directly, but posted it online.

you and yours have some issues, your mates, however, read your missus blog - they must be having such exciting lives.

thats what your missus did,

and how is that different to telling people what they [b]shouldn't[/b] do ?

No one suggesting this thread is no good without pictures?

splendid...

Crikey what a terribly middle-class post-modern dilemma eh?

Your wife should be pleased that anyone actually bothers to read her tedious blogging. 😛

But what's more baffling to me is this response ^^^ - should we all be sorry we're not battling through poverty and working all the hours god sends just to put food on the table?

i dunno if you should feel sorry about being a working class hero or not. why not write a blog about your inner struggle to help you decide?
maybe what your friends think about such trivia will reaffirm your decisions?
or maybe they will be bored shitless?

Is the only sort of conversation allowed that of the thoroughbred working class hero, fighting with the holes in his roof and the gnawing lack of sleep from tinitus caused by the sound of the rock crusher down the mine shaft? What bizarre inverse-snobbery.

people will talk about anything these days. people even like to talk about what kind of kitchens celebrity people have and discuss the relationships of people they have seen on the telly but never met?
that's really bizzare.

thats what your missus did,

and writing that someone was shocked at your still breast feeding is not the same thing as saying that they should be doing it

I'm desperately trying to summon up any sort of interest in this thread to add my always valuable comment on the subject, but have so far failed 🙂

Having read it I'd just put it down as a waste of words(like most stuff on here. :-)) I cannot believe anybody writes this stuff and I'm even more surprised that anyone would read it.

I cannot believe anybody writes this stuff and I'm even more surprised that anyone would read it.

and yet you visit STW ? Life is mostly made up of minutiae, and blogs are where they are documented, surely ? One person's storm-in-a-teacup is another's world-shaking trauma.

FYI this thread would be much shorter if all the I-couldn't-care-lessers hadn't contributed 🙂

this is straying from the point but yer might chuckle.
my lass has a book club once a month.when its her turn to host it i tend to cook for them and so get to hear some right choice pearls of wisdom.
my mrs was talking about how hard it had been for her breast feeding whilst holding down a full time job (twas a fine effort she did us proud)
when one of the mums pipes up with..well i couldnt be bothered with the first two but i might try with the next one as I dont want to feel like I missed out.
nearly burnt the pizza that night.
same lady once looked at a bag of carrots that i had in my hand and then asked what organic is.
She allso happens to be the wife of an MP.
Mind you spose you can be an MP and marry a daft lass if you want.

Is it me or is everyone getting a bit sensitive these days.

meh.

J

Ive said it before on here, but having kids sounds well shite. If my social life ever involves talking about breast feeding then it's time to visit dignitas to end my suffering.

but having kids sounds well shite

it depends who you are - I enjoyed it, and it didn't destroy my reason

I can't believe anybody still regularly writes a blog. It must take a certain kind of person to believe the world has such an interest in one's inner-most thoughts to go and splatter them across the internet. And how your friends came to discover the blog is a little beyond me unless the said blog was well publicised in your circle of friends. But then again I really can't grasp the need to blog in the first place.

Some things are better off not said. Other things are better off not published.

Crikey, I was just about to post almost word for word what mudsux has said... not very helpful really. But Blogs..? Why?

I've just driven home from work, got in, changed, had a play-fight with the dog who ran face first into the French doors. Then I had my tea. Pasta and tuna. Then I thought I'd check my email and got involved in rather strange thread on stzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

pretty silly of your wife to go spouting her thoughts into the public domain i should think. she's talking to the whole world behind your friend's backs, not surprised they're p1ssed off about it 🙄

gonna be helpful now:
Q: [i]Have we upset our friends? [/i]

[i]his morning I get a text from a mate (the one expecting twins) saying how upset he is, and if we had anything to say, why didn't we say it to his face?[/i]

A: Yes.

But Blogs..? Why?

why [b]anything[/b] ? We have to do something twixt birth (whether breastfed or bottle) to all-to-soon demise, so why not ?

Coffeeking "A holey roof" you were lucky.....

Well, I think SimonFBarnes has the right sort of sense.

I'm a little confused about all the middle class jibes, I've always considered myself to be the lowest of the lower class, (scum, me) but apparently I must be wrong! I'd like to point out, if the definition of middle class is disposable income, and spare time, then almost everyone on STW must qualify?
Yeah, I'm not too sure about blogs in general, and I see Twitter as a total waste of time. But still, it's my wife's blog/life, and she does have the odd spare minute when the baby is asleep, so why not? As pointed out earlier, it's really for people in her breast-feeding classes, not for general consumption (although we realise it's a public forum - yet not well publicised.)

My Dad used to cut us in two wit breadknife, and dance on our graves.......if we were lucky!

At the cafe at GT a few weeks ago, sitting enjoying a coffee in the sun and a couple of GUYS at the table behind were discussing their wives' experiences with breastfeeding.

C'mon to f*ck guys, get a f*cking grip.

LOL @ "babe".

bob you sound a bit shallow if you dont mind me saying.

Well I'm with Bob on this one

Well tits usually come in pairs!

and a couple of GUYS at the table behind were discussing their wives' experiences with breastfeeding.

as we covered last week in another thread, making new people is quite strongly ingrained into us, and if you're going to do it you might as well enjoy it to the full, talk about it, blog it etc. The standoffish type of dad that didn't get involved was always dysfunctional.

put the women in a room together, you and the lads go down the pub quite happily. It's the girls argument after all, the blokes are all just standing up for their wives. It'll be sorted out when you get back and you'll be the bads guys again (for some reason), back to normality.

making new people is quite strongly ingrained into us

Thankfully it's not ingrained into me or the wife

not sure why bob but i am pleased 😉

At the cafe at GT a few weeks ago, sitting enjoying a coffee in the sun and a couple of GUYS at the table behind were discussing their wives' experiences with breastfeeding.

C'mon to f*ck guys, get a f*cking grip.

Why not? You seem really uncomfortable with teh subject B_B; why don't you lay down on the couch and tell us about your mother....

😉 btw.

Seriously, I think your friends are freaking out about the imminent arrival of their twins and are so worried that everything's going to go tits-up that they've decided to get high and mighty about everything and everyone else in order to cover up the fact that they're shitting themselves over what the next few years have in store.

Suggest that they come round and watch Cronenberg's [i]Dead Ringers[/i] and have a chat.

lol @ surfer

Its a slippery slope from blogging to the most ostentatious stalwart of middle class gossip - THE FAMILY NEWSLETTER

ARGGGGGGGG

with the photo card with examples of the year past. ahh yer cant beat them can you.

Thankfully it's not ingrained into me or the wife

Dunno what the problem is, your wife seemed to be commenting upon her own reaction to what they said and no names mentioned so they should chill. Weird how people get worked up about breast feeding, bet if it was another subject of conversation from that night your wife was blogging about they wouldn't be upset.

I think the subject matter is a red herring

I think the subject matter is a red herring

babies should always be fed red herrings ?

I'm sure you and your wife are totaly innocent. But I think the "Breast Is Best" taliban should desist from ramming their opinions down the throats of new mothers, who have enough on their plates without the guilt trip!
"Babe" yeugh!

The misery of mediocre adulthood.

The misery of mediocre adulthood.

surely most of us fall into that category ? We can't all be amazing, or even interesting to anyone else - but I don't see that it matters.

so long as your entertaining yourself your ok.

The misery of mediocre adulthood.

Indeed. Me and a mate used to fear what we called "mid table mediocrity"

Semi detached home in a new build estate, Toyota Avensis for him, Yaris for her, dinner parties where the Lighthouse Family was the soundtrack.

😳

Me and a mate used to fear what we called "mid table mediocrity"